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May 04, 2004
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Piss-Poor Enemies, Useless Kerry, What's Happening, More Excuses from Me, and Ted Rall Has Got to Go
* Is It Wrong to Wish for Better Enemies?: Stupid terrorists can't even hold on to their own hostages. Sometimes you have to wonder why these nimrods even bother going up against us. I especially am confounded on how some think they're superior to the West because of their religion. We're smarter than them, we're richer than them, we have better weapons and tactics, we have hygiene, our land isn't nothing but sand, and we're not overrun by monkeys, yet Allah favors them. Riiiiight. I remember the Soviets. Though we always knew we were superior to them and lived better lives, at least they could actually threaten to destroy the world. The Islamic extremists should learn from them. * An Outrage: I can't believe this political statement Kerry just took! It makes me so mad and... Oh, he just changed his position on that; never mind. Okay, I should say something substantial about John Kerry, but nothing interesting has happened lately. It's too early to celebrate, but he's just looking more and more unelectable each day. Maybe the Democrats could do a Torricelli and switch him out for another candidate at the last minute, but who? Jo-Jo the Democrat Monkey? America is in a war mode right now, and it’s obvious all the Democrats still want to be whining about prescription drugs and school lunch programs and what not. One day most of our threats will be taken care of, and then we can go back to having the inane be the top issues of the day, but not any time soon. * The Haze of War: Speaking of war, I'm really lost on what's going on right now? Are we killing all the bad guys, or are we just dicking around? Things seem so hopeless at times, but many of the troops I hear from make things don't seem so bad. And then what happens after June 30th? Are we just going to hope that liberty spreads from Iraq through the rest of the Middle East, or are we going to come out of Iraq like a bat out of hell killing dictators left and right? I know it's not the Pentagon's job to keep me informed on such things, but throw me a bone here. * Save Our Landfills: I did some major cleaning over the weekend, and I had an epiphany. They have a do not call list and are trying to make a do not spam list, so do you think they could make an "I do not want AOL" list? * Monkey News: It's all coming together; in Commie China they won't allow farmers to kill evil monkeys. I'm just glad I live in a free country where I can kill monkeys on a whim. * The Babe: I know we're all excited to now see the modeling photos from SarahK. I was thinking about making this IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest an annual thing like a beauty pageant, but, if SarahK does a good job (as I'm sure she will) I'd rather have one face representing IMAO (other than mine, I mean). So what should be the next contest? Maybe there can be one for artists for the best rendition of Chomps. Any other ideas? * Me Busy: Sorry I got like nothing today, but on Mondays I have no time to write for Tuesday. I could spend all weekend writing post for the next week, but I don’t wanna/ To balance my job, writing, and having some semblance of a social life, I've decided I need to have more focus, and thus, for now, I'm not going to pursue being a columnist to focus more on writing a novel. Someone e-mail Jonah Goldberg and tell him his job is safe... for now. * Excrement in Human Form: Someone who should lose his job - even though I don't plan on replacing him - is Ted Rall. Look at his latest comic here and his defense of it here. Let me give you a little lesson in humor. You might remember my hate mail to Michael Moore I did some time back. The secret to the humor there is that I don't hate Michael Moore and was laughing the whole time writing the piece. In Rall's comic, you just imagine the bile in him as he puts his prejudices forward in such a disgusting manner; no one could think that was funny except for a few other moral midgets who share his view. Anyway, why don't we in blogosphere do something about it? Rall has been a published idiots long enough. Let's start a coalition to make Ted Rall lose his job. He doesn't need to be homeless; I'm fine with him mumbling his crazy political views to himself as he sweeps the floor in McDonalds. Any idea on how to start this? Would is begin with a letter writing campaign to who publish him (MSNBC and Newsweek I think)? For the time being, I'll keep my good humor. There always Emperor Darth Misha I out there to be angry enough for the both of us. UPDATE: Actually, Misha has who you should e-mail to get Rall fired. Check his comment section for a nice civil e-mail from Bill Whittle you should use as an example (bile is what Rall is, and bile won't get rid of him). Also, Whitler now has up his version of his lunch with me which is a bit different than I remember it. * In the Future: Fellow ronin, I will have a new mission and target soon, so hold on to your one time pads (or, for those who don't like that term, Vernam ciphers). Also, there was no way I could give a proper finale to The Limey for today, so that should be tomorrow if I don't have to work horribly late today and can get it done before 24 comes on. Also, if I have time at lunch, I'll try to have a little something more on my site today. Later, sportsfans. 35 Responses To "Bite-Sized Wisdom: Piss-Poor Enemies, Useless Kerry, What's Happening, More Excuses from Me, and Ted Rall Has Got to Go"
I'm Van Earl Wright hoping the world continues to revolve in...YOUR direction. #1 - Posted by: El Jefe on May 4, 2004 08:53 AMI like the idea of having better enemies. It's important that little piss-ant enemies know that they are effectively inconsequential. We all know how the old Soviet Union would have handled terrorist attacks like those of 9/11, they would have gassed somebody. Maybe you could have a marksmanship contest. I could throw steak knives at a target stuck to my tree. #3 - Posted by: Merrijane on May 4, 2004 09:19 AMRe: Jonah Goldberg. Since the fan sites sprouted to help you take his job, can we quit now? #4 - Posted by: Jennifer on May 4, 2004 09:28 AMNo! You'll have other work to make me rich and famous. Plus, my ronin are much better than his flying monkeys. One day, he'll get his... #5 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 4, 2004 10:04 AMTed Rall (and those like him) seem boggled by the idea that anyone would willingly lay down their life for a principle. This is evidenced by the movies they're putting out these days; everyone has to be coerced (by bribery or by personal tragedy) into putting themselves into danger. Gone is the hero who fights not because the bad guys raped and murdered his sister or burned down his village, but because it's the right thing to do. Cowardice is chic. #6 - Posted by: Good-Natured Cynic on May 4, 2004 10:04 AMSo that's what you look like....You were safe from the evil monkey empire until now... #7 - Posted by: Dan on May 4, 2004 10:05 AMI'm sure America can just enhance some of our enemies. Add the Godzilla DNA to them, perhaps this would be a challenge. As for Kerry being a yo-yo head, well, at least the democrats are finally seeing his true side come out. #8 - Posted by: The Sicilian on May 4, 2004 10:41 AMSign me up for that "don't want AOL" list. The Iraqis in Falujah have a good reason to claim victory. This is what you get when Politicians run things. Next up - my prediction - more attacks on US convoys out of Falujah and the Iraqi general will shrug and say "I'm doing everything I can...blah blah blah". Tito, the Russians/Soviets managed to run things pretty well in these area...someday we're going to have to realize that there are people that don't get anything but a good bitch slap up side the head. #10 - Posted by: wraith67 on May 4, 2004 11:23 AMMy husband tried the "don't want AOL" thing, called them up, said "quit mailing me crap" and they said "we can try" har har. He's so cute when he tries the impossible. ;D #11 - Posted by: maggiek on May 4, 2004 11:40 AMYes, Whittle's version is a little different than yours. Frank, you need to get some sun. (Isn't Florida the Sunshine State??) #12 - Posted by: jonag on May 4, 2004 11:41 AMJohn, as my kids would sing: Happy happy birthday Then they yell out how old you are, which for you would be......? Rall does need to be fired. People just need to stop taking his cartoons. And just for the record, I was a litle bit disappointed in the IMAO babe contest. Hasn't anyone heard of the phrase "Skin will win"? #16 - Posted by: Marc on May 4, 2004 12:35 PMcontest ideas: You've got your poster babe; how about a poster monkey? a poster dog? a poster cat? (why do so many conservatives like cats? just look at all the catblogging) Hmmm... a photo contest of the best martial arts poses with the most inventive names? What about a reader-written In My World chapter? Which introduces a new character? (although how someone could top Chomps beats me) Or have you done all these and I'm Ms. Joanna-Come-Lately again? #17 - Posted by: A Recovering Liberal on May 4, 2004 12:36 PMI thought of a new contest for your readers. Hey, why not do an Artist's Rendition contest? It could be of your favorite IMW character. Imagine the many faces of Rumsfeld! #19 - Posted by: The Vigilante on May 4, 2004 12:54 PMAfter seeing your picture, I'm kind of surprised you aren't getting carded for buying "Rated T" video games at Best Buy. #20 - Posted by: hindmost on May 4, 2004 01:06 PMYou know, Washington (George, not DC) told us that political parties are bad, and this is why - we have liberals who will use anything, including a dead man who fought for our country for around .5% of the money he would have easily made in a year, to make a point about something that has already been decided! Ok, maybe George was worried about things never getting done, but if he saw this, he would claim it as a reason! #22 - Posted by: Rob on May 4, 2004 01:50 PM--Frank... you don't hate Michael Moore?? --wow... I feel cheap and used now... that was the reason I came to IMAO in the first place... all this time... I believed... --Crap!! #23 - Posted by: Devil Dog on May 4, 2004 03:38 PMThe IMAO anthem contest! #24 - Posted by: Miranda on May 4, 2004 03:39 PMHappy birthday, John! Today is also the birthday of one of my best friends! Now for the serious busines... To those who it may concern, I am writing to you to address the abomination which Mr. Ted Rall was able to distribute through your publications. His April 29, 2004 "cartoon" is an absolute disgrace to all soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines, specifically Pat Tillman. The unbelievable, factually false hate speech displayed by Mr. Rall is so sickening, so anti-American, so anti-military, that I cannot even begin to put my feelings into words. As I live in Lexington, Kentucky, I will no longer be purchasing the Lexington Herald-Leader. I have alerted my family, friends, and fellow students to this, and have encouraged them to also stop purchasing your publication. All other publications running Mr. Rall's material should re-evaluate their priorities and decide if keeping him would be a prudent choice or a grave mistake. This American is thoroughly outraged at what has taken place, and will not forget it. Sincerely, Nicholas G. Panaretos #25 - Posted by: Turkeyhead on May 4, 2004 03:51 PMExcellent idea, Miranda! The winner has to sing and record the anthem so Frank can post an MP3 on the site! #26 - Posted by: A Recovering Liberal on May 4, 2004 04:04 PM--Great letter, Turkeyhead!! --Frank??? Michael Moore??? Hate...??? Please...????? #27 - Posted by: Devil Dog on May 4, 2004 04:26 PMA Recovering Liberal: Oh Sarah's just going to win again, she's a vocalist and has won Karaoke contests. I like the idea of a drawing contest for Chomps, I could enter that! #28 - Posted by: Mahatma on May 4, 2004 04:33 PMMahatma, Maybe Sarah could graciously decline from participating in the anthem contest and share the IMAO spotlight. Would that be considered a form of compassionate conservatism -- sharing the wealth of attention? #29 - Posted by: A Recovering Liberal on May 4, 2004 04:44 PMA couple of days ago, when I was making a silencer for my .22, I wondered "why would I ever need this?" Now, with Ted Rall, I think I know. We shouldn't look back to the Soviets as our enemies, we should look back to the Japanese. Those were some tough guys. Fought to the death; defeat was considered the greatest dishonor (opposite of the French) #30 - Posted by: Masada on May 4, 2004 05:27 PM*grin* Maybe, but I prefer the other kind of conservatism - you get what you earn. So if oh, Frank, i feel so special! got a little nervous that you were going to fire me after a year when you haven't even seen the tshirt photos yet! eek, refraining from a singing contest, i don't know if i have it in me! #32 - Posted by: sarahk on May 7, 2004 04:45 PMI think we should give the people Falluhja one chance to get out and then flatten the city killing everyone left, now that thw russians got a taste of terror maybe they will stop supporting the regimes of the middleast, with weapons. #33 - Posted by: nathan Howard on September 8, 2004 10:57 PMpolifonicos sonidos polifonicos toques polifonicos polifonicos gratis tonos polifonicos nokia polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos para nokia sonidos polifonicos nokia ringtones polifonicos coros polifonicos sonidos polifonicos siemens toques polifonicos nokia tono polifonicos download toques polifonicos midis polifonicos descarga de sonidos polifonicos tonos polifonicos moviles tonos polifonicos para movil tonos polifonicos gratuitos tonos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos polifonicos tonos movil polifonicos tonos polifonicos motorola melodias polifonicos tonos polifonicos siemens tonos polifonicos para moviles polifonicos siemens polifonicos motorola descargar tonos polifonicos polifonicos movil polifonicos sagem sonidos polifonicos movil moviles polifonicos sonidos polifonicos alcatel polifonicos descarga tonos polifonicos gratis sonidos polifonicos para nokia tonos polifonicos nokia 6100 sonidos polifonicos para movil sonidos polifonicos moviles tonos moviles polifonicos descarga de tonos polifonicos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos samsung tonos polifonicos nokia 3510i tonos polifonicos para panasonic sonido polifonicos polifonicos dance sonidos polifonicos para panasonic tonos polifonicos para motorola c350 tonos polifonicos nokia 7650 tonos polifonicos nokia 3650 8860 How can this all be right? Check out my site http://www.pai-gow-keno.com #35 - Posted by: keno on October 5, 2004 08:56 AMPost a comment
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