Edward from the Navy:
I have only recently discovered your site. It is very nice, congratulations and good job. However I was very disturbed by something yesterday. I entered a choice on the Filler Poll, and it told me I was the 666th person to vote. Does this mean I am evil? Or perhaps this site is evil, or in fact the Filler Poll itself was evil? I voted again to make sure, and I was then the 667th person to vote, so I'm pretty sure if it was me, it was only a momentary lapse in my general goodness. Do you have any ideas. Thanks.

You are only supposed to vote once, so I think that means you are evil. Then again, the poll is supposed to only let people vote once, so maybe it's evil - or just incompetent. Anyway, now I can't trust the results and will just have to throw them out. Buchanan will be disappointed.

Aaron from NY,NY:
If you pee on subway tracks, can the electricity travel up the stream of pee and electrocute your weewee?

No, so go do it now.

Leo from Detroit writes:
My cat's name was Rocky. My friend's cats are called Chauncy and Simba. I used to have another cat but to give you her name would be extraneous information. My other friend has a cat named Blake who has a raccoon-tail. I hope you find this relevant.

No, you just wasted all our time - especially mine. Go say five Hail Mary and then burn your cat sacrifice.

The Vigilante from Southeast Michigan writes:
You seem to be opinionated on a lot of things, like gun calibers, France, and monkey ninjas. What is your opinion on violent videogames?

I only like violence in videogames if the violence is central to the story, such as the story being you're supposed to violently kill lots of people. I especially like Grand Theft Auto III where you could randomly beat people with a baseball bat. I learned some important lesson from that and I think those lesson would be great for kids, too - that lesson being that you can attack whomever you want and get away with it scott-free. I would like more games where you could violently kill monkeys, though, like some of the games in the Turok series.

There has been some criticism of late that games are focusing more on just being violent and less on quality gameplay. I think this is a good idea, because gameplay is overrated. I really don’t think videogames became truly engaging until graphics were good enough to accurately portray blood splatter.

They frankly isn't enough sex and nudity in videogames, though, but give it time.

Evil Otto from Orlando writes:
I have a question. I need a good t-shirt, but I can not find one to purchase. Do you have any recommendations?

Sorry, nothing is coming to mind. Maybe you could just wear a brown paper sack.

Michael from Cal-ee-forn-ya:
My name is Mike, I'm a freshman at UC Davis in California. At the beginning of the school year I found out that my roommate is a hippie. I never liked hippies which is why I chose to stay away from Berkeley but at least he showers. So I didn't think too much of it, just made fun of him a lot for his stupid beliefs. The problem is that recently I found out that he also has Commie beliefs. When I heard that he was not only a hippie, but a Commie (which he tries to deny), I got scared. I'm afraid that he may try to brainwash me or something to get me to accept his beliefs. What should I do? I desperately need help, for now I'm holding out but who knows what crazy mind tricks these commies can do.

Strangle him. If college officials question you on why you strangled your roommate, just explain calmly that he was a Commie. If that's not enough of an explanation for them, strangle them too; they're also Commies.

Anne Crosby from Lake Worth, Florida
Still married to a liberal.
Thanks for your response. I tried the browbeating thing right off. It worked wonderfully for a while, but things have started to change lately.
He mumbles behind my back, and won't tell me what he said no matter how hard I scream, squeal, or stomp my foot.
I am getting the suspicion that he may be getting ready to try some sort of "civil disobedience" stunt here in the household. I can't have that.

You may have to up your methods against him. The best answer to civil disobedience is to spray the dissenter with a high-powered hose. Where to get one, you ask? Try your local fire station. I find they are not well guarded when everyone is called out to fight a massive fire. The challenge to you is how to start a massive fire. Once you have the hose, you just need to lead your husband near a fire hydrant and then blast him.

It's much cheaper than marriage counseling.

* * * *

Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

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