I'm not sure if Frank's subsitutions to clean up the language in the letter make the Limey sound dumber or smarther than his own words do...

please don't ever let this guy stop writing!
adam

poop

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder if frank was really blocked....

well about the mormon and protestant thing. If you look at the technical definition that the world gives mormons...they are PROTESTANTS. that's not what they claim...but anyway. yeah. beer is hard to get here, but it's that no breathing thing that really sux. i'm up for another breath in about 45 min. ...but just between you and me, i sometimes cheat on that one...and i suspect that many other people do as well. sshhhhh!!! don't tell
Adam

xCavtrooper....former 19d?

and the limey's right about the mormons, those guys are a friggin cult!! secret names and shit, marrying dead people, magic underwear, the list goes on!!

Adam, don't go "Sssssh!" Save your breath, mate.

So he's blocked your email? I doubt it. He's expecting you to email back or he wouldn't bait you. But play along. Post your response here as the email you'd send if he wasn't blocking your address and let him stew a few days. He'll read it here eventually and he'll react to his plan backfiring in comments or by email. It should be priceless. Give his email to someone trusted who can send him a quick tip that you reamed him here on your site with the url if he can't find his way back here quickly enough.

the only 2 redeeming qualities Utah has is that the women are f'ing hot, and they have AWESOME snow.....on which i am going to snowboard tomorrow!!!! Brighton here i come!!

So, what's with censoring everything but "s**ting" and "a**eh*le"?

Not very kid-friendly, is it Frank?

How dare he say we hate Cameroon? Cameroonians (I think) grow some of the finest cigar tobacco in the world. I love Cameroon!

Well, that was entertaining while it lasted. Where, oh where, will will find another seething socialist knucklehead to dance so amusingly? Hopefully Frank has something up his sleeve.

You know it occured to me that this dude could have a total meltdown when and if he sees what's been done to him, and he might try to murder Frank. It actually worried me for a minute, and then I remembered that this is Frank, after all. I can see the headline of the St. Pete Times now: Rabid Hippie Englishman Attacks Blogger, Gets Blown Out of Birkenstocks.

S

Fascist McFascist doesn't exist?

If they play soccer, and not Football, how come so many people are getting sacked?

Rage Against the Machine -- again? GAAACK! Pardon me while a choke back a huge ball of phlegm. Now, if he was quoting "Penguin in Bondage" then maybe he'd be making a semi-believable point.

The English guy is a genius! The Americans in here are completely mad! Frank J. is an ugly bastard! This English guy is fighting fascism and good luck to him.

The Limey (as you Yanks call him) is a good man. He speaks a lot of sense.

You conservatives are living in the 19th Century! I don't understand why you've got it in for this guy. He speaks the truth.

sounds like something johnny depp would say
i think it's all the eye makeup from that movie, "dragqueens of the caribean that clouds his vision.
adam

Frank: Pass the popcorn, and keep these letters coming!

hey extreme. just cuz it's new, doesn't mean it's good
adam

I bet Adam is one of those mormons that the left-wing hero (known as the Limey) referred to.

where you from extreme?

I have all of Rage Against the Machine's albums. All excellent.

If he does block your address, will you share it with the rest of us? I'm sure it would really freak him out if a bunch of us rednecks started emailing him. Especially if we all pretended to be family...

Why you dirty limey, you made fun of my cusin' Frank. As soon as I'm finished with my dirt-farming chores, I'm gonna walk over to Limeyville and spit on yer front porch. That'll show ya. Or maybe I'll jus' call our cousin George, and get him to bomb ya.

rad trevor. good idea

I'm from Wales and I don't like you bastards referring to the British as limeys. I'm gonna stand up for us Brits. The left is going to fight you bastards. I'm with Carl, Johnny and Tony to the death! The left-wing alliance has arrived.

XTREME ONE for Prime Minister. If he does become Prime Minister, save a few places in the Cabinet for me, Carl and Tony.

Thanks, Johnny. How about foreign secretary. You can tell Colin Powell to piss off!

Colin Powell and all these bastards in here!

What are leftwingers doing on this light anyway. besides providing great material for frank. and BTW, frank never called that ronin a limey. i bet frank has never even used that word before. i certainly haven't, but in his first email he remarked that that was how he expected to be refered to...i guess it's an insult right? if it pisses him off so much, why did he give us anti-limey amunition?
adam

Adam is a bigot!

xtreme is a limey ronin!

OOH OOH!! What's Frank gonna say??? The Limey never really stood a chance though... but it was fun while it lasted. And all the stuff he listed that made Blair a fascist was stuff I liked- does that make me a fascist too? cuz that would be cool...

UTAH = Shithole

great! we can revert to mindless name-calling. wonderful
adam

Too true.

Adam is a monstrous Bush supporting computer nerd!

I see my alliance is doing well. Keep up the good work Carl, XTREME ONE and Johnny. The fight is on! The LEFT-WING ALLIANCE IS HERE!

Blair raped Bush? No mention of that before. If Blair's penis is of standard English size, Bush probably just didn't notice.

The left is winning!

Frank J. needs a psychiatrist.

actually...a monstrous, bush-supporting, gun-toting, military, psych/neuroscience major computer nerd
but thanx stopping the name calling
adam

True. He does needs one. But he'll have to pay for one in that privatised shithole!

Well no wonder him and his thugs are completely mad!

XTREME ONE, Carl, Johnny and Tony speak a lot of sense.

and by paying for one...like me. he will get...oh no...quality care and well educated professionals unlike the socialized peice of sh** labor union quality stuff they got everywhere else
adam

Ddin't someone offer to eliminate this jackass already? What's the holdup?

i know that this is off the subject of the limey, but ya'll gotta read the article this DUMBASS wrote about the assault weapons ban

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/columnists/ny-livit043694725mar04,0,3402304.column?coll=ny-li-columnists

what a friggin moron.

More swearing fixed.

LibertyBob that reminds me of a Churchill story -

During World War II, British soldiers discovered that placing a condom over a gun's barrel would keep the weapon dry and prevent it from corroding (near the sea) or icing up (in winter conditions).
No such condoms existed for larger weapons, however, and it was suggested to Winston Churchill one day that 18" long specimens be made to cover larger artillery pieces.

Churchill agreed, with two stipulations. First, the larger condoms would clearly be labeled
"For Use By British Servicemen." And second? The condoms would also be labeled "Small"!

(That showed 'em who's the master race :-p)

Hey, lay off the small dick stuff, Libertybob. some of us are sensitive.

Uh ... just in case anyone doesn't realize it, Johnny, xtreme, carl, & tony are probably the same person (or maybe the same two people ... I imagine even a socialist can muster up one friend).

But I do wonder if it's the real Limey that's shown up. Is there anything that you can do to proove your limeyness, Limey? A couple foaming-mad Che Guevera quotes might do it, or a long exposition on The Million Virtues of Joseph Stalin. Until I see such evidence, I'm suspicious as to whether we're in the presense of the genuine article.

S

ooh-rah sandor. i was begining to think I was all alone with this limey.

BTW...had any of you used the term limey to describe a brit untill this limey fiasco...I sure hadn't

Why do all these psuedo-socialist, mall-marxists have names like "XTREME ONE"? I think I will email the limey and tell him to write Frank back. I miss his incoherent, backwards ramblings.

Thank God this Limey thing is almost over. I get paid too much to waste my work hours reading the inane, vacuous ramblings of Carl, Johnny, Tony, XTREME ONE, and that dumbass Johnny Depp.

Typical, they didn't give an e-mail address.

Nope, I'd never called the British anything except "our best and truest allies". But even a cool country like Britian has it's senseless lefty citizens. We have them here too.

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance ... and having to restrain one's desire to bash in the teeth of socialist morons.

S

Well, I've emailed the limey. It was fun, but I didn't do it as well as you, frank.

The limey must have just taken chat room cleverness 101: sign in to the same chatroom under three or more ID's, then you can agree with yourself and make yourself think you won all the arguments because more people agreed with you!

My friend's six year old brother has been doing that for weeks already limey, I think you aught to try for a little more advanced tactics...

PS - It also helps to throw in fake geographic information so that people can't possibly believe that you're multiple ID's are the same person (ie: "but I'm from Essex, he's from Wales, we can't POSSIBLY be the same person, don't you stupid American's know the geography of Britian??!?")

1) Frank is catholic.

2) Tony, he's been making a fool of you for a week.

3) When you question the intelligence of a guy who went to Carnegie Mellon on scholarship, that generally happens.

4) A couple days ago, a reader pointed out a message of yours on a BBC message board a lot of us think had racist undertones itself.

5) It's pathetic to respond to yourself on a chatroom message board.

6) Bashing free market capitalism is just stupid.

You are so lucky Frank...

Wish I could get a Limey. They sound like they provide hours of amusement to their owners.

I need to bait a Limey trap with 'Rage Against the Machine' lyrics or something.

I would be a conscientious Limey owner and have my Limey Nuetered. You don't what those kind of genetic defects spreading around too much.

Of course it is quite possible that Limeys are a 'herd' animal and travel in groups. These groups are known as a 'litter of Limeys'. (you know like gaggle of geese) So it is considered more humane to keep more than a single Limey so they can form a litter.

I think I saw something about them once on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

I never really thought of Britain as "our best and truest allies", I always considered them "America's biatch" If Dubya wanted to blow up Britain, Tony Blair would be the first to say it was a great idea.

I think we should start a pool to see how long the limey stays away. $1 each. I've got tomorrow at 9:30 am

Fisking seems to have gone out of style lately, but I'm sure that somebody could get some mileage out of doing that to the Limey's emails. Then again, it'd probably be way too easy, and if I were to do it, I would take it way too seriously.

I've done my part to try and get the limey to continue his diatribes against our beloved leader, Frank J. Will post any worthwhile reply.

"Rage Against the Machine"?????

And to think that all this time I thought their name was "Rage Against My Allowance"

I think the limey may be a bowler with a name like tenpin.

My wife thinks she has seen the Limey. She was at a conference in Grimsby a couple of years ago when she noticed an FNB (Fat Northern Bastard) on the High Street peddling The Big Issue (like those Around Town magazines you get for free except written by unemployed Limey-hippies).

She said that the FNB stunk of urine, piss, and lager. I replied that is how most Brits smell. She said he was different than most of her countrymen in that he wasn't using The Big Issue to wipe his 'arse.' This would make a difference since almost all Limeys wipe they asses with The Big Issue.

Anyway, she said that the FNB was ranting on and on about how Bush was the anti-christ and how Clinton would be King of America if only his wife would let him.

Just thought I'd pass that along...

Cheers!

I wrote the Limey Thusly:

Mr. Tony Limey,

Dear Mr. Limey, I am writing to you to let you know that your e-mails to Frank J. are being distorted and manipulated. Frank J makes you looks mean and stupid, like you are glad September 11th was good and funny, and that no one likes Americans, and that soccer is a sport for real men.

I have visited London (the one in England) and it is a find, happy place where people are good and smart and don't say mean and stupid things (especially about the soccer). England is a place very much steeped in alot of interesting history. England made their own muffins, and then they fought in this big war with the Good Old US and we killed and maimed a bunch of very mean men called Nazis. They were REALLY mean, those Nazis. What they did is attack of bunch of countries who they claimed attacked them but did not, and tthen took a bunch of people they did not like and threw them into camps, and not summer, "Hey, lets take a swim in the lake and make S'mores" kind of camps, either. It was a camp where they killed them, like alot, and frequently. We call this level of mean "evil" and we destroy it before it spreads rather than "dialogue" with it, or waste thinking up reasons how we might have made them so very mean. This is different then say camp X-ray, where the US has locked up a bunch of really mean men, but just asked them questions and given them bagels, and Korans and Pina Coladas. (Okay, I'm not so sure about the Pina Coladas. They might just get Coronas)

But you knew this, because you are a Brit, and Brits fought the Nazis even before the Americans did and knew what evil was and was not made of up pansy men who liked evil and was afraid of Americans and who thought soccer was a really cool sport. Just wanted to let you know how Frank J (who is mean, but not "evil" mean...well, the jury may be out on that one) is really misrepresenting you. I think you should write him a very stern letter filled with all sorts of big, important sounding words your Brits use. Oh, and write it in the accent that you use, so as to make it seem even more impressive and knowledgable. We need you knowledge on this side of the pond, right mate? All the Best!

Your American Ally

Captain Wrath

El Jefe: I was in Scotland once and they were selling "Big Issue" on the streets of Dundee (or was it Aberdeen??) anyway the girl who was selling it was pronouncing it with such a strong Scottish accent I had to ask her a couple of times what she was saying.

It sounded like "Bag Ash You" to me. I told her I didn't need any bags of ashes thank you very much.

Well, being a PhD student at a large university, I'm surrounded by scores of "limeys" essentially; we just call them idealistic liberal students. They do fun things like man the Dennis Kucinich table, go the "wheels of justice" tour and act like the "vagina monologues" is a pithy, insightful commentary on our oppresive phallocracy. Enraging them is the high point of my week.

Now, I find this Limey character to be a real humorous alternative to the rigors and boredoms of my Computer Lab class, I really look foreward to all of his e-mails- it dosnt get much funnier than he. So I think everyone needs to E-mail him and request that he continues to e-mail Frank- so we may continue to laugh at him.

Now I dont hate left-wing super liberals who think everyone with an alternative opinion is a fascist, but I dont like them. Especially ignorant, racist, close-minded hippies with awful taste in music. (In my opinion Rage Against the Machine is the worst leftist band ever, even worse than Anti-Flag) How can someone say their fighting fascism by supporting terrorism and racism. Blindly hating all Americans who arent Harvard liberals (arent there still more liberals at Berkley?) I for one am not a redneck, I am a protestent; Non-Denomonational Christian (we get our guidence from the good book and no one else). I can curse, drink, shoot heroine into my genitals with the best of them! I am not white, I am not black and I am not Hispanic. I'm a mixture between Native American, Native Hawaiian, French(sorry to say), and Italian. Just like America I am a rich blend of racial diversity and it would probably offend me that this Limey blatently labels all americans as white protestants or god-hating liberals.

Religion in itself is not a bad thing, it's never hurt anyone to have faith in whatever they choose to. But it's the people who use religion to manipulate their own sick agenda's thats wrong not religion. Extreamist Mormons live in small communities cut off from the world and force their daughters to marry 50 year old men at the age of 13, and then start shooting out babies. Not all mormons do that (althouhg I myself consider Mormonism a cult). Everyone is entitled to their own beliefes. We here in america call that- Liberty. Something you people in other countries may have heard of. How can a fascist fight fascism? Arent the liberals here in America super anti-violence? I dont think the Harvardians would suppor Estimated Time of Arrival and their murderous ways.

The IRA was once a respectible organization I believe, whose goal was freedom right? and now they've devolved into a terrorist organization who uses FASCISM (maybe you need the definition of the word so you stop calling everyon one: FASCIST- Control of the masses through violence and propaganda"). How does this Limey criticize the U.S for using the Military when he himself supports random acts of death and terrorism on innocent people- oh wait... He's a racist! So long as their -American- soliders their redneck fascists. Wasnt he whining about this whole Haiti business? alot of Black people live there too, I dont hate them. And he mentioned the U.S's fascist attempts to protect it's Embassy (whos ever heard of that...I sappose the Marines posted there are only for looks [like the canadian armed forces]). This kid is ignorant inconsistant and a blind racist. Probably a Nazi sympathizer too, and I dont appreciate that since Nazi's were the biggest fascists to ever fascize. I'm not against all Socialism, but I am against authoritarian rule, in any form. "Socialism without liberty is tyranny". Wonder if he's ever heard that. He should read some philosphy other than "Socialism for Dummies/Limeys" I suggest: Hegel, Proudhon and even a bit of Marx. Damn commies. Know thy enemy they say.

This probably trailed off....I'll e-mail the kid... it'll probably be more or less the same as this. He's a fool, a hippy ( a violent one!) and a big flippin ronin.

-Love, Peace and Freedom
"The whole world dosnt revolve around Europe, but it does revolve around me!"

actually utah is one of the most beautiful places in the world. i just wouldnt want to live there cuz its gets cold. captain wrath i dont think they're giving them coronas at gitmo, that would be cruel. and for the record, im against calling idiotic brit ronin's limeys, i like limes, especially in my 'ritas and DosXX. i will do my part and try to send the limey a note of encouragement, i'll post anything of note.

Hey Conserv-a-Punk, have you ever read Mike Hendix's blog Cold Fury? He's an ex-punker neocon, and very intelligent. You might enjoy his site (just put "Cold Fury" into a search engine - you'll find it).

Good manifesto, BTW ... I agree with a lot of it. I'm an agnostic though. I think being raised Catholic killed religion for me.

S

LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK

http://www.local6.com/news/2900371/detail.html

Meatriarchy,

Did she smell of a very bad public restroom (see: Trainspotting)? The people pawning TBI I've seen throughout England, Wales and Scotland smell as if that's where the get their heads down at night.

i emailed the limey. here's how it went:

Dear Limey,

I'll miss you if you stop writing American Frank; please continue to write him, and please don't block his email. I enjoy your British grammar, punctuation and insane drool so much. It makes me realize (or realise) there are crazier people than my psycho ex-husband, and he's right crazy.

Anyway, keep up the good humor, the good work and the good material for Frank J.

Rock on, Limey!

Love,
American Limey Fan

p.s. John 3:16

Heh. just did a google on rage against the machine lyrics.

bunch of angry bastards, aren't they? Kinda violent for liberals...

I didn't e-mail directly to the Limey, but I did take the liberty of signing him up for a few mailing lists. Like Scrappleface (so that he can perhaps begin to understand humor), Imprimis, Townhall.com, several of their membership organizations... oh, and the Deseret News (a Utah newspaper) with the special LDS (Mormon) update feature. They can all say things to set him straight better than I ever could.

You know what's interesting? Looking at the non-political definitions of Liberal and Conservative. The basic definitions of Liberal means to tolerate, to allow more room for choice, or something like that. The basic definitions of Conservative means to restrict, to control, etc. Yet the political definitions seem to be switched around. Extremists on both ends are never rational-thinking people, but I seem to notice that most Conservatives out there are a lot more tolerant and free-thinking than their leftists counterparts. Limey, of course, is about as far left as you can get, and isn't representative of the "rational" left (aka, the leftists who actually try to lisen to someone with differing opinion), he's only representative of the loud-mouthed overly-obnoxious left that thinks that Mao Zedong was a humanitarian, but George Washington was an evil dictator who committed genocide against his own people.

The socialist Liberals seem to want to put restrictions on everything from religion to free trade, while most Conservatives want to see the Government limited in order to preserve the people's liberty and power in the face of the government.

Here are some good quotes:

"The first thing you have to do is disarm the people. A disarmed public can't fight back" -- Adolf Hitler

"I didn't see any NRA officials killing babies in Waco..." -- P. J. O'Rourke

"Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest." -- Mahatma Ghandi

Gun control isn't about guns -- it's about control.

"A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have." -- Barry Goldwater.

"The beauty of the second amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it." -Thomas Jefferson

"When the government fears the People, that is Liberty. When the People fear the Government, that is tyranny". Thomas Jefferson

All of the above quotes come from the following URL:

http://www.otherside.net/peaces.htm

After that last letter, I’m positive now – your limey isn’t just any old everyday pinko whiney limey. Frank, you have hauled in a real live futbawl hooligan! Apparently, he's stolen a computer, somehow learned to read & write, and was trying his best to hooliganize your sacred blog. (Obviously, he should have started off with a French blog and worked his way up.)

Way funny Frank!

My contribution:

Hey Tony! I just wanted too write you because I’ve been following your e-mail responses on imao.us, and you need too keep writing Frank. I can’t imagine a day going by now without being able too read one of your e-mails…damn it. Anyway, please reconsider blocking Frank’s address. Oh one more thing…you’re a complete moron, please never come too our country. Thanks!

I hope that bastard chokes on a crumpet and shits himself while he dies.

Or I hope your country decides to just execute the "lot" of you(see I can talk in a sophisticated way too) haha

Well I also hope that he gets crushed to death at one of his soccer I mean football matches, that fruity bastard....chip chip cheerio fucktard, be sure to drop dead.

Frank, that asshole talking about your father in that way is wrong on so many levels.

I have also taken the liberty of signing him up for a few good, conservative newsletters. I feel so good knowing that I've helped someone. ;)

adam:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (otherwise known as the "Mormon" church) is not technically protestant because protestant refers to the churches that broke off from the Roman Catholic church during the Reformation (or some other weird period like that, correct me if I'm wrong). The CJCLDS missed the Reformation by about 200 years.

Conserv-a-punk:
There is no such thing as an extremist "mormon." We do not condone 50 yr.olds marrying 13 yr. olds, or polygamy, or anything like that. And I think a cult with 12 million members is a pretty big cult, don't you think?

whoops

I was going to say that, in all fairness, I've known a few limeys and they were all OK. Then I realized that they were the ones who moved to the States because they liked it around here. Richard, Lord Adkin even wrote a book called A Brit Among the Hawkeyes about his favorite state: Iowa.
Obviously, Frank's limey isn't housebroken yet.

Note: If you're going to sign him up for stuff, can't beat signing him up for kiddie porn.

Mormons are a cult. explain to me the marrying or being "sealed in the temple" DEAD people!?!?!?!?!?!

blackbird4739, I think you're being a little overly stringent in your definition of "protestant". The way most people use the word it simply means "christian but not catholic". Mormons qualify.

As to what is and what is not a cult, I don't think the size of the group matters. Or perhaps it does; religions are just large, successful cults. I can buy that. Original statement withdrawn.

So as long as we have some Mormons here, I might as well ask: Do you guys really believe that John Smith found lost scriptures etched into golden plates? And that a lost tribe of Isrealites was delivered to the New World in ancient times? Or is all that just rumor?

I'm not being a smart ass, I really want to know.

S

Hey Blackbird,
yep, they really believe that crap. Even though there isn't a single shred of archaeological evidence to support it. In fact, all of the archaeological evidence that we do have of the new world is contrary to the book of mormon, which was written BEFORE we began to study the archaeology here.

Thanks for giving out the "limeys" e-mail address Frank...but will it bother my conscience or keep me up at night because he seems like a retard? I mean...I want to vent my anger on this person like a cloud of locust sent from the Lord! Is it because he suffered as a child? Because he grew up in Britain? Why? Or am I just mean? Thoughts to ponder as I compose a thought provoking e-mail to the malfunctioning Mr. Pentin.

Yeah, I know that the Isrealites-in-America thing flies in the face of archaeology, but what I really want to know is if the average "Mormon on the street" actually believes in that stuff. Remember that it's still the official position of the Catholic church that the Earth is about 6000 years old ... but most Catholics (or at least the educated ones) don't actually believe that.

In any case, if we start using science to pick apart religion - which is not the purpose of science, nor has it ever been - than none of them are going to stand up.

I guess I just want to know how much of that mythology the average Mormon believes.

S

I emailed the little buttplug and invited him to visit my site too.
:}

Oh and XTREME ONE is cordially invited too.
Chemical lobotomy recipients are fun reading!

Oh, and I really want some of those magic Mormon underwear!

(And for the record, Ill take a God-fearing Mormon over a God hating commie retard any day of the week.)

Ok, I am going to hell, I swore I would never do this to another human being again, but I was drunk and feeling silly.

I signed Limmy up for the Nambla news letter :)

yes, I am ashamed of my self

btw Frank if you get a news letter from Nambla, er just mail wash it ok.

if he blocks you, just send your e-mail from a different address

Re: Mormons.

No magic underwear. We have fuddy-duddy style underwear to remind us of the covenants we made to God in a sacred place we call a 'temple'. Not all Mormons wear them. Not all members go to the temple to make these covenants. Nothing magic at all, sorry.

Re: Joseph Smith. We believe he was called of God to translate writings on gold tablets written in ancient America by a group of Jews lead out of Jerusalem around 600 BC. More to it than that, but that's a brief one liner about him and the origins of the Book of Mormon.

Evidence? Here's a member site that I have found useful : http://www.jefflindsay.com/BMEvidences.shtml

Note, not an offical site. He could be wrong about everything and anything. But he makes some compelling arguments. Well, compelling to me, but what do I know? I am just a member of a cult. Check his site out if you are interested. In all things of faith, the evidence isn't ironclad, but neither does it "fl[y] in the face of archaeology"

God gives us plenty of wiggle room when it comes to faith, no?

Re: 50 years marrying 13 years olds? The church is against that. This is not a practice we engage in or condone.

Re: Marrying the dead? A bit tricky to explain quickly, but I'll try.
First, we don't marry the living to the dead, so don't get any ideas.
Second, we believe we can be married past death through the temple marriage. A marriage that is eternal and everlasting can be done only in the temple. We also believe that the dead desire to be married forever, too, so we do their work for them by proxy.

Whew! I think that tackles the first round. I don't have all the answers, but I'll do my best to try to answer them.

I e-mailed him this:

Dear Limy,

I have been reeding you're e-mails on IMAO and thay are very good. You should right more becuse teh stupid Amerians needs to now the truth. You should tell him more to teech him and maybee show him why he shouldn't be a riht-wing fassist. You are very good. I am from Amrica to but I AM SMART NOT LIEK THEM. OOPS, I GOT MY BUTON STUCK ALL IN CAPEITELS AND I DONT KNOW HOW TOO TURN IT OF BUT I CAN STILL TELL YOU I THINK YOU ARE GOOD. MAY BE I CAN GO TO HAVRAD TOO AND BE MORE SMART LIKE YOU AND TELL THOSE RIGT-WING GUYS THEY ARE RWONG. IT WILL BE VARY COOL!!!!1111 YOU SHOULD WRIET MORE LETERS TOO THEM BECAUS THAT WILL HELP TEHM TO LERN. WON TIME I RED A BOOK MY MICHEL MOORE AND IT WAS GOOD SO I SAW TEH TRUHT. I HOPE YUO WIRTE HIM AGAN AND HE WILL LERAN.

FROM YOU'RE FREIND
AMERCIAN WHO KNWOS TEH TRUTH!!!!!!!!1111111111111

sandor,
There is no official Catholic belief on the age of the earth or evolution.

Frank would you object to me acting as "Hank K." your brother/cousin? Or as I will explain in the email...Brosin?

http://www.lds.org/newsroom/mistakes/0,15331,3885-1-18078,00.html

Here what looks like a pretty relavant site to answer your questions about our beliefs concerning the ancient inhabitants of the Americas. Try the PDF file first.

Also, our church isn't factionalized like many churches are. Therefore, if you are a member of our church, you have the same beliefs as every other person who actually believes. Some people may claim to be Mormon but not believe in some parts of our beliefs; those people are not considered to be Mormon. It's everything or nothing.

Hmmm...You DO realize that Jesus never went to the Americas right? John Smith went to america...and killed some indians and then married an indian and had weird little half indian half english children with funny names like "squatting johnson." Understand that when you die you will not go to another planet and become a god/goddess. And that it's not wrong to drink caffeine or in some cases, alchohol. I just want to make that very clear to you. In case you were still wondering...Oh and yes...Joseph Smith was a crackhead.

I suppose "cult," in the broadest sense of the word, could be applied to all religions, but the connotations of the word is what I really objected to.

And while I'm broadening my definitions, I suppose that I have to agree with your evaluation of the word protestant, sandor.

Sorry for the double post. Here's my first draft of my limey letter, assuming Frank will permit me to act as his brosin. Any suggestions?

Hi, I'm Hank K. Frank J.'s cousin. We're also brothers. Please don't hate my brosin. (Brosin is a brother who's also your cousin! They're real popular down here in RedneckVille Texas! We also have broncles, sisunts, and every now and then....we even get an occasional mother! (mom whos your brother...)). What's a lime? I noticed you called yourself a limey, which sounds a lot like lime, which is a word I hear every now and then when I go to midget porn chatrooms, which I go to only to learn more about the fascinating anatomy of midgets...I want to know what a Lime is so I can know why you called yourself a Limey so I can find out if I want to be a Limey and take whatever steps neccesary to be a Limey and then be thrust among Limeyhood! Is it fun to be a Limey? What a joyous word! Limey...Limey...LimeyLimeyLimeyLimeyLimey!
sorry I rambled. Anyways, please forgive my dear aunt brosin. And hey, no matter how hard you stomp your feet and how long you hold your breath, Jesus will always love you! At least that's what your mother always said. Wait...what?

I didnt double post...that black dude posted right before me....thought im probably double posting now and apologize

though* sorry for triple post

Wow, talk about hijacking a thread.

Oh and Sloofus: Yes he did, that's a fundamental tenet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

http://www.mormon.org/learn/0,8672,1144-1,00.html

That's to clear up your afterlife quote.

We do not think it is wrong to drink caffeine, as with all things, it should be taken in moderation. It's just steeped drinks like coffee and most teas (don't ask me why, I don't remember the exact reason, so I'll probably just confuse you even more). There's nothing wrong with a bottle of Coke. However, we treat alcohol just like a drug and just say no.

And that last sentence? All I have to say is: ??????????????????

I would invite everyone who hasn't already decided what us "wacky Mormons" believe to find out what we actually DO believe at www.mormon.org .

Dear Sloofus :
" you die you will not go to another planet and become a god/goddess"

Of course not! The church doesn't teach that I will be a god/goddess. No siree, no dual sex beings here. We teach that I will become a God and my wife a Goddess and you a bootlicking toady singing our praises for eternity! Muahahaha. Wait, that's an Evil cackle and I will be Good personified.

How about : Hahaha-Halleluiah!

My best friend whom I've known since kindergarten is or was rather a mormon. I've done plenty of research on it. I was being arrogant in my previous post

And even though its a belief that Jesus went to America, it isn't a fact.

It is the official stance of IMAO and it's subsidiaries (of which there are none) that Mormons are nice people. There will be no more debate on that subject. Please stick to mocking The Limey.

yes SAHR! So can i be your brosin?

Sounds like a good idea.
Ha ha! Limeys are funny.

I imagine by now limey's email is stuffed "plum full" as we would say back in the sticks, so I'll pass on that particular pleasure.

Frank: I've owned a number of things that brought me much pleasure. Monkeys. Lutefisk. AR-15's... and oh so much more. I've never owned an actual real, live Limey though. I had a poster of one, but my monkey destroyed it. I'm not sure what happened due to a dizzy spell, but when I recovered, that Elizabeth Hurley poster was a soggy mess. Bad monkey got a real flogging for that one, let me tell you.

I was wondering: is there a waiting period for buying Limeys? Are they relatively hardy? I mean, that monkey can nip kindof hard, and I don't want the Limey dropping dead over a couple of missing toes or fingers.

Maybe you could post a FAQ on Limey ownership, use and maintenence to help clear this all up.

as I said before...I'm sure I'll probably go blind or "go to Hell" for this..."mocking the limey"...or, more appropiately...making fun of the mentally challenged, but on an aside...Joseph Smith was quite the drinker and I think he was coming off a drunk when he "heard" a salamander talk to him (the angel Moroni) and THAT'S how the whole thing got started I guess. Go figure.

Frank

why dont you just change your email address?
or forward it to someone else to send it to the limey™

Yes. Ignore doofus..er..sloofus.

Hmm that was quite original. I don't I've ever heard that one before...someone mistakes my name for DOOFUS! did you really come up with that on your own? Tell me are oyu Jewish? You are a really FUNNY person!

I sent the limey an email:

Dear Limey,

Perhaps you should look up the word "Parody" in the dictionary - try the Oxford Concise Dictionary - you know Oxford in south England...

Hey I have an idea. Why don't you surf the web and see if you can find a website that actually writes parodies? Heck, you don't even have to search 'cause I know a good one - it belongs to this crazy redneck American friend of mine, Frank. Anyway, his site is http://imao.us/ - Check it out!

Oh, and btw, Rage Against the Machine sucks monkeys ass.

Your pal,
Clancy

Oh - and one more thing. My Dad went to school with Socialist McFascist who is Fascist McFascist brother. Both of them McFacist boys were asses.

Frank:

I think you should add Tony "The Limey" Pentin and Fascist McFascist to your ever-growing list of "In My World" characters.

Martin

I couldn't let Capt. Limey of the Limey Brigade off without a response from a proud member of the VWRC. So, I offered this up to him.

I saw in your e-mail to American Frank, that you extoll the pussiness of your version of soccer, commonly known as football in Limeyland. Maybe, you should try a sport known as rugby. They are tough compared to the soccer players. It is also a sport from Limeyland. Now, onto Geroge Gallaway, he was sacked because he took bribes from that Saddom guy in some country called Iraq. That George Gallawy guy is also related to Yassir Arafat. That makes him a terrorist in my book. Oh, hold on a second. My butler told me that some homeless person is begging for food. I know whatI'll do, I'll give, some lead from my .45. Problem solved. So is it bad that Tony Blair want to privatize health care in Limeyland? I mean I know that I'm not as enlightened as a socialistcommunsitlimey, but Amerika's heath care system is the best in the world, and our systom is all private. And another thing about music, why don't you listen to bands from Limeyland, you know like Judas Priest, Iron Maiden , Black Sabbath (Dio era) (btw, Dio is Amerikan which is why that was Sabbath's best years).
All the best to you, I hope that next time the Fascists are ready to take over the world, that Amerika steps in to help before you and those of you socilaistcommunistlimey ilk are shipped off to some "reducation" camp to learn what real fascism is.

Adam
http://baldeaglesnest.blogspot.com
P.S. I know American Frank through an evil cabal commonly known as the Vast Right Wing Comspiracy. Whoops, know that it's out, I guess I'm on my way to Limeyland to introduce you to Mr. .45.

OK...I did it...I've e-mailed (or tormented, whichever you prefer) "the limey" a piece of my mind and I can already feel my vision dimming! I just KNOW his teeth are rotten from shoddy British denistry which have affected his brain cells driving him to attack poor Frank J. The rustic backwoodsman of Florida. Oohhh...evil is loose in our world...must update my eyeglasses.

Typical liberal vs conservative debate:

Liberal 1: communism helps people, and is good

Conservative: Are you mad? Communism just plain doesn't work. It's naive in idea and horrible in practice.

Liberal 2: no stfu u r stupid u just hate poor ppl

Liberal 1: haha i wuz goin g too say taht

Liberal 3, aka Liberal 1: me 2

Liberal 1: your my new best freind

Liberal 4, aka Liberal 1: communism helps workers and workers r good b/c tehy bild stuff

Liberal 2: u make my peepee feel weird

Liberal 1: me 2

hey i really like the site obviously i am a business man and democrats=pickpockets to me...so i am right wing. i will never advocate socialism no matter what the europeans say....so what's with the limey's hate and use of negative words to banter that of someone who is willing to listen to his views (listen and think about what nuking em would be like) but i don't advocate war after all make bombs not war!!! is what i say, but heck it's fun to let other countries know we are strong i thank God i am in this country. we have to be strong, weak countries lose out, we need real men not meely mouths who call people baby killers while advocating abortion (hey my stance is bold but hey i didn't call anyone a baby killer DID I)...well maybe my comments are bold but the real men and women of strength fight for freedom right..and don't take the abortion comment too far just making a point about being contradictory
-ps my dad is a vietnam veteran the women and children he saved during his mission are forever in gratitude to him so wishing people like that to die is a crime and should be punished limey watch who you pick fights with, as leftists tend be vegetarians and eat tofu and can generally be picked up and thrown by rightists who eat things like juicy steak...YUM well A1 is opetional but good hehe.
matt

I wasn't going to mention rugby, I swear I wasn't. But now that Mr. Madison has done so, let me say that there is absolutely no way, no conceivable way, that Limey ever has played rugby, or ever will play rugby.

I doubt he has ever really played soccer either, though undoubtedly he's a spectator.

By the way, I don't think it's fair to say that rugby players are "tougher" than soccer players (or visa versa). Besides, lots of guys have played both.

A socialist/democrat arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see your type around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." With that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green parklike expanse with splemdid mansions scattered about. Standing in front of him are all his friends and all the politicians he had voted for. Everyone is very happy and looking fine. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while working for the people. He has a wonderful 24 hours, with every wish taken care of by respectful domestics. He and his friends play golf for the afternoon and then retire to one of the mansions where they dine on lobster, brie, caviar and wine. They are entertained by a variety of Hollywood activists and dance the evening away. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time mingling and telling jokes. He spends the night with a willing young coed from a small liberal arts college. He is having such a great time overall that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator takes him up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the socialist/democrat visiting contented souls scattered throughout a varied landscape, living in comfort and helping each other out when necessary, but generally doing for themselves while going about their daily business with good cheer. He has an ok time but the 24 hours can't go by fast enough and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The socialist/democrat immediately answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been ok, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land with miserable hovels scattered about and covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags and organized into groups under the direction of grinning demons, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.

The devil comes over to him and gives him a garbage bag.

"I don't understand," stammers the socialist/democrat. "Yesterday I was here and this was a beautiful manicured park and club, and we ate
lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says;

"Yesterday we were campaigning for your vote."

I can't belive it! I actually got a yahoo account for facist_mcfacist! I wonder if the wanker will answer? I really hope so. Frank,if I get a response would you like a copy?

Hey! I sent the limey the following email. I hope he reads it! B-) As always, any profane language has been sanitized for The Children(tm).

Hello there, how do you do? Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Carl, an avid fan and reader of our mutual friend Frank J on www.imao.us. I was greatly saddened to find out that you'll be blocking Frank's email addy because I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading the wondrous banter that goes back and forth between you. The Redneck and the Limey...sounds like it could almost be a sitcom...except it's a million times greater! So, I would ask you to please reconsider blocking Frank's email! :-)

In addition, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that I too am a big fan of Rage Against the Machine, especially their song "Wake Up". It was kinda weird to have a political song during the end credits of "The Matrix", but still, it sounded cool.

While we're on the subject of songs, I have some lyrics I'd like to share with you. This is an updated version of Charlie Daniels' "In America". The original version, written during the time of USSR, can be found here: http://www.charliedaniels.com/lyrics/inamerica.html

We'll the eagle's been flying slow, and the
flag's been flying low, and a lot of people's
saying that America's fixing to fall. But
speaking just for me and some people from
Tennessee, we got a thing or two to tell
you all. This lady may have stumbled but she
ain't never fell. And if our enemies don't
believe that they can all go straight to hell.
We're gonna put her feet back on the path
of the righteousness and then God bless America
again.

And you never did think that it ever would
happen again. In America, did you? You never
did think that we'd ever get together again.
Well we d*mn sure fooled you. We're walking
real proud and we're talking real loud again in
America. You never did think that it ever would
happen again.

Once more, I hope you'll resume your correspondence with Frank! :)

God bless,
Carl

As to the soccer vs rugby vs football has anyone ever seen a 350 lbs. that can run a 40 in 4.7 play either rugby or soccer. Could you even image an NLF line playing rugby?

My email to the limey:

Dear limey,

I was just reading your email exchange with Frank at IMAO when I came accross the following statement:

"Fascist McFascist - he doesn't exist. The sooner you come to terms with that the better!"

I had to take issue with that, because here I am, in person. You should get your facts straight, limey, and stop spreading lies about me. By the way, don't let Frank know I'm still alive. I'd hate for the United States Marine Corps to come back here to Fascistan and empty the magazines of their M-16 rifles into me again. That really hurt! Now, where's my damn apricots?

The pal of limeys everywhere,

Fascist McFascist

P.S. Oh, and blocking Frank's email, that was a cowardly thing to do. I thought that you limeys were made of tougher stuff. I guess not...

My email to Tony:

Subj: please pleeeeeeeease

Keep sending those mirthy emails of yours to my cousin Frank. You're teaching him a lesson he needs, particularly that stuff about subjects agreeing with they verbs.

regards,

Rip_Rip -

I was an offensive guard for seventeen years (back in the days when, at least at the lower levels, there was still a place in football for human-sized human beings), and a prop forward (same thing in rugby) for about twenty years after that. Full disclosure - loved both, wasn't very successful at either.

Corresponding to football's backs and linemen, rugby has backs and forwards. Because of differences between the two sports, rugby forwards do alot more running than football linemen (at the highest levels of rugby, forwards run about seven miles during a match). So even the guys at the heaviest rugby positions (prop forward and lock forward) are going to weigh alot less than their football counterparts (OL and DL). When I was still paying atention, at the highest levels, props and locks weighed about 240-250 lbs., and still had excellent cardio fitness. Maybe they're even bigger now, but they still need that level of cardio fitness.

A wonderful thing about rugby is that if you're an ordinary young guy (or even not so young) who wants to play real American type football (not touch or flag, though there's absolutely nothing wrong with those), then rugby is your only practical alternative. Rugby is neither better nor worse than touch or flag (you know, apples and oranges), but it is much closer to real football than either. And rugby is much safer than real football, though it does require more running. And for many reasons, football is not a practical choice.

A couple of us have tried to convince Frank J. how much he would love rugby, but apparently he remains unpersuaded.

Rugby, soccer, 'football', Football (i.e., REAL Football, with beer ads and cheerleaders and 'wardrobe malfunctions') All I can say is... Whatever.

Who really cares when there's NASCAR?

(oh, and BEER!) YeeeeeHAAW!

commuter:

Loved that story!!

LOL

What in the world does Oregon have to do with us Mormons?

Oregon - we're closer to Planet Kolob than most folk.

How the hell does he get off defending the ETA?

They aren't even seeking to overthrow the Spanish government, they're a socialist Basque group.
ETA stands for Basqu Fatherland and Liberty.

Retarded Limey, doesn't even know European politics

hocky!!! hello???

Since I was out of town I missed the adventures of the brit trying to take back what he lost....aka America. Here is my email
--------------
Dude, come on.....Why are you blocking those at IMAO.us? Is it because they are making you look stupid (see I can spell it right) or that you really did stop living in your mother's house and went out and got a real job (you know job=just over broke).

Anyways, hope you enjoy your life over there. Want to visit sometime.

Joe

Hahaha . . . Oregon closer to Kolob. What a laugh. I personally thought Eugene, Oregon housed a portal to Outer Darkness, but that's just me.

I must've read something too fast...

George Bush was in a band called "Rage Against The Marines"?

PETA is attacking Spain?

Limeys are voting in our elections for Margaret Thatcher?

Nurse--I need my meds!

HehehehHAHAHAHAAAAAAA... Looks like Something Awful played right into your hands, Frank. Take a look...

Rage Aganst the Machine's New Album

beutiful, just read the series, my sides hurt now, hopefully a few hours of class will help me to recoup...

It strikes me that "mocking the limey" is an excellent euphemism for "flogging the dolphin".

The issue is not finding another rabid socialist. It is finding another that is not able to detect sarcasm, no matter how obvious. That is a rare mental disorder, a mild form of autism.

Call him a Pom, Poms hate that.

Yep, that mild form of autism is called Asperger's Syndrome. When you are cornered at a party by someone who appears to be a professional bore with no boundaries or sense of humor, to the point where his spittle is spraying your face as he rehashes ancient conspiracy theories at you - that's Asperger's. Computer programmers who go postal - Asperger's. Hope that's a clear enough definition.

I think Limey's problem is common. A Brazilian friend once told me that in his country, everyone understands that ENVY is the dominant force in all human intercourse. Unfortunately if your brain has been rewired by propaganda in the form of terrible, immune-system-damaging "music", you also get to believe that it's not envy you're feeling, but MORAL SUPERIORITY. Talk about your blanket amnesty: you not only get to piss your life away shooting Russkie heroin and swilling lager, spraying pinko grafitti everywhere and claiming dole checks for people that don't even exist (like the Jihad-preaching Imam of a certain London mosque) - you get to think you're better than people who work for a living while doing so! You become so warped your slogan becomes the nightmarishly evil "Good people bad, bad people good."

You could almost feel sorry for the bastard (after all, he's sick, right?) - except that he did it to himself, willingly and happily. So I say unto you, napalm the Limey and all those like him, and do it with righteous joy in your hearts. God bless the USA.

Hey, folks... lay off of soccer, errrrrrrr futball or foozbahl or fewt'bahl or zugha'lapfh'ak (I speak several Euro-dialects and Esperanza).

It's not much of a sport, mainly due to the frustration factor of not being able to use your perfectly good hands. I mean, we are builders; our hands build great cities and machines that can fly to the stars. Show me one thing built using just your feet, and I'll show you a wine in a screw-top bottle! The extreme frustration created by suppression of the natural human impulse to manipulate (the word even comes from the Esperantish word for hand) an object in order to gain advantage is why the fewtbahl players, coaches and fans are always so highly strung.

The frustration is manifested in fans' desire to sing like lunatics at Old Bedlam (now the Imperial War Museum, Open 9-5, daily), brawl and vote LaboUr/Socialist. The game is so boring that players spotaneously act out the death of Ceasar if even slightly touched and regularly score goals against their own side in order to satisfy the desire to break a nil-nil tie, whatever the cost.

Foosball is such a stupid sport, nations have fought a war over a game (the soccer war between El Salvador vs Honduras ended in a tie), playing fields are fenced off from adoring fans in a manner reminescent of the 38th Parallel DMZ, players' children are hounded after Dad's team loses and scorers of an 'auto-goal' can end up getting whacked for it by the local crime syndicate.

So why play this idiotic sport? It's a UN solution to avoid another European Land War. Whereas armies once met on Flanders Fields to settle national differences, soccer houligans now settle these questions on the streets of Paris, London and Grimsby! Like WWWWWF wrasslin' matches, World Cup Soccer is fixed, but in the case of Fuzebal, this is at the behest of the UN High Council on Soccer Outcomes & Silly Walks. Proof of this is in watching these morons play 60 minutes to a 0-0 tie and then settle it with a ridiculous 'shoot-out'. A REAL sport has overtime or sudden death or a freakin' horney toad race, even, to decide the ultimate outcome.

So... the next time you dare to watch the World Cup, remember that there is a method to this insanity. Since the US doesn't play well with the World Kommunity, we always get punked by Swaziland or Nauru or one of those genuine UN 'team players'.

Now ya know....

he is so evil that limey. i mean sure americans can be complete bastrds but we have cool clothes and people that r brave enough to ask for money on the streets, that takes guts. i mean what if u asked a crazy limey and he shot u wit his old school rifle because limeys are to poor to actually bye new ones thats all i have to say bout limeys

actually i just remebered panzy brits arent allowed to have guns. the limey leaders think that the stupid limey minority will shoot themselves (lets hope they do!)

yea nuthin like lunch to make me feel better
after that food i think it will be ok to say that the limey has the right to be mad hes obviously just upset with his crumy pentium 3 processor and only 20 in plasmaq screens while we posses 30 in and UP. hes also probably angry that his coutry doesnt steal oil for him aqnd his cars are no larger than a 7 yr. old child i think i was pretty considerate that time what do u think?