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April 29, 2004
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe Candidates
Posted by Frank J. at 06:50 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (77)

It's finally here! Here are twenty contestants, and I think we have a good mix of young'ns and more experienced babes. I almost wish we could pick more than one, but someone has to be the IMAO T-Shirt Babe, get all the IMAO t-shirts, and, upon modeling them, one hundred dollars cash and a hundred dollar shopping spree at ThoseShirts.com. Because of the great turnout, second and third places winners will also get a t-shirt, plus I'll try to think of a little something to give all the contestants as thanks for competing.

Without further ado, here they are:

* * * *

1.

Willow’s Hawkey Rant
(From The Whomping Willow)
Something has been bugging me about Fallujah. I mean besides the obvious. That has been sickening me, disgusting me, throwing me into near apoplectic rages that result in me pacing the house, muttering things like "savages," "carpet bomb," "hellfire missile" under my breath until Paul
calmly reminds me that most likely there were people around the area who were disgusted by what those animals were doing, too. There are probably some people left in that area who still possess some humanity and they couldn't, he said, just waltz into the middle of the throng and stop what was going on.

Maybe.

But reading Christopher Hitchens' article today made it clear what was bugging me about Fallujah. It's a reminder of what the future will be like if we fail. It's like I was looking into Galadriel's mirror, the Ring weighing down upon my neck, and I'm looking at the shire, burnt and blackened and
horrible. What we've done in Afghanistan is right, what we've done in Iraq is right. Right, but not complete. Orcs still roam in Mordor.
(Sorry for the Tolkien indulgence I'll stop now.)…
the rest of the post is here…

Willow's Picture

* * * *

2.

I could wax poetic about the way the freedoms we enjoy must be protected by the men who fight so we don't have to. I could go on for pages and pages on the subject of vengeance, tyranny, and the defense of the innocent. I could talk 'til I was blue in the face about justice and other such high-minded ideals. But let's face it: all of this has been said before, and by better writers than I. Instead, I will express this sentiment, which I believe sums up my position quite nicely:

If we don't take the battle to them, they will bring the battle to us. And I do not want the battle brought to us; I mean, do you have any idea how hard it is to beat someone into the ground with a baseball bat without breaking a nail? Seriously. At least they would probably run before my mascara did. Then I could just shoot them.

Joanna Lees
"The Good-Natured Cynic"

Joanna's Picture

* * * *

3.

From the attached photo, you will see I'm a chick. It is my sincerest hope you deem my babeness potentially worthy of your great shirt.

Your shirt design rocks and I would wear it proudly. In fact, I probably try to get my entire family in it. (One husband and our three sons who play SOCOM online often and blow up their fair share of terrorists.)

You need someone my age to wear your awesome shirt! It should be worn in the city we live in. *g*

Thank you for your time and consideration--

Kelli Lowry
Vicksburg, MS
http://www.geocities.com/k_lo5/

Kelli's Picture

* * * *

4.

Elise presents: The Hawkish Statement

For starters, why the HELL does Fallujah still exist? Innocent Americans have been mercilessly slaughtered and we're holding back? You would think that our origins were French. Fucking pussies. The only time they get rowdy is when you get in the way of their 'culture'. You want some cheese with that whine Chirac? And to think these UN assholes want to get in the way. Are they stupid? Just let the American troops do what they were trained to do; kick some serious terrorist ass. That, or you're next dick. The best thing to do to Fallujah? Take it all out in one sweep with our mighty friend, the MOAB. Oh yes folks, at least three football fields worth of damage. Good God I hope they air the action on CNN. Haven't seen a real fireworks show since the bombing of Afghanistan. I cry tears of artistic appreciation just reminiscing. An even better idea is to just nuke Iraq like it was a test site. Seriously, the whole Middle East needs a good flushing. They could afford to start over completely, and hell, it would be nice to have a constant source of oil. United States annexes can be useful.

Elise's Picture

* * * *

5.

Liberals often ask me, "If there's a God, why is there evil and suffering in the world?"

I always reply, "Perhaps because God in his mercy wanted to give Liberals and their terrorists friends two things they could actually be good at."

Some people just don't appreciate the gifts they're given, though!
The enemy is not content to be evil in moderation. No! Instead it has to go about charring people to death. That's what we have "Puff the Magic Dragons" and Daisy Cutters and Chomps for. I support the use of all three. But not at once, because we couldn't have Chomps gettin' all Daisy Cuttered could we?

Miranda Marmorstein (Yes, yes it is a jooish last name)

Miranda's Picture

* * * *

6.

My appearance doesn't put me in the "babe" category, but my behavior definitely is hawkish.

Who else but a hawkish chick would pose with a patriotic rubber ducky in a trainer at Patuxent River Naval Air Museum in Maryland? Who else would help her college roommate, a flight test engineer at Pax River, install a multi-mode receiver in a P-3 Orion while on vacation?

Who else would provide a stunning image of a screaming Bald Eagle to a conservative blogger so that he can create a patriotic design and post it on his website? And who else would prod - nay, stalk - Bill Whittle about publishing Silent America?

A hawkish chick supports the troops, and I've been donating to the USO's Phone Home campaigns for months. After Rich Galen of Mullings requested Double-Stuf Oreos, I collected cookies from coworkers and mailed a huge box of goodies. I also collected magazines and sent two boxes to Jason Van Steenwyk of Iraq Now. After Jason requested school supplies for Iraqi children, I sent small boxes of pens, scissors, calculators, sunglasses and other requested items. When my tax return arrives, I will donate half of it to Spirit of America.

A Recovering Liberal
Costa Mesa, Calif.

A Recovering Liberal's Picture

* * * *

7.

Imao Babe: A short version of the many reasons I am the ultimate IMAO babe:
1) I love money, proof that I am not a commie
2) No matter what my hair color, I am always this cute
3) I look great in black t-shirts
4) I hate anyone who threatens my rights, including terrorists

Smart and beautiful, what more could you want?

Megan Weilacher

Megan's Picture

* * * *

8.

If you don't make me T-Shirt Babe I'll hunt you down just like I hunted down Osama. That's right! I killed Osama. Why do you think Dubya can't find him? Huh?

I never post anymore, but: www.pecas.blogspot.com

~ Adela

Adela's Picture

* * * *

9.

Hey Peaceniks, FOAD. It’s Why We Fight.

1991.

Driving through the desert of Saudi Arabia, in what must’ve been a mile-long convoy, I could see up ahead a group of Bedou, off to the left and very near the convoy itself. I could make out two men and two young children, the former just standing around, the latter scampering to and fro, picking up all the items that were being tossed out the window by the soldiers.

Our turn finally came. The boy was older than his sister, that’s all I remember of him. The girl, maybe 7 yrs old, had gorgeous, long, curly, black hair, uncovered and loose. She was one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen.

Fast-forward to a four-truck convoy, last in line, on the hardball (a paved road), and parallel to a walled compound. At a four-way intersection, a “tween” jumps in front of my Humvee with a lead pipe in his hand, screaming in Arabic. My door flies open and a swarm of kids are there, rootin through all the paraphernalia that lay at my side or feet. We discovered later that they managed to swipe our case of MREs that was wedged in a cranny. “Good for them”.

-Lydia VH

Lydia's Picture

* * * *

10.

To those who do not know me but seek to rob Americans of our lifestyles, I say thus:

Hand me a t-shirt.

I fear no terrorist. There is little I can personally do to stop another human being from sacrificing himself or herself , his children or her children or his or her way of life to cease mine. Each day I waited to write this, more acts of terrorism (and denouncement of it) wrote themselves in the history books. A week ago - Saudi Arabia and a car bomb - many dead.. The Palestinian conflict with Israel, never-ending. Europe ignores bin Laden’s truce offer. This week?

Nothing on American soil. My security in that pronouncement stems from this administration’s willingness to stand in the face of those who seek to kill or maim us. The wounded don’t forget. The families of those who never knew to fight back don’t “move on.” And we, we who know the path to fight terrorism doesn’t include a side road named Bargaining, we live our lives.

Everyone knows someone who knows someone touched personally by September 11, 2001. Let there never be another.

Heather Noggle (the only Peace Gallery Alumni to enter)
http://angelweave.mu.nu

Heather's Picture

* * * *

11.

After much soul searching concerning how to be hawkish, I have decided to combine those two things that I hate the most: Terrorists and Michael Moore. Michael Moore pretends to care about the lives of American soldiers (while demoralizing them and us with his lies and propaganda) while remaining fat, safe and stupid at home. Terrorists are concerned with killing fat, safe and stupid Americans at home. Let's bring them together. Mr. Moore should be flown to Iraq and strapped to the side of convoy Humvees. That way, when a roadside bomb goes off, everyone is happy. Soldiers are shielded from the blast by Moore's largeness, and we are spared any future idiotic and disingenuous pontificating by Moore.

~CCinCali

CCinCali's Picture

* * * *

12.

Killing insurgents with full metal jackets
Leveling hide-outs and other such tactics
Terrorists wrapped up in flexi-cuff rings
These are a few of my favorite things

When the bombs fly
Terrorists cry
We'll leave nothing to chance
We thank all of our troops and our allied groups
And when we're done we'll pave France

~Serenity
http://www.serenitysjournal.com

Serenity's Picture

* * * *

13.

I should be the IMAO T-Shirt Babe, because i hate terrorists, as they are ugly, mean, nasty, evil, stupid and foreign. Seriously though, I hate terrorists because George, Condi and Frank J tell me I should; that's all the convincing I need.

I also hate the French, the Commies, the Hippies and John Kerry, basically all for the same reasons: they are French-looking, wear bad tie-dyed clothing, have awful hair, smell putrid and lie a lot; I have no use for such people.

As the IMAO T-Shirt Babe, I wouldn't really do anything significant... unless helping Frank J increase t-shirt sales by 500% is considered significant. I mean, look at me! What idiot wouldn’t buy a “Know Thy Enemy” t-shirt after seeing it on me?? And smart people, well they’ll buy at least two!

If those reasons alone don’t prove my worthiness, I can always resort to empty threats.

SarahK – too brave for the UN
http://kiser47.typepad.com

p.s. George W. Bush approved this IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest entry. Vote for me, or Rummy will sic Chomps on your esophagus.

SarahK's Picture

* * * *

14.

In the War on Terror, I feel it's my duty as an American woman to wear clingier clothing, flirt more outrageously, have more orgasms, and get on top more often. Whatever is taboo to the islamofascists is on my to do list for the day. Pass the pork chops.

I don't want to appease them. I don't want to understand them. I don't want to let them reap the benefits of our liberalism while plotting our destruction. Like most Americans, I would have been more than happy to let them pretend the last 400 years of progress never happened, as long as they didn't force their warped-vision goggles on anyone else. But since they brought the war to us, let's kill all the terrorists and pave the Middle East with outlet malls, fast food franchises, and Disney Mecca. Let's infect their entire population with personal liberty and dissension and critical thinking. And if that doesn't work, let's flood them with porn spam.

Michelle Hendrix (aka shell)
www.acrosstheatlantic.com

Michelle's Picture

* * * *

15.

The belief that thugs who murder busloads of children will stop because you chant at them is idiocy, not pacifism. I would like for there to be no need for violence or war. Unfortunately, there are a bunch of so-called 'people'
who like to terrorize everybody else; they've used violence to start this argument, and I see no reason not to continue the debate on those terms.
Particularly because we are better at it than they are (and by 'we' I mean 'the US armed forces, of which I am a supporter, not a member').

I like hawks. They are graceful in flight, but awkward on the ground, so you don't feel like you have to hate them for being better than you at everything, including walking. As an added bonus, most of them will gladly eat any rat it finds for dinner, thus cutting down on vermin and reducing the risk of rodent-spread diseases. They don't bother to try to imitate human speech, though, so a hawkish statement is more like an indignant squawk with fluffed feathers. I don't have any feathers, but this is for my entry, anyway. SQUAWK!

~Nony Mouse

Nony Mouse's Picture

* * * *

16.

Name: BerkeleyChick (aka Reva)

URL: http://www.calpatriot.org This isn't actually my website, it's the website of the California Patriot, the conservative student magazine both BerkeleyGirl (Carissa) and I write for. Since I don't have a personal site, I thought your readers might want to see (read: donate to) what the rest of the Berkeley College Republicans are up to. =)

Hawkish Statement:

A popular liberal slogan I see a lot is "Regime Change Begins at Home." Well, I've decided that they're right--and I'm starting right here in Berkeley. So in my picture I'm standing in front of the Institute of Governmental Studies, where I have proudly placed a Bush sticker on their sign, mocking their ultra-liberalism. Armed only with a patriotic t-shirt and my razor-sharp wit (because sadly I cannot buy a handgun in this terrible state for another two months), I am prepared to challenge hippies and college professors alike, destroying their poorly articulated arguments for socialism with my clever rhetoric and complicated analogies involving class systems, woodland creatures, and, oddly enough, sporks. I'm just trying to do my part to make the country a little safer by taking care of these internal threats, so that our kick-ass armed forces can focus on protecting us from the bad guys outside America. Because while moral support for the military is always needed, I'm sure they appreciate an old-fashioned civilian bitchslap every once in a while, too.

Reva's Picture

* * * *

17.

My name: Beca Green AKA Miss Beca

my website: www.ministryofevil.com (not updated in ages, though)

My statement:

When you think about it, liberal peaceniks and monkeys actually have a lot in common. The screech, bite, and throw crap, but when I finally get fed up enough to smack one, suddenly I'm the bad guy. As if refusing to give up life and liberty is somehow a bad thing. Idiots.

Don't get me wrong; I don't hate liberals per se. Actually, I have a sick sort of fascination with the type of mind that can hear terrorists say "we are coming to kill you" and decide that, oh, poor Osama just wasn't hugged enough when he was little. That decides that a good rousing chorus of "Kumbaya" will make everything right as rain. That insists that when Americans get blown to smithereens, it is somehow their own fault. Such an amazing disconnect from the forces of reality is really spectacular to behold.

The hatred doesn't show up until those who hold such silly ideals come to enforce them on me and mine. Well, they say, I feel that it's this or that. I feel, I feel, I feel. Well, Bucko, you've got your feelings, I've got my 12-gauge. We're both happy. Now shut up.

Miss Beca's Picture

* * * *

18.

War is an amazing event created simply for the purpose of domination. It is what has allowed the greatest country in the history of the world to maintain its superpower status for over 50 years, all thanks to the skills and leadership of the United States military forces. Although combat does result in the loss of life, those who die for the sake of America and the freedoms she guarantees are undeniably some of the most selfless and respected people in the world. Some countries have yet to feel the overpowering strength that is the U.S. armed forces, but when that time comes, they will understand why the entire continent of Europe forfeited any claim to influence or power in the world so many years ago. God bless America, and God bless our troops.

~Carissa aka BerkeleyGirl

Carissa's Picture

* * * *

19.

To Frank J. and the other esteemed judges:

Thank you for allowing me to try out for the opportunity to fulfill my life-long (well, month-long) dream of being the IMAO T-Shirt Babe.

This will allow me to do my small part to let the world know that you do not disparage, taunt, or mess with the US without severe life-eliminating consequences and also that we will not be led around on a leash by the UN.

I am an extremely conservative Republican. I love George W. Bush and despise terrorists, monkeys, and France (and I am no longer too keen on Spain either).

And in case that isn't enough: I want all terrorists dead. Very, very dead. (Simian-type animals also, Frank.)

~Teri Rabinek

Teri's Picture

* * * *

20.

There are many reasons why I should be voted IMAO's t-shirt babe (or at least first runner-up in the event the winner is tragically rendered unable to complete her reign due to mysteriously breaking both her legs in a freak accident)....

I, Jonag, should be elected because of my increasingly successful attempts to defeat liberalism by out-breeding them. As we all know, liberals like to abort their babies or at the very least give birth to only 1.7 children per liberal household. I have, as of this writing, given birth to 4 future conservative Republicans. I have also devoted my life to their indoctrination by homeschooling them (which allows me to fill their minds with ideas from great thinkers such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Frank J. Fleming, not to mention John Adams, Patrick Henry and Thomas Jefferson). At this rate, within 30 years, my little conservatives will have given birth to their own little conservatives, thus increasing my Republican progeny at least 4 fold. And in 50 years... well you do the math (Frank!).

I have also been thwarting liberalism by engaging in a monogamous, heterosexual marriage for the past 17 1/2 years and doing so quite happily (which really torques them).

Not only should I win, I outright DESERVE to win! All the other contestants are too young and therefore are still in training for true conservative womanhood. I, on the other hand, am already living it and have begun to pass it on to the next generation! Remember....Choose wisely.

~Jonag

Jonag's Picture

* * * *

Now it goes to the judges:
Me
Doug the T-shirt Guy
Emperor Darth Misha I
Harvey
Bill Whittle
Blackfive
John Hawkins
Glenn Reynolds
Contest Winner No One of Consequence

I've turned off comments so there will be no influencing the judges. Each will pick their top five ranked (5 points for first place to one point for fifth place on a jusge's ranking), and hopefully there will be no tie so there won't be some messy runoff. Since these bloggers can be busy (and I need time to make my picks), I'm giving the judges the weekend to send it their votes. The winner will be revealed Monday morning.

Good luck to all the contestants. May the best babe win.

(for reference, here are is the original contest announcement)

Rating: 2.1/5 (62 votes cast)

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