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November 17, 2003
In My World: Ah-nuld Takes Office
"Dah! I am governor now! I am Ah-nuld!" "Yeah, congratulations on getting inaugurated and everything," President Bush said, "I was so afraid I was going to screw up my own inauguration and not get to be president." "What are doing here, puny president man? Don't you have work to do?" "I'm just hang'n; see’n how you're doing," Bush answered, "I have lots of smart people back in Washington to keep things under control." * * * * "Now that Bush is gone," Rumsfeld stated, "Let's start nuking things. Let's start with Syria." "Only if we can nuke Finland," Condi added. "Deal. Does the U.N. advisor approve?" Chomps barked in approval, causing his blue helmet to slip over his eyes, which indubitably made him angry. "Now, I don't want to question the wisdom of the Secretary of Defense, National Security Advisor, and a psychotic rottweiler," Collin Powell stated, "but I think going nuclear is a bit rash, and should be contemplated a bit longer." Rumsfeld stared at Powell a moment. "Let's just cut to the chase: how much do you want to be bitch-slapped?" * * * * "I must improve the economy!" Arnold shouted, "It is too puny! And the debt is too big! I must make it puny!" Arnold then grabbed a write up of the economy and held it vigorously. "You improve economy, or I crush you! Dah!" Arnold then ripped the folder in two and started stabbing it with a ballpoint pen. "Now, they don't let me in most of the meeting about the economy," Bush told him, "but I don't think that's how it works." "How do you improve the economy then?" Arnold asked, "Tell me, or I will crush you!" "Well, you reduce taxes." "And what if that doesn't work?" Bush thought some. "Reduce taxes again." "And if that doesn't work?" Bush thought long and hard. "Reduce taxes again." "But I also need money to reduce the debt! I am Ah-nuld!" "Money, eh," Bush mused aloud, "We could do a daring bank robbery... or, better yet, we could go to Vegas and rob a casino. We'll first need to hang out there and look inconspicuous as we case the joint." "Your ideas are puny!" Arnold shouted, "I will crush them! Don't you have any good ideas for making money?" "Well, you could always invade a country and steal its oil," Bush answered, "But you'll need a army for that..." Arnold took out an M-60 from behind his desk. "I will do it myself. I am Ah-nuld!" * * * * "So governor of California is invading us, eh?" "Yeah, what's that all aboot, eh?" "I dunno, but he just blew up the local gas station, eh." "Maybe we should do something, eh?" "I think we should hide... I’m so scared right now I'm almost forgot to say 'eh'." * * * * "So is it true that Governor Schwarzenegger has gone on a violent rampage at the advice of the president?" "It's not that uncommon for a new governor to do a rampage of some sort," White House Press Secretary Scott Mclellan answered. "Yes it is," the reporter responded. Scott paused for a moment. "Okay, I got nothing on this one. Anyone want to talk about Iraq?" "Actually, my question is why did we nuke Syria," said another reporter. "And you're not curious about why we nuked Finland?" Scott responded. The reporter thought about that. "No, not really." 22 Responses To "In My World: Ah-nuld Takes Office"
Quick question about Arnold's rampage: Wouldn't Mexico have been closer? Amazing. My coffee almost came out my nose. Maybe we'll see Arnold teaming up with Jesse Ventura soon? Just make sure Jesse gets the chain gun from Predator. #2 - Posted by: Rich on November 17, 2003 09:00 AMI think Rummy wants to bitch slap a lot of people...nice one, Frank! #3 - Posted by: Blackfive on November 17, 2003 09:03 AMHey! there are blonde chicks in Finland. Oh, maybe that's why Condi wants to nuke it. Pity, I'd much rather see Jack off Chirac hit by a pgm or perhaps just a falling anvil. I'd let Condi have all of the big pieces. #4 - Posted by: bloatedtoad on November 17, 2003 09:30 AMYou're right, Mexico's closer, but it's not nearly as funny as Canada. #5 - Posted by: Joanna on November 17, 2003 10:02 AMI guess I do laugh a lot more at Canada. Forgot. #6 - Posted by: LibertyBob on November 17, 2003 10:17 AM"No, not really." LOL, Frank, I love it. The perfect one-liner right at the end. Please take me under your wing and teach me to be funny, too. #7 - Posted by: Tim E on November 17, 2003 10:41 AMCrazier and crazier... now Frank's blogroll has been hacked by a self-described "rockergirl" (link leads to nowhere). Soon the "Blogs for Bush for '04" banner will be replaced by "Upton, Downton, Sharpton" advertisements. The NUKE THE MOON graphic will become a kiddie drawing of a UN white pigeon with an olive branch. Frank J's humor posts will gradually vanish in favor of important notices from our new Brussels overlords (whom I hasten to welcome, by the way.) Just in like UBIK, Philip K. Dick's novel, we are caught in IMAO's vortex and now it's crumbling. Don't say I didn't warn you. #8 - Posted by: tictoc on November 17, 2003 10:56 AM"Chomps barked in approval, causing his blue helmet to slip over his eyes, which indubitably made him angry." "Indubitably". And spelled correctly too I might add. You've either, 1. Got a new word a of day calendar or I like Daffy Duck cartoons. #9 - Posted by: Matt on November 17, 2003 12:38 PM"So governor of California is invading us, eh?" I don't know why, but that made me laugh more than anything else. Canadians are funny. Ah-nuld, the one-man Canada crushing army "I think we should hide... I’m so scared right now I'm almost forgot to say 'eh'." This Canadian laughed so hard he almost forgot to say 'eh' also. #12 - Posted by: Andrew on November 17, 2003 02:25 PMyou laugh and make jokes now, you puny boy, but wait until the next movie Two "IMW" home runs in row. Whew...I was afraid you were in a slump for a while there. Then again, maybe it was my usually keen appreciation of satire that was slumping. #15 - Posted by: GoesTo11 on November 17, 2003 06:56 PM"Let's just cut to the chase: how much do you want to be bitch-slapped?" *spark* *fizzle* *pop* Monitor and keyboard. #16 - Posted by: aelfheld on November 17, 2003 08:09 PMRICH--- Jesse Ventura didn't have a chaingun in Predator...He had a minigun!!! Ummmmm minigun #17 - Posted by: Texas shootin' solution on November 17, 2003 09:14 PMTexas - This is going right to the top of my "favourite In My World™" list (yeah, that's right, I have a favourite list). I'm forever envious of your talent, Frank. #19 - Posted by: Marty on November 18, 2003 02:43 AMActually invading Canada makes sense since there is plenty of oil in Alberta. But Albertans are like Canada's version of Texas and some of them actually have guns. Montreal has no oil so it is no use invading it eh. #20 - Posted by: the meatriarchy on November 18, 2003 02:29 PMDoes the U.N. advisor approve? You finaly got chomps to do something funny. Those kids make quite the team, the Secretary of Defense, National Security Advisor, and a psychotic rottweiler. Is there anything they can't do? #21 - Posted by: Dave The Australian on November 18, 2003 09:23 PMLike you just try to come up here and invade us eh. You might think you're funny Frank, but you can't make up stuff like this: http://dir.salon.com/sex/world/2000/07/17/combat_bra/index.html http://www.pfc.org.uk/news/1998/ca-mil.htm Now quit making fun of us or we'll send some troops to "help" in Iraq. #22 - Posted by: John on November 19, 2003 04:31 PMPost a comment
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