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May 17, 2004
In My World: War of the Worlds
"There are those who say I flip-flop," John Kerry said at a rally, "and I will say firmly that they are probably not correct." The audience cheered for a moment, but was then stunned silent. Kerry then turned around to see hovering craft destroying the building behind him with lasers. "Jeeves! What is that?" Kerry demanded. "Appears to be alien attack craft, sir," Kerry's butler answered. "During my rally!" Kerry yelled angrily, "Do they know who I am!" A laser blast blew up the stage sending him flying through the air. "Apparently not, sir." * * * * "Oh, they’re all such good singers," Bush whined, "I don't know who to vote for as American Idol!" Suddenly the image of Simon Cowell was replaced with the hideous visage of an alien being. It had a large green head, bug eyes, and long, sharp, needle-like teeth. "Ahh! I'm not voting for that guy!" Bush exclaimed. "I am the evil alien warlord Xanax," it announced, "Puny beings of earth - especially your masters, the Americans - heed my warning: surrender now or be destroyed." "Why does everything have to happen during my presidency," Bush grumbled. * * * * "I've called this emergency meeting in this war room because of the alien attack," Bush announced. "Well, duh," Condi remarked. "I remember that in Independence Day a president dealt with a similar situation," Bush said, "and defeated the aliens by connecting to their mothership with a Mac computer and giving it a computer virus. So, is anyone here a Mac user?" No one raised a hand. "Dammit!" Bush exclaimed, "Guess we'll have to use a different strategery." Out of the shadows emerged the hooded figure of Karl Rove. "Defeating this alien menace could improve your poll numbers," Rove stated, "While failing to defeat them could mean the end of humanity." "I have seen the poll numbers," Bush said, "and it almost unanimous that the American people do not want to be enslaved. Why, the 'No the Blood for the Salvation of Humanity' protest out front of the White House only got about a hundred participants. Let's see what are military has to say about this." Bush put General Abizaid on speaker phone. "We need some troops to take on these aliens." "Oh, it's the military to the rescue once again," Abizaid said angrily, "We're already handling Afghanistan and Iraq; can't you jokers handle one alien invasion yourself?" "But they're scary looking!" Bush complained. "And you're a little pansy," Abizaid answered. "I'll show you!" Bush yelled, "I'll handle these aliens all by myself." He hung up the phone. "Guess we're on our own. Zatoichi, you're a blind samurai; you must have some idea how to fight invading aliens." "The alien's support is all behind their leader," Ichi answered, "If we defeat him, they will be dishonored and leave." "Sounds like a place to start," Bush stated, "So, Rumsfeld, you're always violent and angry; any ideas on how to defeat the alien warlord?" "I don't like this sci-fi crap," Rumsfeld growled, "Let's just all grab a brick, smash their heads in, and then go to a bar and get some whiskey. First round is on me." "So capture their leader or smash their heads in with bricks," Bush thought out loud. He was interrupted by the phone ringing. Bush looked at the caller ID. "Dammit, it's Kofi Anan." He answered the phone. "What do you want, Coffee?" "We were negotiating with Xanax, and he is very reasonable," Kofi answered, "If we agree to surrender, he says he'll make us leaders work slaves on the nice asteroids." "I'm not working on any asteroid," Bush said angrily. "Well, Chirac is planning on representing earth in an official surrender to Xanax," Kofi said, "and you know how adamant the French are about their surrendering." "Well, you tell him to hold on or we'll smash his head in with a brick," Bush threatened and then hung up the phone. "We can't let that weasely Chirac surrender earth for us! I won't be the first president to have humanity enslaved by aliens... and the last." * * * * "It's is I, the weasely, foul smelling President of France," Chirac announced as he entered the U.N. conference. "Excellent," Xanax hissed, "Now just sign the papers enslaving all of humanity. And make sure to initial where marked... and do it quickly as the notary public is only here until five." Chirac stood near the paper and bent over it ready to sign, but then he stopped. "I don't think I will sign this." Chirac stood up and faced Xanax. He then ripped off his mask to reveal he was in fact President Bush. "Instead, I'm going to give you and old-fashioned Texas ass-whup'n!" Bush put on a "It's the American President!" Xanax exclaimed angrily. "And you misunderestimated me!" Bush answered, putting on a cowboy hat and going into a whup'n stance. A number of alien guards armed with laser rifles rushed out and surrounded Bush. "Did you think it would be that easy!" laughed Xanax, "I've conquered many worlds before - some of them inhabited - and you're simple 'whup'n' is no match for my alien technology!" "Should have gone with the brick idea," Bush grumbled. * * * * "We surrender to you, our evil alien master!" Chirac yelled as he bowed down. "My name is Ed, and this my gas station." Chirac stood back up. "Are you sure you're not an evil alien overlord." "Pretty sure." "That Bush has gotten between me and surrender for the last time!" Chirac swore, "The France has wanted to surrender the whole world since its existence, and I will finally see it through and no one can stop me!" "So are you going to buy some gas or not?" * * * * "Now that the stupid American president is prisoner on our mothership," Xanax said as Bush was tossed into a cell, "The world will lose its will to resist and easily fall. Muh ha ha ha!" The cell door was shut, and the Xanax and the guards walked off. "You may think you captured the stupid America president," Bush said, and then took off his mask. "But you've actually captured his gullible Press Secretary." Scott McClellan then spoke into his hidden communications device. "Tubby is in the donut factory. I repeat: Tubby is in the donut factory." "Good job, Scott," Bush answered. "So what's next?" "Oh... well... uh... plans are fluid at this moment." "You don't have plans, do you?" Scott exclaimed. "Well, we figured for whatever plans we are going to have, getting someone on the mothership is a good start. So what do you see?" "The walls of my cell!" Scott answered with annoyance. "We'll start with that. So... you wouldn't happen to have a nuclear device on you, would you?" "No!" "Did you check all your pockets?" "Yes!" "Well, Scott, hang in there. We're going to work tirelessly on a plan to get you out." There was a pause for a moment. "Yeah, Scott is pretty much screwed, Condi. So, do you want to play foosball? …What? The mike is still on? How do I turn it off. Do I hit this button. Whoops! I think that launched missiles. Well hopefully no one will notice with the alien attack… Oh, so it's this button to turn off the..." 46 Responses To "In My World: War of the Worlds"
"...the notary public is only here until five." Spewing coffee on that one! Another great IMW, Frank! #1 - Posted by: El Jefe on May 17, 2004 07:29 AMthe whole thing was great, but i laughed hard at "Whoops! I think that launched missiles." brilliant. #2 - Posted by: sarahk on May 17, 2004 08:31 AM--TO BE CONTINUED...??? AAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!! --ahem... uh... when??? #3 - Posted by: Devil Dog on May 17, 2004 08:55 AMThis is OT but it seems that Rumsfeld is guilty of more than just strangling the worthless hippy. Check this out! http://www.cooperforpresident.com/id227.html (Drink Alert!) #4 - Posted by: Anton on May 17, 2004 08:55 AM--""And you misunderestimated me!" Bush answered, putting on a cowboy hat and going into a whup'n stance." --That definitely qualifies as one of the best lines ever!! ..."whup'n stance..." TOO FUNNY!!
"'No the Blood for the Salvation of Humanity' protest out front of the White House only got about a hundred participants. " Love it! #6 - Posted by: Bill from INDC Journal on May 17, 2004 09:26 AM"'I won't be the first president to have humanity enslaved by aliens... and the last.'" --Cleverness beyond the masses! Another hillarious read... #7 - Posted by: Veda on May 17, 2004 09:48 AM"It's is I, the weasely, foul smelling President of France," Chirac announced as he entered the U.N. conference.
A lot of people seem to enjoy them, but you do much funnier stuff than the IN MY WORLD section. It is my belief that you should not do so many of them. #9 - Posted by: Dylan on May 17, 2004 09:50 AMI love In My World! "Tubby is in the donut factory." "Did you check all your pockets?" Absolute genius! #10 - Posted by: Conservanatrix on May 17, 2004 09:52 AMHey Frank, try to add Congressman Mark Foley (R-16th dist. FL) into the next IMW! I'm interning here in Canon HOB 104, and I'd love it if I were in your wonderful world! #11 - Posted by: Brian on May 17, 2004 10:01 AMNot so many IMWs? What are you nuts! It's far funnier than Comedy Central's now departed "That's My Bush" (though I did like the episode where Austrians had taken over the White House and tied everyone up and were threatening mass destruction until they were rescued by press aide Princess, whose use of breast enhancement pills - mistakenly thinking them brain supplements - allowed her to break her bonds). But I digress. Keep up the IMW yucks. #12 - Posted by: sleeper on May 17, 2004 10:07 AMSo like what? Are the Aliens for the war in Iraq or against it? Sometimes, Dude, you're like way too cryptic. #13 - Posted by: LibertyBob on May 17, 2004 10:15 AMGreat IMW! the last paragraph was hilarious I LAUGHED!! #14 - Posted by: The Flying Burrito on May 17, 2004 11:05 AM"That Bush has gotten between me and surrender for the last time!" Chirac swore, "The France has wanted to surrender the whole world since its existence, and I will finally see it through and no one can stop me!" "So are you going to buy some gas or not?" I can barely contain my excitement for the next episode. #15 - Posted by: loudest_mute on May 17, 2004 11:14 AMdylan, dylan, dylan! what are you smokin'? IMW is some of the funniest stuff out there! #16 - Posted by: sarahk on May 17, 2004 11:20 AMxanax... hmmmm.... does he stumble around and talk incoherently? Thats what xanax makes my friends mom do. #17 - Posted by: dviant on May 17, 2004 11:32 AM"I don't like this sci-fi crap," Rumsfeld growled, "Let's just all grab a brick, smash their heads in, and then go to a bar and get some whiskey. First round is on me." Mmmmmm... whiskey... Oh yeah. Friggin' hilarious! Now, where'd I leave that bottle of Beam? #19 - Posted by: Tom on May 17, 2004 11:53 AMI'm laughing so hard I must look like an idiot to everyone in the house here! Great stuff, Frank, great!. #20 - Posted by: The Sicilian on May 17, 2004 12:13 PM--- "No!" "Did you check all your pockets?" "Yes!" --- OMFG!! "I've called this emergency meeting in this war room because of the alien attack," Bush announced. "Well, duh," Condi remarked. I just ran out of Windex, too. Great stuff, as usual, Frank. Next time, though, warn us. #22 - Posted by: Morphius Kane (Soon to be a Marine) on May 17, 2004 12:27 PMAs per usual, this is great stuff! here's a warning for you: "In My World" Funny stuff. #25 - Posted by: Marc on May 17, 2004 02:38 PM"Yeah, Scott is pretty much screwed, Condi. So, do you want to play foosball? …What? The mike is still on?" LMAO! That was just plain great. #26 - Posted by: Dave on May 17, 2004 02:53 PMLMAO. Great IMW, can't wait fot the next episode. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4997808/ Looks like Bush gets the last laugh... #27 - Posted by: Bingo on May 17, 2004 03:19 PMI feel the need to defend myself here. As I said, I know a lot of people like them, but it is just not for me. I like a lot of Frank's humor, which is why I come here every now and again. I just thought I'd let him know that I just don't find them that funny. I've laughed at several things he's done, but I can never recall even smiling through a IMW. And I don't smoke anything. #28 - Posted by: Dylan on May 17, 2004 05:17 PMI agree with Dylan. All I see is repeats of the same post. "Great one", "I spewed coffee on my screen", "That was hilarious", but all you do is make the Bush administration look like a bunch of idiots. You've had much better, Frank, and I think you may have been a bit taxed for ideas with this one. Here's hoping you prove me wrong in the continuation. #29 - Posted by: Ed on May 17, 2004 05:50 PMThis isn't your best, Frank, but it's still dang funny. Ignore the skeptics. #30 - Posted by: Ann on May 17, 2004 06:35 PMWaah, waah, waah, everybody's a critic..... I liked it #31 - Posted by: Snickering up my sleeve on May 17, 2004 06:39 PMI think it's great because he does realize that they're idiots. Look at how he's been bumbling away this war in Iraq. Bush had a very good thing going, but through all these more and more ridiculous events, he's just diggin himself deeper and deeper. I appreciate Frank poking fun at this unfortunate trait "I feel the need to defend myself here. As I said, I know a lot of people like them, but it is just not for me. I like a lot of Frank's humor, which is why I come here every now and again. I just thought I'd let him know that I just don't find them that funny. I've laughed at several things he's done, but I can never recall even smiling through a IMW. And I don't smoke anything." "I agree with Dylan. All I see is repeats of the same post. "Great one", "I spewed coffee on my screen", "That was hilarious", but all you do is make the Bush administration look like a bunch of idiots. You've had much better, Frank, and I think you may have been a bit taxed for ideas with this one. Here's hoping you prove me wrong in the continuation." Who The *** Are These ***heads? 0.5$ says its the same hippie-a$$ed troll posting twice. Frank, Do you want to send the ninjas to beat the crap out of these morons, or should I? Back on topic, Very good IMW, I haven't been laughing this hard in over a week. #33 - Posted by: UZI4U on May 17, 2004 08:33 PMOh, bah, you silly pessimists. Don't read them if they're not funny to you :P Now, in response to The Chad, you're too easily Oh my Jesus. I can't say one critical thing about Frank or the things he does without all these people pissing and moaning. Face it, I don't think IMW are very funny. Did I ever say that Frank wasn't funny? I believe I wrote that I do enjoy his work just not IMW. It is ok if people don't like everything that he does. And you don't need to call someone a '****head', that sounds kind of Limeyish don't you think? You don't agree, so call me names. Again, I was never calling names, and I merely made a statement for Frank to know. But all these hardcore Frank fans that worship his work evidently are disturbed by a critical voice. To Miranda, I don't read most of them. But it seems like people would like to have a gun to my head like a guppy saying: "I love everything Frank does. Frank is the funniest man alive. Oh man, that was hilari..." You get my drift. Being critical does not make me a pessimist, it makes me objective. I'll leave you with the stupidest response post: "0.5$ says its the same hippie-a$$ed troll posting twice. Frank, Do you want to send the ninjas to beat the crap out of these morons, or should I?" What have I got to hide behind another name? Yes! Beat the crap out of anyone who disagrees! #35 - Posted by: Dylan on May 17, 2004 10:40 PMThank you for the definitive spelling of "whup'n". #36 - Posted by: Mr. Green on May 17, 2004 11:11 PMFrank J. may be overall the funniest man in the Blogosphere, but I think Mr. Green takes the dry wit prize, hands down! Here's the deal. You're allowed to be critical, but realize, everyone else is too. You had your turn to criticize Frank, we criticized you. Now you've criticized us ;) so it's our turn! Anyway :P It's Frank's blog. It's good and it's free. He should be able to post what he wants, when he wants. If he's miserable and it's too
IMW- Dylan walks into a biker bar and yells at the top of his lungs that Harleys suck and was shocked when he woke from his concusion to find that his Yugo had been demolished. He could not understand why they would do this. #39 - Posted by: Dman on May 17, 2004 11:56 PM"Why does everything have to happen during my presidency," Bush grumbled. I think I hurt myself laughing... #40 - Posted by: Susie on May 18, 2004 02:01 AMFrance WOULD surrender to aliens. Why do you think we are keeping them out of space? #41 - Posted by: Yogimus on May 18, 2004 07:07 AMMonday is IMW day. I used to guarantee two a week, but now it's only definitely one a week. IMW's appeal more to regular readers, so I am concious of trying new things that will appeal to people who don't get all the in jokes. They're also harder to write than my other posts. #42 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 18, 2004 07:10 AM"Oh my Jesus. I can't say one critical thing about Frank or the things he does without all these people pissing and moaning." All those who are critical of the mighty Frank should be put to death. "Face it, I don't think IMW are very funny." Blasphemy! "Did I ever say that Frank wasn't funny?" Its Blasphemy To Even Think Such A Thing Is Possible! "I believe I wrote that I do enjoy his work just not IMW." Blasphemy! "It is ok if people don't like everything that he does." Blasphemy! "And you don't need to call someone a '****head'," Its a statement Of fact, and it isn't ****head, it' ***head. "that sounds kind of Limeyish don't you think?" You mentioned the one who is never to be mentioned again! Abomination! #43 - Posted by: UZI4U on May 18, 2004 06:47 PMFrank, I think your posts, many of which are humorous, have given these people the strange idea that they are funny as well. I wonder how they came up with that. #44 - Posted by: Dylan on May 19, 2004 09:46 AM Guitar Tabs | polifonicos polifonicos sonidos polifonicos toques polifonicos polifonicos gratis tonos polifonicos nokia polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos para nokia sonidos polifonicos nokia ringtones polifonicos coros polifonicos sonidos polifonicos siemens toques polifonicos nokia tono polifonicos download toques polifonicos midis polifonicos descarga de sonidos polifonicos tonos polifonicos moviles tonos polifonicos para movil tonos polifonicos gratuitos tonos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos polifonicos tonos movil polifonicos tonos polifonicos motorola melodias polifonicos tonos polifonicos siemens tonos polifonicos para moviles polifonicos siemens polifonicos motorola descargar tonos polifonicos polifonicos movil polifonicos sagem sonidos polifonicos movil moviles polifonicos sonidos polifonicos alcatel polifonicos descarga tonos polifonicos gratis sonidos polifonicos para nokia tonos polifonicos nokia 6100 sonidos polifonicos para movil sonidos polifonicos moviles tonos moviles polifonicos descarga de tonos polifonicos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos samsung tonos polifonicos nokia 3510i tonos polifonicos para panasonic sonido polifonicos polifonicos dance sonidos polifonicos para panasonic tonos polifonicos para motorola c350 tonos polifonicos nokia 7650 tonos polifonicos nokia 3650 Post a comment
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