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October 07, 2003
Frank Answers: Weak Forces, Be Like Frank, Monkey-men, and Hand Washing
Doyle S. from Moscow, Russia asks: Finally, an intelligent question. I believe this causes a rip in the space-time continuum or something. Fortunately, this situation is very unlikely to happen because it would involve France invading itself.
Drink a gallon of Windex. NOTE: IMAO and its subsidiaries (of which there are none) are not liable for any damage done by an individual following the advice of this column.
Tarzan is not a man ape; he is a man raised by apes and thus a traitor to his kind. I'm pretty sure Bigfoot is a myth, but if not, he should be killed because he is obviously part of some huge monkey conspiracy... probably involving space aliens. I don’t like space aliens either.
Washing ones hands after using the restroom is of cultural significance. It shows that we have higher standards of cleanliness than filthy animals such as the capybara or the Frenchman. When you refuse to wash your hands, you distance yourself from the standards of man and chip away at your own humanity. What is accomplished, you ask? Why everything. From advanced technology, putting man in space, to medicine that lengthens our lives; this is all symbolized in the act of washing our hands. We once lived in caves, but now we have faucets in our bathrooms and for good reason. Then again, perhaps the push to always wash your hands after going to the bathroom is just a conspiracy by Big Water to keep people using their product. Damn you, water utilities! * * * * Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one. 18 Responses To "Frank Answers: Weak Forces, Be Like Frank, Monkey-men, and Hand Washing"
Well with those new hands free motion sensor faucets you don't have to worry about the handles.
Suddenly I don't feel so good but I'm feeling funnier already. Thanks Frank! #2 - Posted by: Don W. on October 7, 2003 01:27 PMNow, if we only get Michael Moore to drink a few gallons of Windex... #3 - Posted by: Blackfive on October 7, 2003 01:32 PMI think it would take a more than a few gallons to bring that beast down. #4 - Posted by: Denny on October 7, 2003 01:59 PMIf you've got a filthy urine dispenser, or are some sort of spastic who pees on your fingers, by all means, wash your hands. You are why I do not touch the handles in a public restroom. #5 - Posted by: Bane on October 7, 2003 02:43 PMhere's the procedure: 1. Flush urinal by using a high ninja style kick to the handle. I really do that stuff melvin,,,, no joke. #7 - Posted by: UZI4U on October 7, 2003 04:32 PMOur mother taught us early that we shouldn't pee on our hands. #8 - Posted by: Carrpe Denniem on October 7, 2003 05:10 PMFrank, You really missed a golden opportunity to ask one of your readers why, in the name of all that is good and holy, he listens to NPR. #9 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on October 7, 2003 06:37 PMI don't know about you guys, but I like to think that my hands are dirtier than my, well, "Piece" - so I wash my hands BEFORE I go, then maybe again after (depending on how well my aim is)... #10 - Posted by: The Guy on October 7, 2003 06:40 PMI lick the door handles and the faucets. It keeps my immunity system in top form. #11 - Posted by: Brian J. on October 7, 2003 08:21 PMMan, you all have been drinking Windex! I love the toilet flushers that are buttons on the wall so I can just Ninja kick 'em to flush..... Mr. Marine, I know there is really no good reason to listen to NPR but, alas, I must defend myself somehow. Here it goes... After being at work all day I like to get a run of the news on my way home. NPR is the only news radio station in my area and that is why I listen. Plus, it's always good to know what the enemy is cookin', if ya know what I mean. Now then, on to the topic of bathroom cleanliness. I think the air hand dryers are a terrorist bio weapon channeled through the Arbor Day Foundation and all other tree huggers. Seeing as how environmental people are silly and usually stupid they were easy to infiltrate. Now then, the bio weapon... The way I see it the terrorist know most Americans don't wash their hands (they listen to NPR too) and took the opportunity to get rid of all paper towels in bathrooms across America. This takes away our first line of defense against biological hazards on door handles and faucets, thus spreading disease throughout the population. The day air hand dryers are in all bathrooms across America is the day the terrorists win. Whoa, that was a long post... sorry, I thought I was at Whittle's site... Those capybara are damned filthy animals. More hairy than a monkey and greasier too... #15 - Posted by: elmobowhunter on October 8, 2003 11:45 AMBeing a good Muslim, I wipe the brown with my left hand, never touching it to anything I eat, only left-shaking hands with infidels when I meet them as a sign of disdain and disrespect. My left hand is as stained with brown as one of you chain smoking American Christian unbelievers. #16 - Posted by: Kofi Annan on October 20, 2003 01:49 PM55 How can this all be right? Check out my site http://www.pai-gow-keno.com #17 - Posted by: pai gow on October 5, 2004 10:22 AMpompini foto video pompini super pompini sesso pompini immagini pompini galleria pompini pompini gay pompino ingoio donne vecchie pompini amatoriali pompini donne mature pompini negre pompini orientali pompini ragazze pompini sborrate pompini trans pompini video porno vecchie sesso vecchie vecchie fighe vecchie nude vecchie porche vecchie tettone vecchie troie vecchie pompinare pompinifoto donneanziane #18 - Posted by: jane on November 9, 2004 07:51 PMPost a comment
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