"I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this subject... but no foreigners please. You people have enough problems as it is, and I don't want to add to them by giving any of you of swelled ego by making you think your viewpoints matter to us Americans. Have fun in your "countries"."

Hey, I resent that!

Then again, you don't care if I'm upset about it or not. Oh well...

ROFL!! Er..well... believe it or not, as a foreigner I have to agree. Not only we're not american, we even have FRANCE itself as a neighbour. Now ask why all those Italians came over in search of fortune...

We could always just annex Canadia, but do it in secret, so we could make a tax haven that the Democrats don't know about. Even if it is colder than a well-digger's ass in the Klondike --hey! the Klondike is in Canadia! -- most of the time, I could stand to live there if it were tax-free and didn't have a bunch of Democrats running around.

All the other tax havens are too hot, and have bugs. As an American, I insist on my God-given right to protest high taxes by moving to a tax haven that doesn't have coconut trees!

Oops! Only now I realize you said no foreigners thoughts on this subject...well...let me think..how about em giving an overseas call to my cousin Tony Soprano and tell him to post for me ah?! He's american, capeesh?

The Mexican Wall thing's a good start, but it would be better to extend it right round the U.S. Then stay inside it. For ever. Obviously there are thousands of U.S. citizens currently helping us here "offshore" - it'd be a wrench, but we'd be willing to let them go back home before you pulled up the drawbridge.

Great piece. Being born in Detroit, the only place where you can go south to Canada, I know what you mean. However, why confine yourself to NA. Let's bash Europe too. We built the Silverdome in 1975, replaced it with Ford Field now. In Europe, my first reaction was "Why don't they tear this down and build something nice?"

Stunningly well crafted, Frank. You made your points and reinforced them with facts. It was also humorous in points. Good job.

My girlfriend is Canadian and she mocks Canada, too. She bashes Quebec, Anne of Green Gables, and The Great Big Sea..granted you don't even care about those things as they are Canadian :)

It's "Great Big Sea" not "The Great Big Sea" you stupid American.

I guess with the constant threat of Chicago across my border, I never gave much thought to those other countries. Thanks for the wake up call, Frank.
Now, how can I be more sympathetic to these other countries and make money on the deal...

I have been hating Canada since before it was cool. It does have one redeaming aspect to it. It does have the nicest strip clubs that I have been in.

aw, come on guys, Canada has made some great contributions to the world: for example, Candaian bacon and uh...er...well, hummm. Anyway, if they want to try out a "multi-polar" set up, I say let's give it a try: let Canada go to Haiti and restore peace while we sit back and criticize.

What can I say Frank ... a well-written piece (unlike usual) =P. Keep up the good work!

Jane - Great idea, I think we should try that with a bunch of EU contries in say, africa too.

Did you know that in Canada they refer to canadian bacon as "bacon". What's with that?

I'm part mexican and part german.....I can speak angry-spanish.

According to Tacitus, Canadians are more scared of oranges than of hand grenades.

I have concluded after many years of researching canadian behavior from south park, canadians enjoy to fart...AND laugh about it. Absolutely Ubsurd! Frank how about a "know thy enemy: Canadians?" Let's face it, we can't achieve anything worthwhile through peace and diplomacy. It's as my 'ol pappy used to say "Nothing worth having ever came without killing a commie."

enjoy to fart? enjoy farting?

Canada has some good comedians. Of course, they all live in the US now. Also, Captain Kirk was from Canada! Of course, he lives in the US now. So I guess Canada has just losers left now. Never mind.

"And then a great number of them are French speaking. FRENCH SPEAKING! Of all the cultures in the world to try and emulate, they chose the cheese-eating surrender monkeys. That's almost a cry for help, as stark a sign of mental health problems as someone who likes to cut himself with a razor blade."

As an American who's lived in Canada for 7 years, I've gotten to see the other side of things a bit. Yep, when a sock puppet puts your knickers in a twist, you've got a whopper of an insecurity problem (and the PC machine up here is smothering).

Sorry, I haven't found many ideas of how to help them move past it... It seems to help a little when I draw the analogy that most of us know as much about Nebraska as we know about Canada. It's a proximity thing. People who live in Buffalo or Detroit (or anywhere close to the border) are pretty familiar with Canada. It's just that at least 90% of THEM live within 100 miles of the US border. And not acting like their stereo type of an American (and not telling them up front) helps too...

I'd watch out, Frank - if you're ever in the Hague*, **, you might end up in jail for international hate crimes.

[*] You are probably saying "I'd never visit the Hague." However, as you pointed out, no one is sure where the Hague is. If you're unlucky, it might turn out to be a New York taxicab or a cruise ship or someplace where a decent American might go and still meet foreigners.

[**] Even worse, if we ever elect a democractic president, I'm fairly sure that the first thing she will do is sign a treaty agreeing to extradite hate-bloggers to the Hague. (The treaty will have to come with directions so that the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Fatty Foods, and Blogs (BATFFB) can find it once they've got you).

"It's "Great Big Sea" not "The Great Big Sea" you stupid American."

Dosen't change the fact that they still suck.

I think if we let all the good commie-hating people from other countries immigrate to america legally, then we can stop worrying about trying to make other countries better. All the good people will be here and then we can just nuke all the commies who are left.

-clink-

Am playing Randy Newman's "Political Science" as we speak (have flicked the "disable irony" switch on the stereo as a precaution.) "Boom goes London, boom Paree......)

How sweet of you to have dared little seriousness.

Amphi,
I'm a sweet guy.

I am compassionate conservatism.

Say...shell may be on to something there....

Frank, Canadians eat beaver.

MonkeyPants
Imperial Fount of Useless Knowledge

I think China tried that big wall thing a while back. Far as I know it didn't work very well for them. Even today, foreigners come from all over just to look at it.

Frank, you need to be serious to be a sweet guy, which only happens... quite never.
This is the exception to the rule anyway.

I have deleted the ban of your IP on my blog, which only was meant to say that also if I am hosted in America, and even if I am in France, there are some opinions that are not allowed on some areas of the American territory. We are only what we ought to be, aren't we ?

Aww...Frank...do we really have to give them our sympathy and pity? Ridiculing them is so much more fun. How 'bout we make a deal? We'll give them sympathy AND pity AFTER we mock and ridicule them. It's a sensible solution that will make us feel good about being...well... us...and will make them feel good about being well...our inferiors. EVERYBODY WINS!!! YAY!!!

P.S. I say we practice on Amphitryon first.

Why not Pam? She makes such an easy target, just like the French.

Pam, it has already been practiced on me.

But what about you. Maybe there are some Americans who would have to talk about you. Personnaly, I know other kind of fun that really make me laugh, but if you suggest that mocking is funny, lets have a play round... Pam is the subject.

I, unlike some people, have a respect for Frank's comment section, therefore, I find throwing trash around on a continual basis rude and disrespectful. Now toddle off like a good foreigner and go play in your own sandbox.

I thought Amphitryon said when she was in Paris she told all the French men she would only marry an American, and that she supported the war in Iraq.

Annoying the French gets more bonus points than annoying the Canadians in my book.

Hey, thanks for this Frank!

I had completely forgotten that Canada exists. Hell, I forgot Canada existed when South Park went out of style. Boy. Terrence & Phillip.. those are some crazy guys, huh?

Oh.. and I wanted to join forces with Jason because I, too, have been hating Canada since.. err.. I was born. I'm glad it finally became "cool" because nobody else was quite sure what I was talkin' about. I hate those stupid little hats with the flaps on them. Maple Syrup Suckin' Fuzzy Hat Wearin... Nevermind.

*thinks about Mexico for a minute*

Mmm. Nachos.

...hey Frank...

That was very educational. I always thought that Canada was the capital of Utah and that the North pole was the only thing above us. Now I find out there is a whole country above us. WoW! For your educational endeavors you should have a spot on PBS! I would watch everyday. "Frank's World" or "In My World" would be a great name for the show. But until then, you need to more fully describe the country above us. Let us know more about these aboriginese known as Canadians. Questions like [What do they eat?...Where is their native habitat?...Do they where clothes?] float quickly to the surface.

Please Frank...tell us more.

Jane, I am not sure of that you know. I have never hated America worst than coming on IMAO. The point is that if I had planed to migrate, lastly, I feel that I am not living so bad in France and actually, if the government would change, I think I would even finish my work in France rather than getting mad with mockeries, insults, superiority and so ever.

Jane, even love knows its limits, so how can you expect getting a point with hate.

And you know, I can marry an American in France. I only have to convince him to come live with me in France, which is not quite so hard. Which even is the most probable story, because America is not interested in my work. I have not yet tried about France, but I have plenty of time in front of me. It's just a matter of decision, and faith with little help of God, lastly will decide of where to be.

Anyway, I would only marry an American and I have swore so I cannot change. Maybe I should have never swore. The problem might be there I guess.

...hey guys...

For those who pick at their nose and at my words. The "...where clothes?" is obviously a typo and should be wear clothes.

Anti democrat Patriot, if you consider that all maps are up side down and that the Chinese were right by having the North in our South and the South in our North, then it is absolutely normal that America is upon them.

Take a map, look at it, and ask yourself if the Universe has a sense, which would mean that there would have a gravity not of the kind of the Earth gravity but of the gases, with the light up and the heavy down. Then you'll see why America and Africa have all the same shape, why the continents are moving to the "North", and so on.

The Ancients had wisdom.

The Ancients had wisdom.

Said by the "oldest woman on the web": where art and technology meet and when they don't,
humor steps in to do the job.

But the ancients have died, and now Frank holds that wisdom.

The Ancients had wisdom.

They died.

Frank has the wisdom.

;)

I'll bet there are more Canadians that hate Canada, than Americans that hate Canada. Just look at the governments we keep electing. Only a nation that truly hates itself can do keep doing that.

Sarah G., I must admit that Frank J. surpasses me into wisdom.

Excellent, Frank. Best post of the month!

For international readers, this isn't really directed at you, but you can read it anyway or just play in your squalor.

And what do American do for summer, where do they send their children ?

To the International Work Camp.

From the CIA world facts book, if you look at the demography of America, the rate of death for young American men is among the highest in the world.

Causes: road accidents, weapons, drugs, wars.

At birth, as every other countries in the world, the average is more boys for less girls. The average comes to 1:1 after 25. It is what is called the natural selection, but when you're a mother controlling the birth should be most an option.

I hear they have their own currency and system of government. That's cute.

I wish I could speak angry-spanish...

CERDIP,
I doubt Americans have strong feelings about Canada one way or another... if they even think of them at all. And why would we care if ants hate us? How does that affect anything other than the ant?

That means Frank that Americans have feelings about France, and that if they hate that much the French, better is this than ignorance. So in fact, if the American people so hate the French, it is because they wonder why the French don't love them. So in fact.

But do the French really hate the Americans ? Don't they just have sort an ignorance, to which the proper answer would be ignorance also. Well American cannot be ignorant, but they can ignore... so why don't you ignore that Canadians are speaking French. Some of them are also speaking English. Those who speak French are the Québecois, not the Canadians and the Québecois are the American French. You should not be so bothered.

This reminds me of something one of my friends said.

"The difference between Americans and Canadians is that Americans fought for and won their freedom. The Canadians were informed of theirs."

It's no wonder the Canadians feel so jealous of us. The Brits basically got tired of ruling them and told them to toddle off and do it themselves.

Remember the National Lampoon and it's "I Hate Foreigners Issue" from the 70's? I remember what they wrote about Canadians. It went something like this: "Like regular white people but more boring.....their only interesting trait is that they have trained Frenchmen to play hockey, which is more than any European has ever done."

Oh yeah, I love hokey. The first time I had a breaking voice during a match was on a hokey competition. We won.

Rugby is fine also. Where is that from ?

Personally, I prefer to play rugby. The sprit of the team, running with the balloon, the right to fight and to punch is the face. That is real sport. Soccers are green dancers compare to rugby. It's Barbie with a purse and a balloon.

Which is the reason why the Brits hired Cantona !!!!

I love Canada and am glad they are our neighbor. For the entire history of the Cold War, they served as our first line of defense and warning of a potential Soviet invasion. Now, Canada will serve as a key element in our Star Wars defense system. If that system is ever put to use, the resulting debris will likely fall on Canada.

Another thing I love about Canada is hockey. It is the only sport on the planet that is totally dominated by white guys. Without Canada and hockey, our self esteem would be below the radar.

I love Mexico mucho mas. They have that drink that makes you crazy, great food, warm beaches and television shows that makes Hollywood look intelligent. The Mexican people make a lot of fun out of nothing and do not get stressed out by the little $hit. Any American who does not love Mexico and the Mexican people is not an American. I'm talking true love and respect, not the condecending pity for "peoples of colour" dished out by euro-lite city trolls.

Of course, we are all Norte Americanos, even the Canadians and the Mexicans. One big happy family.

Cheers to that, Horst

hi-f*cking-larious!

(because it's so true)

but you have to admit the Canucks are better at ice hockey, and the 'Cans have better Mescal.

Hey Frank, don't be so down on Canada, it's one of the only English speaking countries (well, most of it) where your spelling passes muster mister. It's all aboot u!

BTW, thanks for the link to the Carnival.

But I like Canadadadad it has the Red Green show, and bacon, and beer, and young drinking laws. Could we just annex it.

In complete and total honesty, if we walled off the south and took over the north, who would try to stop us?

The UN?

Sure.

The ice-coons and taco-breaths should count their blessings that we here in the US are so kind and benevolent.

Amphitryon,

Consider that the country Frank makes fun of the most is America and the country he loves the most is America. Now consider that the country he makes fun of the second most is France.... Oh Frank, that's sick!

Yours,
Wince

Stupid people make me laugh

Frank is half American, a quarter Irish, a quarter Italian, and frankly wearing a very embarassing name.

By the way Frank, you have the same name as Bond's father. I did not know that. How why you never said a word about this ?

English Canada was founded by American refugees who left the United States because they weren't happy with the outcome of the Revolution.

When Lord John Graves Simcoe founded Toronto he said he was creating a New America.

So, the hope of Canada from the start was to present itself as a better version of the country its founders had rejected.

I read of there being a country on our northern border. One day I had little to do so I decided to drive up and see. I found Oklahoma. Is that what you're talking about?

Amphi,
I'm half Irish, a quarter Italian, an eigth English, an eigth German, and all American.

And Bond is cool!

German, those invadors who have tried to invade France ?

So you're at the West, at the East and at the South of France... Maybe that is what makes you all American.

You know, on etime I was at a video store and with my change I recieved a Canadian penny.

"I don't want your garbage!" I shouted, and threw the penny across the store.

They made me go pick it up.

Frank:
every time i think i have figured out what amphitryon is trying to say, she does another post that is so nonsensical i have to start all over again. WTF! if only she spoke texan. then it would all be clear to me.
great article, by the way. and so true.

oh, crap, am i considered a foreigner because i live in Texas? mmmm! frijoles and fajitas are just minutes away!

Frank,

If you keep jabbering about the ants and how insignificant they are, they're eventually gonna notice that you're having a picnic. You know what that means...

After reading this post again, I just noticed that you asked that we, the foreigners, have fun in our countries. Is that a polite way to ask that we don't read you any more ?

Amphi,
Do I ever write anything where I'm not joking?

I love all my readers.

No, it was just to see if you would answer.

Frank and Amphi... sitting in a tree...

F-R-E-E-D-O-M K-I-S-S-I-N-G ...

Childish ... yes... but I had to... Impulsive I am

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20040218/tv_nm/leisure_obrien_dc_4

O'Brien's a pimp.

Hey, don't tell anybody, but I think British Columbia is really nice.

Yeah, I'm a Canadian and I totally agree with you. These arseholes all around me are constantly mocking Americans. I can't understand it. You guys rock.

Djhii, it's not kind of you to write such childish silliness.

I went to Niagra Falls, Ontario for my honeymoon. It was pretty cool.

And did you nuke it ?... I mean, the moon.

I'm a Canadian, and while I used to constantly mock the US, I've since passed my 12th birthday and learned some things. "Free" "healthcare" is crap, all the decent Canadians have headed south for a reason, and Quebec is silly(well, I always knew that, France West gets made fun of more here than in the US, but it's still worth repeating). Really, we all like to believe that Canada is better(cause you Americans are all dumb hicks with shotguns and pickups - too dumb to even realize that a government bureaucracy between you and your healthcare leads to efficency!), but anyone honest(i.e., to the right of the Democrats) knows it's not true. Unfortunately, there aren't many of us left.

As someone who lived in Canada for many years (now in the States, Thank God!), I can vouch for their excellent sense of humor, and excellent humorists (plenty of whom now practice in the States).

What struck me about the Triump incident (I love Triumph) is that the PC Thought Police that now runs Canada is robbing them even of their sense of humor. It's a shame. Poor, poor Canadians... They were once a pretty nice people. And then came Trudeau, PC and the "multiculturalist" religion, and the social engineers who decreed and executed the transformation of the country into the PC Gulag that it has become.

This essay is filled with bracing insights about American's position in the world and should be read by every educated American interesting in understanding how our hegemony affects other countries, especially our closest neighbors....

Here's a pretty good article on the Triumph fray.

http://www.nationalreview.com/frum/diary021704.asp

I'm an American citizen who lives in Canada and would have gone totally bonkers long ago if not for bloggers.

Although most Canadians retained their senses of humour during the whole dog puppet affair, the sanctimonious outrage exhibited by this country's leadership and media was just their typical, everyday behaviour. They reference everything that happens in Canada in terms of their superiority over Americans; they are obsessed with us. It is truly sick.

Frank, could you pretty please with sugar on top send Chomps up here for a visit? Let them get a taste of a real American dog?

Er, I guess Chomps would do all the tasting. Whatever.

very good points frank, soccer, canada(ians), and french all suck without a doubt. we should help them from the ball kicking ways

Hey, I sorta liked part of canada. Montreal needs to be nuked (probably a better place to nuke than the moon if you think about it). Ottawa rocked. I've never felt more home when away. I got mooned on the train ride, there was a fellow that drove his tractor into town for clubbing, and the amount of broken grammer made me feel right at home as if I was in East Tennessee (I actually did like Ottawa, nice and hilly also, and really hated montreal). If it wasn't for taxes and the stupid french quater ruling the govt I would consider it as a second place to live if the liberals gained full control of our govt and turned it over the the french (notice the lack of capitalisation on "french", I think france and it's derivitaves should officially be lower case)

The worst part, and this was every where, thier coin money was so worthless that the metal it was made out of was attracted to magnents. Nothing like taking out my rare earth magnets to get people to try and pry the halves apart only to find a wad of change stuck to it. If there money was better than monopoly money it might be useful that thier two dollar coins (which I always refered to as "p'two-ies", you could quickly get rid of frowns by giving american money for tips) are attracted to magnets.

Canada's contribution:

TIM HORTON'S

Good doughnuts, good coffee. Coffee is so hot that they don't worry about being sued if you spill it on your lap in the car. Dump a cup of Tim's on your lap and you'll just kill yourself instead. Nice scenery here and there and the folks out west are OK, but good doughnuts are the key.

Ahhh...where's Pat Buchanon when you REALLY need his 'America First' policy?

Thanks to all the supportive Canadians. You're all welcome in American any time.

I know that secretly you value the advice you get from Europe. Just a few things that occurred to me during a dull telephone call. (With Canadians, strangely enough.)

1) There's no such word as "snuck". (If you're going to get creative with the past tense of words that rhyme with "wreak", then it should be "snought", you buffoons.)
2) Say "the 11th of September". A "911" is a Porsche.
3) As you're probably going to kill us all,at least learn how to say "nuclear". I't's just embarrassing to be immolated by somebody who can't even pronounce his own ordnance.
4) If people hate you and want to kill you, why not try to figure out what it is you're doing that pisses them off, and uh, stop doing it.
5) Of course we're grateful for your winning WW2 for us(although didn't we have to pay you?),but I think you'll find that was ages ago - consider yourselves thanked.
6) Try and use knives as well as forks, rather than doing the chimp-pointy-stick thing.
7) If one more Canadian uses the phrase "low - hanging fruit" to describe business opportunities I'll end up on your side, you dolts.

Bugbear -

Good list, except for number 4:

Why should we change, when we can just blow stuff up? People who are being blown up don't sit around and get angry and talk about root causes, so problem solved! Duh! This is America! We're all about the easy. Oh, and blowing stuff up. God, I love this country.

Good point. I always get caught by that one.

Amphi,

The game of rugby is from Rugby.

I almost pissed all over myself when I read "I hear they have their own currency and system of government. That's cute."

too. funny.

Tom Horton's> Now owned by Wendy's. My Newfie girlfriend was a bit upset over that...an icon of Canada being owned by an American corporation. Granted Seagrams is still Canadian (I think) and Canada invented Hooters...and fro some odd reason my dear Karen loves to make jokes about Anne of Green Gables establishing Hooters in Prince Edward Island. She and her dad also oved Triumph the Insult Dog, and enjoy mocking Quebec.

I'll be in Montreal this summer and I'll probably be comparing it to my native New Orleans.

Bugbear:
What the hell are you talking about? Bush pronounces nuclur exactly right. Come on down to Texas and see for yourself.
As for figuring out what we are doing that pisses people off, and then stopping doing what pisses people off, the people who want to kill us are pissed because we allow women equal rights, have religious freedom, drink alcohol, and just generally kick ass. We ain't stopping any of those things!
Instead, what we might stop doing is restraining ourselves from dropping some nuclurs all over the people who are trying to kill us. If some of them are hiding near you, might be a good time to visit the U.S.

Mikey, repeat after me:

Bugbear: "New"
Mikey: "Noo."
Bugbear:"Close enough. Now try "Clear"."
Mikey: "Clear".
Bugbear: "Now put them together, Mikey."
Mikey: "Noocyular"
Bugbear: "Well, Mikey, I'm afraid I'm going to have to hit you in the face with a cricket bat. Crumpets, anyone?" (Skips off like that nancy-boy from Brideshead Revisited. The tall one.)

Maybe I should visit the U.S. Just don't make me go to Buffalo.

It doesn't matter how you pronounce it. No matter, because it will still kill you and cause 3-headed livestock for years and years to come.

I would say we should drop a nuke on Canada, but I have friends that I'd like to keep in Rochester, NY.

Hey, I just happen to be a Canadian. And I just thought I'd let you know a couple of things...
First of all, Americans, whether you like to admit it are dumb. I'm sorry, That's just the way it is. We don't care if you know about our country, in fact, what little you do know is quite comical to us. Did you know that we don't have to pay for health care? And the lack of unregistered weapons makes less of us getting killed or injured anyways. Plus...
Have you ever seen a Canadian redneck? NO.
But if you travel through any of the southern states you will find many a trailer park FILLED with cousin-banging alcoholics on welfare. WOW! don't we all want to be Americans now? I will admit we did choose a bad place to live, in the cold. But personally, I don't mind the cold. In fact, I am an avid snowboarder. By the way YOUR BEER SUCKS!!!!!! why do you ask for ID proving I am 21 just to drink some water? I don't get it!!!! Plus, what's up with the whole being 21 to drink anyways? At least here it's 19, 18 in some places. And as far as the money goes... I can guarantee you that you have at somepoint or another given the wrong bill as a tip or gotten the wrong change for something and didn't even notice! Well, that's never happened to me!

Static, you're an embarrassment to me. Here am I. trying to use my old British superiority thing to try and show these colonials up as the drooling sister-fucking rednecks they are, and you try and make a point, for fuck's sake.

Get outa here, Canuck.

Static... um.. you pay taxes right? well, that's what pays for your healthcare... so, you do pay for health care... and you call us stupid, right... that makes sense.

Dude, you want good beer? Go to Germany. Canada ain't got it neither.

We gave you basketball. And Hockey. And we even helped invent modern day football as you know it.

"Have you ever seen a Canadian redneck? NO.
But if you travel through any of the southern states you will find many a trailer park FILLED with cousin-banging alcoholics on welfare."

Um golly gee, you obviously ain't been out Wolfiville Nova Scotia way where up in the hills are them there just the other side of the town are them there rednecks, on welfare, who do that thing with cousins. And elsewhere. Like them really odd small towns. We gots 'em too.

Canadian Fact:

Candian football DOES have 4 downs. They just punt on the 3rd to make sure.

That was another Canadian Fact!

Here comes the indignation.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY CANADA IS BETTER THAN THE UNITED STATES:

10. Our primary motivation in international politics is peace keeping, not war mongering.
9. We have a bigger and more beautiful country to explore at our leisure - no need to drive for hours to enjoy the country.
8. The poorest citizen enjoys the same basic health care as the wealthiest.
7. Our cold winters make the summers that much more enjoyable - the sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter.
6. When we travel abroad we don't have to worry about getting lynched.
5. I can get into a barfight with another drunk and not have to worry about getting shot dead.
4. There is an underlying faith that our government is in general looking out for our best interests, and not to line their own oil soaked pockets.
3. We keep our dicks and bushes in the bedroom, not in the capital.
2. There is something in the water up here that makes the women just plain hotter.
1. Our beer is of a higher quality, in both taste and alcoholic content.

Actually, as anyone that has ever studied the history of the English language will know, "snuck" and "sneaked" are both perfectly valid words. It just depends which kind of verb you believe "to sneak" is -- is it a strong verb like sing/sung and hang/hung, or a weak verb like walk/walked? In Old and Middle English, it didn't really matter: choosing how to conjugate the verb was up to the speaker's preference. For example, the past subjunctive of the verb "to be able to" could be either "meahte" or "mihte" depending on considerations such as meter and rhyme, or whichever one the author felt like using that particular day...

And Canadians can criticize Americans for saying "nukuler" when they can say it with a flawless Latin accent. Which may be difficult, as no one really knows how Latin was pronounced any more. But at any rate, English-speaking peoples from all over the world have a habit of borrowing words (and, in this case, roots) from other languages and proceeding to mangle them beyond recognition. I have yet to hear a single native English speaker say "kamikaze" right without first taking Japanese lessons.

If I might translate:

TOP TEN REASONS WHY CANADA IS BETTER THAN THE UNITED STATES:

10. Our primary motivation in international politics is peace keeping, not war mongering.

Because Canada pretty much has no military any more - Canadian peace keeping is a matter of capability, not inclination.

9. We have a bigger and more beautiful country to explore at our leisure - no need to drive for hours to enjoy the country.

Too bad most of it's a frozen wasteland.

8. The poorest citizen enjoys the same basic health care as the wealthiest.

Yep, rich or poor, everyone enjoys the same crappy standard of health care.

7. Our cold winters make the summers that much more enjoyable - the sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter.

The summer really is that much more enjoyable - all 5 days of it.

6. When we travel abroad we don't have to worry about getting lynched.

Actually, we do worry about getting lynched. Thank God we have those giant Canadian patches to stick on everything, so no one confuses us with the Canadians.

5. I can get into a barfight with another drunk and not have to worry about getting shot dead.

Because, what with the projected 2 billion dollar cost of the new gun registry, who can afford one?

4. There is an underlying faith that our government is in general looking out for our best interests, and not to line their own oil soaked pockets.

*cough* sponsorship scandal *cough* And it's a good thing Jean Chretien looked out for our interests by signing on to the Kyoto treaty, carving out an exception for Ontario automakers, and screwing the Alberta oilsands people.

3. We keep our dicks and bushes in the bedroom, not in the capital.

Let's hear it for the de facto one party state!

2. There is something in the water up here that makes the women just plain hotter.

Yep, just ask the good folks in Walkerton about what's in the water.

1. Our beer is of a higher quality, in both taste and alcoholic content.

That's probably true.

(relax, it's a joke! well, most of it, anyway.)

Canada? Oh yea, that B.C. Bud is great s**t!

I think that Canadians should take back everything they ever gave us, such as hockey, but thats not really a gift it more like a curse.

They should also take back thier beer, if thats what you want to call it. It even took up space on the superbowlcommercials.

Yeah, it took up space on the SuperBowl commercials, and it actually gets u drunk!!!

what part of mexico have you been to you have probably only been to tiajuana it's the worse part of Mexico and everybody seems to think the rest of Mexico is like that (mendigos)anyway I have decieded to do my senior year in high school in my great grandfathers town www.gomanznillo.com and in my text book it says "the United States is becoming startlingly more Socialist every year" keep in mind that of the 30 something industrialised nations Mexico is the only one more right wing than the U.S. with that said why don't the two congresses just decied to make Mexico part of the U.S. p.s. only 5 out of every 1000 people in Mexico leave every year http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/geos/mx.html#People that number is actually lower than the death rate in the U.S. so yeah THEERERRRRRRR all leaveing I.E. Get a clue

Nice site.

Why dont you try wearing your american flag outside your country. I can proudly wear my canadian flag whereever I go. So do alot of Americans who try to immitate canadians in fear of getting their heads blown off. Do you actually understand how uneducated and stupid you all sound.
I liked the little picture that was painted in the original post describing Canada as a two bedroom house, and Mexico as a shack. Now, let me paint one for you:
Imagine a street with a bunch of houses, not just three. In fact there were hundreds. Some are smaller than others, some are big and nice. But everyone who lives in all those houses are Happy, enjoy life, are all friends, have get togethers on a regular basis and can travel to one anothers houses safely. But there's this one big house way way down the street with fences and guards where a family of rich people live its not really that nice looking, just big. The family that lives there are very sheltered and hardly ever leave their house. Their lives revolve around scandals, conspiracies, staying in, watching T.v., stuffing their fat asses with fried chicken and "Freedom" fries(lol) and peeping throught he blinds to make sure no one is plotting against them. This family used to be more respected and liked on the street, but lately they have gone mad! They are more arrogant than ever and think the other houses want to be like them , when in reality, the rest of the street is still living their normal great lives with their doors left unlocked (that is, except for the two bedroom bungalo that was broken into by people from the rich house). Occasionally the residents of "world street" will take a look down the street and have a chuckle at the sad rich folks with all there toys that they have to play with all by themselves. They no longer have a reality, and in fact reality is so far away that it has to be played out on T.V.!
This is the real street americans and your reality in the world.
Remember chumps, the only ones who admire your country, are the people from it. No one else gives a fuck!! Loser. Keep admiring yourselfs "eh"! By the way no one really says that here. Its the same as me making the stereotype americans all say "howdy y'all". And by the way, baseball gotta be the most godawful boring sport in history! Only in the U.S. can a fat out of shape, tabacoo spittin yokeall standing in the one place for an hour straight be called an athlete.

I'd like to note a few similarities between the U.S. and Canada
1/The liberal press
2/The Liberal Academia
3/The Liberal Politicians
The Liberal(Canadians) love the Democrats and hate Americans when a Republican is President.The Democrats(USA) hate America when a Republican is President( and hate America when a Democrat is President)Enter United Nations.Although most Conservative Canadians feel a deep kinship with the USA, They are seldom in power to do anything about it. With regrets I conclude that even our conservatives have no idea how to be conservative. Please have pity on us Canadians and send us Rush Limbaugh.

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