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March 16, 2004
Target of Opportunity
Posted by Frank J. at 07:17 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (37)

Since some website has ranked me quite influential, I've decided to use this opportunity to steal the job of my arch-nemesis, Jonah Goldberg (yeah, he doesn't know I exist, but it helps to aim high with your arch-nemeses). Jonah Goldberg likes to write funny columns about politics, but I plan to write even funnier columns about politics... so funny that the world will never be the same. Anyhoo, here is what I wrote Rich Lowry:

To: comments.lowry@nationalreview.com
From: imao@cfl.rr.com
Subject: A message to Rich Lowry from one of the most influential bloggers and/or reporters

According to a website I had previously never heard of that has ranked the most influential reporters and bloggers on the web (http://www.blogrunner.com/snapshot/top-authors-00.html), my blog, IMAO, currently ranks at 23, higher than such respected NY Times Columnists as Thomas L. Friedman and William Safire and such disrespected NY Time Columnists as Maureen Dowd. More importantly, Jonah Goldberg ranks a measly 44. Obviously, to keep National Review Online influential, you must fire that lazy Goldberg and hire me in his place. While I write five times a week even though I have a regular 9 to 5 job, Jonah Goldberg barely hacks out one column a week though his only other duty is to watch his dog chase Jacobin squirrels. Plus, I’d be much cheaper, since, having no experience with column writing, you could quote any salary to me and tell me its fair, and I’d be completely credulous. Also, I’ve designed t-shirts for one of NRO’s main advertisers, ThoseShirts.com, so we practically work together already. If you need any more convincing, I’m sure I could get up to five references that I write good.

You’d be a fool to pass up this opportunity… a complete and utter fool.


Frank J. Fleming

Muh ha ha ha! Jonah Goldberg's job is as good as mine, and he'll never know what hit him!

UPDATE: I got this response which adds to nearly four full words: "will ck out yr stuff". The plan is in motion...

Oh wait; he'll see this. Everyone hide!

Anyhoo, going to start working on a new In My World™ for tomorrow morning that I think everyone is going to love. Make sure to check it out... especially if you're Rich Lowry.

Rating: 2.1/5 (21 votes cast)

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