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April 09, 2004
Frank Answers: Punishment for Not Linking to IMAO, Entropy, Mother Earth, Foo', and Who Is the Real BerkeleyGirl
Posted by Frank J. at 06:48 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (31)

Johnny - Oh writes:
I have made a public apology for not linking you first when I stared my blog. Please see http://closetextremist.blogspot.com/2004_03_28_closetextremist_archive.html#108101092423667306 for details.
All I need to know is, what is my punishment?

Fool! There will be no end to the punishment for your blasphemy! You shall never receive a link from me, and, furthermore, you will... oh crap.

TXVet from San Antonio writes:
Okey Dokey Frankie
you crazy lil ninja monkey you
I Gotcha...
Assume entropy is truth.
Answer this:
Why did I bother to click send ?

Because of free will, the most volatile form of entropy. It is the variable that can't be solved, the factor that can not be compensated for, and the greatest random number generator. From it chaos flows, and no action in this world can be predicted with certainty.

Plus, it would have been stupid to write an e-mail and not send it.

Jason H from Austin, Texas where hippies are free to express "opinions" writes:
Frank, with all the talk of global warming on ol' Mother Earth, I couldn't help but think that the Earth goes through natural cycles. Now, females have "cycles" too, and, if the Earth (MOTHER Earth) is a woman, could it be possible that maybe the Earth is just on it's period and we don't know about it? Could global warming just be the equivalent of a "hot flash?" Thanks.

As I already told Michele, no feminine hygiene questions.

Wacky Hermit of Organic Baby Farm:
1) What does the "foo' " signify in the name of your brother, Joe foo' the Marine?
2) Passing on a math question from one of my calculus students:
Is there another way to integrate the function (sqrt x) / (x-4), besides substituting u^2 = x and then doing partial fractions with a long division?

1) "foo'" is an abbreviation for "fool", and I call my brother "Joe foo'" 'cause he's a foo'. Damn foo' still hasn't sent me the wedding photos I asked for or his Peace Gallery photos from his Marine training. He is free to rebut the charges of being a foo', but I think it will be hard.

2) Yes there is, but you need Greek letters which I don't know how to represent in HTML. Yes, Greek letters will solve it. Muh ha ha ha!

Reva from Berkeley:
Hi Frank! I have been reading your site for a long while now, and while technically I don't ever post comments or what have you, I still feel like I'm part of the IMAO community. But recently, I've noticed a disturbing trend. You see, I introduced my friend, known to IMAO readers as BerkeleyGirl, to your site a few months ago, and now all of a sudden she's the one everybody knows, although I should be the original BerkeleyGirl, having been here at least a year earlier. I assumed that you'd know this, being as all-powerful as you are, but somehow I seemed to have slipped on your supernatural radar. Which begs the question, how could such an oversight happen, Frank? Don't worry, I am not doubting you, because I'm rather afraid that one day I'd wake up and there would be ninjas/monkeys/ninja monkeys waiting outside my door to teach me a lesson for my insolence. But what other nifty Berkeley moniker could I be known by since my lovely friend has already taken BerkeleyGirl? And how can I communicate my impressive status as longest-standing IMAO reader from Berkeley? (And if anyone else from here e-mails you and says he's been reading longer, you just tell him I'll fight him for the title!) Thanks Frank!

You know, I wrote the whole IMAO Rules and Regulations book so I wouldn't get sent questions like this. If you look at page 1,043, section 67, subsection B.4.2, paragraph 4, it says:

If there is a readership dispute from two women from the city hereunto referred to as Berkeley as to who's readership makes one more deserving of "BerkeleyGirl", then a simple competition shall settle this matter. Being that Berkeley is full of hippies and this displeases the author of IMAO, each supposed BerekleyGirl shall thus slay the hippies, cleaning and stacking their skulls into a pyramid. After a set time of one month (30 days), the height of the pyramids shall be checked by a standard measure and then one woman shall be declared the victor. She shall then be known as "The Queen of Berkeley" - and not the gay meaning of queen - and she shall be rewarded with gold, silver, jewels, and boxes Ramen noodles. She shall then be exalted above all, and who does not bow before her will be cursed to have his web browser crash anytime he tries to view the delights of IMAO. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Oh, and you could compete in the IMAO T-Shirt Babe competition. That will work too.

* * * *

Please keep the questions coming (I would especially like more science and math questions), e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

Rating: 1.9/5 (27 votes cast)

Frank Answers
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