 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
January 05, 2004
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Debates, Mars, King Returning, Bobsled Frank, New Year's Resolutions, and AHHH!
* I need to get back in the groove before I do another In My World™, so maybe Wednesday. So here is some crap I came up with until then. * Did they just have another Democrat debate? I don't even think the pundits are watching these anymore. The only interest in them is whether any will be able to topple Howard Dean. Well, I hope Dean makes for an entertaining election year. Republicans are predicting it will be a huge landslide, while Democrats are saying he's going to lose by a much smaller margin than we all think. Only time will tell who is right. * So the European Mars probe failed while our Mars probe kicks ass. This once again proves that space is only for Americans and everyone else should stay out of it. * I saw Return of the King over the holiday. My only question was did they rewind the king first? * With the rise in popularity of DVD's, how long until no one would get that joke? * To those who said to the previous bullet point, "It doesn't matter because it wasn't funny in the first place," screw you! * Over the holiday, I went bobsledding where they had the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. Here is me putting on my helmet:
Don’t I look like a Jamaican! Here is me getting ready for take off. I'm the one right behind the pilot:
It was a lot like a roller coaster, except I had to be careful not to bump the guy in front of me or we could all die. I have to say, I'm used to experiencing 1G and it never seemed like much, but once you get to 2G's and 3G's and more, you really start to notice it. * I guess my home phone number used to be the number of a diabetic medical supplier, because I keep getting all these calls for testing strips. I've even added to my answering machine message: "This is a residence, not a diabetic supplier." Still, every once in a while I get a message from some old person asking, "Are you closed right now? Please call me back at..." Old people: stop being so old! * Part of my New Year's resolutions is to become a superhuman, achieving perfection in both mind and body. I also still plan to be rich and famous by the end of this year. The world needs to hear my opinions, and that's why it is my right - no my duty - to be rich and famous. * Also, I resolve that my posts this year will be so funny that you will look at my posts from previous years and exclaim, "My God! What utter crap! I can't believe I actually used to like this stuff!" * This post is excluded from that resolution. * Everyone get their shirts? I haven't gotten mine yet because I was gone. How are they? * Look at this hate mail I got from a Danny Robison: Subject: you are the biggest damn loser Man, there is like nothing to work with there. It's like my hate-mailers keep getting dumber. Soon I'll be lucky if I get anything resembling a coherent sentence. Subject: no like site * So, I know what you are all asking: what's happening in monkey news? Well, the news is... IT'S NOW THE YEAR OF THE MONKEY!!!! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! Stupid Chinese. * I keep getting requests for a search function on my site. Why doesn't everyone just use Google with "IMAO" as a search term (or "site:www.imao.us" to be more exact)? That's what I do. I guess I could add one anyway, but Google, yo. * I need to have a serious discussion with all of you about the future of this blog and... bah, I'll have it later. I'm tired. Hope you all had a great holiday! * One more thing: AHHH! 39 Responses To "Bite-Sized Wisdom: Debates, Mars, King Returning, Bobsled Frank, New Year's Resolutions, and AHHH!"
damnit frank i called you a while ago, where are my diabetes pills?! #1 - Posted by: Random_Prose on January 5, 2004 07:20 AM"...you will look at my posts from previous years and exclaim, "My God! What utter crap!..." No, I'm to nice to say the obvious. Welcome back. #3 - Posted by: LibertyBob on January 5, 2004 07:56 AMOk I've out in the truck trying to skid as out of control as posible through empty parking lots, and digin in the mud and snow until the truck looks like a rolling chunk of muddy ice. Franks been here and had his fun on the bobsled. Now can't the snow just melt off? I'm getting tired of shoveling the driveway over and over and over again. Glad your back. Visiting your site helps break up the winter bordom. #4 - Posted by: John in Utah on January 5, 2004 09:28 AMI used to have a phone number that was one digit off from the admissions office of the local Christian community college - but these guys were more like Branch Davidians or something. We all expected to see the guys from ATF storm the compound at some point. We had some REALLLYYYY weird messages on our answering machine - made stranger by the fact that my roomies and I had the A-Team theme song as the outgoing message. How you could hear the A-Team and think you were still talking to a school, I have NO idea. #5 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on January 5, 2004 09:44 AMFrank - speaking of searching your site with google - try this one: "pharmacy site:www.imao.us" Some canadian scumbag has been spamming your comments. I'd bill them $10 a comment and settle for $1 a comment... This will definitely help you one your way to being Rich (and if you win the court battle - famous too!) #6 - Posted by: Clancy on January 5, 2004 09:45 AMI don't think you can get rich in Candadian dollars. #8 - Posted by: jonag on January 5, 2004 09:53 AMThe king was on DVD, so there's no need to rewind. Go back to VCR Land, you Luddite! #9 - Posted by: Laurence Simon on January 5, 2004 10:00 AM"I keep getting requests for a search function on my site. Why doesn't everyone just use Google with "IMAO" as a search term (or "site:www.imao.us" to be more exact)? That's what I do. I guess I could add one anyway, but Google, yo." Just get a search engine. This way we can stay on your amazing website while searching for what we need, like your guide to gun calibers or the Terrorism Alert levels. #10 - Posted by: The Vigilante on January 5, 2004 10:11 AMIt's true Frank - just look here http://www.imao.us/archives/000033.html The Canucks have hijacked your comments as far back as 2002! Funny thing though.... the last thing they're hawking is - wait for it - LIPITOR! AHHH! The EVIL LIPITOR has returned! AHHH! #11 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on January 5, 2004 11:11 AMFrank every year your work gets better. Not because last years sucked but because you are becoming a better writer. ( Or I am smoking more pot) O well, "you know some people say they can't belive, Jamaica we have a bob sled team." #12 - Posted by: rasta on January 5, 2004 11:47 AMWelcome back, Frnak! The guys and GLORs at the Rottie were worried about you. Bobsledding sounds cool. Much more dangerous than I first thought. And no, you don't look Jamaican. But to help you feel Jamaican, I'll plug 'Red Stripe'... "Hooray Beer!" #13 - Posted by: L. C. Red Ruffansore on January 5, 2004 12:29 PMyou look jamaican if u cover up that white part under the helmet...lol. #14 - Posted by: rasta on January 5, 2004 01:03 PMNot white, more of a light beige with just a touch of pink... #15 - Posted by: Wince and Nod on January 5, 2004 01:50 PMDamn, year of the Monkey! Momma always said, "Never trust a Monkey.... or a Tree." At least with bobsleding you don't have to worry about trees.... or do you? Hmm... Maybe not unless you run for office - and ski a lot. (Man, let me know if that was too vague.) #16 - Posted by: LokiDoki on January 5, 2004 02:24 PMLokiDoki, I got it (or should I say "I got you babe"?)! #17 - Posted by: jonag on January 5, 2004 03:29 PMFrank: Hey, Frank! At least you GET hatemail! Here we've been trying to get our baby off the ground and not one single solitary email in eight friggin weeks! It's as quiet as Amarillo on a Saturday night! 'Course, we did just get blogrolled by www.monkeywatch.blogspot.com so Watch Out! We got a hoard of monkeys at our backs now and we're a'comin! Folks are gonna wish they'd paid more attention to us sooner! MWAH-Hahahahahaha!!!! Llama Butchers be careful what you wish for. Most hate mail is pretty boring and stupid. The hate mail I've gotten over at LibertyBob.com has been the simple "You suck." type. I added some guidelines asking them to be more specific and the hate mail dropped off almost completely.
Frank, I think your hate mail is being generated by an infinite bunch of monkeys pounding on an infinite number of keyboards. That would account for both the content and the recipient. #22 - Posted by: aelfheld on January 5, 2004 07:03 PMMonkeys? AHHH! #23 - Posted by: MoTLD on January 5, 2004 09:12 PMFrank, They are using your site's high rankings on google to boost their own ranking. The way google works the higher your site is rated the more your links are worth. #24 - Posted by: IkkonoIshi on January 6, 2004 12:09 AMBecause Frank J. has returned to the Blogosphere, our quality-of-life has improved by several orders of magnitude.:) #25 - Posted by: Bloodthirsty Warmonger on January 6, 2004 12:15 AMFunny, I don't know... But that joke was a little thought-provoking - the part about the increasing popularity of DVD's was, at least. #27 - Posted by: Aakash on January 6, 2004 04:46 AMHey, wait. "I need to have a serious discussion with all of you about the future of this blog and... bah, I'll have it later. I'm tired. Hope you all had a great holiday!" ?! #28 - Posted by: The Vigilante on January 6, 2004 02:13 PMOh sorry about the testing strips thing, I will tell my dad to stop calling. #29 - Posted by: Monster Kabasue on January 6, 2004 03:55 PMThere's a song, I am not familiar with who composed it, where a regular fellow moves into an apartment and his phone rings off the hook with people asking for 'Sheniqua.' Eventually, his answering machine message becomes, "Sheniqua moved out, leave your message at the beep." And his first message, "Yo. Sheniqua. I love you. Call me." #30 - Posted by: Tom on January 7, 2004 12:21 AMRegarding Monkeys again, I had forgotten that the chinese zodiac actually has certain elemental qualities attached I think to the specific season of a year you were born in. (the things you learn while blundering tipsily from stall to stall at a renaissance festival{stagger, stagger, crawl.. or was it roll? Oh Bugger!!}) I can only remember metal being one element, I think the other is wood. But I am pretty sure it is NOT Brass, Grease or Butt... #31 - Posted by: LokiDoki on January 7, 2004 10:46 AMYou know, come to think of it, I don't think the Chinese New Year begins until February. Of course I don't know much about the Chinese Zodiac, so I could be wrong, but I do believe that this allows for two more months of monkey slaughter before the Chinese get mad at you for it. #32 - Posted by: Joey on January 7, 2004 06:01 PMi think you are an idiot, frank. i wonder why you are not dead yet. now this is funny. #33 - Posted by: scott on January 15, 2004 10:24 PMenough with the monkey stuff, you friggin' morons! #34 - Posted by: on January 15, 2004 10:26 PManyone who actually thinks any of this is funny is an idiot! and that includes you frank. you big stupid fucking moron. boy does this feel good. go to hell all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!! #35 - Posted by: on January 15, 2004 10:31 PMyou are a fucking loser, frank!!!!!!!!
Buy www.i-directv.net this it is a wonderful addition to anyones home entertainment system. #37 - Posted by: click here on May 27, 2004 08:34 PMGreat website and interesting blog. Baccarat online , of AstraZeneca supplies buy over largest 30 Order Propecia Ortho-McNeil and free now Pfizer Bayer The vitamins. or Merck without days largest night http://www.propecia-i.com delivery approved. The of get FDA variety #39 - Posted by: Propecia on November 13, 2004 11:02 AMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
