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Deep within the depths of his campaign headquarters, John Kerry plotted his attack with Terry McAuliffe at his side. "You sure have a lot of people working here," Terry observed, watching the everyone scurry about the cavern hideaway.

"Bah!" Kerry answered, "They are all just tasked with making my hair look important." Kerry looked in the mirror. "Not important enough! I served in Vietnam!"

Everyone ran to work on Kerry's hair. "Better," he finally uttered.

"So what do you have me here for?" Terry asked.

"I want you to witness exactly what my wife's ketchup money can buy," Kerry answered as he took out a metal case and set it on a table. He opened it, and inside was a vial of glowing, green ooze. "This is Uber-Botox. Not only will it tighten my face until I look as young as I was when I served in Vietnam, it will also give me super-strength!"

Terry looked on in horror. "You're mad! Mad, I tell you! Mad! ...which, incidentally, our polling tells us is what the average Democrat voter is looking for."

Kerry injected the fluid into his face. Immediately his haggard appearance tightened away. "I can feel the strength within me!" he shouted. "Now I will gain all the hate Bush vote by pummeling the president into submission. Muh ha ha ha!" Kerry then punched straight through a rock wall.

"Wow!" Terry exclaimed, "I wish I had super powers... I mean other than my ability to secrete slime through my skin."

* * * *

"Man, I can't believe I lost all my money to Cheney on a Super Bowl bet," Bush complained to Secret Service Agent Smith who was driving his limo. "I guess, in hindsight, I should have bet on a team who was playing in the Super Bowl... but I really like the Cowboys! You know what I mean?"

"New regulations say I'm supposed to nod quietly to whatever you say, which I am doing now," Agent Smith answered while nodding.

"When are we getting to that fundraiser? I'm bored," Bush proclaimed. He then picked up the phone. "Hey! Mom! Guess where I'm calling you from? ...That's right, a limo! ...Really, this is the 138th time I've done this? ...You there, mom? You there? ...Must have lost the connection." He dialed another number. "Hey, Iraq, you a democracy yet? ...No? Well, have you found any WMD's? ...No? Well, I'll check again in an hour. By the way, guess where I'm calling from!" Suddenly the car stopped. "What's happened?"

"There appears to be a French looking person blocking the road," Agent Smith answered.

"Well run him down!" Bush yelled, "I'm the president!"

Suddenly there was a thud on the limo's roof.

"He seems to have jumped on top of us, sir," Agent Smith said.

Then the roof was ripped open. "Ahh!" Bush screamed, "It's John Kerry, the haughty, French-looking senator from Massachusetts who - by the way - served in Vietnam and has a face filled with a genetically altered strain of botulism! Quick, Smith, do something!"

"Hey, I stay out of politics," Agent Smith said as he exited the car.

"I may be John Kerry, the haughty, French-looking senator from Massachusetts who - by the way - served in Vietnam," Kerry said as he stared down at Bush, "but you can know me as... Botoxulon!" He then grabbed Bush and threw him out of the car.

"Oh that's it," Bush said, picking himself up from the ground and producing a cowboy hat from under his suit jacket. "I'm not going to be the first ever Texan to lose a fight to someone from Taxachusetts." He then charged Kerry, landing a number of punches on his face. Kerry just stood there laughing.

"Ha! With all the Botox in it, my face is unmovable." Kerry then struck Bush, sending him flying backwards against a brick wall.

"Ow!" Bush whined as he slowly got back up. "Guess I better use some strategery." Kerry charged Bush, but Bush dodged out of the way as he took out a spray and used it on Kerry's face.

"Ha!" Kerry mocked, "You think mace will have any effect on me?"

"It's not mace," Bush answered, "It's an anti-bacterial spray. I've always carried it on me since I learned diplomacy means I sometimes have to shake hands with French people."

"My botulism!" Kerry exclaimed, clutching his face. "It's melting! It's melting! My haggard appearance is coming back! What a world! What a world!" Kerry then ran off. “I served in Vietnam!”

Bush rubbed his sore back. "Man, it's just the primaries right now," he complained, "I'm not looking forward to when it gets near the general election."

Agent Smith then walked towards him as he ate a sandwich. "Where have you been?" Bush demanded.

"I got a sandwich from the nearby deli."

"Well, did you get me one?"

"You didn't say you wanted one." Agent Smith took another bite of his sandwich.

"Well I was in a fight for my life!" Bush yelled.

Agent Smith rolled his eyes. "So I'm supposed to assume that every time you're in a life and death battle, you want a sandwich?"

Bush thought about that for a moment. "Yes," he finally answered, "and on white bread."

Agent Smith grumbled as he pulled out a notepad. "I didn't sign up for this."

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