 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
April 06, 2004
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Fallujah, Kos, Jobs, Big Fat Teddy K, Movies, Fans, Hidden French Messages, and It Finally Comes
* It Ain't Funny... Yet: A lot of people asked me right after the Fallujah killings why I didn't say anything; well, that's because there wasn't anything funny to say. I guess I'm locked in my format, and I'm not that good at serious commentary. That Marines are there, anyway, and, as soon as they track down those responsible and riddle them bullets, then I'll make a joke. Ooh! I got one now... * In Bloggo Veritas: I assume most people have heard about the Kos kerfuffle where his feeling about those who were killed in Fallujah was "screw them." Geez, what is it with pacifists and a complete utter lack of humanity? Anyway, when does one cross the line from dissenter to horrible human being? I think most would say Chomsky and Michael Moore crossed that line a while ago, and it's starting to look like Kos did. Sure, he took down the statement, but it's very revealing how someone is so caught up in his or her own politics that he or she would immediately respond to horrific killings with "screw them". It seems his political philosophies are more important to him than human lives. He should have come to IMAO. We help make sure you don't take politics too seriously (why do I always say 'we'?). * For the Record I: If Kos's burnt corpse was mutilated and dragged through the street, I'd say, "Hey! Don't do that!" I guess as a warmongering hawk, I just have a different view on the sanctity of life. * Jobs!: 308,000 new jobs were made in March. That's a freaking lot of jobs! The Kerry campaign must be crapping their pants. They already know no one is going to trust John Flip-Flopping Kerry to handle the war on terror, so, if he can't make the economy an issue, he's got nut'n... except for his wife's millions. Why does every rich, haughty, French-looking person gotta run for office? Why can't he just be happy with his snotty social status and money? As Homer Simpson would say, "Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!" Hey, since I filed my blog in my taxes as an in-home business, does this blogging count as one of those jobs? Anyway, it's my job, and no one else can have it! * All This Attention Must Give Him a Big Head: John Kerry's hatchet man, Ted Kennedy, has now compared Iraq to Vietnam. Why does anyone listen to that man? Oh yeah; he's a freak'n Senator. Stupid Taxachusetts. I just can't believe that bloated man's gall. If he had his way, he would drive this country right off a cliff and then swim to safety while letting us drown. Well, America is going to fight evil no matter how bloated an impotent Senator Massachusetts elects. You hear that, jackasses? And once we're done with terrorists, we're coming for you! * For the Record II: If Ted Kennedy's burnt corpse was mutilated and dragged through the street, I'd say, "Wow! That vehicle has some torque!" Kidding. He may be an uber-partisan, lecherous liberal who's committed vehicular homicide, but he's our uber-partisan, lecherous liberal who's committed vehicular homicide, dammit, and you evil foreigners better not burn him and mutilate his corpse if you know what's good for you (which, as history shows, you probably don't). * IMAO Seal of Approval: I saw the movie Rundown over the weekend. It's a pretty cool action flick starring The Rock with Christopher Walken (with a quick cameo from the Governator), and should have two scenes in it where you should instantly think of IMAO. Anyone who has seen it know what I'm talking about? Definitely worth a rent or, if you're like me, putting on your Netflix queue. * The Circle is Now Complete: Speaking of movies, I've noticed on my sidebar that the original Star Wars trilogy on DVD is now available for pre-order. Is that the last of the movie holdouts to finally hit DVD, or is there some other classic (well, Star Wars was classic back when Han Solo shot first) still not available in the modern movie format? * Monkey News: Monkey are making life hell for citizens of Chandigarh, India, stealing food and just generally being monkeys. India is a growing democracy, and, to fully join the civilized world, they must destroy the temples of Hanuman the monkey god and hunt down all the evil monkeys. A democratic country with nuclear power is worthless if monkeys are running everywhere, jumping from nuclear missile to nuclear missile while making their silly monkey sounds. The world - namely me - is laughing at you, India, and you shouldn't take that. * For the Record III: If monkeys' burnt corpses were mutilated and dragged through the street, that would be a good start. * Fan Buttons: I now have buttons for my fan clubs. I have a nice one made from a reader Ben for fan club one, and I used one of the ones supplied by Jennifer for fan club two. Make sure to sign up for the Frank Fan Club so that you too can be used towards making me rich and famous and stealing Jonah Goldberg's job. I'll send an e-mail to charter members this weekend welcoming you and giving you your one time pads to decrypt the super secret Frank Fan messages. * Some Americans (I'm Ashamed to Say) Do Read French: Now we have subversive laptop tote bags (thanks to reader Jeff for e-mailing me this one). So, by putting the message in just the French, do you think they are trying to be funny or are cowards? Either way, let's not take this too far and mutilate their burnt corpses while our children cheer us on. * T-Shirt Babe!!!: The official announcement for the IMAO T-Shirt Babe contest will be tomorrow, along with the rules, list of the prizes, and the celebrity judges (plus details on how one IMAO reader can win being one of those judges). Help support this great contest which will add yet another job (namely IMAO T-Shirt Babe) to the Bush economy. 33 Responses To "Bite-Sized Wisdom: Fallujah, Kos, Jobs, Big Fat Teddy K, Movies, Fans, Hidden French Messages, and It Finally Comes"
Those jobs gained were in spite of all the layoffs from the Dean campaign and the jobs outsourced to the 57 plants Heinz has outside this country. It might be good if India's nukes are preprogrammed to certain areas. Then hopping monkeys might accidentally do the world a favor. (Any truth to the rumor that nuclear missles throughout the world have a failsafe target of North Korea?) #2 - Posted by: LibertyBob on April 6, 2004 09:13 AMBux, I posted this as "bedwetter" on the commie web site with the french apology: Oh, gosh, that is sooooo cool! Please don't hate us French people, it hurts my tummy when Canadians and Europeans hate us. It makes me want to throw up. I am so sad that French hate us. I have gone into debt buying French products to show my support for the French. I'm thinking of renouncing my american citizenship and mutilating myself to show my support of the French - I'm just waiting for a French person to tell me if that's what they want me to do. Because I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be loved by the French. #4 - Posted by: rockynoggin on April 6, 2004 10:23 AMLibertyBob, Two fail-safes: 1. GPS-link to the mini-microchip inserted into Clinton's dick And, yes, I'm the one who gave Frank the 'heads up' on the bags. Part of the 'Know Thy Enemy' mantra is to keep your friends close but your enemies closer. #5 - Posted by: El Jefe on April 6, 2004 10:27 AMHey Rockynoggin!! I posted right after you!! (see: Birkenstock wearing conservative). Good post! Why, oh why, oh why do these people so desperately crave the approval of the French?? I just don't get it (any insight Amphi?)!! #6 - Posted by: jonag on April 6, 2004 10:36 AMI only listen to Ted Kennedy in the hopes that he'll accidentally give away the secret of how to live on an all bourbon diet. I've got the no-pants part figured out, at least. #7 - Posted by: Eric on April 6, 2004 10:37 AMFrank, As a token of good will you might consider sending Tom Bihn a French Know Thy Enemy shirt. (You may want to translate it into French first so he 'gets' it.) Address is: I have to admit, if a bunch of muslims burned and mutilated Big Fat Teddy K, I'd send them a thank-you note. Man, it can be hard living in Taxachusetts. :-( -The Real Conservative Carl Eric, The all-bourbon diet is much like the Atkins diet. Drink as much bourbon and eat all the 2" thick Porterhouses you want. I lost 25 lbs that way! Teddy the KKK can't lose the weight because he won't let the intern out of his pants. #10 - Posted by: El Jefe on April 6, 2004 11:26 AMHere's the address to Bihn's contact page: http://www.tombihn.com/page/001/CTGY/_WHERE Check out the "About Us" info. There's a knee-slapper if there ever was one! Hey Frank, if I win a job as IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest judge, do I have to fill out a W-2? I mean, I want to support job growth and all, but.. #12 - Posted by: Dave in Texas on April 6, 2004 11:50 AMYour speaking of monkeys reminds me that I saw Charlie Chaplins CIRCUS a couple of days ago, and when a monkey bit his nose and then stuck his tail in his mouth (all the while he was on a tightrope,I thought of you. #13 - Posted by: worc on April 6, 2004 11:58 AM"Is that the last of the movie holdouts to finally hit DVD, or is there some other classic (well, Star Wars was classic back when Han Solo shot first) still not available in the modern movie format?" Schindler's List finally made it to DVD. #14 - Posted by: Jewels~of~the~Jungle on April 6, 2004 12:10 PM"Wow! That vehicle has some torque!" Hilarious. Kerry Caption Contest here. With a real prize! #15 - Posted by: Bill on April 6, 2004 01:21 PM"I just can't believe that bloated man's gall. If he had his way, he would drive this country right off a cliff and then swim to safety while letting us drown." Oh man, that one had me rolling because of the obvious reference. heh #16 - Posted by: Dr. John Allan on April 6, 2004 01:35 PMJonag, I don't know what you mean ? Do you expect a real answer ? #17 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 6, 2004 03:12 PM*flings poo at Frank* http://www.mblog.com/sithmonkey/poo_fling.gif Come and get some! #18 - Posted by: Darth Monkeybone on April 6, 2004 03:21 PMSpeaking of picture, I have chosen this smartie to define you Frank. #19 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 6, 2004 03:28 PMYeah... The guy who made the button for fan club number 1 was named Ben not Bill. Reread the email, if you please. :) #20 - Posted by: Ben... The guy who made button number 1 on April 6, 2004 04:32 PM1) I think everyone is getting way too upset over the mutilation of corpses. I'm extremely pissed they were killed in the first place! 2) I saw "The Rundown" last night, enjoyed it a lot, and I immediately thought of IMAO where appropriate. BTW, I'm so glad he finally got over that guns thing. I was hoping... #21 - Posted by: Curtis the Marine on April 6, 2004 04:33 PMBen or Bill, The two scenes in the film are this one and this one. #23 - Posted by: Amphitryon on April 6, 2004 04:50 PMIf he had his way, he would drive this country right off a cliff and then swim to safety while letting us drown. and "Wow! That vehicle has some torque!" Comic genius! How do you do it? Seann William Scott yelling "Establish dominance! Establish dominance!!!" Priceless. "Get away, monkeys!!" Heh. Ya gotta hand it to the Rock; Arnold never let a monkey do that to him! A Small Detail: The girl Fat teddy killed DID NOT drown - she suffocated. She apparently had a small air pocket that she was breathing from til it ran out. they found a negligible amount of water in her lungs. I f Teddy had gone for help instead of playing CYA, she might have had a chance. #27 - Posted by: scotter on April 6, 2004 06:23 PMI got buttons for Chomps too: like Rolling Stone said (well, almost), "If Teddy Kennedy had been driving a Volkswagon, he'd be (ex-)President today"! #30 - Posted by: Dave in Texas on April 6, 2004 08:57 PMYAAAY!!! I get to win a contest- wOOt... Granted this is the funniest site ive ever come across, when you said: "He (Ted Kennedy) may be an uber-partisan, lecherous liberal who's committed vehicular homicide, but he's our uber-partisan, lecherous liberal who's committed vehicular homicide, dammit, and you evil foreigners better not burn him and mutilate his corpse if you know what's good for you..." That showed class. I agree 100%, I loathe the guy, but he's an American, even though he prolly hates being "labeled" an "American." Good show. #32 - Posted by: 655321 on April 7, 2004 02:13 AMThe scenario with Ted Kennedy's burnt corpse being dragged around poses one problem: anyone wishing to do so would first have to wait for several hundred pounds of gin-soaked blubber to quit burning. I'm guessing we're talking at least two weeks here. #33 - Posted by: Tom F. on April 7, 2004 04:42 AMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
