 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
May 21, 2004
In My World: War of the Worlds Part II
* * * * "Damn for'ners hiding in religious sites," Buck the Marine grumbled. He then stuck his head up from his cover. "Have respect for your own religion!" He ducked at the response. "Permission to attack the mosque with extreme prejudice, sir" Buck said into his radio. "Permission denied," his commanding officer answered. "How about moderate prejudice, sir?" "No. I don't want to get yelled at again. Hold position and try not to get shot." Suddenly a UFO flew overhead and destroyed the mosque with a laser. Reporter soon flocked around the area with cameras. "Wasn't me!" Buck called out, "Honest!" * * * * "I will continue to destroy symbols of the American President’s religion in vengeance for his subterfuge against me," Xanax announced angrily on T.V., "That is, until he meets with me personally to negotiate earth's surrender. Muh ha ha ha!" "So you told him you are Muslim?" Condi asked Bush. "Yeah, aliens are stupid," Bush said. He then picked up a copy of New York Times. "I can't believe with an impending alien attack they’re still leading with Abu Grahib. At least we finally found some WMD's in Iraq; maybe that will help me in the polls... if humanity isn't destroyed, I mean. So, any new plans to attack the aliens?" "Well, we were going to attack the mothership with nuclear missiles," Condi answered, "but then we saw a big sign on the side that says, 'Invulnerable to Nuclear Missiles’." "Dammit!" Bush yelled. "So, Rumsfeld, do you have any ideas." Rumsfeld snored. "Dammit times two!" Bush exclaimed, "He's taking his afternoon nap. You know how cranky he’ll be if we try and wake him." "We need more time to form a plan," Condi said. "Well, maybe we can fool Xanax again to stall him," Bush mused, "but how..." Chomps then walked up to Bush holding out a gun in his mouth and wagging his tail. "Aww, isn't that cute," Bush said, "Chomps wants to play 'Murder the Hippies'." A thought then struck Bush like a baseball bat to a jack-o-lantern. He turned to Condi. "Do we have any three-piece suits... in rottweiler size?" * * * * "So where are we?" Jacques Chirac asked his aide. "We are in a place the stupid Americans call 'Arizona'," the aide answered. "But we must get to New York to surrender humanity before those vile Americans have a chance to save it!" Chirac declared. "But how will we get there in time?" the aide asked. "To the surrender mobile!" * * * * "Finally, I get to meet the earth's angriest president face to face," Xanax laughed, but then looked at the president more closely. "But why does this human walk on four legs unlike the others? And why is his entire face covered in dark follicles of hair unlike other humans? And he seems much angrier than other humans." Xanax then stared at the president even more closely. "Very much angrier." * * * * "The president will pay for this!" Xanax swore as the cell door closed on Scott McClellan and Chomps. Scott looked to Chomps. "I guess we'll have to get out of this one together." Chomps turned to Scott and started growling. * * * * "Help! Help!" came a scream over the radio in the war room. "Who is this?" Bush demanded. "It's Scott!" "You're still around?" Bush chuckled, "I thought the aliens would have vaporized you by now." "I'm stuck in a cell with Chomps and he's trying to kill me!" Scott yelled. "Well, there's nothing else in the room for him to kill," Bush answered, "What do you expect?" "Please help me!" "Fine," Bush grumbled and then hit a switch to talk to Chomps's hidden communicator. "Calm down, doggie. Nice doggie." Bush heard even more ferocious snarling in response. Bush switched back to Scott's communicator. "Apparently hearing voices in his head makes Chomps even angrier." "You have to help me! I don't know how much long..." Bush turned off the communication system. "So what's next, Condi?" "I think Xanax is going to be really mad after how Chomps nearly tore him apart," she said. Bush thought for a moment. "Don't worry. I have a new plan so great that there is no way it could fail… No way at all… Even though I thought of it." * * * * "What's that I hear?" Zatoichi asked, "sounds like a tubby man hanging from a light fixture and squealing while a ferocious dog in a tuxedo tries to bite him." "Close, old chap," Tony Blair answered, "The dog is actually in a three-piece suit." "Why are you guys here?" Scott asked as he took a momentary break from squealing. "Well, your president had this plan," Blair answered, "and, needless to say, it didn't quite work - no reason to go into the details - so here we are, the Prime Minister of Britain and a blind samurai. Cheerio." "Can you help stop Chomps from trying to kill me?" Scott asked. Blair looked at the snarling dog for a moment. "Afraid I'm going to have to say no to that one." "Ha ha! Dog so want to bite chubby man!" Ichi laughed. "That is pretty funny," Blair chuckled, "Anyway, we need to put our heads together to stop these aliens. I'm sure between my British wit, Ichi's samurai skills, Chomps's anger, and Scott's... uh... tubbiness, we can find a way out of this cell and show these nasty invaders what for!" Blair checked his watch. He then walked to the little window to the cell’s door and called out, "I don't know if you hideous alien guards are aware of the Geneva Convention, but it's tea time." * * * * "Enough tricks!" Xanax shouted, once again having taken over the airwaves. "The American President will meet with me personally or, instead of enslaving you puny humans, I will destroy your pitiful planet! Muh ha ha ha!" "I really am getting annoyed at this guy interrupting my favorite T.V. shows," Bush declared, "It's time for drastic action. But, do we having anything we can fight aliens with?" "We might have something," Condi answered. "What?" Condi leaned forward towards Bush, placing her palms on the war room table and staring Bush right in the eyes. "The Republican Attack Machine!" 42 Responses To "In My World: War of the Worlds Part II"
I can see it's going to be a strange day. #1 - Posted by: spd rdr on May 21, 2004 07:47 AMWhy the hell couldn't Chomps take out Xanax? Oh well, at least Tubby is in trouble...^_^ #2 - Posted by: Metal Phoenix on May 21, 2004 07:54 AMAwww... another TO BE CONTINUED? Frank, you're killing me! Oh, and more Tony Blair, please! #3 - Posted by: James on May 21, 2004 07:57 AMI can't wait for a better description of the Surrender Mobile. #5 - Posted by: LibertyBob on May 21, 2004 08:23 AMhahahaha Surrendermobile hehehehe A little yellow Citron maybe? One of those old ones with the flat sides and no grill. With a roof that opened like a tuna can..... little french flag sticker on the door. And little white flags mounted on each fender! hehehehehehe #6 - Posted by: Greywolf on May 21, 2004 08:35 AM--"Apparently hearing voices in his head makes Chomps even angrier" --Whoa... that was too damn funny!!! Great line!!!!! outstanding... "I don't know if you hideous alien guards are aware of the Geneva Convention, but it's tea time." hahahahaha! how do you come up with this stuff? #8 - Posted by: sarahk on May 21, 2004 08:43 AM"No reason to go into the details - so here we are, the Prime Minister of Britain and a blind samurai." Hehe, CHAMPAGNE comedy! *toasts* #9 - Posted by: Pete the Australian on May 21, 2004 08:43 AMFrank, you evil fiend. NOBODY can withstand an onslaught from the Reblican Attack Machine! It is so ruthless, nobody has yet to get a picture of it on the battlefield. Anyone who even sees it dies! Is it a tank? A hovercraft? Or is it a giant robotic likeness of Reagan? Arrrrrgh....can't.....wait.....anticipation.....killing me! #10 - Posted by: Evil Midnight Poster what Posts at Midnight on May 21, 2004 08:51 AMCan the conclusion of this IMW feature Tony Blair's grisly death, please, Frank? It would be even better if it was at the paws of my darling Chomps - we all know how much Chomps hates socialists. #12 - Posted by: Liz on May 21, 2004 09:17 AMBut I like Tony Blair. Even if he is a socialist, he speaks really eloquently for the justness of the war. #13 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 21, 2004 09:43 AMWell, according to Reuters, it is no longer the war on terror. It is now the "so-called" war on terror. " Many suspected al Qaeda and Taliban fighters captured in the so-called war on terror are being held at U.S. facilities in Bagram, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, but some are "held incommunicado at undisclosed locations," according to the ICRC." Full story is here: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=574&u=/nm/20040521/wl_nm/afghan_redcross_dc_2&printer=1 Isn't Reuters French for bullshit? #14 - Posted by: Greywolf on May 21, 2004 10:57 AM"I really am getting annoyed at this guy interrupting my favorite T.V. shows," Bush declared Oh yeah! This was a fantastic IMW. Even though I agree that Chomps could take any dumb alien, it was still resplendant with my hero Buck, lasers, tubby Scott jokes, and more! I'm picturing the Surrender Mobile with a gigantic bullhorn on top that broadcasts "We Surrender!" in every language. Cheerio! #15 - Posted by: Megan on May 21, 2004 10:58 AMI saw the Oscar Mayer Weenie Mobile in Tempe on Wednesday. I wish I had known that Jacque Chirac was in it!!!! Dang!! Please tell me Chomps was just holding back and saving his energy for the exciting conclusion!!!!! #16 - Posted by: jonag on May 21, 2004 11:17 AMBumpersticker on the back of the Surrender Mobile: Frank, Are you SURE The Limey isn't Tony Blair giving into to his base socialist nature? Isn't Petin french for Blair? Just a thought... #18 - Posted by: El Jefe on May 21, 2004 11:54 AMGood one, Frank. Did you consider making Chomps a Cujo-like St. Bernard? He'd be a killer, but everyone, including Xanax, would be like "Awwwww. How sweeeeet. You're a purty dog. YES YOU ARE! Yes you are." Then, they'd get their faces ripped off. :) #19 - Posted by: BearHunter on May 21, 2004 11:55 AMFrank, don't forget to try and add your favorite Washington intern, Brian, who is in Congressman Mark Foley (R-16, FL)'s office! #20 - Posted by: Brian on May 21, 2004 12:05 PMFrank, this is fantastic! Highlights: Surrender mobile, the world's angriest president, the aliens appear to only have one cell, and of course the Republican Attack Machine. I can't wait for the conclusion. #21 - Posted by: Ann on May 21, 2004 12:26 PMHow 'bout Buck rescuing Chomps? Have those two ever met?....they need to work together at killin' fur'ners. #22 - Posted by: salomeh on May 21, 2004 12:37 PMOh, pretty please, Frank? Just because he's right about this one thing doesn't mean he's a good man. And it would make me sooooo happy! #24 - Posted by: Liz on May 21, 2004 01:14 PMVery funny stuff... again! Favorite line: "To the surrender mobile!" I was in tears man! #25 - Posted by: The Flying Burrito on May 21, 2004 01:37 PMChirac in Arizona? Damn! Now we'll never get the smell out of our state! #26 - Posted by: Bob in Feenicks on May 21, 2004 02:48 PMIf Chirac was in Arizona, people would mistake him for a Saquaro catus holding his arms up. #27 - Posted by: Mr Minority on May 21, 2004 05:33 PMSurely Condi wouldn't believe an 'invulnerable to nuclear missles' sign on alien spaceship without testing it first? Besides, you know she wants to be sure... #28 - Posted by: Dave on May 21, 2004 05:55 PMI would suppose the "Surrender Mo-beeee-il" (a little French pronunciation there) is probably a Renault R5, which some of might recognize as those "Le Car" cars, except they've got turbos on 'em. All the quicker to make it to the surrenduring, nez pas? #29 - Posted by: Ken on May 21, 2004 06:35 PMPart III Bush slapped his forehead, "But I lent it to the Vast Risk Wing Conspiracy Corp last week!" .... #30 - Posted by: justin on May 21, 2004 07:15 PMThese are more than I can stand--thankfully I've a chair to sit in while I read! More Blair, definitely, cannot wait for full descriptions of the two 'mobiles. "To the surrender mobile!" Best one liner yet. Chase, Alliance Covert Activities Attache to the Great State of Alabama #32 - Posted by: Masada on May 22, 2004 12:27 AM"To the surrender mobile!" and Blairs "Cheerio!" Comments are the greatest I tell you! The greatest! #33 - Posted by: dviant on May 22, 2004 01:47 AMDoes Buck know about the Republican Attack Machine? What WMD were found in Iraq? Mustard and Sarin Gasses aren't WMD... #35 - Posted by: Eric Hodge on May 22, 2004 10:01 AMBlair looked at the snarling dog for a moment. "Afraid I'm going to have to say no to that one." HAHA, Frank that's too good. Frank, I love you. Just reading the first part is enough to make my day. Damn democrats! Gone and corrupted Mrs. Thomas.... #37 - Posted by: Liza on May 22, 2004 05:28 PMHi, Frank! Just found your site, and I am damn glad I did. Laughing my butt off, man! Xanax, what a great name! All of it is hilarious! You are a genius! But look, Frank, I really, really HATE cliffies! #38 - Posted by: Maranna on May 22, 2004 07:30 PMExcellent! Zatoichi and the return of Tony Blair! Best previous line: "That's very good and all," Blair answered, "but you aren't really known for 'thinking'." Must have Blair fight scenes! Must have Blair fight scenes NOOOOOW! (Minor point: in the UK "Cheerio" doesn't mean "Hi." It means "Goodbye.") #40 - Posted by: ajay on May 24, 2004 06:56 AMplease, please let there be a movie version of this, the sooner the better. #41 - Posted by: sailor sam on May 26, 2004 03:53 PMpolifonicos polifonicos sonidos polifonicos toques polifonicos polifonicos gratis tonos polifonicos nokia polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos alcatel tonos polifonicos para nokia sonidos polifonicos nokia ringtones polifonicos coros polifonicos sonidos polifonicos siemens toques polifonicos nokia tono polifonicos download toques polifonicos midis polifonicos descarga de sonidos polifonicos tonos polifonicos moviles tonos polifonicos para movil tonos polifonicos gratuitos tonos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos polifonicos tonos movil polifonicos tonos polifonicos motorola melodias polifonicos tonos polifonicos siemens tonos polifonicos para moviles polifonicos siemens polifonicos motorola descargar tonos polifonicos polifonicos movil polifonicos sagem sonidos polifonicos movil moviles polifonicos sonidos polifonicos alcatel polifonicos descarga tonos polifonicos gratis sonidos polifonicos para nokia tonos polifonicos nokia 6100 sonidos polifonicos para movil sonidos polifonicos moviles tonos moviles polifonicos descarga de tonos polifonicos polifonicos sms tonos polifonicos samsung tonos polifonicos nokia 3510i tonos polifonicos para panasonic sonido polifonicos polifonicos dance sonidos polifonicos para panasonic tonos polifonicos para motorola c350 tonos polifonicos nokia 7650 tonos polifonicos nokia 3650 Post a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
