 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
December 04, 2003
Know Thy Enemy: Liberals
Since terrorists are already covered, by popular demand I sent my crack research team to find out what they can about liberals. FUN FACTS ABOUT LIBERALS * Liberals hate people who are not open minded. Open minded is defined as thinking just like they think (otherwise you're evil). * The major diet of the liberal is tofu and granola. This makes them weak and easy to pick up and throw. * Liberals love to spend other people's money. If you see a liberal, it's okay to take his money because it probably wasn't his anyway. * Liberals have an irrational fear of firearms. If you want to scare a liberal, point a gun at him. * The whine of the North American liberal can often be mistaken for the sound of a screech owl. The main difference is that the liberal's whine will also have a nauseating effect. * Liberals love socialism and want to socialize all businesses. If you see a liberal coming towards your business, throw a stick at him before he can socialize it. * Liberals tend to congregate on college campuses as it is a safe haven for their idiotic ideas, protecting them from scrutiny. Thus, avoid college at all costs. * Liberals are invulnerable to reason and logic. They are vulnerable to firearms, knives, and the bitch slap. * Liberals hate America and love more oppressed people... like evil dictators. * Much like the duck, it's illegal to shoot a liberal who is floating in a lake. * Liberals will try to entice you with their twisted logic. If that doesn't work, they'll bite you. * Hanging a picture of Ronald Reagan over your door will keep liberals from entering. * Liberals come in two main varieties: intellectual and mental patient. You can only distinguish between the two by noting whether their jacket has sleeves. * If you see a fuel-efficient car, it's probably being driven by a liberal. Run it off the road with your SUV. * Liberals are always trying to save the environment because they are apparently dependent on it. If you want to kill all liberals, destroy the environment. * Even if you satisfy liberals’ demands, they'll come up with new thing to complain about that you could never even imagine; they’re just that creative. That creativity is put towards much better use as forced labor in a coal mine. * Liberals are always whining about tolerance, but, when I punch them for that, they get moody. Hey, be tolerant! * You can tell if someone is a liberal by extracting some blood and seeing if it reacts violently to fire. * Sorry, that previous item is how you find out if someone is the Thing. It's a good thing to check for that too, though. * Some liberals still think Communism is good. I guess we should threaten them with nuclear missiles just like we did the Soviets. * In a fight between Aquaman and liberals, liberals would have Aquaman fined for disturbing the habitat of endangered fish. He would then sulk about it to the great annoyance of the Aquawife. * Liberals like to sympathize with terrorists. Keep them away from Gitmo, or there will be nothing but sympathizing. * I've heard vicious rumors that liberals also like the French, but that might just be slander against liberals. 84 Responses To "Know Thy Enemy: Liberals"
Safety note: some liberals, notably Ed Asner and Michael Moore, are not light and may cause back injury if you try to throw them around. #1 - Posted by: Lars Walker on December 4, 2003 08:33 AMI heard that they really DO like the french but only just to spite everybody else. Pesky liberals. #2 - Posted by: LibertyBob on December 4, 2003 08:36 AM[q]Much like the duck, it's illegal to shoot a liberal who is floating in a lake.[/q] Hanging a picture of Ronald Reagan over your door will keep liberals from entering. This works on me for sure. LOL If a Liberal got in fight with a Frenchman - who would win? #5 - Posted by: wondering in albuquerque on December 4, 2003 09:21 AMYou forgot to tell us what to do with Liberals who threaten to start a revolution, like the loons at the DU. #6 - Posted by: Nick on December 4, 2003 09:38 AMwondering - it's just not possible. They'd probably have sex or something like that instead. #7 - Posted by: Clancy on December 4, 2003 10:11 AMGito? I've sent this via e-mail to my favorite conservatives and one liberal, just so he knows. #8 - Posted by: Adela on December 4, 2003 10:11 AM* In a fight between Aquaman and liberals, liberals would have Aquaman fined for disturbing the habitat of endangered fish. He would then sulk about it to the great annoyance of the Aquawife. Ahhh, but then the Aquawife would kick liberal butt, right?? #9 - Posted by: Jewels~of~the~Jungle on December 4, 2003 10:16 AMhowever please do not shoot the Australian Liberal Party, which is actually the party of Australian right-wing-death-beasts (the reason for the name is a long story, or a zionist conspiracy for any liberal readers) #10 - Posted by: random_prose on December 4, 2003 10:20 AMIf a Liberal got in fight with a Frenchman - who would win? Who would care. :) #11 - Posted by: Britney Spears Boyfriend (formerly the Evil Mdinight Poster) on December 4, 2003 10:21 AMhilarious. I've been hoping there'd be such a Know Thy Enemy post :). Curious though, who capitulates faster: the liberal or the frenchie? #12 - Posted by: steve on December 4, 2003 11:45 AMOkay.... since we can't get a definitive answer to the first query...how about... If a Liberal, a Frenchman, and a monkey got in a fight - who would win? #13 - Posted by: wondering in albuquerque on December 4, 2003 11:45 AMeasy, the monkey starts flinging his feces and they both instantly raise the white flags. #14 - Posted by: steve on December 4, 2003 11:54 AMEasy, the monkey will get Ebola, and the monkey and everyone around him will die horrible horrible deaths. #15 - Posted by: John on December 4, 2003 12:02 PMpresumably not before the liberal protests the action and calls for increased federal funding, no? #16 - Posted by: steve on December 4, 2003 12:04 PMWhat! Hey Mr.BritneySpears'sBoyfriendWhoWasFormerlyKnownAsTheEvilMidnightPosterWhatPostsAtMidnight! You can't change your name! That's like, depressing and stuff. Besides, I liked it too much. hmmm... Can I have it? #17 - Posted by: Jewels~of~the~Jungle on December 4, 2003 12:26 PM"easy, the monkey starts flinging his feces and they both instantly raise the white flags." it would take far less than feces to get frenchie to raise his white flag. Also-if the monkey is flinging feces, how do you tell him apart from the liberal? #18 - Posted by: MMW on December 4, 2003 12:49 PMAlso-if the monkey is flinging feces, how do you tell him apart from the liberal? damn, i never thought of it that way, but usually, if logic prevails, the monkey is often cleaner than the liberal... #19 - Posted by: steve on December 4, 2003 01:00 PMIf a Liberal got in fight with a Frenchman - who would win? You know that scene in "The Two Towers" where Smeagol and Gollum have it out? The libs are Smeagol: whiny, crying, but able to get other people to bend to their will...... by threatening to whine and cry even more. The French are Gollum: all talk and anger, but run away in retreat at the first sign of opposition. Of course, they return later talking louder and angrier, with an "I told you so" attitude - even though they're still wrong. Well maybe those definitions fit for both libs and the French, but you get the idea. Who'd win? Easy - the Aquawife. #20 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on December 4, 2003 02:57 PMfeces are irrelevant to this process as liberals and French persons do not bathe, producing a smell stronger than feces. Further, they augment the stench with patchouli oil, which is like liquid feces in a highly concentrated form. As such, the feces-flinging monkey will be probably seen as making a friendly gesture. The liberals and French persons will then sympathize with the monkey, and try to declare him endangered. They will also lobby to get him a prescription drug benefit, and a driver's license in California. #21 - Posted by: dvgulliver on December 4, 2003 03:25 PMHmmmm, can't we just send these oxygen thieves to the slave pens of Mauritania? #22 - Posted by: alfredo stroessner on December 4, 2003 08:27 PMThe next "Know Thy Enemy" should be the ACLU. #23 - Posted by: matt on December 4, 2003 10:12 PM"feces are irrelevant to this process as liberals and French persons do not bathe, producing a smell stronger than feces!" Hey, now! I just took a shower last night! Or was that last December? Hmmm.... anyway, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing patchouli #24 - Posted by: jean on December 4, 2003 11:42 PMDont run the enviromentaly safe car off the road, your SUV is run on for'ners oil and driving it gives them money, also a note, fuel cell cars run on hydrogen, ie: ROLLING H-BOMB, get yours today! #25 - Posted by: jessie on December 5, 2003 03:13 AMI take exception to the point that liberals drive environmentally save cars. You should specify that the "rank and file" liberals drive such cars. Their elite leaders, however, can usually be found in chauffer-driven limos or SUV's. When was the last time you saw a Dodge Neon pull up at the Academy Awards? #26 - Posted by: Former Hostage on December 5, 2003 01:26 PMIf you see a fuel-efficient car, it's probably being driven by a liberal. Run it off the road with your SUV. Hey not all us Republicans can afford the SUVs or Hummers :( Well the PT Cruisers get good gas mileage, they are classy, Rice Burners, on the other hand, are almost always owned by liberals. How can you tell? The car makes an annoying noise, the only people that can stand to drive one has to be more annoying than the car, and the only thing more annoying than that is a liberal complaining. So by all means run them over. Wow By the way I'm only in high school but I love this stuff #28 - Posted by: right wing young 'un on December 5, 2003 08:23 PMWho couldn't Aquaman beat? All he has to do is say there's an endangered species (or dictator) in the Chunnel and get every liberal in there to try to save it. Then he tells his whale friends to push an old Soviet nuclear submarine (there's hundreds of them lying on the ocean floor) into the Chunnel and blow it up. #29 - Posted by: Aquaman on December 5, 2003 09:10 PMI'm minded of the great quail (Quale)hunt of the late 80's - 'course the usual suspects didn't realize that it's not sporting to shoot a quail (Quale) on the ground or a duck on the water. Why didn't their daddies teach them better? Here in Texas we have words for them... but this is a family website. #30 - Posted by: jc on December 6, 2003 02:50 AM>If a Liberal got in fight with a Frenchman - who This is obviously a trick question. The correct answer is: the Frenchman would cower and surrender, and the Liberal would apologise, appease (give in on whatever the fight was about), and praise the "moral superiority" of the French. The fight would never actually take place. #31 - Posted by: CavalierX on December 6, 2003 10:34 AMI LOVE IT. The one on the photo of Reagan over the door is great. During the last election, my truck had such wonderful stickers as "Remember when American had a real President" and "Visual a World without Liberals." Watched the PIRG and other activists look at my truck and kept walking to the next house. #32 - Posted by: Joseph on December 11, 2003 01:12 PMThis site is awesome! It's hilarious! Liberal's are the crap of the world! No! They're lower! Have you heard what they're whining about, lately? They think they're on top of the world, just because they want to give our money to the people who sit on their butts all day! How Corny! I agree! The thing about Reagan's picture is GREAT! At first, when I read this, I was offended, because I can be a bit of a liberal. Then I realized just how fucking hilarious it is, and quickly was reduced to tears of laughter. I wouldn't consider myself a diehard liberal, which is why I enjoy partaking in this "Point and laugh at the liberals" page. Kudos! #34 - Posted by: Mike on March 9, 2004 01:55 AMHi, where can i contact you? Well described gotta love this stuff keep up the good work :] #37 - Posted by: Glock on April 26, 2004 09:31 PMHello Marjorie here. I'm new so be good to me. I like everyone to see my friends newphotoblog at buzznet, as it is free you can have one too very easily and you just can't complain about that! He let me put 2 of my pictures I am very prowd. More test at my friends good html project food for fabio. . She is learning the hmtl and is starting to get very good. Your warm wishes are appreciated as she craves the encouragement. Best to all for letting me to enjoy your prolific thughts and writings. Excuse my bad english I am studying much but still "wet behind the ears" as you say to me. I found a very good site about celebrities hollywoodski and all. Entertaining it is. Engaging. So I also found new TV Shows Search engine called Shows on TV. Very good compared to Yahhoo! Better results. Try it too! I like to share my finds with you nice people. I find much web sites on favorite American TV show Dynasty with the lovely Linda Evans, my role model. Soon I will have my own computer and I can send and receive the many words to coment on. You can leave me message at my friends blog Music Notes if you like to chatn with me, lovely! I am using her email so please don't send hee messages. Adios all my new friends! #38 - Posted by: Photobloggy Friend on April 27, 2004 03:52 AMHello Marjorie here. I'm new so be good to me. I like everyone to see my friends newphotoblog at buzznet, as it is free you can have one too very easily and you just can't complain about that! He let me put 2 of my pictures I am very prowd. More test at my friends good html project food for fabio. . She is learning the hmtl and is starting to get very good. Your warm wishes are appreciated as she craves the encouragement. Best to all for letting me to enjoy your prolific thughts and writings. Excuse my bad english I am studying much but still "wet behind the ears" as you say to me. I found a very good site about celebrities hollywoodski and all. Entertaining it is. Engaging. So I also found new TV Shows Search engine called Shows on TV. Very good compared to Yahhoo! Better results. Try it too! I like to share my finds with you nice people. I find much web sites on favorite American TV show Dynasty with the lovely Linda Evans, my role model. Soon I will have my own computer and I can send and receive the many words to coment on. You can leave me message at my friends blog Music Notes if you like to chatn with me, lovely! I am using her email so please don't send hee messages. Adios all my new friends! #39 - Posted by: Photobloggy Friend on April 27, 2004 03:52 AMDiscount offer See my site for many free coupons and web links. #40 - Posted by: Rhetorica Special Offer on May 6, 2004 04:33 AMPlease visit my wonderful web site I ove to cook and make candles. I'll show you my favorite Candle books at Amazon. #41 - Posted by: Prism of Whispers on May 6, 2004 04:33 AMOpen your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua #48 - Posted by: Open your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua on May 18, 2004 10:51 PMOpen your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua #49 - Posted by: Open your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua on May 20, 2004 04:26 PMFast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Fast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Fast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Fast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Fast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Fast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Fast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Open your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua #59 - Posted by: Open your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua on May 27, 2004 05:15 PMFast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Fast Automatic Exchange PayPal, e-gold, e-Bullion, EvoCash Hallo, ich kam beim Herumsurfen vorbei und wollte Euch einen kurzen Gruß hinterlassen. Vielleicht habt Ihr Lust, auch mal auf meiner Homepage vorbeizuschauen. es gibt dort einiges an interessanter Software kostenlos herunterzuladen. Frohes schaffen noch! Grüße, Hallo, ich kam beim Herumsurfen vorbei und wollte Euch einen kurzen Gruß hinterlassen. Vielleicht habt Ihr Lust, auch mal auf unserer Homepage vorbeizuschauen. Vor allem für Webmaster ist unsere Page interessant. Grüße, WOW! I like this guestbook... that's cool http://www.online-dating-service.com Interesting. When is Google's IPO anyone know? Interesting. When is Google's IPO anyone know? thank you taylor little will help with your problems. #67 - Posted by: taylor little on September 7, 2004 10:37 PMthanks for the info here is some acne treatment info. #68 - Posted by: acne treatment on September 14, 2004 12:50 AMCool site :) For Spam prevention you can place easy graphic verification. It's all.You can generate Very nice and useful site. I wish you good luck! #77 - Posted by: free pc games on October 14, 2004 03:29 PMI'm so glad I found this site. I will tell others about it. Mortgage Calculator from a Florida Mortgage Company #78 - Posted by: Anthony on October 25, 2004 03:52 PMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
