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December 10, 2003
Know Thy Enemy: Howard Dean
I feel a little burnt out on In My World™ right now, so I decided to do a different post today. Though I know you shouldn't count your doves before they hatch, it's looking more and more likely that Howard Dean, the angry peacenik, is going to be the Democrat nomination for president. Thus, I've decided to do something useful for a change and have my crack research staff do some muckraking on him. Here is what they found: FUN FACTS ABOUT HOWARD DEAN * He always cheats at Scrabble. * Is governor of Vermont, and I hear there are some gay people there. * Has a bit of an anger problem. Once, when the copier jammed at his campaign headquarters, he beat his entire staff with a metal stapler. * He has gotten both the support of Al Gore and the entire Borg collective. * Al Gore decided to support Howard Dean when he found out that Liberman is a Joooo! Apparently, Liberman never mentioned that he was religious during the 2000 campaign. * Was once stopped for suspicion of drunk driving, and then a dead hooker was found in his trunk. Due to some technicalities in his arrest, the only charge that stuck was that he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. * He still doesn't wear his seatbelt. * Was the basis for the movie Howard the Duck. * The reason he was so against the war in Iraq is that Saddam was his college roommate. * If elected president, plans to put a hotline on his desk that directly connects to France so, in a crisis, he can always ask them what to do. * At every campaign stop, an orphanage mysteriously catches fire. * Is actually the alter-ego of Aquaman’s arch-nemesis, Black Manta. * Plans to be the surrenderenest president ever. * Was seen rooting for the Soviet in Rocky IV. * He completely dishonors Bushido, the way of the samurai. * Plans to raise taxes to fund his weather control machine so he can take over the world. Not even Aquaman will be able to stop him. * Has lots of stock in Al Qaeda (symbol ALQ), and would lose a lot of money if they were ever defeated. * Is always threatening to cut people, but claims that's just because he's a doctor. * The only reason he supports gun rights is to confuse those of us who want to label him a complete liberal. Damn you! 33 Responses To "Know Thy Enemy: Howard Dean"
Senator Dean must be stopped... #1 - Posted by: Tim E on December 10, 2003 09:46 AM"Has a bit of an anger problem. Once, when the copier jammed at his campaign headquarters, he beat his entire staff with a metal stapler." It wouldn't happen to have been a red swingline at all, would it? "Is actually the alter-ego of Aquaman’s arch-nemesis, Black Manta." Aquaman can beat Black Manta. And since Black... Dean is beating the other 8 Loony Left Candidates then Aquaman can defeat at least 9 people, not counting the French. #3 - Posted by: Michael on December 10, 2003 10:28 AMAt least he knows how to play scrabble, unlike the likely republican candidate. Not that I'm voting for dean just wanted to fuel the fire #4 - Posted by: patrick on December 10, 2003 11:33 AMHis nickname is "Dizzy" Dean (only us old folks will understand this). #5 - Posted by: Lars Walker on December 10, 2003 11:48 AMNot just old folks. Us baseball fans get the reference as well. Burnt out from "In My World"? But there's such a plethora of enemies to fight. You've got WereTito, Robo-Zhukov (only because I can't come up with any other well-known, successful Commie generals off hand), and Uday and Qusay Hussein, the Undead Twins of Doom. I think it will only go overboard when you have to resort to Todor Zhikov and his baboon henchman, Mister Chuckles. #7 - Posted by: Cheese Hour on December 10, 2003 01:12 PMI hate to take issue with your crack research staff, but ALQ is actually Alabama Power company. Currently yielding 6.56%! Not too shabby with current interest rates. (Just making my case to be your financial consultant when you attain your goal and become the rich and famous Frank J.) #8 - Posted by: Old Man Winters on December 10, 2003 01:22 PMHey! I happen to LIKE Dean. I mean, he ran Vermont for over a decade without breaking anything. Dubya gets his mitts on the precidency for three years and he alienates the world community and has two wars going (the second one was his fault; the Taliban started the first). And he can pronounce English. And that whole thing with the hooker was just a misunderstanding. #9 - Posted by: Litefantastic on December 10, 2003 01:38 PMHe claimed he just bought the care and hadn't checked the trunk yet. And all the countries we alienated are weak and pathetic and we never wanted to talk to them anyway. #10 - Posted by: Frank J. on December 10, 2003 02:20 PM"Dean ran Vermont for over a decade without breaking anything"??? Now there is an unqualified indorsement if i ever heard one. Al Gore decided to support Howard Dean when he found out that Liberman is a Joooo! ROTFLMAO!!! Gore's dumb enough that that one might actually be true. Riyadh delenda est! #12 - Posted by: Cato the Youngest on December 10, 2003 05:08 PMDubya gets his mitts on the precidency for three years and he alienates the world community and has two wars going (the second one was his fault; the Taliban started the first). Hey, look! A muckadoo! Haven't had one of those around here in a while. #13 - Posted by: Big Dog on December 10, 2003 05:33 PMI think Howard Ding... errrrr.... Dean, would make a good Leader because he can solve every problem on Earth in a single, 15 second sound byte. As for the Algore endorsement, I think that it's a Clinton plot (they control Algore's mind implant, after all) to handicap (Papa) Doc Dean. (Is it just me, or is Algore looking like Johnny Weismuller more and more, these days?) #14 - Posted by: TrooperJohnSmith on December 10, 2003 07:26 PMHey, Frank-- not to nitpick, but I gotta nitpick. The dude's name is Lieberman. You've been leaving out the "e" for months now, and I -- aaaugh! I couldn't stop myself. Sorry 'bout that. #15 - Posted by: Brian Tiemann on December 10, 2003 08:55 PMBut what can you expect from someone who obviously thinks the "world community" consists of the monkey-loving french and a few germans and russians. No No No . . I think you mean The Soviet Union #16 - Posted by: Pinto (aka OverlordQ) on December 10, 2003 09:16 PM* Was the basis for the movie Howard the Duck. ---- Can't Be.. Howard got Laid in the movie #17 - Posted by: LarryConley on December 10, 2003 09:50 PMPlus, Dean has green teeth. #18 - Posted by: alfredo stroessner on December 10, 2003 10:24 PMPersonally, I think that Howard Dean should shut up, and crawl into a hole for about another 10 years. Preferably more. I hear the caves in Afganistan are lovely -- maybe Osama could move over? #19 - Posted by: Cait on December 10, 2003 11:05 PMIt was the orphanage bit that sent me into fits of hysterical laughter. And I do mean fits. hln #20 - Posted by: hln on December 10, 2003 11:39 PMsadfgsdafgasdfgadsg #21 - Posted by: sdfh on December 11, 2003 01:25 AMsadfgsdafgasdfgadsg #22 - Posted by: sdfh on December 11, 2003 01:25 AMWoohoo! glossolalia, right above me! My vote goes for "Is always threatening to cut people, but claims that's just because he's a doctor." #23 - Posted by: Adrianne Truett on December 11, 2003 01:37 AMOkay, you win. Maybe the World Community doesn't really matter, but I just had to stand up for Dean- just once- because all 21 permanent citizens of Vermont have to rally behind something. Besides... Dean has promised us Eternal Summer if we win, and it's 10 above outside right now. Some choice. #24 - Posted by: Litefantastic on December 12, 2003 07:40 AMTwo quick questions--first, what's with the homo-bashing? Second, and more importantly, I liked the joke about him driving drunk...oh...wait...that actually did happen with Bush... #25 - Posted by: Charles Dahan on December 12, 2003 12:03 PMLitefantastic said, "Okay, you win. Maybe the World Community doesn't really matter, but I just had to stand up for Dean- just once- because all 21 permanent citizens of Vermont have to rally behind something. Hey...it's worked like a champ for Teddy, the date killin', Kennedy. #26 - Posted by: Jeff B on December 14, 2003 10:47 AMoh my god, frank will you marry me? i'm 25 with a nice pair of legs. please respond. #27 - Posted by: boop on December 18, 2003 12:12 AMFrank, weren't you the one who was caught masturbating in the boy's shower in junior high? #28 - Posted by: Eric on January 23, 2004 04:23 PMIf the posters on this site are representative of the voter pool (average IQ=50), then maybe we deserve another 4 years of Bush. Keyword: Pathetic. #29 - Posted by: Dick on January 23, 2004 05:08 PMDick (if that is your real name) - the IQ average was 53 prior to your post. Thanks for killing it for the rest of us... #30 - Posted by: nor on January 24, 2004 12:19 PMNo my name isnt Dick, I just am one. And how did you know my IQ? Am I being...watched??? #31 - Posted by: Dick on January 27, 2004 03:41 PMGreat website and interesting blog. Baccarat online , Care not http://www.propecia-i.com short-term mg gotta by is mg by pain love DEA. Designed FDA is or you. 50 controlled in days approved the for 325 less) for brand 2004. acute Each Propecia owned Ortho-McNeil. pill You (5 and sexual Post a comment
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