Here's some more of what I got. I'll probably be making a regular feature of this because I enjoy it at least.

* * * *

Gregg from Alexandria VA writes:

I thought you might enjoy this description of the Branches of the U.S. Military. In the interest of disclosure, I should tell you that I spent 12 years in the Air Force.

If you ask the Marines to “secure a building”, they will send a squad under cover of darkness who will place explosive charges and blow the building up. They will then report back that the building is secured.

If you ask the Army to “secure a building”, they will send a platoon of soldiers with artillery support who will clear the building and establish a 360 degree cordon around it. They will then report back that the bldg is secured.

If you ask the Navy to “secure a Building” they will send 2 Sailors and a Chief (who will undoubtedly have a cup of coffee in his hand). The Chief will order the two Sailors to turn off the coffee pot, turn off all of the lights and lock the doors to the Building. They will then report back that the building is secure.

If you ask the Air Force to “secure a building” they will get you a 6 year lease with an option to buy.

DNice writes:

Okay Frank, I'll give it a shot for the Army.

I read, with great interest, the ravings of the Air Force puke. What a wuss and a whiner!

By the way, in basic training (NOT BOOT CAMP!!! Basic Training!!!), one of the first things they taught us was not to stand around with our hands in our pockets. Our Drill Instructors referred to this as wearing your Air Force gloves.

I was stationed in southern VA near an Air Force Base, and we did some joint training with them, and I kind of got to know some of them (we'd go to the same church off post, etc.). What Wacky Hermit says is generally true regarding rank and whatnot. But I spent a bit of time on the Air Force Base and I can tell you, while they may not have got the promotions and pay, they had a KICK ASS standard of living. Those places were PLUSH compared to the stinking holes we lived in. And the food at the mess hall!!! Damn they ate good.

Here's a piece of trivia for you. The Army has the largest number of personnel, more boats than the Navy, more aircraft than the Air Force, more brains than the Marines (sorry, I couldn't resist) and the smallest budget of all of the services.

Anyway, if you really want to know what day-to-day life in the Army is like, then watch Platoon. Take out all of the drug stuff (that was WAY
overdone) and they really got it right. The lingo, the uniforms (one of my pet peeves is to see how movies screw up the wearing of uniforms...
insignia all wrong, pinned where they shouldn't be), the way they interacted. It was exact. In fact, they have a scene where the new lieutenant comes through the tent where the enlisted guys are hanging out (doing drugs... DAMN!) and the way he is REALLY uncomfortable and they are making him know he's not one of them... Everyone who's been enlisted in the Army has been in that room, and seen that exact scenario play out. It was priceless.

BTW, I saw that movie in a U.S. Army movie theatre in Erlangen Germany in 1988, and there were still a bunch of Vietnam Vets in our unit that went with us. There was dead silence after it was over and everyone just walked out (kind of like the Passion is doing today). We knew they had got it right.

Also, Basic Training is over rated as being hard. It was hard if you don't like people yelling at you (curiously people from broken homes had a hard time with this... never figured the connection out, but it was pretty universal). It didn't bother me that much. It was 8 weeks of camp for me. When I was going to make Sergeant (E-5) they sent me to the NCO Academy in Kitzingen Germany for 4 weeks of pure hell! THAT was hard. It was WAY worse than basic training! Lights out at 11:00pm and wake up at 3:00am with PT twice a day, and 12 hours of classes in between! FOUR WEEKS! That was the hardest thing I've ever done.

That's it, hope it helps.

Casey writes:

Young and impressionable that is exactly what I was. A walking piece of meat to recruiters. I went into every branche's office. The Navy, well they had the promise of getting me an education and traveling the world, Army was just what everyone was doing, it was packed full of highschool seniors being promised the MOS of Army Ranger, the Air Force had some cute girls signing up (which is a rarity) and well the Marine Corps was empty with just some mean looking Staff Sgt's arm wrestling.......yes sooo stereotypical....sooo me.

No promises of bonus's, education, girls, just the promise of the toughest recruit training in the western hemisphere, hell for the world for that matter. With that In mind I signed over my soul to the United States Marine Corps. I was a decent 18 year old, pretty smart, got along fine with my parents, no legal problems, could of gone to a good college, but no welcome to the school of hard knocks...Known to most has Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego.

Yes every red blooded American has seen "Full Metal Jacket" and Most dismiss it has an exagerated horror story.......Au Contrair! While slightly dramatic and exagerated it was pretty damn close. As part of 1st Btn Charlie company Plt 1077, I learned what it took to become a man, then destroyed that mold and became a MARINE. You start off on black sunday when you first meet your drill instructors. The first two to three weeks are the worst. The DI's are always screaming and yelling at you, kicking sand in your face, making the over weight kids dance in their skivies to circus tunes. After the first couple weeks every recruit breaks, whether it just be a small tear to a compelte mental breakdown. The DI's are doing their job. You want to learn, the thought of running into machine gun fire to save your squad sounds like a good idea. Soon the DI's ease up a bit and let the Platoon's police their own. Whether it be a shouting match between squad leaders to a complete bloody brawl. As every Marine Knows, what goes on behind those walls stays behind the walls. After dozens of three mile runs, Island hopping campaigns in the sand box's, and quarter deck sessions; the recruits are ready to head to Camp Pendleton to Edson range where they will learn to become trained killers, they will learn to become one with the M-16A2 service rifle. To most branches the M-16 is a cool "gun", or a "thing" I shot in boot camp. Umm Negative ALPHA ONE...........Every Marine from Female private Admin 01 to Alpha Male Gysgt Scout Sniper 8541 can drop a man size target at 500yds without even thinking about it. After hundreds of rounds sent down range and what seems like humping hundreds of miles around shitty southern California you are ready to graduate. The men that swore at you, made you cry, made you wish you wear wearing that Air Force Bus driver getup, are now your fathers. And when that Senior Drill Instructor hands you the revered Eagle Globe and Anchor. You are eight feet tall, bullet proof, use the F* word as if it is a noun and a adjetive, you are now a United States Marine. You hug your parents your mom crys, your dad says im proud of you son, your friends are now scared of you, but all you want......all you want it to F* the living daylights out of the first girl you see and then do it again and again. And if her boyfriend says anything, you have a new talent to show him, its called the Marine Corps Martial Arts. Time to head home for 10 days till you back at it again.......and then that is where the fun begins.

Fianlly, here are some anecdotes and some jokes from Adela:

This isn't the full description that the other person's was, but...

Her Air Force description was very good. One thing though, concerning the joke, it probably originated as she said, but people tell it using whatever branches suit them. Ex. a Marine will tell it as the Marine being the one who didn't wash because he didn't pee on himself.

The Air Force is the most well-treated branch, and yes, they are known for being the smart branch who does nothing physical. This is mostly true. When the war in Iraq just started, I saw an officer from another branch (I think it was a Marine) being asked a few questions. When the reporter asked how things were going in general, the Marine officer said, "Oh it's getting really serious. So serious in fact, I saw an Air Force officer going to the gym yesterday."

My dad said that when he went to Guantanamo Bay Cuba with the AF the Navy stayed on their ship, the Army and Marines stayed in tents and he stayed in a 5-star hotel.

The Air Force often uses the Army to do their manual labor - cooking food, cleaning, etc. or they hire civilians. I don't know how unusual it is for an AF person to do such a job, but I do know it's not a bit uncommon for them to hire out.

The Air Force has the shortest (and reputedly easiest) boot camp - only 6 weeks.

So, the AF is the smart branch. Marines and Army are dumb and tough. The Navy is known for being the gay branch.

Navy joke, perhaps not family-friendly enough for your site:
Why did the Navy switch to powdered soap?
It takes longer to pick up.

Oh! On AF fighter pilots being egomaniacs - I've heard the same about all fighter pilots, but I have not personally met one. However:
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Also:

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

* * * *

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficien! tly impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

* * * *

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour".

* * * *

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

* * * *

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

* * * *

I have a backlog of more to put up, but keep it coming. If you have military experience (first-hand or second-hand) I'd love to hear more jokes and anecdotes (though I doubt anyone can beat Blackfive on military anecdotes - if you never read about his encounter with a French General, do so now). E-mail me with the subject "Military".

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