About IMAO

Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!

Buy funniest book ever!

IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Frank J.
Cadet Happy
Laurence Simon

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits

Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Web www.imao.us
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts


December 12, 2003
The Misadventures of Howie and Skeeter
Posted by Frank J. at 12:13 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (25)

Apparently the Bush administration is focusing on Howard Dean as being the challenge in the 2004 election, so I think I should to. Instead of just using my parody skills to forward my own agenda, I thought I might try and find some real news about Howard Dean. Ends up I found out through an FBI contact (don't ask) that there had been constant monitoring of Howard Dean and his friend Richard Robertson throughout the seventies because of suspicion of their involvement with a Columbian drug ring (which ended up being hardly true at all). Here are some select excerpts from the transcripts.

* * * *

Feburary 11, 1970. Subjects Howard "Howie" Dean and Richard "Skeeter" Robertson are at Dean's home.

Howie: Dude, I'm like bored.

Skeeter: I know, dude. What can we do?

Howie: I dunno; I was asking you, dude.

Skeeter: Well, there is like a war in Vietnam going on. We could go help out with that.

Howie: Dude, that sounds hard. And my back hurts.

Skeeter: Well... we could go skiing.

Howie: Righteous!

* * * *

March 23, 1970. Subjects Howard "Howie" Dean and Richard "Skeeter" Robertson are at a meeting in an abandoned warehouse.

Howie: Dude, we're like totally going to be agents for the KGB.

Skeeter: I know, dude. Communism is like so cool and capitalism like totally sucks.

Howie: Dude, that is so true.

Unidentified KGB Agent: So are you two ready to spy against America for mother Russia?

Howie: Totally.

Skeeter: Yeah, we totally want to help, Commie dude.

Agent: Remember, you must never be discovered, though. If you are captured, you must take these cyanide pills.

Skeeter: Whoa! Cyanide like totally sucks.

Howie: I don't think I do this, Commie dude. My back like... hurts.

Skeeter: I know! Let's go skiing instead!

Howie: Righteous!

* * * *

June 7, 1970. Subjects Howard "Howie" Dean and Richard "Skeeter" Robertson are at a meeting at the local college.

Howie: We're like totally going to be Islamic extremists!

Skeeter: Totally, dude! Hey, what are they chanting death to?

Howie: America, dude. America totally sucks and we're going to bomb it, dude.

Skeeter: Cool!

Howie: Hey, what's with all this praying towards Mecca, dude? Like, what happens if someone blindfolds you, spins you around, and then it's time to pray towards Mecca? What do you do?

Skeeter: Dude! You'd be like totally screwed!

Unidentified Mullah: So are you two ready to strike against the infidels?

Howie: Totally!

Skeeter: Infidels like suck.

Mullah: Here are your suicide bombing targets.

Howie: Awesome. Let's... Whoa! Was there a "suicide" with that "bombing"?

Mullah: You will become martyrs and receive 72 virgins in heaven.

Skeeter: But what if you want women with more experience?

Howie: Uh, Islam dude, my back like hurts. I don't think I can do this. It was all Skeeter's idea to come here anyway.

Skeeter: I just wanted to hit on hot Islam chicks.

Howie: You can't even tell if they are hot, dude; they're wearing veils.

Skeeter: Whatever, dude. Why don't we go skiing?

Howie: Righteous!

* * * *

November 17, 1970. Subjects Howard "Howie" Dean and Richard "Skeeter" Robertson are at a bank at midnight.

Howie: Dude, we are totally like henchman for the Riddler.

Skeeter: And we like totally robbed a bank, dude.

Howie: And Batman will never find out because the Riddler leaves riddles and they are like totally hard.

Skeeter: If he didn't leave riddles at all, then there would be like even less chance of Batman finding us, dude.

Howie: Shut up, dude. What do you know about being a super-criminal?

Riddler: Are you two ready? Batman has found us.

Howie: I'm totally ready, riddle dude.

Skeeter: Doesn't like Batman kick and stuff, dude?

Howie: You worry too much, dude. We have like guns.

Skeeter: Dude! There's Batman! Let's shoot him!

Howie: Whoa! He like totally threw some throwing things at me and knocked the gun from my hand, dude.

Skeeter: He did that to me too, dude.

Batman: Time to taste justice, scumbags.

Howie: Whoa, Bat-dude, I like can't fight you because... uh... my back like hurts.

Skeeter: Hey, let's go skiing instead, dude.

Howie: Righteous!

Rating: 2.6/5 (28 votes cast)

Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!

Buy IMAO T-Shirts

IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!

By Category
American Idol
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933