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October 27, 2003
In My World: Mad... With Power!
"You are about to speak with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il," Karl Rove told president Bush, "and you need to take a hard stance with him." "Hey, I know how to do deeplomosee, Rover," Bush answered, "I will be resolved in these talks." Via the satellite connection, Kim Jong Il appeared on screen. "Ha ha! He's got poofy hair!" Bush exclaimed. "You will not laugh at my poofy hair!" Jong yelled angrily, "You will fear me for I am very intimidating! I have nukes!" "I'm supposed to believe you have the technology to make nucular weapons but not a comb?" Bush scoffed. "You will treat me with respect! I very scary!" "The only thing that makes me a little worried is your ability to control hoofed mammals I keep hearing about it," Bush answered. "The term ‘Dear Leader’ is meant to be affectionate," Rove whispered in Bush's ear, "It's not meant to imply that he can command deer." "You will negotiate with me!" Jong demanded, "You will sign a non-aggression treaty!" "But I like aggression!" Bush responded, "You're an evil, murderous dictator, and you better watch it or you're going to end up like Saddam and Osama - successfully hiding from us while occasionally sending out videotapes." Jong smiled. "I like to be on T.V.!" "You better like it," Bush answered threateningly and then cut the communications. He then turned to Rove. "I think I told him." Rove sighed and then faded into the shadows. White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan came walking by. "What makes someone a crazy loon like Kim Jong Il," Bush asked him. "Well, when someone is a dictator, they often become mad with power." "That a great idea!" Bush exclaimed, "I should become mad with power!" "That wasn’t' what I..." "With all this presidential power, think of the havoc I can cause," Bush said, reveling the thought, "Quick, Scott, what's something you've always wanted." Scott thought for a moment. "A job where I'm respected by my boss." "That's the gayest thing I ever heard, Tubby," Bush laughed, "I guess I'll have to think of my own thing to do with my unlimited power!" Bush looked out the window. "Have those protestors outside the front gates killed!" "Those are well-wishers," Scott answered. "Then have them thanked," Bush said as he stared at them evilly, "Muh ha ha ha!" "Uh... that's not really evil laugh worthy," Scott told him. "I know," Bush responded, a bit disappointed. He then noticed something on his desk. "The red button!" He ran over and pushed it repeatedly. He then noticed a little "Out of Order" sign on the side. "Dammit!" "You alright?" Scott asked. "I'm mad I can't use my power," Bush answered. "I know!" He walked out of his office while Scott followed. Bush then spotted someone. "You! You're fired!" "I'm just a tourist," the man answered. "What's your name and where do you work?" Bush demanded. "Uh, Carl Johnson and I work at a Wal-Mart in Memphis." Bush picked up a phone and quickly dialed a number. "I am the President of the United States and I demand that Carl Johnson be fired... I don't care if the number I dialed is invalid! I'm the President and I'm mad... mad with power!" Laura Bush came walking by. "What are you doing?" she asked. Bush quickly hung up the phone. "Nothing, dear." "You're not going mad with power, are you?" Laura asked suspiciously. "No! Not at all!" Laura stared at Bush sternly. "Maybe a little." She continued to stare at him. "It was all Scott's idea!" Bush exclaimed, breaking down, "He's a bad influence one me!" "I wasn't for any madness at all!" Scott responded. "You two better use your power sanely or I'll give you both a talking to you won't forget," Laura told them, "Now there is a cabinet in the kitchen that needs fixing, so why don't you two get 'mad with power tools' and take care of it." "Yes, dear." "Yes, Mrs. Bush." Laura walked off. "Wait a second," Scott said to Bush, "Shouldn't you be handling important things like the economy and Iraq?" "You're right, Scott," Bush answered, "You fix the cabinet while I handle all our problems foreign and domestic." "Okay, Mr. President," Scott said, running off to the kitchen. "Dumbass," Bush chuckled to himself, "Time to watch The Matrix Reloaded on DVD again." 23 Responses To "In My World: Mad... With Power!"
I thought Kim Jong Il's madness came from the fumes given off by his hair gel... Bush watches the Matrix Reloaded? I thought he liked bad B movies. List of Bush's favorite movies: Men At Work Yea, I liked "Big Trouble in Little China" too. Only a communist would say they didn't like that movie. Not that I'm saying that people who didn't like that movie are communists. Well, maybe I am saying that because only bad people don't like that movie and communists are bad people. #4 - Posted by: JamesB4 on October 27, 2003 09:53 AMFrank, stop making me laugh at work. I'm getting that "he's wierd and frightening" look from people again. #5 - Posted by: Harvey on October 27, 2003 10:01 AMJamesB4 is correct. My wife is from Madgeburg, Germany, a city in Germany that at one point was on the wrong side of the wall. She said that they were Socialists, but I think that waiting for a couple of hours for some oranges pretty much makes you a commie. Besides, she loves it when I refer to her as "My Pinko Bride". Anyways, my point here is that she did, indeed, hate "Big Trouble in Little China". #6 - Posted by: vegesigo on October 27, 2003 10:05 AMI'm correct??? Wow, I don't that has ever happened to me before. Usually people just say "you're an idiot". Maybe reading Franks Blog site is boosting my IQ? #7 - Posted by: JamesB4 on October 27, 2003 10:26 AMThat's why you have to vote for Bush. Otherwise, those movie gems might go forgotten...and we might not be able to tell whether someone is communist. I bet Howard Dean hates Big Trouble... #8 - Posted by: Blackfive on October 27, 2003 10:53 AMI own the special edition of Big Trouble in Little China on DVD, just so you know. #9 - Posted by: Frank J. on October 27, 2003 11:00 AMPlease don't fire Carl from the Wal-Mart here in Memphis. He's one of the few left who actually does his job with a sense of purpose! That movie is the reason I'm grateful I don't have green eyes... #11 - Posted by: Susie on October 27, 2003 12:52 PMI like it, except for one thing. Your made reference to evil and Bush in the same sentence. Bush is the penultimate carnation of Manifest Destiny, and, in a Biblical sense, infallible within his office as Supreme Leader. If Bush wants to kill, it's righteous, even if he kills for what would be considered be evil reasons for mere mortals. Was this was just a mental burp, or even your use of poetic license, or could it be an incipient moral virus transmitted to you secretly while you were doing research on some commie website and showing up on your post with you being somehow mysteriously blinded to the fact that you wrote it there? This is getting really scary... #12 - Posted by: Bilbus on October 27, 2003 01:25 PMPS to JamesB4 I almost forgot to tell you you're and idiot. #13 - Posted by: Biblus on October 27, 2003 01:27 PMI most be an idiot. After all no one would lie to me, would they? I was told that if you jammed a six inch screwdriver in your left ear and turn it, it will make you smarter. The more you turn it, the smarter you will get. I tried it. But I don't think it helped much. Were they lying to me? #14 - Posted by: JamesB4 on October 27, 2003 02:39 PMI said, "Put it in your ear and turn it left." You don't read directions...that's a sign of genius. #15 - Posted by: God on October 27, 2003 03:18 PMso why don't you two get 'mad with power tools' and take care of it."Excellent as usual, Frank! #16 - Posted by: Ian on October 27, 2003 07:43 PM Hmmmm, Laura for President in 2008 with maybe Condi for vice? That would give you another eight years of inspiration. #17 - Posted by: toad on October 27, 2003 09:16 PMI don't care if the number I dialed is invalid! 6/7 stars #19 - Posted by: Dave The Australian on October 28, 2003 02:34 AMBilbus: Are you calling the President a flower? I'd certainly hope not, or I believe he'd have to call you out. #20 - Posted by: Big Dog on October 29, 2003 01:33 AMFrank, Following a link from the evil puppy blender, I submitted "In My World: Mad... With Power!" to http://www.bookblog.net/gender/genie.html. According to the results: "Words: 730 (NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.) Female Score: 1066 The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!" Don't know what this means. Just sayin' 'sall. #21 - Posted by: A fine scotch on October 29, 2003 05:43 PMInteresting reading. I enjoyed this entry. Posted by: Français on November 8, 2003 09:23 AM very interesting work. #22 - Posted by: on January 20, 2004 02:15 PMThis is CN Manufacturing Limited of China. Post a comment
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