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February 24, 2004
Bite-Sized Wisdom: More Primary, Crazy Kerry, Wacky Nader, Jesus, King of the Hill, NEA Terrorists, and Support Democracy
Posted by Frank J. at 07:07 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (23)

* I'm tired of the Democrat primary again. Just pick your joker and get it on... and make it Kerry. It was unfair to float Dean out there as a target and then pull him away, and now I'm all excited to see the piranhas have a go at Lurch. As for the pretty-boy trial lawyer, why don't he aim for something smaller like a guest spot on The Practice.

* Do you hear how Kerry wants to debate Bush about Vietnam because Kerry says that Bush is the one who has been bringing it up for political gain? Little tip, Kerry: the Botox injections go in the muscles of the face, not directly into the brain.

* Nader is such a joke, but I hope a good number of idiot hippies take him seriously to help tip the odds in Bush's favor. I just can't get past the way he says "corporations". He very slowly and meticulously enunciates it (kor-por-ay-shuns), and keeps acting like there is nothing worse in the world and that he can't understand that some people may actually like corporations.

Anyway, he'll never make it anywhere unless he gets some corporate money.

* So what's happening with the Iraq democracy? Details like that aren't as interesting as war, so I haven't been paying much attention. To help, we could donate some Democrats to the Iraqis for them to either vote for, get advice from, or bury in pits. Whatever they want.

* Mel Gibson's move about Jesus is coming out this Wednesday. I plan on seeing it, and it's already got me thinking about theological issues. One is was Jesus technically Jewish or Christian? To be Christian, you have to worship Christ, and that just sounds way too narcissistic for Jesus.

* Speaking of learning from movies, I found out from The Last Castle that flying your flag upside down means you are in distress. That means Japan could be in distress right now and no one would ever know!

* Anyone see King of the Hill Sunday? It was all about Hank taking his son on a camping trip to teach him self-reliance, but then the campsite gets invaded by hippies. He eventually gets rid of the hippies by cutting off park services then telling them how they'll still be able to continue camping, but it will take some "hard work". Next scene, all the hippies are fleeing, and one calls Hank the epithet "Rumsfeld".

It's nice to know there are some shows out there with good values.

* Education Secretary Rod Paige called the National Education Association a terrorist organization. The NEA says they were only bluffing about killing America's children unless their union demands are met.

* So Al Qaeda is now speaking out against France because of their scarf ban. This has caused France to immediately join in the desperate search for Osama so that they may surrender to him.

* Bush met with the governors Monday. Man, I wish I were a governor. Then, if anyone wasn't treating me with respect, I could say, "Don't you know who I am? I know Arnold Schwarzenegger!"

* In monkey news, there was a census of aggressive monkeys in northern India to see how humans and simians can live together. I think the solution is a little thing called "shotguns".

* Voting in the Win Frank J.'s Funny will go on until noon today (ET). I'll then announce the winner (and losers) tomorrow morning. I did take a glance at the poll results so far, and apparently not everyone has voted for mine. Remember, you're supposed to pick the funniest list. That's funniest.

Rating: 2.4/5 (31 votes cast)

Bite-Sized Wisdom
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