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February 25, 2004
Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II - Win Frank J.'s Funny - Final Results
The list that got the most votes is... List 4, made by Harvey of Bad Money... AND IT WASN'T EVEN A FRICK'N TOP TEN LIST!!! It was more like ten short essays bookended by a rough draft of a Saturday Night Live sketch. I was thinking I should have disqualified that garish travesty as soon as I saw it, but then I thought, "What idiot would vote for such excess?" Apparently there were 335 idiots (41% of the 824 who voted). What? You people like quantity over quality? Did you say to yourself, "Duh... that one is really big! I'll vote for that!" Funny its percent of the vote matched about the percent of the page it took up. Anyway, the 186 people (23%) who voted for List 5, pat yourself on the back. You voted for the funniest one that actually was a top ten list, i.e., mine. Close behind me was List 6 by Dustin the No-Longer-Blogless with 163 votes (20%)... though once again almost all of his items were too long for a top ten list. Next was List 3 by Joey of Single White Male with 67 votes (8%). Then there was List 2 by Monster Kabasue of Kabasue's Little Blog with 61 votes (7%). Fianlly, List 1 by rasta of Behind Enemy Headlines got 12 votes (1%). Not a strong showing, rasta, but at least yours looked like an actual top ten list. Brevity, people, brevity! Has anyone ever seen David Letterman and know what intellectual property we were ripping off? Each item is supposed to be a short sentence. I thought everyone knew that, but, from seeing these entries and other people attempts at list in the comments, I overestimated everyone's intelligence. Mea culpa. We're going to have to do this again, people. It'll be "Win Frank J.'s Funny - Take Two". First, though, I'm going to have to have a Why Me Laugh™ segment explaining list humor and, more specifically, top ten lists. For the next contest, I will specify the exact formatting of the lists and give a maximum length for any one item plus a maximum word length overall (each item can't be the maximum length). You should be able to breeze through six top ten lists; it shouldn't take an afternoon to read them all. As for this contest... it never happened! It was an injustice, and it shall not be mentioned at punishment of banishment. Oh, wait, does Harvey still get his prize. Who's in charge here... Oh yeah; me. So what do I say? If you only spent more time thinking this out and specify what constituted a top ten list, you wouldn't have had this problem. Considering your lack of rules, Harvey didn't break any. Damn you, Frank J.! You’re on my enemy list too, you lazy bastard. And I'll get you one of these days when you least expect it! Fine, so tomorrow I'll put up Harvey's permalinks (I don't like that "perma" part), give him instructions for the ad, and have his t-shirt sent out... and I hope he chokes on it! (NOTE: IMAO t-shirts are not to be taken internally) Enjoy your ill-gotten prizes, Harvey, but I think that contestant who called you "Sad Unfunny" was right; you should take humor lessons from whomever that was. I still can't believe I lost; it's must be because my readers are idiots.. You people don't even deserve me. I now quit my humor blogging to spend all my creative energies on novels based in the Victorian Age. And, as all you weep and mourn how sad and gloomy your lives now are since you lack my humor, I'll just laugh. Muh ha ha ha! Ah... who am I kidding; my whole self-esteem is based on my readership. I'm sorry about all those mean things you said, and I promise to be super funny again tomorrow! Please don't leave! Thanks again to Emperor Misha I for choosing the topic and to Susie of Practical Penumbra for having the arduous tasks of accepting the entries and making the big post for Monday. Everyone else: Damn your eyes! 41 Responses To "Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II - Win Frank J.'s Funny - Final Results"
This is why we love you, Frank--you are gracious even in defeat... #1 - Posted by: Susie on February 25, 2004 07:40 AMI voted for number 5. However it wasn't anything near your best work. You seem to have forgotten the teachings of Miyamoto Musashi and not respected your foes. And I agree w your comments about number 4. #2 - Posted by: The Meatriarchy on February 25, 2004 07:48 AMDude, you didn't lose to Harvey. You lost to 335 idiots who were fantasizing about Melinda Hawkish's boobies. It doesn't matter how funny you are, you're always going to lose to boobies. #3 - Posted by: Victor on February 25, 2004 07:59 AMI specifically voted for #5 because I recognized your humor (and grammatical lax). Was that wrong? #4 - Posted by: gaskar on February 25, 2004 08:09 AMVictor knows us all too well. Do you think it's any coincidence that the largest-selling newspaper in Britain invariably has a picture of a bare-breasted woman on page 3? #5 - Posted by: Simon Jester on February 25, 2004 08:21 AMThank's Frank. I'll be sending my address shortly. As for the unusual format, let's just say that I learned something from the last permalink contest: people don't vote for what's best, they vote for what's different. See also Ross Perot. Sorry, Frank, but there is nothing quite as funny as spleen-kicking and nose piddling, especially when it's liberals on the receiving end of said spleening and piddling. #7 - Posted by: Vitamin Tom on February 25, 2004 08:37 AMMaybe next time you do random selecting you'll sacrifice real chickens instead of chickens you made out of construction paper and feather dusters. Voodoo only works when you play by the rules. #8 - Posted by: LibertyBob on February 25, 2004 08:52 AM***yawn*** it is much too early in the mornin' -- could ya'll keep it down over here? #9 - Posted by: Tiger on February 25, 2004 09:07 AMI didn't really like the winning list much. It relied on one joke over and over and over and over and over again. Piddling...great... But then, what do I know, I voted for list 3. #10 - Posted by: Macbeth on February 25, 2004 09:46 AMI think people voted for Harvey's because they thought it was the only entry. #11 - Posted by: Jim on February 25, 2004 10:10 AMso do i consider myself superior if i voted for list 5? #12 - Posted by: conservative cossack on February 25, 2004 10:22 AM#3, 7, &9 on list 5 should have tipped everyone off. #6 too, because Frank always throws Bible humor into his work. http://www.gotfuturama.com/Multimedia/EpisodeSounds/3ACV01/Sound6.mp3 #13 - Posted by: Chris D on February 25, 2004 10:34 AMCongratulations Harvey! But I'd throw that t-shirt in the wash as soon as it arrives (just in case Frank got his hands on some anthrax or something). Frank, I thought you were #2 (no, not THAT #2) butI voted for #5 thinking "now, THIS is funny!" The one about Bush's ancestors giving 30 pieces of silver to Judas won me over!!! You're still the king Frank! #14 - Posted by: jonag on February 25, 2004 10:34 AMThis just goes to show you what a bunch of idiots your readers are (excluding me of course). Anyone could tell that 5 was yours. I think people voted for 4 because it vaguely resembled an In My World and like a bunch of monkeys, they said "I'm voting for Frank... Number 4 Number 4." Apparently some asshats that that you wrote three and accused you of cheating. HAHAHA! Like most things, true greatness is misunderestimated. 5 was clearly the best. #15 - Posted by: melvin toast on February 25, 2004 10:58 AMI didn't recognize #5 as Frank, but I voted for it. #4 was like the dorky gal at the dance - it tried WAAAAAAYY too hard. #16 - Posted by: Bill on February 25, 2004 11:03 AMIs it to late to vote again? I think there is a swinging chad there. Instant recount if you ask me. #17 - Posted by: Joe on February 25, 2004 11:05 AMIt was rigged I tell you, RIGGED! I bet Harvey voted for himself by using different log names, and a couple were from idiots as well. #18 - Posted by: Liberal Beater on February 25, 2004 11:56 AMI demand a recount :) :) :) Feh, I blame Bush.
Frank: oh and Good Work Harvy you kicked Franks butt! #21 - Posted by: Monster Kabasue on February 25, 2004 12:01 PMI think I have to agree with Victor. But I voted for #4 too. ;) #22 - Posted by: Red_Mist on February 25, 2004 12:07 PMWhen I first read you response I thought "sour grapes". But, you're absolutely correct. That is NOT a top ten list and shouldn't have been publish. Your still #1 Frank. #23 - Posted by: MikeT on February 25, 2004 12:45 PMI demand a recount! You didn't list any of the votes for my list. #24 - Posted by: phelps on February 25, 2004 12:53 PMI'm so sorry Frank! I voted for #4. Can you ever forgive me? BTW: Where's the link? That Harvey guy is pretty funny. mmmmmmm boobies #26 - Posted by: RedneckGeek on February 25, 2004 01:09 PMI voted for #5..It sounded a bit like Frank, but I voted for it because it didn't take too long to read it and it was funny.. #27 - Posted by: ccincali on February 25, 2004 01:51 PMI figured Frank, being part of the VRWC, would use Diebold machines and steal the election/contest, so I didn't vote. #28 - Posted by: Commuter on February 25, 2004 02:27 PMInteresting. I did indeed vote for list 5 but that wasn't the one I thought was yours. It was the only one that actually made me laugh though. #29 - Posted by: Serenity on February 25, 2004 02:29 PMFrank, Now there is some rumour that I initally voted for list four. This is a lie. Eventhough I first voted for list four, I was really voting against list four, especially as its humour was illegally and recklessly implemented. And because I served honorably for my country, you'll know that I voted for list five. #30 - Posted by: Lt. John Kerry (ret) on February 25, 2004 02:43 PMWhoa! I want to change my vote!! Phelps' list is WAAAAAAAYYYYY funnier than any of the actual contestants' lists!!! Phelps, you RULE! I thought #4, 5, and 6 were all about equally as funny, but I voted for #4 because, well, anytime you can throw in a bash of how the VERY VERY SERIOUS media sells sex, that's good for bonus points. "and these are my boobies"... hysterical! But seriously Frank, every single item on Phelps' list is funnier than every single item in any of the contestants' lists. If there's a contest do-over, Phelps NEEDS to be included. #31 - Posted by: Maddog on February 25, 2004 02:46 PMI thought you wrote #4 Frank, so I voted for #6. Sorry man, I didn't laugh at yours at all, but if it makes you feel better, your competition sucked pretty bad too. #32 - Posted by: Bryan on February 25, 2004 03:05 PMHey Frank, I voted for #5! I hope I'm considered for participation next year (unless I'm actually elected, that is). 'Coop #33 - Posted by: Cooper for President on February 25, 2004 03:11 PMThe #1 thing on list 5 got me good, so of course I voted for that list. I guess list 5 was objectively the best, but I had to go with the only one that actually made me laugh out loud (and therefore the funniest), which was list 2 with "10 Kerry and Edwards will announce they will blow of the president elections to go to California to get married." Then again, I may have just been too tired to laugh after reading "list" 4. #35 - Posted by: Stranger on February 25, 2004 08:22 PMYou had a contest? Guitar Tabs | polifonicos polifonicos sonidos polifonicos toques polifonicos polifonicos gratis tonos polifonicos nokia polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos para nokia sonidos polifonicos nokia ringtones polifonicos coros polifonicos sonidos polifonicos siemens toques polifonicos nokia tono polifonicos download toques polifonicos midis polifonicos descarga de sonidos polifonicos tonos polifonicos moviles tonos polifonicos para movil tonos polifonicos gratuitos tonos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos polifonicos tonos movil polifonicos tonos polifonicos motorola melodias polifonicos tonos polifonicos siemens tonos polifonicos para moviles polifonicos siemens polifonicos motorola descargar tonos polifonicos polifonicos movil polifonicos sagem sonidos polifonicos movil moviles polifonicos sonidos polifonicos alcatel polifonicos descarga tonos polifonicos gratis sonidos polifonicos para nokia tonos polifonicos nokia 6100 sonidos polifonicos para movil sonidos polifonicos moviles tonos moviles polifonicos descarga de tonos polifonicos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos samsung tonos polifonicos nokia 3510i tonos polifonicos para panasonic sonido polifonicos polifonicos dance sonidos polifonicos para panasonic tonos polifonicos para motorola c350 tonos polifonicos nokia 7650 tonos polifonicos nokia 3650 At the same time, Frnak was hosting a Super Happy Fun Lucky Permalink Contest which lasted longer than the lifespans of several trillion fly generations and involved more rules than the Federal Tax Code. Everyone lost but one (since there was only one permalink spot up for grabs) but all the other contestants got permalinked anyway under a 'Losers' heading. Understandably, some got upset and one (Jennifer, who is talented, knowledgeable and sexy), declared war on Frnak. Others quickly piled on either because they also lost the Permalink Contest or, like me, saw a way to pick up some quick links enjoy inciting violence acted out of sheer altruism. Jen's new army was named the Axis of Evil Naughty. #40 - Posted by: Bentaly on November 23, 2004 01:39 AMNeed some great car speakers ? Check out this site - lots of great stuff there. #41 - Posted by: frankyfurbo on November 24, 2004 07:42 AMPost a comment
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