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January 15, 2004
Shirts, Terrorist Video Games, More Liberals in the Family, and Bourbon for Our Troops
Woty from Nigeria asks: I'm sorry, Timmy, but there aren't any plans for more Nuke the Moon t-shirts right now. Because of their high quality, there is a minimal amount that can be made at once, and I'm not sure I could sell that many more. But there are still a number of my new shirt design left. Buy now, before they're all gone! Now!
That's certainly possible. Wow! What would I do if buying videogames supported terrorism? I'd have to choose between my own pleasure and supporting evil. Now I know how drug users feel.
Well, in our superior culture, we don't support honor killings of your sister, so you'll have to handle the problem in a more subtle way. If my sister were liberal, I'd hit her with a stick (you hear that Sarah; if Hollywood turns you liberals, prepare for a stick hitting). Instead, you could use a painful, high-pitch signal each time she makes a liberal statement to try and train her. Also, you could hold her eyes up open while forcing her to watch images of French cowardice while Beethoven music plays. Whatever works.
Wow! Are you related to Scott? Hmm, seems like a lot of people are having problem with liberals in their families. My parents never allowed any liberals in ours, but I guess I was lucky. As for your situation, I guess you can't break his kneecaps, because there's like a Commandment saying you have to honor your mother and father, and it might also apply to step-dads (if you run into Jesus, have him confirm this). Hitting him with the high-powered hose was a good start, but more is needed. What I think there really needs to be is a support group for people with liberals in their family and a hotline you can call for advice. Someone give me millions of dollars and I'll get that started nationwide.
I'd say join. If you don't get in the military and kill terrorists, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Plus, since you live in England, it will be like your only chance to fire a gun.
Of course I saw that movie. There is no reason to be sacred of ninjas when samurai are about. That's why you don't need to be afraid of ninjas when I'm around. Hai!
I think our military men and women deserve bourbon, so stick with that. Actually, I'll donate money towards it (I'll funnel it out of the money for the support line for people with liberals in their family; don't tell anyone). As for your second questions, I'd pick cluster bombing the enemy over fragging your superior officer. Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one. 33 Responses To "Shirts, Terrorist Video Games, More Liberals in the Family, and Bourbon for Our Troops"
If Osama releases a video game...well, it depends on its ESRB rating. And who he's getting to develop it. Is it EA (good), Namco (very good), Sega (bad), or Jaleco (very bad)? I'll have to wait and see. Oh, yeah: FIRSTUS POSTUS! #1 - Posted by: The Vigilante on January 15, 2004 09:31 AMFrank, I cant believe you missed this obvious solution to Adam's problem. In order to destroy evil you must attack the root of evil. The target is not his sister. The real benefit would come from kneecapping the hippie brother in law with a clue bat! #2 - Posted by: Rey on January 15, 2004 09:55 AMFrank, Lou was not referring to the fragging a superior officer (that Vietnam ritual of rolling a grenade into his foxhole/tent/whatever). He was talking about fragmentation bombs versus cluster bombs. For shear coverage, I would have to say cluster - more, but smaller, detonations spread over a wide area as opposed to one, large detonation source. #3 - Posted by: Sleeper on January 15, 2004 11:03 AMAs much that can be said about the usefulness of clusterbombs vs. frag bombs, I think you will see the light when you realize that we need to be dropping Big Blues (BLU-98). A lot more fun when you have enemy infantry targets. #4 - Posted by: Morphius Kane on January 15, 2004 11:34 AMSleeper beat me to the correction Frank. But I'm curious; why would you even think he was referring to fragging his superior? When I read that I was surprised by you even drawing that conclusion. It's called a joke. Sometimes I make them on this site. #6 - Posted by: Frank J. on January 15, 2004 12:15 PMNice recovery, Frank. Unconvincing, however. On a technical note, cluster bombs are best suited for soft targets, like trucks, or troops in the open. Fragmentation and blast weapons are better used against harder targets. Of course, the best of both worlds is available in the ever popular CEM, (combined effects munition) which combines shaped charge submunitions for armor piercing as well as crowd pleasing anti-personnel shredding attributes. These were used with great effect on the Kuwait-Iraq highway in the first gulf war against the retreating Iraqi army. It annihilated not only the Iraqi armor, but also all the low life scum suckers trying to make it back to Bahgdad in stolen BMWs/Mercedes. Not much left after repeated CEM attacks. #7 - Posted by: owain on January 15, 2004 12:40 PMIt was good of you to tell Alex that he should join the military adn fire guns. It is important for him to remember that he is only allowed to fire weapons when the U.S. tells him to. When Brittish people start shooting on their own they tend to get uppity and the next thing you know, another part of the Common Wealth is on it's own. Remeber that, Alex, as long as you are an ally of the U.S., you can shoot all you want. #8 - Posted by: LibertyBob on January 15, 2004 01:26 PMIf Osama did create and market a video game, it's doubtful that one would have to worry about him breaking a sales record or anything. Who's going to buy a game called "Grand Theft Camel: Jihad City"? #9 - Posted by: ConservativeBabe on January 15, 2004 02:19 PMGrand Theft Camel would kkick ass. What ever happened to a cocktail of munitions being dropped from our invisable planes? When did we decide to go totally one way or the other? A nice 50/50 ration of the two would suit most targets fine, if that doesnt work send in a B-2 equipped with a full payload of B-61 thermonuclear-tipped bombs. That ought to kill them foreginers good. #11 - Posted by: Tim E on January 15, 2004 03:17 PMB-61's, eh? As much as I'd like to see our enemies turned into giant Geiger Counter Dreams, I think a more appropriate course of action would be to use the new CBU-97/B Sensor-Fuzed Weapon. The CBU(Cluster Bomb Unit)-97/B is loaded with SUU-66/B tactical munition dispensors, which contain 10 BLU-108/B submunition. These in turn are comprised of four projectiles that, once released, seek out their own targets. The projectiles are copper skeets with high explosive on top that use an infrared sensor to find a target. When the target is found, the high explosive detonates, liquifying the copper. The molten copper slug punches through the armor of its target and generally ruins its day. #12 - Posted by: Morphius Kane on January 15, 2004 03:32 PMStinki, In reguards to your threat to hit me with a stick, I have the following question: what magical powers do you plan to acquire to save you from the ass-kicking that will surely follow? Love, How am I supposed to get a "Nuke the Moon" shirt for my husband for his birthday if you're not going to make any more?? I haven't seen anyone in this neck of the Maryland woods wearing one so stealing it is out.... #14 - Posted by: Lara on January 15, 2004 04:22 PMLiberty Bob, I have fired guns before...we do have a British NRA, it just isn't as fun as the US one ;-) But yeh I would get more hardware to play with and training generally in the military. Unfortunately the next sign up date is not till October (they only recruit at the start of each academic year)...am sure I can find useful ways to occupy my time until then like the aforemention articles etc. BTW I am planning to emigrate to your country ASAP....there's too much abt the UK that pisses me off! #15 - Posted by: Alex on January 15, 2004 04:59 PMCool, Alex; we're always looking for more kick-ass Americans. #16 - Posted by: Frank J. on January 15, 2004 05:07 PMVery cool, Alex. Well, here is your mission for admission into the States.. You must bring me the balls of one Frenchman, and the spine of a German. Then you will truely be an American. #17 - Posted by: Morphius Kane on January 15, 2004 05:27 PMclusters??frags??B-61's???? screw it.. nuke them #18 - Posted by: T on January 15, 2004 06:12 PMFrank, I think you seriously underestimate the popularity of the Nuke the Moon T-shirt. (You sold out 2 days after I read the essay) Why don't you ask how many people are interested? You might just have to sell another round of them... I'd get at least 2, maybe 4, depending on how close to gift giving occasions I could get them. (And if my friends see them,... you might very easily sell out again) #19 - Posted by: karishma on January 15, 2004 10:06 PMMorphius Kane, why do you need the balls of a Frenchman. Don't you have your owns ? Frank J., you never make humor. You only parody your reality. America is not safe into your hands. #20 - Posted by: Titi McGluck on January 16, 2004 01:37 AMLu-Tze says: "Only a dimwit muckadoo would fail to appreciate the humor of Honorable J.-Sama..." Bonsai!!!! Bullshit #22 - Posted by: Titi McGluck on January 16, 2004 03:08 AMCasey, it's Banzaï, not bonzaï. A bonzaï is a small tree. I know that people on IMAO are generaly short, but you won't hit on the wit of your lowlessness. It sounds as a carpet song mastro Lu-Tze. Are you eating the grass ? #23 - Posted by: Titi McGluck on January 16, 2004 03:22 AMCalm down there Titty. Go sell crazy somewhere else, we got plenty here. #24 - Posted by: Demise on January 16, 2004 11:53 AMthanx for the encouragement guys - hmmm lemme just take a look in my trophy cabinet, am sure I acquired those "items" somewhere, if not then I expect that I could find some in the old war relics that my ancestors got from WW2, Napoleonic era etc ;-) #25 - Posted by: Alex on January 16, 2004 03:19 PMLara I also live in MD. Don't you dare try to take my Nuke the Moon Shirt, as I will protect it with my life. #26 - Posted by: Shockwave on January 16, 2004 05:10 PMhey alex in the uk... if you're really going to come to the good ol' US of A, then you should look into ROTC- that way you can fight AND go to school. it's what i'm doing, and it kicks ass. i write for the patriot (the only conservative publication at berkeley, go read it- calpatriot.org)and then fight off the liberal hippies in my spare time. i'd like to think i'm making the most of my time- annihilating the infidels,both mentally and physically. but good luck no matter what you choose! #27 - Posted by: female soldier at UC BErkeley! on January 17, 2004 12:01 AMDemise, I wonder who'se crazy ? Banzaï was the Japanese warrior word to kill Americans. I know that there is a lot of fantasy on Imao to mix up all kind of people enemies and friends to turn it up into a very specific kind of fun, but still, you must be short minded to defend America with a bonzaÏ. As for your "go to hell" ralliement cry, I have not been asked yet by Frank to leave up. In fact, I am here for the revenche you all devils, and the revenche is to... Leave IMAO with the French. #28 - Posted by: Titi McGluck on January 17, 2004 01:07 AMTiti McGluck: Apparently you don't understand subtle forms of humor. I was saying that in order to get into the country, he would need to find a frog with testicular fortitude(not going to happen) and a Kraut with a spine(also very unlikely). Let me tell an easier joke for you. How many french soldiers does it take to defend paris. Well, as soon as it happens, I'll let you know. #29 - Posted by: Morphius Kane on January 18, 2004 07:22 PMAhhh, Shockwave, you underestimate how badly my husband desires said shirt....if I saw said shirt, your life could possibly be forfeit. However, since I rarely venture outside my established zone in MD (beltway traffic just isn't worth it very often), your shirt and life could be safe. #30 - Posted by: Lara on January 19, 2004 09:10 AMYou're not serious, right? this is a big joke, right? #31 - Posted by: Grantly on September 13, 2004 01:13 AMHe does not seem to me to be a free man who does not sometimes do nothing. FDA get and of now vitamins. night approved. Propecia Order free http://www.propecia-i.com of The Pfizer 30 buy The Ortho-McNeil largest AstraZeneca over supplies days Bayer largest without Merck variety delivery or #33 - Posted by: Propecia on November 16, 2004 10:53 PMPost a comment
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