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November 11, 2003
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Gitmo, Don't Mess with Abizaid, Gore-bot Speaks, Fed Ex, and Veteran's Day
Posted by Frank J. at 08:17 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (29)

* The Supreme Court is to hear about Gitmo detainees. Some people are worried that innocent people may be being detained at Guantanamo, but have you ever heard of innocent people hanging out with terrorists in Cuba?

* General Abizaid, are own Mad Arab, warns that attacks must stop in Iraq or he will kick everyone's asses. He was like, "You think you can f**k with America? Do you know who the f**k we are? We can inflict so much pain and suffering on you, that you will let out a sigh of relief when you finally die and go to hell. I'm General Abizaid! You will pray to your god for death, and he will not answer!" Actually, I don't know what he said, but I bet that's what Patton would say (except for that part where he calls himself "General Abizaid"). I miss Patton.

* There is no evidence Iran is making nukes. Good. Less to worry about when we invade them.

* Seen the new video of Gore Gone Wild? He's claiming that Bush used 9/11 as a pretext to consolidate power and then threw a bunch of red meat (or is the better expression "white tofu"?) to MoveOn.org muckadoos. What a whiner. I'm glad we stole the election.

* The U.N. wants to take our internet. The internet is owned by America! Americans created it, and an American invented it (Al Gore), so it is ours. Other countries should feel lucky that we let them use our world wide information network. I say as punishment the term "United Nations" should be forever banned from the internet. So let it be written, so let it be done.

* Fed Ex found body parts in a package and alerted the police. Lessons learned: if you're going to chop someone up and ship him, don't do it through Fed Ex because they’re a bunch of dirty squealers. Instead, use UPS; they bruise and batter your package so bad, that, if the police get their hands on it, they won't even be able to identify the body inside by its dental records.

* 26 Democrats want Rumsfeld fired. Rumsfeld wants 26 Democrats strangled. More news as it develops.

* BTW, Rumsfeld was on Fox and Friends this morning. Anyone catch it? Was he just like I envisioned?

* Democrat booster Larry Flynt plans to publish topless photos of Jessica Lynch. The guy has to wheel by a flight of stairs every so often, and just one little push... not that I'm suggesting anything!

* So, now you're wondering what's happening in monkey news. Well, Canada is going to infect some with SARS. What if the monkeys combine it, though, with their dreaded monkey pox? They'd have a supervirus fit for wiping out humanity! If Canada causes the planet of the apes, we are so going to beat those canucks up.

* Today is Veteran's day, and I want to say thanks to all the Veteran's out there and take time to remember those who've died fighting for this country, something especially relevant now. I also want to wish a happy birthday to my older brother, Joe foo' the Marine. Veterans, you kick ass.

Rating: 2.2/5 (24 votes cast)

Bite-Sized Wisdom
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