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February 24, 2004
Bite-Sized Wisdom: More Primary, Crazy Kerry, Wacky Nader, Jesus, King of the Hill, NEA Terrorists, and Support Democracy
* I'm tired of the Democrat primary again. Just pick your joker and get it on... and make it Kerry. It was unfair to float Dean out there as a target and then pull him away, and now I'm all excited to see the piranhas have a go at Lurch. As for the pretty-boy trial lawyer, why don't he aim for something smaller like a guest spot on The Practice. * Do you hear how Kerry wants to debate Bush about Vietnam because Kerry says that Bush is the one who has been bringing it up for political gain? Little tip, Kerry: the Botox injections go in the muscles of the face, not directly into the brain. * Nader is such a joke, but I hope a good number of idiot hippies take him seriously to help tip the odds in Bush's favor. I just can't get past the way he says "corporations". He very slowly and meticulously enunciates it (kor-por-ay-shuns), and keeps acting like there is nothing worse in the world and that he can't understand that some people may actually like corporations. Anyway, he'll never make it anywhere unless he gets some corporate money. * So what's happening with the Iraq democracy? Details like that aren't as interesting as war, so I haven't been paying much attention. To help, we could donate some Democrats to the Iraqis for them to either vote for, get advice from, or bury in pits. Whatever they want. * Mel Gibson's move about Jesus is coming out this Wednesday. I plan on seeing it, and it's already got me thinking about theological issues. One is was Jesus technically Jewish or Christian? To be Christian, you have to worship Christ, and that just sounds way too narcissistic for Jesus. * Speaking of learning from movies, I found out from The Last Castle that flying your flag upside down means you are in distress. That means Japan could be in distress right now and no one would ever know! * Anyone see King of the Hill Sunday? It was all about Hank taking his son on a camping trip to teach him self-reliance, but then the campsite gets invaded by hippies. He eventually gets rid of the hippies by cutting off park services then telling them how they'll still be able to continue camping, but it will take some "hard work". Next scene, all the hippies are fleeing, and one calls Hank the epithet "Rumsfeld". It's nice to know there are some shows out there with good values. * Education Secretary Rod Paige called the National Education Association a terrorist organization. The NEA says they were only bluffing about killing America's children unless their union demands are met. * So Al Qaeda is now speaking out against France because of their scarf ban. This has caused France to immediately join in the desperate search for Osama so that they may surrender to him. * Bush met with the governors Monday. Man, I wish I were a governor. Then, if anyone wasn't treating me with respect, I could say, "Don't you know who I am? I know Arnold Schwarzenegger!" * In monkey news, there was a census of aggressive monkeys in northern India to see how humans and simians can live together. I think the solution is a little thing called "shotguns". * Voting in the Win Frank J.'s Funny will go on until noon today (ET). I'll then announce the winner (and losers) tomorrow morning. I did take a glance at the poll results so far, and apparently not everyone has voted for mine. Remember, you're supposed to pick the funniest list. That's funniest. 23 Responses To "Bite-Sized Wisdom: More Primary, Crazy Kerry, Wacky Nader, Jesus, King of the Hill, NEA Terrorists, and Support Democracy"
Frank: Jesus was Jewish. Japan has been in distress for the past 15 years. King of the Hill is a show with a good message; however they did present Bush as someone with a weak, wet handshake. I think they might be secretly inserting Liberal messages into the show. To hear the messages clearly you'll need a tinfoil hat. #1 - Posted by: The Meatriarchy on February 24, 2004 07:35 AMNow THAT list was funny ... #2 - Posted by: Bill on February 24, 2004 07:45 AMVery funny, Frank! I think Jesus was both Jewish and Christian, Jewish through his heritage and Christian because he actually did worship himself. It does sound a little narcissistic, but you have to remember that he did worship God, which means that he worshipped himself by proxy because of the whole three-in-one, one-in-three trinity of Christianity. Of course, that makes me wonder if todays Jews are Christians, or if their refusal to believe in one part of the trinity negates their faith entirely. Of course, both of those questions can only be put into place if there is in fact a God and if Christ is actually His Son. I think I need a drink. #3 - Posted by: Lib on February 24, 2004 08:45 AMFrank, don't you think monkeys are dangerous enough without shotguns? Come on, show some sense. #4 - Posted by: LibertyBob on February 24, 2004 09:03 AMJesus was a Zen Buddhist. How do you think he walked on the water without leaving footprints? #5 - Posted by: TC-LeatherPenguin on February 24, 2004 09:31 AMIt was so unfair of that hippie to call Hank "Rumsfeld." I mean, it is not as if Hank has murdered hundreds of them. #6 - Posted by: Sorge on February 24, 2004 09:56 AMTurns out Jesus was an Arapaho. Kennowick Man was one of the unlisted apostles. Now I'm worried. And a good, tuned .22-250 is better for monkeys. Harder to hit but you get a much bigger splash when you connect. #7 - Posted by: Richard McEnroe on February 24, 2004 10:13 AM"flying your flag upside down means you are in distress. That means Japan could be in distress right now and no one would ever know!" France too! Though who would care if they were in distress?
If France flys their flag upside down it just means they're out of cheese. Don't sweat it. (Or it could mean Amphitryon has a hand grenade). Then worry. #10 - Posted by: jonag on February 24, 2004 10:32 AMWhen France's flag is upside down, the red and blue chuncks are on the wrong ends. That's an affront to Iowans who have their red and blue chuncks on the right ends. That angers me and makes me think we should invade France once and for all. Sorry, LibertyBob... I thought the same thing at first, but it's not true. You just flip it, you don't flip and rotate it Rod Paige's comment about the NEA as a terrorist organization reminded of a funny story. Former Oklahoma governor Frank Keating was once asked what was the best way of dealing with teacher unions. His answer: "Homicide". Needless to say, he was a great governor. #13 - Posted by: Brian on February 24, 2004 12:25 PMI saw the same King of the Hill and loved it! Its hard to believe that the guy who make bevis and buthead could make this as well. #14 - Posted by: Michael Brill on February 24, 2004 12:30 PMI can't believe you mentioned the movie The Last Castle without commenting on what a total lame ass piece of crap portrayal of the military it was. #15 - Posted by: dvgulliver on February 24, 2004 12:42 PMI concede the point on the flag thing, though I still want to invade them. i liked that King of the Hill episode. Especially when Bobbie asks "what are they, Dad?" Man I missed that KoTH, I would been laughing till I peed my self. Matrix ! #19 - Posted by: Amphitryon on February 24, 2004 08:23 PMJapan could be in distress right now and no one would ever know!Others have pointed out that the French have a similar problem with their flag. They have a clever work-around for that. When the going gets really tough, they use a white one. #20 - Posted by: Ernie G on February 25, 2004 08:32 AM That was a good King of the Hill. A stopped car does not imply a dead driver. Never look up when dragons fly overhead. Post a comment
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