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February 13, 2004
Frank Answers: Netflix, Anti-Drugs, Free Palestine, Those Wacky Canucks, and Martian Water
Posted by Frank J. at 08:10 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (25)

Scott from The Frozen Tundra Of Minnesota asks:
If I actually remembered to sign up with Netflix through your site (thus netting you $9 and contributing to your plan to make a bajillion dollars), do I get an honorable mention in an "In My World" piece?

Why would you need any other prize that the many great DVD's you'll receive through the mail now that you're a Netflix member. I know I sure enjoy it... or at least I did when my widescreen TV was working. I better get it back today as I have Pirates of the Caribbean, Underworld, and Once a Time in Mexico waiting.

Oh, and everyone else sign up through my button for Netflix too so I get more money and you get movies. Everyone wins.

Brandon G. from Bramble, IN writes:
Help. I’ve been seeing commercials for “Parents: The Anti-Drug.” All well and good, but I’ve seen commercials for “Responsibility: The Anti-Drug.” I went to anti-drug.com in hopes of gleaning once and for all what the anti-drug of choice is, but instead, I also found “Volunteerism: The Anti-Drug,” “Talking To Your Daughter: The Anti-Drug” and “Reality: The Anti-Drug.”

Frank, I’m so confused now. With so many anti-drugs on the market, how will I know which one’s right for me?

The idea is that you need to find your own anti-drug by constantly experimenting with all sorts of different anti-drugs to see which one gives you the best anti-high.

My anti-drug is booze, BTW.

Lou Windsor asks:
When will all the Hippies die?

When we kill them, Lou. When we kill them.

Alex from Ye Olde England from:
Frank - thanks for your advice on joining the military reserve. My next question is this: I sometimes see people waving signs saying "Free Palestine!"...but where do I get my free Palestine? Does it come in a Happy Meal or something? I would ask but the people waving the signs smell funny.

Ever come to think why they're giving it away? It's because it's full of murderous Palestinians, blowing themselves up and others. Hell, I'd bet some would pay you take their Palestine off their hands. Frankly, I'd just stick to trying free cheese samples as the supermarket.

Jona G. from Higley, AZ writes:
Frank, Drudge Report just had a news article stating that only 15% of Canadians would vote for George Bush. I'm at a loss as to why this is even newsworthy. Isn't that like saying that only 15% of Mexicans would vote for Vladimir Putin? I mean, who cares? And who is this moron polling Canadians on something they will never be able to do? And why are these Canadians dumb enough to respond to these "fantasy vote" questions? I'm perplexed.

Well, Canadians are quite dumb; that's why they're not Americans. To be the most kick ass country around, we have to be a little discriminating about who can be our citizens. Now, the Canadians are upset that most Americans don't even know where they are, so they do stuff like this to say, "Hey! Pay attention to us, eh!" Don't fall for it.

If someone asks you what's up north, tell them Maine. If they ask you what's further north than that, just say barren wasteland in which no man can survive and not be inconsequential.

Mark from Olympia, Washington asks:
1. How many rocks would the Mars explorers have to photograph to justify
spending 800 million bucks on the mission?

2. If the explorers discover there was once water on Mars, what should
we do next?

1. 47

2. We should steal all the water from the Martian people despite all the hippy protests of "No Green Ooze for Water".

* * * *

Please keep the questions coming (I would especially like more science and math questions), e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

Rating: 2.2/5 (24 votes cast)

Frank Answers
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