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April 01, 2004
In My Bizzaro World: Chomps Meets Barney
Barney, President Bush's little Scotty dog, scampered across the floor of the White House, pushing a ball with his nose. Eventually, his ball rolled to the feet of another dog, a large rottweiler who seized the ball and swallowed it. "Yipe! Yipe!" Barney said in protest. This seemed to make the rottweiler angry. Very angry. * * * * President Bush sat at his desk in the Oval Office and started to get a little bored. "Barney! Come here boy!" he called out to get a little distraction. There was no response. "Come here, Barney!" Bush tried again, "Where are you, boy?" He soon heard footsteps coming his way. Entering the Oval Office was little Barney. "There you are," Bush said. "Yipe! Yipe!" Barney answered. Bush saw something peculiar on Barney and slowly approached him. "What's that on your mouth? Is it... blood?" "Yipe! Yipe!" Barney said as Bush looked out in the hallway. Bush quickly turned away from the scene. "You ripped out Chomps's throat!" Bush yelled at Barney, "Bad dog!" "Yipe! Yipe!" Barney said in his defense as he wagged his tail. "Mr. President, I have a matter to discuss with you," Rumsfeld said as he walked down the hallway, "It's about... Oh Dear Lord!" Rumsfeld knelt before Chomps. "What happened to my beautiful dog?" "Apparently he did something that made Barney angry," Bush said, "I'm sorry." Hearing the commotion, Laura Bush, Condi, Cheney, and Scott McClellan came running. All gasped at what they saw. "How could such a thing happen?" Rumsfeld sobbed. "Somehow, I get the feeling this could have been avoided if more people had clicked on the ads of some website and bought its t-shirts," Bush pondered aloud, "but it's too late now. Nothing can bring Chomps back." "Yipe! Yipe!" Barney said in agreement and then pushed a little ball across the hallway with his nose. "This is it for me," Rumsfeld said, "I just can't be an angry warmonger anymore." "It puts everything in perspective," Bush stated, "I don't think I like all this warring either. I don't even want to be president again. I think it's time to finally pursue my dream." "Become a fry cook?" Laura asked. "Exactly." "I guess I never really liked war myself," Rumsfeld said, wiping away his tears, "What I really want to do is teach basketball to inner-city youths." "I'm tired of being a shill for Halliburton," Cheney announced, "I'm going back to my old job: strip-club DJ." "And I don't think I've been militant enough," Condi stated, "So I'm going to join the new Black Panthers." "And I guess you'll be a librarian again," Bush said to his wife. "Actually, supervillian," Laura answered, "I already had one run-in with Batman, and I think I learned enough from it to defeat him next time." "Good for you, honey," Bush told her, and then looked to Scott. "You're always so quiet and mysterious; what are your plans?" "I'm going to be an undercover cop who doesn't play by the rules," Scott stated. "Sounds about right," Bush said, and everyone nodded in agreement. "I think we all learned a lot about ourselves today," Bush continued, "I'm just sorry it took the death of Chomps to make it happen. Now, let's throw his body in the dumpster out back and then have a group hug." There was little left to say, but Barney said it anyway. "Yipe! Yipe!" 146 Responses To "In My Bizzaro World: Chomps Meets Barney"
wow ... maybe I should have bought a t-shirt. I have dishonored myself and must now swallow a frisbee whole. btw - where was the highlight montage with "Good Riddance" playing in the background? #1 - Posted by: gaskar on April 1, 2004 07:06 AM4 - 1 Thank God #2 - Posted by: Bob on April 1, 2004 07:21 AMSomeone slipped Kryponite into that new logo. Frank's acting strange. #3 - Posted by: keith taylor on April 1, 2004 07:35 AMPentin just emailed me. He's having a get together with the coalition before the next email to Jackass. He's got some great ideas. Pentin is an absolute genius! #4 - Posted by: Spanish Militant on April 1, 2004 07:47 AMShort, sweet and damn funny. Three cheers for Frank J.! #5 - Posted by: Marty on April 1, 2004 07:49 AMFrank, you could not do that. How did you dare to kill Chomps ? You must reanimate it, bring Chomps to the hospital, put Chomps under help oxygen and repair it. It is as if you kill a teddy bear, how can you say that IMAO is a family site when you dare to do this ???!!!!! ? ! I had my dog shot by a gun, it had 42 bullets in the body and we saved it. You must save Chomps as you would do to save flipper the dolphin. If you don't, you're not a man. You're a sissy killer. Everyone, raise here to stop Frank !!! #6 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 1, 2004 07:51 AMFrank you Evil Bastard! I guess I'll just have to go back to DemocratUnderpants now to see humor and anger at the same time. I can't believe you did this. D'Oh......Happy April 1st Everybody.....I just looked at my calendar! #7 - Posted by: Evil Midnight Poster what Posts at Midnight on April 1, 2004 07:57 AMTony is going to write back. #8 - Posted by: XTREME ONE on April 1, 2004 08:06 AMFrank wakes up...and there's Chomps in the shower!!! (or is everybody else too young to remember "Dallas"?) #9 - Posted by: Susie on April 1, 2004 08:06 AMI've seen his leates email - it's excellent. #10 - Posted by: Carl on April 1, 2004 08:06 AMSorry I was writing too fast there. I realised that I spelt a word wrong. #11 - Posted by: Carl on April 1, 2004 08:07 AMI pooped my pants! Arrr! And I have an undying love for Susie, enough to make me give up my piratey ways. #12 - Posted by: Johnny Depp on April 1, 2004 08:07 AMThe Limey writing something genius? Now that would be an April Fools joke. #13 - Posted by: Frank J. on April 1, 2004 08:24 AMYou know, Frank, MT has a nice "ban IP" feature which will take care of your infestation without use of pesticides or other dangerous chemicals. Or you could just make Johnny Depp declare his undying love and adoration for me.... #14 - Posted by: Susie on April 1, 2004 08:26 AMnooooo, not chomps the worlds angriest dog! You're dead to me Frank #15 - Posted by: Masada on April 1, 2004 08:33 AMEditing e-mails is wrong, Susie, and I would never do it. #16 - Posted by: Frank J. on April 1, 2004 08:36 AMPlease, please, please Frank, let this be an April Fool's joke! Rummy IS the angry warmonger, it's in his blood! He would NEVER do this! Arghhhhh, it's going to be a long day! #17 - Posted by: MargeinMI on April 1, 2004 08:37 AMexcellent april fool's joke, frank. we all know cheney couldn't be a strip-club DJ. his heart couldn't take it. #18 - Posted by: sarahk on April 1, 2004 08:43 AMSarahk, actually, his heart could may be no long take it because he already has taken too much ! #19 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 1, 2004 08:48 AMWhen I read about Chomps, the first thought in my head was the zombie dogs from that Resident Evil movie. #20 - Posted by: LibertyBob on April 1, 2004 08:52 AMFrank, you sick beast-turd, you should just consider yourself lucky that it's April Fool's Day. HOWEVER, if Chomps is still dead in the next installment, THERE WILL BE PUNISHMENT, and trust me, it will hurt you more than it hurts me. On the other hand, this leaves the perfect opening for an evil cat to step in and help Condi and Rumsfeld plot to take over the world. Dogs are doers; cats are thinkers. #21 - Posted by: Good-Natured Cynic on April 1, 2004 08:52 AMI think the Limey has taken over Frank's mind. This is a sad day for America. #22 - Posted by: James Old Guy on April 1, 2004 08:55 AMCool, our troll is back. And it looks like he brought at least two of his personalities. I wonder if it's dangerous to confront him with the knowledge of his disorder - like if Frank were to post the IP address that all the posts are coming from - so that he, like the rest of us, would know that Carl, Xtreme One, Johnny Depp, and Spanish Militant all reside within the same wee nogin. Would his head implode or something? Or maybe they'd be forced to confront each other in some weird mindscape, like in Identity! That'd be cool! Come on, trolly. Show us some funny multiple personality stuff. Dance for us. Dance, I say! BTW, good one with killing off Chomps, Frank. You actually had me for a minute there, and I had just flipped my calander too. Duh.
Worst IMW ever! #24 - Posted by: Dan on April 1, 2004 09:14 AMI figured it was just a 'buy my T-shirt' gag, until I read comments about 1 April. I'd forgotten the signifigance of the date. #25 - Posted by: Dave on April 1, 2004 09:14 AMDon't ban Tony's IP....his comments always remind me that liberals are really dumb :) Poor Chomps, RIP, this is the worst 1 APR EVER! Sniffle, I think I have to go buy more kleenex, so I won't have any money to spend on t-shirts. #26 - Posted by: Haagus on April 1, 2004 09:21 AMLaura as supervillan. This evil side of Laura has been hinted at previously. Frank, this is a rich vein to mine as a secret subplot to IMW. I too panicked until my PDA reminded me of the date. Just click your heels and repeat, "there's no place like home; there's no place like home" and you will awake and IMW will be right. #27 - Posted by: sleeper on April 1, 2004 09:32 AMI think the best music to listen to while reading this is the end credits music from the Hulk t.v. show....sniff sniff.... Funny one, Frank....and a happy April Fool's day to you.... #28 - Posted by: Mike on April 1, 2004 09:44 AMFrank is just foolin' us. Right Frank? I mean, heck, if he was to actually kill off Chomps then I would never purchase a shirt, ever, and I would also do all I could to eat up as much bandwidth as possible costing him lots and lots of $$$. We're lucky Frank is smart and this isn't real. Right Frank? RIGHT!? #29 - Posted by: Denny on April 1, 2004 10:02 AMIt amazes me how many people have posted comments here without checking their calendars. #30 - Posted by: Ross on April 1, 2004 10:11 AMSusie beat me to the 'shower' line.... But what the hey!? *I* clicked on the ads! So I haven't bought a T-shirt - I'm having a rough year! OKAY??? #31 - Posted by: Hal on April 1, 2004 10:13 AMI'm so sorry that I didn't buy a shirt, Frank. I'm going right now to DemocraticUnderground to buy one. Chomps, your death wasn't in vain... #33 - Posted by: david on April 1, 2004 10:20 AMThis had better be another one of Scott's bad dreams. Though I do like the idea of Laura Bush being a supervillian. #34 - Posted by: The Vigilante on April 1, 2004 10:33 AMCrap! You almost had me!! I'm watching my back today! I hate April Fools! But that was funny. Check this out: http://file.sugarqube.com/Cards/jblo_TheWormGame.swf?PL=L400x300 Way to go Shinji. ~applause~ Yay, good job. ~more applause~ #36 - Posted by: Tommy on April 1, 2004 11:02 AMFrank, As I was reading, I was overcome by a vision of Laura Bush in a Cat Woman suit. Mmmmm...That's April Coolness.... Yeah, i thought Laura would go back on the demolition derby circuit. Those armored Yukons would probably kick ass in the derby. #38 - Posted by: Tommy on April 1, 2004 11:15 AMCrap. No more chomps and I was on my way to order that ne IMAO t-shirt. Oh-well, I guess I can go get one of those other nifty t-shirts. Maybe the O-franken factor has a t-shirt for sale. I just don't feel like being a warmongering conservative anymore. Maybe Michael Moore is right.... err uhm left?? after all.
VIVA LA CHOMPS!!!! Scottys are not really dogs anyway. they are part of the rodent family aren't they???? #39 - Posted by: mctr on April 1, 2004 11:32 AM"4 - 1" Frank, you suck. #40 - Posted by: WAL on April 1, 2004 11:33 AMMy ass is outa here and it ain't comin' back until Chomps is alive and killin', Rumsfeld pistol whips somebody, and Scott gets called a douchebag. #41 - Posted by: Sticky B on April 1, 2004 11:50 AMYou had me going there Frank...clever April Fool's IMW. It was nice to see Barney in action; I'm sure he's lonely since Spots passed on. #42 - Posted by: Conservatrix on April 1, 2004 11:56 AM...you have no soul Frank. Chomps should never be a delivery vehicle for April fools! Anyway, I still laughed my arse off! #43 - Posted by: dviant on April 1, 2004 11:59 AMChomps dead! Rummy gone soft! It is all too much for me to take. #44 - Posted by: Lou on April 1, 2004 12:21 PMThe most disappointing part of the whole thing was the title. When I saw the name "Barney" I was kind of hoping that damned Purple dinosaur would finally meet a horrible end. Is there a Chomps shirt I don't know about? #46 - Posted by: AMW on April 1, 2004 12:59 PMtears of sadness and regret. oh that i had bought the shirt. I love it and looked forward greatly to wearing it to my sister the french teachers house. however...buying it now kinda seems like locking the door after all that is good and holey has been ripped savagely from ones home already...what is the point... Yes there is a Chomps shirt. There are two Chomps shirts actually. #49 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 1, 2004 01:20 PMWell... instead of being stupid, I have created a Smarties for ever shirt. You should all buy it now. Okay, you got me. I rushed over to Those-Damn- Shirts and bought one, happy now? Despite the fact that this was a joke (though it seems like there are a lot of people who're posting without realizing that), I think it'd be pretty cool if Barney actually turned out to be more badass than Chomps. Or, if not quite as badass, just as murderous...they could do great things together. #52 - Posted by: Ovrlord on April 1, 2004 02:37 PMOvlord, you are exhausted because if you look at this, you'll see how devastating Barney can be. #53 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 1, 2004 02:41 PMWake up Dorothy. #54 - Posted by: aelfheld on April 1, 2004 03:06 PMI recommend ignoring the "Amphitryon" bitch. She's just a troll looking for attention. Frank: Anonymous, I could be a troll, I could be a bitch, I could even be your mother, but I have not posted on Emperor Misha's link you are referring to. #57 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 1, 2004 03:38 PMYou know what, I think that the best job for a woman is to be a doctor in the army. Think of all those nice butts into which you can pin your Aspro, having directly contact with the best muscles and smack it with the needles, more over being paid for that, 8 hours a day, five days a week, nothing more, just pleasure. I'd love it actually, being able to torture big men is the dream of every women. To dominate. I'd love to dominate with a needle. Yo man, What the heck was that? I did not even smile once. I am very disappointed. This is nothing compared to the 72 raisins one or the biker gang INW. :( #59 - Posted by: The Elephant Man on April 1, 2004 04:22 PMGod I hate April 1st... Firts Coop, now Chomps, next thing you know Condi and Rummy are going to announce that their joining the DNC. I'm going to bed to sleep throught the rest of this stinking horrid day that will be completely abolished once I rule supreme. #61 - Posted by: The Overlord on April 1, 2004 04:45 PMThe DNC ? No the DMC you mean. Speaking of attention, tomorrow I am a saint, so I should not be speaking to anyone. #62 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 1, 2004 04:53 PMI love that G.W. has the same dream as Jethro Bodine! Well, one of the dreams of Jethro, the other being to become a brain surgeon. Special Ed P.S. Anonymous, leave Amphitryon alone. She's not a bug, she's a feature! #63 - Posted by: Special Ed on April 1, 2004 09:15 PMAck! Had me thinkin' it was actually punishment for not buying your t-shirts and it was the end of chomps like you threatened earlier.. Then I saw the date *slaps forehead* Tricksie #64 - Posted by: Bryan on April 1, 2004 09:17 PMAWW CRAP! That update nearly made me shit my pants! Then I remembered April Fools, and that this was the first April Fools joke I've seen all day, even though it was technically April 2nd when I read it. #65 - Posted by: Mob_Triggerman on April 2, 2004 12:26 AMI'll buy your t-shirts, I'll constantly click on every single ad on your website 12 times a day... Just bring Chomps back!!! May I have Chomps corpse and wear it on my head like a hat?!? #67 - Posted by: Sloofus on April 2, 2004 08:49 AM...and Colin Powell ran off to join Habitat for Humanity. #68 - Posted by: jonag on April 2, 2004 10:46 AMThis was nothing. Anyone catch Sean Hannity on the radio? He went on for two hours about how he just couldn't take it anymore, how he was really a liberal but had been playing conservative for ratings all this time, was throwing his full support to John Kerry, and had "guest" calls from very talented impersonators of Al Gore and Bill Clinton welcoming him into the liberal fold. He had call after call after call of people saying they were burning his books and such for being a traitor. I can't believe that so many people would fail to catch on that it was 4/1. Hannity then used the last hour of the show to demonstrate that his joke proved how full of crap John Kerry is for so readily changing his opinion on every issue. Classic prank with a valuable moral at the end. #69 - Posted by: dvgulliver on April 2, 2004 04:30 PMLas Vegas Homes, Henderson Homes, Boulder City homes, Green Valley Homes, Blue Diamond, North Las Vegas Homes and Summerlin Homes as well as these Las Vegas, Nevada communities: Queensridge, Rancho Las Brisas, Siena, Aliante, Rancho Las Palmas, Desert Shores, The Promenade, Los Prados, The Lakes, Rhodes Ranch, Canyon Gate, Southern Highlands, Silverado Ranch, Stetson Ranch, and Nevada Trails. For those who prefer high rise living, there are many different Las Vegas luxury high rise condominiums to choose from: Metropolis, Turnberry Place, Panorama Towers, Park Towers, Park Avenue, Vegas Grand Condos and Residences at the MGM. Or if you prefer a suburb, there are these Henderson communities: Roma Hills, Anthem Country Club, Lake Las Vegas, Seven Hills, MacDonald Highlands, Sun City Anthem, Solera, Sun City MacDonald Ranch. Boulder City communities: Lake Mountain Estates. #70 - Posted by: Jacqulyn Richey on April 27, 2004 11:29 PMScott McC as an 'undercover cop who doesn't play by the rules'...priceless!! #72 - Posted by: sailor sam on August 27, 2004 10:19 PMpolifonicos polifonicos sonidos polifonicos toques polifonicos polifonicos gratis tonos polifonicos nokia polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos para nokia sonidos polifonicos nokia ringtones polifonicos coros polifonicos sonidos polifonicos siemens toques polifonicos nokia tono polifonicos download toques polifonicos midis polifonicos descarga de sonidos polifonicos tonos polifonicos moviles tonos polifonicos para movil tonos polifonicos gratuitos tonos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos polifonicos tonos movil polifonicos tonos polifonicos motorola melodias polifonicos tonos polifonicos siemens tonos polifonicos para moviles polifonicos siemens polifonicos motorola descargar tonos polifonicos polifonicos movil polifonicos sagem sonidos polifonicos movil moviles polifonicos sonidos polifonicos alcatel polifonicos descarga tonos polifonicos gratis sonidos polifonicos para nokia tonos polifonicos nokia 6100 sonidos polifonicos para movil sonidos polifonicos moviles tonos moviles polifonicos descarga de tonos polifonicos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos samsung tonos polifonicos nokia 3510i tonos polifonicos para panasonic sonido polifonicos polifonicos dance sonidos polifonicos para panasonic tonos polifonicos para motorola c350 tonos polifonicos nokia 7650 tonos polifonicos nokia 3650 2966 How can this all be right? Check out my site http://www.pai-gow-keno.com #74 - Posted by: pai gow on October 5, 2004 10:57 AMThese ultimate racing pocket bikes are today's fastest growing products in the motor sport vehicle industry, aside from electrics scooters and gas scooters. #76 - Posted by: pocket bikes on October 28, 2004 05:16 PMThese ultimate racing pocket bikes are today's fastest growing products in the motor sport vehicle industry, aside from electrics scooters and gas scooters. #77 - Posted by: pocket bike on October 29, 2004 08:54 PMInteresting opinion. I am facinated by the topic. BTW, great blog! dfgfdg #78 - Posted by: angeln on November 10, 2004 08:28 PMPost a comment
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