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February 27, 2004
You Can't Take My Guns with Your Cold Dead Hands
So I just hit more than 100,000 unique visitors for this month, my first month to do that. And I think I should be able to keep it up and add to it next month, but then I realized, "Dude, I gotta write stuff." And I'm like, "Dude, I can't think of anything to write today." To which I replied, "But, dude, if you don't write anything, no one is going to come to your site except for hobos looking for a place to sleep." And was I was like, "Dude!" Anyway, I better check the news for something to write about. If I find some current issue everyone cares about and then like write something smart about it, people will be like, "We should all read Frank J. because he is witty and insightful on the issues I care about." And other will be like, "This is true." So... what's in the news... Man, the new is all like boring and stupid. What's a Haiti? Oh, here is something; the Democrats are trying to ruin a perfectly good bill stopping useless lawsuits against gun manufacturers. I hate Democrats! Anyway, there are like these people trying to sue gun manufacturers out of business, and then they'll destroy our Second Amendment rights because it doesn't matter if you have a right to guns if you can't buy any. It's just like people ruining the First Amendment by stopping the manufacture of... uh... speech. No, wait, I mean like if it was too expensive to like go on the internet or phone people, because then you could talk all you want but no one could hear you... except for your neighbors who will call the police if you're too loud. Stupid neighbors. Hey, you show me what volume Korn should be played at. Where was I? Oh yeah... lawsuits! Now, what I don't get is why when the gun manufacturers are in court, they don’t just go, "I would like to submit one of my products as evidence," and then turn around and shoot the plaintiff and lawyers. "See; it works just fine." That would be so cool! Well, this bill, they won't even have to go to court and waste their time (I think that whole shooting the plaintiffs thing breaks some sort of legal tradition), and it looks like it should pass the Senate easy... but the Democrats are trying to add anti-gun amendments to it. I hate Democrats! They want an amendment that messes with gun shows, which, if you ever been to one, is lots of fun... except, maybe, for the people with WWII memorabilia (i.e., Nazi flags). Anyway, this won't affect that, just the gun sales - which are cool! Stay away from the gun sales, you bastards. On a side note, I found that a gun show isn’t always the best place to bring your girlfriend, but your mileage may vary. Anyhoo, then there is the renewal of the so-called "assault weapons" ban. Notice the "so-called" and the scare quotes. That's because who wrote the ban didn't know jack about guns. He probably couldn't tell a bullpup from a hole in the ground. They should have people who know things about guns write the bills... but those people would like guns so they'd probably write good bills like the "Be Nice to Your Gun and Oil It" bill. But what they call an "assault weapon" in the so-called "assault weapons" ban is just guns that look cool or have cool names. Someone should bring a real assault weapon into congress - fully automatic with a grenade launcher - and then say, "Now this here is an assault weapon." Then he should give the Democrats the crazy eye. "Just try and ban it! Make my day!" Oh, and now I'm getting e-mails from people saying that the NRA is for this compromise, and then I'm getting e-mails from the NRA saying that's a total crock. That's good, because the media has spent so much effort painting the NRA as extreme that you aren't going to get very far telling people they aren't far right enough on a gun issue. So where was I? Oh yeah, I wanted to say something profound and unique on the issue so that people will say, "That Frank, he's a smart one he is." "And relevant too," another will add. So... uh... profound... er... uh... I hate Democrats! 53 Responses To "You Can't Take My Guns with Your Cold Dead Hands"
Gee, that Frank, he sure is a smart guy. He knows lots and lots about issues of the day. Hey Frank, can I quote you for my school book report? on a side note, I just realized your ad on the right says "Annoy a liberal"- *not* "Ahoy! A liberal!" aye maytee... that be liberal off the port bow. Where's my spear gun... #1 - Posted by: Jewels~of~the~Jungle on February 27, 2004 08:50 AMAhoy! A Liberal! With a hook like a snow hill! It be... Ted Kennedy! #2 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 27, 2004 08:53 AMSince we're the only real power in the world, we should pass laws that really annoy othe countries. The first one should be directed at Limeys. But only the slimey grimey whiney limeys. #3 - Posted by: Joe on February 27, 2004 09:04 AMDid they finally push Ted Kennedy off the beach and back into the ocean? I didn't know that. That Frank, he's a smart one he is. #4 - Posted by: LibertyBob on February 27, 2004 09:05 AM"Cap'n! What shall we do with this 'ere Democrat who surrendered?" "Make that lily livered bastard walk the plank! Oh wait Micheal Moore broke it last time we tried that one..." #5 - Posted by: Brit_Student on February 27, 2004 09:11 AMGun question (because Frank is a smart one, he is, and so are his readers): What was the sidearm carried by Union officers during the Civil War? I've seen the weapon in several movies (like Dances With Wolves and Glory) and I want to say it's a Colt .45 revolver (of a very early design, obviously). Anyway, I'd like to get a replica of one to use as a prop in a LARP game. Can anyone help me out?
Now now, Frank, there's a good side to Democrats too. Like, um... well, give me a minute, I'm sure I'll think of something... #7 - Posted by: Maddog on February 27, 2004 09:15 AMThat Frank J is so smart. He could be a Canadian! Frank could you move up to Canada and invent stuff? #8 - Posted by: The Meatriarchy on February 27, 2004 09:28 AMsandor, There are plenty of places to buy replicas, and I'm not sure if the same gun laws apply to them (even though they are working). #9 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 27, 2004 09:53 AMGot it! Democrats are useful, because if they weren't around to pick at, who would we have to make fun of? Oh yeah, the Canadans and EUnuchs... Hmmm.... Rats, I'll have to think of another one. #10 - Posted by: Maddog on February 27, 2004 09:57 AMDid you all know that the 10 round limit is totally arbirtary?? the average number of shots fired by a criminal during a crime is 3.5!!! so who the hell cares if he has another 6.5 or 26.5 rounds in the mag. Dummycrats cant do math apparrently, and i cant spell or punctuate a paragraph either. oh, yeah, and im going out to buy guns today. GOD BLESS AMERICA!! #11 - Posted by: Cavtrooper on February 27, 2004 10:05 AMThat's ridiculous. A 0.5 of a round isn't going to stop anyone. #12 - Posted by: Bugbear on February 27, 2004 10:08 AMYou can't get out your harpoon gun to use on Ted Kennedy! GREENPEACE would be all over you like stink on shit! Best way is to lower a bottle of bourbon into the tuna nets and claim that it was an accident. #13 - Posted by: El Jefe on February 27, 2004 10:10 AMI thought Teddy exploded down in Taiwan last month. Math: I'm visiting the ungrateful little pisspot island of England in a month. From there I'm going to take a day trip to Normandy. I just want to visit the D-Day Beaches and the cemeteries, otherwise you'd never catch me on cheese-eating, surrender monkey soil. I room with a Limey, and he said he took offense when I called him that, so I punched him. And listen, limey is nothing compared to pikey...they hate to be called that. #16 - Posted by: El Perro on February 27, 2004 10:26 AMI fuckin' hate pikeys #17 - Posted by: El Jefe on February 27, 2004 10:30 AMIf they don't like 'Limey', try "Grotty wanking oik", maybe they will like that better. #18 - Posted by: oseaghdha on February 27, 2004 10:32 AMThanks Frank. I'm not sure if I actually want a working replica ... that might be a little intimidating to the other players (though I doubt I'll be able to come up with the ball and blackpowder to load it, anyway). But knowing that it's a blackpowder pistol is important; stuff like that affects the game in many different ways ("Your sixth shot wounds the vampire pretty badly, but he's still coming. How fast can you reload?") I think maybe I'll check with my local chapter of Civil War Re-Enactors. They probably know exactly where I can get what I'm looking for. You don't think they'll do something horrible, like make me dance to fiddle music, do you?
The Colt is probably the best-known Union sidearm, but my all-time favorite would have to be the Starr double-action revolver. B) #20 - Posted by: The Half-Elven Commie Slayer on February 27, 2004 10:45 AMThe evil demo-vampires chased all the gun shows away where I live. I really want to take my wife to it, I think she would get a hoot out of it. #21 - Posted by: Monster Kabasue on February 27, 2004 10:50 AMAh, poor, ignorant Frank J. Everyone knows that a Haiti is a Pokemon. And I wonder how Charelton Heston feels about this. And I know girls who would love to go to a gun show. Heck, why don't they have one here at my high school? Just leave the ammo out of the gun! #22 - Posted by: The Vigilante on February 27, 2004 11:01 AMColt held the patent for revolvers. This pretty much kept everyone else out of the field until the patent expired. The 1860 Colt Army pistol in .44 "cap and ball" is the pistol that you are looking for. A replica ($60) is here: Nitpic: Early cartridge arms were black powder. The Spencer, Henry, and Sharps carbines used cartridges. "Smokeless powder" was a (ugh) French invention. I have an 1873 Springfield Trapdoor rifle. It is a .45-70 caliber weapon. It uses cartridges that are black powder. But Frank is correct; the pistols in the Civil War were cap and ball. There were handguns at that time that used cartridges but they were rare. In 1866 (one year after the war ended), the Henry rifle was slightly reworked into the Winchester 1866 lever action rifle. This is the weapon that started the "arms race" of the late 1800s. #23 - Posted by: Joe on February 27, 2004 11:30 AMFrom Steve Earle's "Devil's Right Hand" My very first pistol was a cap and ball Colt I don't have a problem with people owning guns, but since the vast majority of deaths by handguns come from people who knew the people who shot them and because I live with a woman who has occasional PMS and other reasons that I tick her off generally I think it's a survival issue that I don't keep one in my house. Good luck to the rest of you. #25 - Posted by: patrick on February 27, 2004 11:52 AMI, too, am with a woman with PMS. However, this is where the Limey's come in handy. Since she's a Brit, she can't have a firearm. The worse she can do is bitch and moan me into submission. Won't work 'cause I'm an American with the power to ignore her EUro bleating! #26 - Posted by: El Jefe on February 27, 2004 11:58 AMThanks Joe, perfect! Exactly what I was looking for. Now to rationalize myself into blowing about $70 on a toy / game prop ... ... ... done.
I share a house with my girlfriend and her two teenage daughters. Just because you don't get PMS yourself doesn't mean you don't suffer from it... We have to have a gun cupboard for the knives and forks. #28 - Posted by: Bugbear on February 27, 2004 12:11 PMSandor; One has to be careful about how one talks about democrats in general. The are really two distinct types. The first are regular folks who own guns, drive trucks, don't like the UN, and are good people. I believe that being the usual cantankerous and contrary american, they vote democrat just to tick their neighbors off. I'm talking about the run of the mill, man on the street type of democrat who nevertheless thinks Ted Kennedy is a fat fool, not the democrats in government who pander to the second type. The second type I like to think of as 'the giant puppet people'. This type has three sub classes. One subclass climbs into giant puppet costumes and stalks around rallies to make a profound political statment. The taller the puppet, the more profoundthe statement. The second sub class is too uncoordinated to operate giant puppets, but is marginally capable of making paper mache heads or statues and makes further profound political statements by putting one on or up at rallies. The third and by far the most numerous sub class is made up of the ones too uncoordinated to operate a giant puppet aor manipulate paper mache, or who don't have cars to transport giant puppets or paper mache to rallies, but who applaud the profound political statement that the ability to transport and operate a giant puppet or build and transport a paper mache head or statue must surely respresent. The first two classes of the giant puppet people are funny. Especially when a giant puppet falls or is knocked over by merry pranksters or a paper mache head falls or is knocked off by jovial hooligans. The third class usually just smells funny though. #30 - Posted by: Commuter on February 27, 2004 01:08 PM"Pointy sticks" are not cheap. The "pointy sticks" that they used are made out of steel and slide on the end of the rifles. The "pointy stick" for my Trapdoor cost me more than a new .22 rifle. I like guns. I really really like guns. I buy lots of them. I prefer old US military rifles but, because the democrats hate them, I bought an "evil ugly assault weapon" too. For $11 each, I was able to get some hi-cap LIMEY magazines for them. I was also able to get some mags made in Israel. The Israeli ones are nicer. Thanks to the Joooooooooooooooos I have nice mags now. #31 - Posted by: Joe on February 27, 2004 02:10 PMLiberty Bob: Ah'm takin' my hubby to a gun show this Saturday outside Chicago (OUTSIDE CHICAGO, of course - X*###!@ Mayor Daley) so please remember that it's IMPORTANT to get yer wummin involved in them thar guns! We gots a rule in our family thet he gets his new gun one year an' I git mine the next. Gee, I don't know Bob. As much as I relish the idea of pokin' whiney, nosey liberals with a pointy stick, I just don't think one will get the job done for my LARP character. He will be facing awful critters like vampires, demons, and insane wizards, for which I think he'll need the firepower of a good Colt. However, if I ever get involved in a game where our principal enemies are hippies, liberals, and Frenchmen I'll definately consider pointy stick tactics. Hey! Q: How do you get a liberal's heart to bleed? A: You don't have to, they do so on their own ... but pokin' em in the chest with a pointy stick is fun anyway!
"On a side note, I found that a gun show isn’t always the best place to bring your girlfriend, but your mileage may vary." Ohhhh yet another classic. #35 - Posted by: Red_Mist on February 27, 2004 08:11 PMSpeaking of banned "assault weapons," I just obtained an AK-103. It is the most fun thing I've ever owned in my entire life. #36 - Posted by: Masada on February 27, 2004 08:12 PMSalomeh, funny you mention Hoppe's. I've had others mention that there is no smell like ole #9. #37 - Posted by: Joe on February 27, 2004 08:46 PMGoddammit! Why is it that every time Frank briefly mentions a gun, you guys go off on some tirade about .50 caliber pistols (or whatever it is you guys are talking about now)? Gun-happy morons. #38 - Posted by: The Vigilante on February 27, 2004 08:57 PMVigilante: Vigilante got the "gun-happy" part right, thogh. Guns make me happy. Like my new M24-47 Yugo 8mm. Damned "u" keys sticks. BTW, that Frnak, he's a smart one, he is. BOOM BOOM BOOM !!! HA HA HA HAAAH!!! #41 - Posted by: Special Ed on February 27, 2004 11:51 PMHas anyone tried the new ComforTech shotguns from Binelli? Just saw them at the gun show today and they look SOOOO cool - esp. on the Super Black Eagle models. Can't wait to try one out sometime. And there's a new carbine that looks like it should be in a sci-fi movie, Can't remember who makes it...but it's only like $600 compared to the other, imported one I saw for like $1400. ...damn, where's that brochure. #42 - Posted by: salomeh on February 28, 2004 11:54 PMsalomeh: I haven't tried the ComforTechs, but this month's American Rifleman had a big piece on them. They look pretty awesome. Oh, Frank, I'm an 18-year-old female, and the farthest my boyfriend has ever made it with me was after he took me to a gun show.... #43 - Posted by: Belle on February 29, 2004 09:59 PMOpen your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua #47 - Posted by: Open your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua on May 19, 2004 03:27 AMOpen your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua #50 - Posted by: Open your mind - http://eldorado.com.ua on May 27, 2004 09:01 PMhello im a simple country man i cant read to grate or spell all that grate but as a kid my dad didnt go to the damn store for food he went and hunted it and thats not bad yet they want to give u tickets for it if its not in seson well good god man when ur hungry u do what the hell u have to do and now they want to take guns from us just cuz there ritch let me tell yall something aint no one in this world goin to take my guns un less they kill me first i mean ya if peoples have been dumb enough to hurt peoples with guns be for then ya take there shit but dont punish the people who hunt and do nothing wrongwhen the day comes they try to take my guns to force me to sell them or give my rights up then the world has went to shit and what if by some wild ass chance some one whom can get guns even tho the law can take them then they get guns and go hurt people then all they have done is make it worse for people and if any one tryed to take any thing from my or my family let me tell yall somthing im redneck so is my whole family and any one that steals from ya is sorry as shit and i got a oack tree out in the back 40 for ass holes like that i have never hurt a soul with a gun in my life but when u take a mans fredon to hunt and feel safe of haveing a gun then budy you in redneck lango you DONE FUCKED UP there is oack trees in the back 40 and i have a shovle and im not scared to use it when peoples want to take my free dom of haveing guns then they might as well just lock us up any how right i mean what the hell and i grant you this its not bad to be this way and im sure there is loads of people who feel this way they try to hard and people will push back thats just life when you have been pushed you push back thats just human instink any man or women will tell you the same un less there a cowered or scared but see theres one thing when they take ur rights what more do u have to be scared of then you have lost all hope just like when they lock a man up for some shit i mean ya if a man kills some one over money thats not right there ass should frigh but when you take a mans guns u take his glorly his right his life like me i have shot guns sence i was 2 years old i have shot a many of deer but i ate them me and my family or turkey or rabbit or squrel when the government comes to ur home and says you will sell us this or we will take it im sorry friends i will not step down to them i will barry them just as bush pused back when fuckers from across seas fucked shit up here we went and fucked there shit up saying dont fuck with us or try to take our rights cuz when you do we will barry you thats as simple as his measge was when he started this war i feel the same about any one trying to take my guns that i have had sence i was a child i was tought right from wrong and to me them selling guns at wal-mart or sears or bass pro if they are going to take our guns that we spent or hard earned dollers on and its not about the money its the fact we bust our ass to get them to hunt to feel safe to know we will not be pushed just be cuz you have money dont mean money talks and bull shit walks here cuz it dont here its called you have respect or we whoop your ass i dont need a gun to do that but when they shot first to try to take my shit that have done no wrong with i will shoot back and one with self respect would do the same cuz when u grew up like i have to where when you was just a kid and you didnt have the cash for food you went and hunted it and to this day yes i have money for the stores foods but would rather gorw a garden and hunt my food hell gas is so high now people cant aford it all you know you have to make ends meet some how and any one who was rased the same as this knows how i feel and will stand up and say your not takeing shit from me be cuz i worked hard to get where i am and to have what i have you will not take it in 1 hour from me be cuz then u might as well have killed me and taken my pride if they have the right to do dumb shit why dont we have the right to do shit we have been tought sence we was youngens like hunt or to feel safe ya bush feels safe he has it all many men with guns jets army air force any thing he wants he gets hes not god nore is any man, no man has the right to take any mans things un less a man has done somthing horblie like just hurt people for no reason then ya they have the right to take shit then i mean we all feel that way im sure but when ur from the country and u dont act like a fuck up then where did we go wrong for them to take our pride tell me that??? #53 - Posted by: on November 4, 2004 03:17 AMPost a comment
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