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September 29, 2003
In My World: Rumsfeld Carefully Considering His Resignation
"Murder! Kill! Destroy!" Rumsfeld screamed. "We haven't asked a question yet," said one reporter. "If your questions are any good, that should have answered them," Rumsfeld responded. "Democrat presidential candidate Howard Dean has asked for your resignation," stated another reporter, "How do you respond?" "I'm thinking it over," Rumsfeld said calmly. "I've heard you threw Howard Dean through a plate-glass window." "I think better when I'm throwing people through plate-glass windows," Rumsfeld responded irately, not liking being challenged. "Kinda like how I think better when I pace," offered one reporter helpfully. "Rarr!" Rumsfeld yelled, grabbing the reporter by the neck, "No one was talking to you!" He soon let go of the reporter and calmed himself. "There is no reason for me to resign because some whiny Democrat asked me to," Rumsfeld asserted, "Things are going very well in Iraq. Soon all Iraqis will be dead." Condoleezza Rice whispered in his ear. "I mean, all Iraqis will have democracy and freedom," Rumsfeld said, rolling his eyes. "What do you think of Gen. Wesley Clark?" asked a reporter. "He can't make up his mind on whether he would have supported the war in Iraq," Rumsfeld stated, "but I've made up my mind on whether I'll strangle him next time I see him." "And what have you decided?" inquired another reporter. Rumsfeld pulled out his luger and shot the man. "Ask a dumb question, get a dum-dum answer," Rumsfeld quipped as he put his gun back in its holster. "Do you think the Iraqis will be able to sustain themselves with their oil revenues?" "Of course not," Rumsfeld said, "since all their oil has mysteriously disappeared." Condoleezza Rice whispered in his ear again. "Oh... that won't happen until tomorrow," Rumsfeld said, a bit flustered. He then looked at all the reporters sternly. "And it will be a big shock for everyone!" All the reporters nodded in fear. "On second though, you people know to much," Rumsfeld said ominously, "I'm going to need to strangle you all." "But the viewers at home have already heard!" protested one reporter. "No one watches these things," Rumsfeld said with a smile as his hands eagerly tensed for a strangling. 20 Responses To "In My World: Rumsfeld Carefully Considering His Resignation"
Empty comments! It cannot be. Rummy's scary. I saw a picture of him shaking hands with Saddam Hussein circa early 80s. If only he'd strangled him then. hln #1 - Posted by: hln on September 29, 2003 01:33 PMHow come Rumsfeld never runs out of reporters to shoot?;) #2 - Posted by: Bloodthirsty Warmonger on September 29, 2003 01:38 PMBecause 90% of the people in college are studying journalism or law. :) #3 - Posted by: Matt on September 29, 2003 01:44 PMAny way we can get him angry at lawyers? #4 - Posted by: aelfheld on September 29, 2003 01:50 PMDefense attorneys are too slimey and wirey to firmly take hold of. He'd have to be wearing some snazzy gloves to be able to grip them for strangling... Even at that, defense attorneys aren't human - they don't need oxygen. #5 - Posted by: The False God on September 29, 2003 02:56 PMThe mere fact that defense attorneys don't need oxygen only points to the fact that they are anaerobic...they could still be part human, maybe like that rabbit-human baby clone in China, or the Swamp Thing. #6 - Posted by: Bilbus on September 29, 2003 03:38 PMFrank - The next t-shirt MUST be Rummy kicking somebody's ass...seriously. #7 - Posted by: Blackfive on September 29, 2003 03:42 PMHere are some people jumping up and down and screaming for a strangling: http://www.spacewar.com/2003/030928043123.8sunfoke.html #9 - Posted by: Taro on September 29, 2003 08:08 PMlol. Dum Dum bullets. #10 - Posted by: ThegunsofNevada on September 29, 2003 09:22 PMPerhaps I should have said those North Koreans were angling for a strangling, heh #11 - Posted by: Taro on September 29, 2003 09:38 PMI think that the Bush administration could show its sensitive side by raffling off a Rumsfeld Strangling. The highest bidder could have anyone strangled personally by Rumsfeld. Since we know that Republicans have more money than the other guys, we could be assured that a nice conservative would win the bidding. #12 - Posted by: LibertyBob on September 29, 2003 09:57 PMI wonder if Rumsfeld and/or Rice read In My World? If so, I bet they wish they could really be like that! You know that has run through their minds constantly - Or else I guess it wouldn't be so friggin funny. #13 - Posted by: Mr Taylor on September 30, 2003 10:18 AMFor me, the funniest part of any In My World is that Rumsfeld seems to be (in real life) a decent, rather quiet man who simply tells it like it is and does his job to the fullest. Which is good news for me, because I'm going to be a journalist. #14 - Posted by: Minstrel on September 30, 2003 12:39 PMMinstrel, I only have one word for you... Rarr!! #15 - Posted by: Donald Rumsfeld on September 30, 2003 04:47 PMI choose to believe that Condi really does have a map of the world marked with frowny faces. #16 - Posted by: Mike Zeares on September 30, 2003 06:51 PMhln, do you have a copy of that photo? I'd love to post it on my blog. #17 - Posted by: Laura in DC on October 1, 2003 08:35 PMRummy uses a Lugar? What kind of cr*p is that? I say we send someone(I think Helen Thomas is available) to sternly admonish him that if he is going to shoot reporters, he should at least by American and not some piece of Hitler Salutin' Nazi crap! #18 - Posted by: John Bono on October 2, 2003 05:51 PMFor some reason, "Rarr" makes me laugh every time... :D #19 - Posted by: Miranda on October 4, 2003 05:03 PMthis is such crap #20 - Posted by: on May 11, 2004 12:44 PMPost a comment
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