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February 25, 2004
Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II - Win Frank J.'s Funny - Final Results
Posted by Frank J. at 07:17 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (41)

The list that got the most votes is...

List 4, made by Harvey of Bad Money... AND IT WASN'T EVEN A FRICK'N TOP TEN LIST!!!


It was more like ten short essays bookended by a rough draft of a Saturday Night Live sketch. I was thinking I should have disqualified that garish travesty as soon as I saw it, but then I thought, "What idiot would vote for such excess?"

Apparently there were 335 idiots (41% of the 824 who voted).

What? You people like quantity over quality? Did you say to yourself, "Duh... that one is really big! I'll vote for that!" Funny its percent of the vote matched about the percent of the page it took up.

Anyway, the 186 people (23%) who voted for List 5, pat yourself on the back. You voted for the funniest one that actually was a top ten list, i.e., mine.

Close behind me was List 6 by Dustin the No-Longer-Blogless with 163 votes (20%)... though once again almost all of his items were too long for a top ten list.

Next was List 3 by Joey of Single White Male with 67 votes (8%).

Then there was List 2 by Monster Kabasue of Kabasue's Little Blog with 61 votes (7%).

Fianlly, List 1 by rasta of Behind Enemy Headlines got 12 votes (1%). Not a strong showing, rasta, but at least yours looked like an actual top ten list.

Brevity, people, brevity!

Has anyone ever seen David Letterman and know what intellectual property we were ripping off? Each item is supposed to be a short sentence. I thought everyone knew that, but, from seeing these entries and other people attempts at list in the comments, I overestimated everyone's intelligence.

Mea culpa.

We're going to have to do this again, people. It'll be "Win Frank J.'s Funny - Take Two". First, though, I'm going to have to have a Why Me Laugh™ segment explaining list humor and, more specifically, top ten lists. For the next contest, I will specify the exact formatting of the lists and give a maximum length for any one item plus a maximum word length overall (each item can't be the maximum length). You should be able to breeze through six top ten lists; it shouldn't take an afternoon to read them all.

As for this contest... it never happened! It was an injustice, and it shall not be mentioned at punishment of banishment.

Oh, wait, does Harvey still get his prize. Who's in charge here...

Oh yeah; me. So what do I say?

If you only spent more time thinking this out and specify what constituted a top ten list, you wouldn't have had this problem. Considering your lack of rules, Harvey didn't break any.

Damn you, Frank J.! You’re on my enemy list too, you lazy bastard. And I'll get you one of these days when you least expect it!

Fine, so tomorrow I'll put up Harvey's permalinks (I don't like that "perma" part), give him instructions for the ad, and have his t-shirt sent out... and I hope he chokes on it! (NOTE: IMAO t-shirts are not to be taken internally)

Enjoy your ill-gotten prizes, Harvey, but I think that contestant who called you "Sad Unfunny" was right; you should take humor lessons from whomever that was.

I still can't believe I lost; it's must be because my readers are idiots.. You people don't even deserve me. I now quit my humor blogging to spend all my creative energies on novels based in the Victorian Age. And, as all you weep and mourn how sad and gloomy your lives now are since you lack my humor, I'll just laugh. Muh ha ha ha!

Ah... who am I kidding; my whole self-esteem is based on my readership. I'm sorry about all those mean things you said, and I promise to be super funny again tomorrow! Please don't leave!

Thanks again to Emperor Misha I for choosing the topic and to Susie of Practical Penumbra for having the arduous tasks of accepting the entries and making the big post for Monday.

Everyone else: Damn your eyes!

Rating: 2.9/5 (37 votes cast)

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