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March 16, 2004
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Spain, Swordless Aussies, Influence, Angry Gun Owners, and A Joke About Martyrdom
* LET'S DESTROY OUR COUNTRY: So, in response to the elections, the Spaniards elect Socialists? This is why, before now, I have never followed politics outside the States. No one here could run as a Socialist and have a chance of winning. Electing Socialist to run your country is just like shooting yourself in the head. No, no... actually, it's more like shooting yourself in stomach. * THE TERROISTS HAVE WON... DEATH!: So now I'm concerned that the terrorists will take the political shift in Spain as a victory, leading to more terror, but then I remember, whether they think they won or not, we're still going to kill them. And then I'm happy. * HERE TO STAY: Now the Spanish Socialists are planning on withdrawing troops from Spain. You've always heard of refuseniks (here's one jerk), but what if the Spaniards refuse to leave and stay to kill terrorists? Then what are they? Killniks? * FAVORITE OF COMMIES AND PINKOS: John Kerry claims that there are foreign leaders who support him, but won't say who. One we know of is Kim Jong Il, as they play anti-Bush John Kerry speeches in North Korea. Another is the incoming Socialist to Spain. Other than that, it looks like he's just doing Gore-esque boasts. Even Chirac won't support him, as the French hate all Americans, even the haughty, French-looking ones, who - by the way - served in Vietnam. * THEN ONLY NINJAS WILL HAVE SWORDS: Bad news for our Aussie friends: they're banning swords. Soon they'll all be dying from ninja attacks with nothing they can do to save themselves. I'm just glad I live in America where I can legally carry a sword with me wherever I go... as long as I can find a way of concealing it. And just wearing a trench coat like in Highlander doesn't actually work. You could try shoving it down the front of your pants, but most people probably won't buy that. * I'M INFLUENTIAL: There is a list of the most influential bloggers and reporters, and Reynolds, who is number one, is skeptical. To help with that skepticism, I'm number 19. Take that, Jodi Wilgoren of the New York Times. * SLACKER GENIUSES: I am ashamed to have graduated from CMU, who have failed DARPA and our country by completing only 5% of the course with their robot Humvee. What? Did they assign the "special" engineers to design the automated vehicle? I say, if a student can't make a Humvee that drives itself, he should be expelled. Now our poor troops have to drive themselves like normal. Sorry guys; you deserve better. * MONKEY NEWS: Six monkeys were found in a man's apartment in New York. Ends up he meant them to be there, but, if you move into a new apartment and find it overrun with monkeys, don't be afraid to bring that up with the super. * POKING TIGERS WITH A SHARP STICK: There is a plan for a Fort Wayne.com in Indiana to publish the names of all concealed weapons permit holders for all sorts of fruity reasons they came up with. Publicola is all over this, and wants to retaliate by publishing as much information as he can about the people from Fort Wayne. Don't those people know that to single out gun owners makes them angry, and, well, they have guns? I say give the angry gun owners the addresses of those pestering them and then see who also becomes gun owners. BTW, there is now an Angry Gun Owner Association site based on my previous idea. * MARTYRS: A reader Rob sent in this joke: Two Arab mothers are sitting in the Gaza strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The oldest mother pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures, and they start reminiscing. It's funny 'cause it's true. 82 Responses To "Bite-Sized Wisdom: Spain, Swordless Aussies, Influence, Angry Gun Owners, and A Joke About Martyrdom"
I'm skeptical too Frank. You should have been higher than #19... #1 - Posted by: Clancy on March 16, 2004 08:52 AM"they blow up so fast" Bwaahhh ha ha ha ha ha. One of the greatest things about terrorists is that they blow themselves up. The CIA did a wonderful job of convincing them that killing them selves would somehow spite us, like it would really harm us to not be the ones who killed them. Let's give a hearty thanks to those terrorists "nice" enough to do themselves in. Skeptical? Nah. Why'd anybody want to be skeptical of that Top 200? I mean, I KNOW for a fact that I'm definitely not among the top 200 most linked to bloggers out there. Heck, hardly anybody knows who I am. Well, except for the EcoSystem and the 3000 or so uniques that pop by every day. No, I'm not bitter ;) Frank your actually 22. #5 - Posted by: Dan on March 16, 2004 10:08 AMWhat! It was 19 this morning! I need to quickly do something influential. #6 - Posted by: Frank J. on March 16, 2004 10:12 AMHey, wait, I'm thinking of attending CMU! Should I change my mind now? #7 - Posted by: The Vigilante on March 16, 2004 10:36 AMNahhhh, Their GPS just shifted 4 metres off to the side causing them to go off the track. Not tooo bad for rewriting all their guidance code three weeks before the meet. #8 - Posted by: tommy on March 16, 2004 11:00 AMCome now. Some of our fellow Americans are sadly silly enough to elect Socialists - look at Bernie Sanders from Vermont. And then there was FDR, and don't forget the second Justice Marshall. #9 - Posted by: Columbus on March 16, 2004 11:31 AM"Legitimate sword owners understand the importance of ensuring that their swords do not fall into the wrong hands," he said. "The vast majority of the community would say, 'Look, there's no place for people just being able to go out there and buy these things and carry them around the street'." Hey! That's the same excuse they used for guns! #10 - Posted by: Russell on March 16, 2004 11:34 AMHey, you've been on my sidebar for quite some time. I just RSS'd you too. Now I'll see them as soon as they come. Thanks. Keep up the great work. Frank...do you date older women? Alright, so this is a bit off topic... But i'm curious.. #12 - Posted by: CCinCali on March 16, 2004 12:17 PMCCinCali, I feel 25...does that count..? oh brother #15 - Posted by: jonag on March 16, 2004 12:47 PMand she's got an eye patch but can still use the good eye for watching Jerry Springer while tossing down bag after bag of doritoes while wistfully recalling the good old days when she had more that 3 teeth to chew them with.....run Frank run! #16 - Posted by: jonag on March 16, 2004 12:50 PMHey! I resemble that remark! Oh, I mean...that's not true at all! How dare you! #17 - Posted by: CCinCali on March 16, 2004 12:51 PMAnd I bought 2 t-shirts! Doesn't that count for anything? #18 - Posted by: CCinCali on March 16, 2004 12:52 PM"No one here could run as a Socialist and have a chance of winning." You have heard of the Democratic Party, right? #19 - Posted by: Ared on March 16, 2004 12:55 PMhttp://www.rightnation.us/forums/index.php?showtopic=32721&st=40 Proof I have all my front teeth.. #20 - Posted by: CCinCali on March 16, 2004 01:12 PMAhh, My eyes! Hey now..! People rarely use their back teeth anyway! #22 - Posted by: CCinCali on March 16, 2004 01:29 PMThe socialists are withdrawing the troops from Spain? Or did you mean Iraq? #23 - Posted by: Futility on March 16, 2004 01:33 PMYou've now dropped to 23... I'm very disappointed Frank, I expected much more from you! :-P #24 - Posted by: BerkeleyGirl on March 16, 2004 01:35 PMWhy do I keep dropping! What's happening? What am I doing wrong? I still outrank Jonah Goldberg who I decided to make my nemesis (I don't think Scrappleface is even on the list). #25 - Posted by: Frank J. on March 16, 2004 01:42 PMCCinCali is very lovely, as are all my female readers. (cue the "awwww") #26 - Posted by: Frank J. on March 16, 2004 01:43 PMWhat about your male readers, Frank? I'm from Massachusetts, and I demand my equal rights! #27 - Posted by: Taxachusetts on March 16, 2004 01:50 PMI was just teasing you CCinCali, I'm glad you can take a joke!! You're in! : - D #28 - Posted by: jonag on March 16, 2004 02:23 PMjonag - I'm finally in?? Well I demand a refund for those t-shirts I bought cause apparently that didn't work for me at all.. But it did make a liberal co-worker of mine pretty livid the other day... Never mind, I'll keep them. :) #29 - Posted by: CCinCali on March 16, 2004 03:11 PMHow many of your female readers have you actually seen? Ohhhhhhhh...a contest...what kind, BerkeleyGirl? With any luck, it will ;-) hehe, just kidding... well, kinda #32 - Posted by: BerkeleyGirl on March 16, 2004 03:29 PMmmmm....BerkeleyGirl+water+thin white T-shirt=too much for the mind to take ;-) #33 - Posted by: Brit_Student on March 16, 2004 03:37 PMmmmm....BerkeleyGirl+water+thin white T-shirt=too much for the mind to take ;-) #34 - Posted by: Brit_Student on March 16, 2004 03:38 PMApologies for the double-post....obviously *someones* distracting me :-p #35 - Posted by: Brit_Student on March 16, 2004 03:38 PMHey- Hell yeah, the people next door suck- bunch of stupid commies!... but so do the guys down the street, and the block over, and... Bob: My thoughts exactly. CCinCali: If Frank is out of range, my best friend is 38, single, and an intellectual dynamo (in Orange County). Are you particular about hair? Frank: I checked out the Angry Gun Owners Web site. If it weren't so spot-on, I might suspect it as being a liberal trap (we all know Leftists don't understand irony or satire). After all, what kind of pro-gun organization would demand a list of all your firearms (make, model, caliber) as a condition of membership? And who in their right mind would actually submit a list? Not this paranoid right-wing Christian angry gun owner. Finally, a lot of their site sounds immature and irresponsible, and potentially damaging to the cause. Sounds very fishy to me. #39 - Posted by: Curtis the Former Marine on March 16, 2004 05:01 PM(How do I say this politely?) FOR GOD'S SAKE FRANK!!! WHY AREN'T YOU ALREADY ON A PLANE TO CALIFORNIA?? WERE YOU LIKE WAITING FOR AN INVITATION?? NO, THAT COULDN'T BE IT, YOU GOT THE FREAKIN' INVITATION!!! YOU'RE NOT A MUSLIM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE OTHER 71!!! (In my day, young conservative intellectual humorists didn't have to be hit on the head with a shovel) #40 - Posted by: Roger Glass on March 16, 2004 05:10 PMCurtis - What do you mean, particular about hair? Color? or if he has any? You know, I don't really want to blow Frank off like that.. Hmmmm...that might have been a poor choice of words.. #41 - Posted by: CCinCali on March 16, 2004 05:13 PMFrank: Well, I joined the Angry Gun Owners Association. If they try to take my guns....hehehe, it'll be good, 'cause I get to see if my target practice is paying off. I was gonna put I owned a flamethrower too....but I don't. I only got to shoot one when I was down in Kentucky. Check out: http://www.machinegunshoot.com/ And yes, it is real. I've been there many times in the past. Frank, you should go. In fact, everyone should go. #43 - Posted by: Haagus on March 16, 2004 05:16 PMANGRY GUN OWNERS ASSOCIATION The option to list your firearms is not a liberal trap. Its an opportunity for you to brag about what kind of firepower you have. You dont have to join if you dont want to, 'Curtis the Former Marine'. Its all for kicks. No need to get yer kevlar panties in a bind. #44 - Posted by: Chad Coleman on March 16, 2004 05:29 PMTO FRANK J Also, if its not too much trouble frank. The correct address is angrygunowners.ORG. its for the trackers sake. thanks. #45 - Posted by: Chad Coleman on March 16, 2004 05:32 PMConcerning the Aussie law banning swords: Will there be pre-ban and post-ban swords? Will a sharp 3 foot long icicle be considered a sword? How about a swordfish head? Where will sharp, rapier-like wit fall? #46 - Posted by: TrooperJohnSmith on March 16, 2004 05:32 PMThe option to list your firearms is not a liberal trap. Its an opportunity for you to brag about what kind of firepower you have. What if I just put down "Many"? BTW, the M220E4 TOW II was my weapon. :D You dont have to join if you dont want to... I don't? Well, you can't get more non-liberal than free choice... count me in. #47 - Posted by: Curtis the Former Marine on March 16, 2004 05:52 PMFrank, Don't be too upset about CMU. About eight years ago, I saw them in one of their hummers driving down I-79 "hands off." They were moving between 55~60 mph, too. PLEASE tell me you are on a plane to see CCinCali! Go now. #48 - Posted by: Lou on March 16, 2004 06:11 PMI through suddenly hopping on planes to see women. Burned way too many times. I wonder if I'll ever be able to open my heart again... #49 - Posted by: Frank J. on March 16, 2004 06:27 PMI have a suggestion for the Ft. Wayne, IN population. Why not find out who's behind this? See if *they* have a conceal carry permit. Then, publish THEIR information for all to see. Obviously, they've got to be rich, so they're a target either way, just as they seek to make targets out of those citizens who lawfully practice their right to a conceal carry permit and back it up. If this party has a permit, then obviously they have some other agenda for these actions. Having a permit will discredit them to begin with. Better yet. Why not publish the names and info of all those who don't have a cc permit? Feel free to put this in your local paper or on the Internet under the title "homes and businesses without protection". If they feel that it's bad for us to have permits and weapons, then they should feel proud to have it known that they're defenseless. That way less gremlins get greeted by Mr. Colt or Mssrs. Smith and Wesson when they go to rob people? *spit in disgust at the goon* #50 - Posted by: Revandryn on March 16, 2004 06:41 PMHeart? Heart? WRONG ORGAN, FRANK!!! Well at least, 70 years from now on your deathbed, you'll take comfort in not having risked that round trip air fare for a chance at Shambala. Be sure to spend that saved money in heaven. #51 - Posted by: Roger Glass on March 16, 2004 06:54 PMCCinCali: Hair, lack of. Tired of fighting nature, so he shaves it off. It looks way better than it did back in the 80s when he had the full-on Billy Idol 'do going. Or does it...? #52 - Posted by: Curtis the Former Marine on March 16, 2004 07:10 PMFrank, I though you were 24 going on your 25 June 4, 2004. You should have born in 1979, did you ? You are too young to desperate about women. Try a singular instead of plural and you'll see, it works. #54 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 07:27 PMAmphy, baby! As incomprehensible as ever. :D #55 - Posted by: Curtis the Former Marine on March 16, 2004 07:32 PMCCinCali, Girls, That's Frank photo album and that's Frank's favorite song. :) #57 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 07:57 PMCurtis, Billy Idol sang a song called White Wedding. It was my favorite song when I was about 15. #58 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 08:01 PMAmphitryon! Anyway, the idea being 72 on IMAO is much more funny. #62 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 08:17 PMCurtis, Billy Idol sang a song called White Wedding. You mean that old British guy from The Wedding Singer? He sings? I'm only kidding. I mean, you'd think that with a best friend who aped Billy Idol, I'd know who he is. But there is that PTSD to think about. #63 - Posted by: Curtis the Former Marine on March 16, 2004 08:21 PMAmphi, This is Billy's web site, and that is White Wedding from an other site: Hey little sister what have you done It's a nice day to start again Hey little sister what have you done It's a nice day to start again (come on) (Pick it up) It's a nice day for a white wedding You can buy the album and listen to abstracts here. #65 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 08:57 PMLet's just say that I am a member of Generation X, but just barely. #67 - Posted by: jonag on March 16, 2004 09:00 PMCome on Jonag. You are married aren't you, so it does not matter. #68 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 09:03 PMAll right, don't tell your age but tell us your Chinese animal. #69 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 09:17 PMHey Frank, I live in California too. I have a lot of female friends here who are HUGE fans of yours too. Just to let you know... #70 - Posted by: BerkeleyGirl on March 16, 2004 09:31 PMBerkeleyGirl, Frank is a shy guy, so the thing is, you list the aim names and you convey of an AIM appointment with Frank that you send him by email... so you see, he won't have much choice than to talk with you. :) #71 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 09:50 PMAmphi, I am a rooster and I would only marry a Tiger or a Dragon and my really favorite is the Tiger. #73 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 10:23 PMFrank, the Sheep is really you on everything. #74 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 16, 2004 10:27 PMI'm married to a rabbit and he's cute even if he is losing his hare. Bud-ump-bah! #76 - Posted by: jonag on March 16, 2004 11:35 PMSheep mmmmm I knew he was a baaaa-aaaad boy. Ooooohhhh I am a tiger, and my wife is a Rabbit. Theres some sorta sick sexual joke mixed in there, I just can't figure it out. #77 - Posted by: Monster Kabasue on March 16, 2004 11:57 PMMonster Kabasue, have you ever been punched in the nose by a woman. I think that castration applies to you, because tigers are also nice on trophies when they are bestial animals as you. I know to spit also. You are a fuck bunch of dirt. "You don't send porn", but you think porn and dare to argue your joke with it. You and the Limey are just pissing me really off. If there are reasons to hate IMAO, you are one of those. Beurk, beurk, beurk and bang. #78 - Posted by: Amphitryon on March 17, 2004 03:43 AMMan, all the women are in California. I'll have to visit my sister there sometime. Why did I have to end up in this woman-less desert that is Melbourne! Why does cruel fate mock me! Why! #79 - Posted by: Frank J. on March 17, 2004 06:50 AMFate doesn't give a damn about us Frank. Except for the mocking thing. Fate loves that crap. #80 - Posted by: Dave in Texas on March 17, 2004 12:38 PMDAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!!! I was born in the year of the FREAKING MONKEY! I am so ashamed. #81 - Posted by: Lou on March 17, 2004 06:49 PMThink porn? you do know I am married right? Where do you think kids come from? Should I be cold and unfeeling to my wife, or should I be romantic and tender? two quick things Post a comment
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