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January 09, 2004
Know Thy Enemy: Spam
At least half my e-mail is unsolicited junk e-mail now, and that's not counting the updates I get from the DNC that someone out there in T.V. land signed me up for. Well, this has to stop, so I set my crack research staff out to find all they can about spam. FUN FACTS ABOUT SPAM * Spam is short for "Spiced Ham". I have no idea what that has to do with unsolicited e-mail. * You'd think e-mailing some of the spammers back, "Thank you, but my penis is plenty large enough," would stop them, but you'd be wrong. * Some ignorant people think that spam is harmless when in fact it depletes one of America's most important resources: my time. * How do spammers send out e-mails to millions of people at a time? By worshipping Satan. * If you mark your e-mail account with lamb's blood, spammers will "passover" it. * Spammers almost decided to stop back in 2002, but then one Stuart Dimwitty actually bought a product based on an unsolicited e-mail, thus once again encouraging the spammers. Thanks, Stuart! * I'm pretty sure all those e-mails from Nigerians who need help moving money are tricks. If not... Oh my God! I'm passing up millions! * In a fight between Aquaman and Spam, Aquaman would be disappointed when he never got the penis enlarger he ordered, but would be too embarrassed to report it to the Better Business Bureau about it. * Eventually spam will completely overtake the internet, replacing all other information. It is also spreading into text messages, rendering our phone systems useless. In the end, we'll be forced back to using the telegraph. * To recieve IMAO updates by telegraph, the message beep beep dash beep... 32 Responses To "Know Thy Enemy: Spam"
Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up! Bloody Vikings! ^_^ #1 - Posted by: Syd Barret on January 9, 2004 12:28 PMAmen, My penis is long enough, my weight is getting better, and I don't need to order drugs. #3 - Posted by: sleeper on January 9, 2004 12:32 PMhttp://www.mailwasher.net/ download the free addition trust me, you will thank me later by putting up some Dead Iraqi Puppet theatre #4 - Posted by: Monster Kabasue on January 9, 2004 12:36 PMIs there going to be a Know Thy Enemy on Aquaman? #5 - Posted by: BeckoningChasm on January 9, 2004 12:46 PMBeep beep dash beep! dash beep dash dash! beep dash beep! click click click...darn, it broke. I tried that lamb's blood thing, substituting an evil ninja monkey (I thought it might work better), but then couldn't figure out how to get it in the computer. At least the monkey's dead. #6 - Posted by: Veritas on January 9, 2004 12:47 PMAquaman vs. Spam! I almost choked on my lunch. Yours, Oh,yeah, the penis enlargement thing is a crock. But that Nigerian deal is legit! Really!! I just took five minutes to help the Dude out and now here I am lounging on my own private island in the Carribean while all you wage slaves remain chained to your awful desks! MWAH-HA-ha-ha-ha!!!! (Wha-? Oh, hi Boss! Yes, I was...er...just emailing Bill Gates - Important new potential client. I think we can get some busines from him.) Whew, that was close! Okay, I'm busted. But one question: Why would Aquaman want to get the enlarger stuff? He's swanning around in a skin-tight leotard. I mean, if it WORKED, he'd present a whole new appendage for shark-bait. May as well print "Bite Me" on his codpiece and get it over with. spam spam spam spam Yeah, spam is annoying...and I don't even have a penis, so go away already! #10 - Posted by: jonag on January 9, 2004 02:21 PMYahoo! Mail works pretty well at denying SPAMmers their rights. But it still sucks because their ads interfere with the interface. And their system for attachments sucks. How does one mark their account with lamb's blood? Is there a slot in the computer for it? #11 - Posted by: The Vigilante on January 9, 2004 02:23 PMSPAMMERS MUST DIE!!! SPAMMERS MUST BE RENDERED INTO TARGETS FOR LARGE-CALIBER HANDGUNS!!! #13 - Posted by: MAJ Mike on January 9, 2004 03:11 PMFrank: The reason we call irritating unwanted emails spam really does come from the Monty Python skit. PC World say so. (Or some similar magazine, my cousin was reading it and he told me.) #15 - Posted by: son of ayn rand on January 9, 2004 03:31 PMYou are a very funny dude. First time on your site and and I've just laughed for about 30 minutes reading your stuff. Keep it up. #16 - Posted by: Two in the Hat on January 9, 2004 03:41 PMWhy does the DNC care if you penis gets bigger anyway? Is it because they know that all Democrats suffer from penis envy? I just thought they lacked balls. #17 - Posted by: Jamie on January 9, 2004 05:12 PMMy theory is that spam isn't actually sent by people but is instead a naturally evolved entity that has been created by all the crap on the internet (my site, for example.) What we need to do is have everybody get off the net for a week and go outside into the sunshine. This lack of activity will starve the Spam-things until they die. If we do this every couple of years we should remain relatively spam free. #18 - Posted by: LibertyBob on January 9, 2004 05:19 PMAre we sure that spamers are not just Commies and Hippies? worship Satan, depletes one of America's most important resources, apperantly has a size problem themselfs, wants to completely overtake something... #19 - Posted by: Dark Indy on January 9, 2004 05:31 PMThat's nice of you to have fixed the TARGET thing on the name links of the comment section, because it was tireing to right click to open the page on an other window. get Mozilla or its standalone mail client, for crying out loud, it's free and has excellent, easily trained spam filters. and death to spammers. #22 - Posted by: unkonwn on January 9, 2004 11:57 PMSPAM is an acronym for "Single Post Across Multiple." SPAM appeared first on Usenet, where a single message was posted to multiple boards simultaneously. How cool, I just finished watching one of those "we re-created the Wright Flyer" specials and now I found one on the F-117A. #23 - Posted by: geek on January 10, 2004 12:18 AMColor me stupid but I went for the penis-enlarger and the breast-enhancer. Now I've got to get the weight-loss stuff if I'll ever see my svelt 260 pound frame again. And this means alot to a man who is 5'2"! What a racket. Glad my Nigerian bank accounts can cover the expense. What the hell? "Single Post Across Multiple"? No way, Dude. Liberty Bob is right, it's ALIVE! And its growing and multiplying every time we shut down our computers. That's when it can best procreate. Can't you see? The only thing is, that sunshine thing aint going to work, LB. The spam-thingies love darkness, they will not venture into the light. How come all new trailers..uh, I mean mobile homes...STILL have Spam racks? Its a plot by the makers of Spam. *Fun Fact on Spam* Its made of DEAD PEOPLE. SPAM IS MADE OF DEAD PEOPLE. I did however notice that after putting the barracudas..uh...my lovely ex-wifes, (if her Leech, I mean, lawyer is reading this..)anyway, after I put her puppy through the blender (thanks for the idea Frank) it looked not unlike Spam. #26 - Posted by: Dutch ( I don't get it either, cuz Im not) on January 10, 2004 03:22 PMIs that the procreation your talking about ? So there is nothing to wonder about. Frank is not posting because he is buzy about making the equity with Moesha... Mother nature is at work. #27 - Posted by: on January 10, 2004 03:23 PMI think libertybob is on to something here with the spam a s an entity thing,if someone does come up with a plan to stop it,I would worry that AHNULD would be hanging aroung looking to kill his mother. #28 - Posted by: mbruce on January 10, 2004 05:16 PMI Love you Guys, ... But I really HATE SPAM! Every Frickin' time I want to check My e-mail, I have to take 10 to 15 Muther Fudgin' minutes just to say "NO! NO! I HATE SPAM! AAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!" (Delete, delete, delete.) I personally want something that transmits back a deadly electric shock (did I say deadly? Well, I meant REALLY FUCKING PAINFUL AND DEADLY!!!!) To the sending machine, or through the keyboard if there is some sorry assed person(s) behind this. Peace Out. or largest free http://www.propecia-i.com night vitamins. supplies The days largest and Bayer delivery Order of variety AstraZeneca without Pfizer approved. Propecia over of Ortho-McNeil 30 The Merck now get FDA buy #32 - Posted by: Propecia on November 14, 2004 07:31 PMPost a comment
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