When I asked for more jokes and descriptions of military branches, I got a ton of responses. I'll print some today and more later.

Ryan writes this about the Navy:

For the Navy, our common stereotypes include:

Submariners:

- called bubbleheads

- are deathly afraid of women (hence no women on submarines)

- wear sneakers instead of uniform shoes

- are deathly afraid of any loud noise

- listen to whales for fun

SEALs:

- are maniacs that like to kill people

- can only talk about killin’, drinkin’ and “the mission”

- all live on Coronado island

Aviators:

- wear brown shoes, and thus think they are cool

- wear flight suits, and thus think they are cool

- wear dark sunglasses, and thus… yeah, see above

- have to get 6 hours of sleep between operations

- get to drive Nuclear Carriers later on, and in general suck very much at driving the carriers

For submarines, a post I found on military.com:

For all you non-quals out there, here's a short primer on submarine life. enjoy.

Obtain a dumpster. Paint it black, weld all the covers shut except one which can be bolted closed from the inside. Hitch it to the back of your wife's mini van. Gather 12 friends and bolt yourselves inside and let your wife pull it around for several weeks while she does the errands.

Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain. shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack".

Don't eat any food that you don't get out of a can or have to add water to.

Paint all the windows on your car black. Drive around town at high speeds with your wife standing up in the sunroof shouting course and speed directions to you.

Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.

Repeat back everything anyone says to you.

Sit in your car for six hours a day with your hands on the wheel and the motor running, but don't go anywhere.

Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High".

Don't watch T.V. except movies in the middle of the night. Also, have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. Record The Sound of Music and show it at least every other night.

Don't do your wash at home. Gather your neighbors clothes along with yours, pick the most crowded laundromat you can find, and do the neighborhood laundry in a single washer and dryer. Make sure that 12% of the laundry is lost and 20% of the finished laundry is incorrectly distributed to the wrong neighbor.

Leave lawnmower running in your living room six hours a day for proper noise level. (For Engineering Divisions)

Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

Sleep with your dirty laundry.

Invite guests, but don't have enough food for them.

Buy a broken exercise bicycle and strap it down to the floor in your kitchen.

Buy a trash compactor and use it once a week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread, if anything. (Optional--canned ravioli, cold soup, or beanie wienies)

Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.

Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run out into your yard and break out the garden hose.

Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together.

Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.

Invite at least 85 people you don't really like to come and visit for a couple of months.

Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.

Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

Periodically check your refrigerator compressor for "sound shorts".

Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard around your neck.

Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.

When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.

Every so often, yell "Emergency Deep", run into the kitchen, and sweep all pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor. Then, yell at your wife for not having the place "stowed for sea".

Put on the headphones from your stereo (don't plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) "Stove manned and ready". Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular) "Stove secured". Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.

Write a controlled work package to change the oil on your car.

punslinger writes:

Most civilians don't realize how much the standards have been weakened over the last 40 years.

I was in the Navy from 1969 to 1976. At that time you had to be six foot tall to join the Coast Guard.

That's so if your boat sank, you could walk to shore.

Allyn writes:

I am a West Point graduate and did 12 years in the Army, so I know of what I speak ….

We had a saying in the Army that you could get along with the Marines because they were hard core, knew they were hard core, and acted hard core. You could get along with other Army guys because we had it rough (not as hard core as the Marines mind you), knew we had it rough , and acted as if we had it rough . You could get along with the Air Farce (your previous poster talked about a Rivalry, maybe the Air Force considers us a rival, but that is not true in the reverse) because they were in a country club, knew they were in a country club, and acted like they were in a country club. But you could not get along with anyone from the Navy because they were in a country club, thought they had it rough, and acted as if they were hard core.

The example we loved to give was how the services acted during Gulf War I. In the unit I was with, we literally had so little water that we did not get to shower for 32 days straight, instead using a 5 gallon jug a day for 40 men to take whore baths (that is where you wet a rag and scrub your pits and other bits). We slept 20 plus to a tent which was often not even deployed because we hit our next area without enough time to set it up causing us to tie our shelter halves to our vehicles and making improvised lean-tos. We ate only MREs for over 30 days, we put socks around our water bottles, then urinated on them and let the evaporation cool the bottles so the water was not too hot to drink. The marines we met up with had it worse. The Air Force Forward Observer with us who called in air strikes was living in an air conditioned van. The Navy on the other hand, well the Navy was reported in Stars and Stripes as filing grievances with their superiors because the soda fountain on the carrier ran out of carbonation so the drinks were flat. Yes, that really was news reported in the Stars and Stripes, you can only imagine how well it went over with us on the ground.

You gotta love people who know who they are and act accordingly, you can only pity those who are that self delusional.

I know a number of Navy guys who would probably take offense to that.

Anyway, I wouldn't dare speak againt John Kerry's service record having absolutely no record of my own, so I'll let RockyNoggin do it:

OK, Frank J., I want to lay something out that nobody has said because they don't want to hurt feelings.

First, let me say, I'm an Army veteran of the Cold War so I never got shot at or fired a shot at a commie - although I prayed day in and day out for the chance...
otherwise, what's the point of being in the Army?

Second, I respect anyone who served in any branch - they all suck in their own way and we all got/get paid the same no matter what branch.

JFKerry was a squid, OK? He wasn't an Infantry soldier or a Marine or anything bad assed. He rode around in the water in a lil' boat taking shots at villagers on the banks of the river. Sure, it was dangerous work (sometimes the villagers shot back), but it wasn't like that guy was in the bush. His camp is showing pictures of him in OD's, holding an M16 in the jungle - that was probably some hero bullsh*t he had a buddy take.

So, not to diminish the service of any vet, of any branch, but let's be real. Kerry was looking for light duty and he served 4 months of a 12 month tour.
If that guy had gotten shot the f*ug up like your boy Bob Dole (a REAL American hero) then OK, I'd show some respect. But hell, I coulda done what Kerry did - sheez, my wife coulda done what Kerry did.

I know you can find military jokes easily on the web, but what I'm looking for are more personal descriptions and what are the jokes and stereotypes people in the military encounter most often. See that first post for what I'm looking for. Keep e-mailing more to me with the subject "Military".

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