IMAO: In My World: Bush Haters of the World Unite!

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October 20, 2003

In My World: Bush Haters of the World Unite!

Posted by Frank J. at 07:19 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (26)

"The meeting of Bush Haters is called to order," Michael Moore announced, "Jonathan Chait, please read the minutes from the last meeting."

"By unanimous vote, we declared that we hate Bush," Chait said as he read from the minutes that were made from hastily writing with a crayon, "Also, by unanimous vote, we declared that we are much smarter than the general populace. By majority vote, it was decided that people were much happier under Saddam than the occupying force led by Bush. We also determined that we will spend more time trying to resolve how Bush can be both extremely dumb and evil and scheming and constantly outsmarting us at the same time. Still open to debate is whether Bush is worse than Hitler."

"I like Hitler! He kill joos!"

"Oh, I would like to welcome some new members to the Bush Haters club," Moore said, "but I need to remind our Islamic extremist friends that we refer to Jews here as 'neo-conservatives'. I think it's time to open the floor to general fomenting. I'll start." Moore took a deep breath and fixed his hat. "I hate Bush!" he screamed, shaking the floor as he jumped up and down, "I'm too busy hating Bush to shave or bathe. And he drives me to eat excessively!"

"You could use some of your eating time to instead bathe," suggested someone in the audience.

"You shut up!" Moore responded.

"Bathing is over-rated," Jaques Chirac said, "Anyway, I hate Bush because he won't recognize the moral superiority of the French. He's always warring and liberating when the proper way to deal with foreign affairs is to be impotent and gripe about others."

Al Fraken now stood up, his hair uncombed and his clothes disheveled. "Bush drove me to drink! I don't just hate him, but I hate the right-wing media too that keeps labeling me as 'deranged'! And I think the restraining order Alan Colmes put on me is overly harsh."

"Gerrwargh lies erghwaggy!" Senator Ted Kennedy stated, flailing his arms wildly. Everyone nodded to his wisdom.

"I think we need to raise the level of discourse," Chait stated, "There are a lot of perfectly rational reason to dislike Bush and..." Chait started getting tremors. "Who am I kidding! I just hate Bush because of how he walks and... uh... stuff." Chait started punching a wall.

"We hate Bush because he has too many Secret Service agents guarding him!" shouted one of the Islamic extremists in the back.

"I hate Bush because he stole my pills!" yelled Helen Thomas.

A man with a bushy mustache stood up. "No one hates Bush more than me! I lost my job because of him."

"He only cares about the rich like me," Moore said firmly.

"And I lost two sons because of him," the man continued.

"If only Bush would help the poor get healthcare," Chait stated.

"Yeah... it was a healthcare issue," the man said uneasily, "By the way, I need a place to crash since... uh... Ashcroft is after me with the Patriot Act since... uh... I said things about Bush… Yeah, that's the ticket!"

"What your name?" Moore asked.

"Saddam Hu... I mean Ed."

Chait answered is cell phone. "What? There is an infiltrator in our group!"

"Probably a jooo!" yelled one the Islamic extremists, "I mean neo-conservative!"

Moore looked to one of the most trusted members of the Bush Haters club. "Chomps, the world's angriest Bush hater, do you have any suspects?"

"Gerrrarh," Chomps answered.

"Maybe it's just the unidentified pills I took," Al Fraken said, "but doesn't Chomps kinda look like a rottweiler with a mustache glued on and wearing a Rastafarian hat?"

"And he's barely more coherent than Ted," Chait added.

"We can't just turn on each other for our odd appearances," Moore said, "Then again, those are kinda sharp, jagged looking teeth he has now that I can see them since he's curled is lips up. And the way he's staring at each of us with a thirst for blood is a bit unsettling."

"All this questioning of him seems to have made him angry," Chait said, "Very angry."

"Uh oh."

* * * *

Donald Rumsfeld sat on his back porch, drinking his whiskey. Suddenly Chomps ran up.

"There you are," Rumsfeld exclaimed, "I always wonder where you go running off to during the day; guess you have business of your own to handle. Now what's that in your mouth?"

Chomps dropped the item and panted happily.

"Looks like someone is missing an arm," Rumsfeld chuckled, "Guess that's why God gave us two."

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In My World
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26 Responses To "In My World: Bush Haters of the World Unite!"

Hardy har har. Gets better every time. This should be a classic. So should all the others though...

#1 - Posted by: the_brick on October 20, 2003 08:01 AM

Ha ha ha...I liked the part with Michael Moore jumping up and down. Imagine the earthquake...You kick ass Frank J.

#2 - Posted by: Mark H. on October 20, 2003 09:02 AM

I'm still curious about that Saddam Ed guy...

#3 - Posted by: LibertyBob on October 20, 2003 09:07 AM

Oh no... I have got to remember to read your column after I've finished my morning coffee.

"Guess that's why God gave us two." .... tee hee hee

#4 - Posted by: Jewels~of~the~Jungle on October 20, 2003 09:49 AM

I always wondered what "neo-conservatives" meant....thanks, Frank!

#5 - Posted by: Susie on October 20, 2003 10:52 AM

For your information, Msr. Frank, bathing is prohibited by the Kyoto Treaty. I can't speak for Msr. Michael Moore, however.

#6 - Posted by: Jaques Chirac on October 20, 2003 12:16 PM

BWHAHAHA! Chiraq's line "Bathing is over-rated" is a classic!:) Frank you have a gift that makes you the envy of the Blogosphere. Just when I thought the Left was sputtering incoherently against the Bush Administration, you translated their words into plain English - and they still fail to impress.

#7 - Posted by: Bloodthirsty Warmonger on October 20, 2003 01:04 PM

Wow, Frank, you were funny a couple of posts ago. I'll check back later.

#8 - Posted by: shep on October 20, 2003 02:25 PM

""Gerrwargh lies erghwaggy!" Senator Ted Kennedy stated, flailing his arms wildly. Everyone nodded to his wisdom."

That made me laugh so hard, I think I can skip exercising today.

#9 - Posted by: serenity on October 20, 2003 02:36 PM

Helen Thomas actually uses a variant of the classic "Molly Ivans".

She washes down a fistful of Oxycontin with a quart of cheap gin.

#10 - Posted by: MonkeyPants on October 20, 2003 03:00 PM

Dammmit! I'll never be satisfied until I can make shep laugh!

#11 - Posted by: Frank J. on October 20, 2003 03:18 PM

NO!!!!!!! Frank - don't bother with he-who-must-not-be-named-like-a-three-stoges-character. I thought it was rather admirable how the other posters totally ignored the troll in the last comment and then even managed to be funny about it. So perhaps he's a good troll, but that's like saying he's a good monkey - there is no such thing (well, except a dead one, but, ahhh nevermind).

#12 - Posted by: Clancy on October 20, 2003 03:27 PM

"Frank - don't bother with he-who-must-not-be-named-like-a-three-stoges-character."
LOL! The crummy one, too.

#13 - Posted by: shep on October 20, 2003 04:14 PM

WHOO! That's the first time I've enjoyed the workings of chomps, Frank J=cool

#14 - Posted by: Dave The Australian on October 20, 2003 07:13 PM

George Bush is comming to Australia soon, so now you have to throw John Howard into the mix for a little while, as well as a few Australian stereotyped characters.

#15 - Posted by: Cruddrick in Australia on October 20, 2003 11:13 PM

"Gerrwargh lies erghwaggy!"

Oh my, Ted has been cutting back on the cooking sherry. That's the most coherent he's been in ages.

#16 - Posted by: aelfheld on October 20, 2003 11:33 PM

If I may humbly suggest a gag the next time you use Uncle Teddy....

Make reference to the fact that as he sits/stands in the scene, water is dripping from him and puddling underneath. Then at the end of the scene have him ask for a ride because he ran his car into a river....er....dropped it off in the shop.

#17 - Posted by: Former Hostage on October 21, 2003 08:45 AM

"Oh, I would like to welcome some new members to the Bush Haters club," Moore said, "but I need to remind our Islamic extremist friends that we refer to Jews here as 'neo-conservatives'.

Sig!!!

#18 - Posted by: phelps on October 21, 2003 06:22 PM

Yeah, Susie, I really like your style. We think on the same plane, girl!

#19 - Posted by: A Guy Posing As Frank J. on October 22, 2003 01:15 PM

Woohoo!! My day is brighter.

#20 - Posted by: Tadeusz on October 24, 2003 10:54 AM

"William M. Cooper" wrote:
Subject: This is the letter Is sent the New York Times

.... I think that even if you don't find as much as a
primer to a bullet cartridge, you have still found
thousands of body parts of the thousands of innocent
civilians who were butchered at the hands of a madman.
You have unending stories of the victims coming
forward and testifying of the brutality that they
lived in every day. You have the Kurds who were
gassed to death. Not soldiers, but women and
children. You have the jubilation of the freed people
as they tore down the statues of their tormentor and
beat the head of it with the bottom of their shoes;
which for them was the highest insult to offer up.
You do the President, Great Britton's Prime Minister,
the military forces from differing contries and their
sending nations a great injustice by calling the war a
bad move to have taken. To clarify this position;
what if Hitler hadn't been grabbing all the countries
he did, but kept to all his secret projects and his
genecidal activities. Would we not had gone after him
once we learned just how brutal he was and how
murderous his power over the peoples of Europe had
become? Perhaps you would have wrote then something
like: "well it's only Jews, Gypsies, Retards,
Handicappers, Elderly, Ministers and a mixed group of
nonGermans, so why waste the fuel and manpower?". I'm
so sick to my stomach to say, that the way the news
and Democrats are using airtime and prose for nothing
better than showing the world your total contempt for
the suffering masses around the world. A very
obnoxious and macabre way to slam the integrity of a
man you obviously want to loose the next election,
while doing it over the tombs of those whose blood
cries out for some justice, and protection to those
they leave behind. The media was so biased against
the then, Governor Bush during Bush's election that it
really opened the eyes of a lot of people who saw your
tactics. But you still didn't learn anything. When
the war started, the networks started the propaganda
machinery all over again and lost ratings, because of
their baseless cries of destruction to the American
Military and other such nonsense. Now you're at it
again with slam articles about not finding weapons of
mass destruction.
I think you and every body else who has verbated all
the parties previously mentioned, owes President Bush
and Prime Minister Blair, and all the other noble men
and women who freed the multiple people groups who
were brutalized in Iraq a huge and resounding pat on
the back for what they did do and not what a madman
with ample warning was able to successfully ship
accross his borders and hide before the war started.
The intelligence that the President used was also from
previously found items that were found before the war
by UN inspectors who saw the illegal hardware with
their own eyes. So continue the antiBush/Blair
stance you seem to be insanely devoted to, but you'll
not find a sympathetic ear from me, because it is
obvious that your minds are so polluted with
prejudice, that every thing appears evil in your eyes,
even when good is all around and in clear sight.
I say this to your shame.
For our noble President, England's Prime Minister, the
troops, the victims, the grieving mothers, fathers,
children of Iraq.
William M. Cooper
1227 W. Kenedy #52
Kingsville, TX. 78363
http://www.1stbooks.com/bookview/8857
coopr2000@yahoo.com

#21 - Posted by: william m cooper on November 5, 2003 09:22 PM

We are the master of

#22 - Posted by: Blum Valerie on December 10, 2003 04:58 PM

very funny.. :)

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#23 - Posted by: cheap inkjet cartridge on December 29, 2003 06:37 PM

The meaning of life is that it stops.

#24 - Posted by: SeikalyJones Roula Seikaly on March 16, 2004 03:33 AM

lol! good read!

Bush Haters

#25 - Posted by: Joe on November 30, 2004 06:59 PM

Link didn't work in previous post.

Bush Haters

#26 - Posted by: Joef on November 30, 2004 07:00 PM