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June 09, 2004
In My World: A Better Tomorrow
"Mr. President, you have the first opening statement." "The future for America is bright. If we stay the course, we will become an economic and military superpower of unimaginable size. The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls. "Well, to put thing simplest, the economy is growing, the Soviets are scared of us, and you'd have to be a retard to elect the goofball standing next to me." "Mr. Mondale," the moderator prompted. "I plan to make hard choices for America if needed. I won't be afraid of raising taxes if needed..." "That's it; I'm just going to sleep through this one," Reagan exclaimed. "Mr. President, you're not allowed to interrupt during the opening statements," the moderator said. "Mr. President? Hmm... apparently the President is asleep." * * * * "Polls show you won that debate," Vice-President Bush said while holding up a newspaper, "Even thought you slept through it." "Next time I'm bringing a pillow," Reagan remarked as he sat in his chair in the Oval Office. "By the way, who is the grinning idiot behind you?" "That's my son, George Jr.," Bush said, "We call him 'Dubya'." "It sure is fancy in here!" Dubya exclaimed. "He hopes to be either a politician or a gas station attendant one day," Bush said proudly. "God help us all if he achieves either," Reagan remarked. "Maybe you could give my son some advice," Bush suggested. "If you want to be a good politician, son," Reagan told Dubya, "You need to stand by your principles no matter what. You can't let whiny liberals push you around and keep you from being focused on what's important. Also, if you ever see a Commie, you need to wallop him good." "Thanks, President Reagan!" Dubya yelled and then left the office. "Probably should have beat that kid more when he was younger," Reagan whispered to Bush, "So what's next?" "Mikhail Gorbachev is here to see you," Bush stated. "Send the Commie bastard in," Reagan ordered. Bush left the room and then Gorbachev entered while clutching his eye. "Someone just punched me!" "Quit your whining, Gorby!" Reagan commanded. "So is your evil dictatorship about to collapse or not?" "You underestimate the power of the Soviet Union!" Gorbachev declared, "We will not bow to your commands! We will not..." "It may be ‘Morning in America’," Reagan interrupted as he stood up and approached Gorbachev, but it's lights out for you!" He then grabbed Gorbachev and smashed his head through the wall. "Not again!" Bush yelled as he ran into the room, "We're trying to keep the deficit down, and all this drywall repair isn't helping!" "Defeating Communism is more important than deficits," Reagan said, "Now what?" "That scary man - your Middle East Envoy - is here to see you," Bush answered. Reagan sat back down at his desk. "I've been waiting for his report." Donald Rumsfeld marched into the office and threw a folder down in front of Reagan. "Here are my conclusions on the Middle East." Reagan opened the folder. "Well, just one page. Let's see what is says..." Reagan put on his reading glasses. "Kill them all." He looked to Rumsfeld and handed him the piece of paper. "Are you sure you don't want to add anything to this?" Rumsfeld thought for a moment. He then pulled out a pen and wrote on the paper before handing it back. Reagan looked it over. "Kill them all... now!" He turned back to Rumsfeld. "Thank you for your input, Mr. Rumsfeld." "There's a Commie stuck in your wall, you know," Rumsfeld remarked. "I was redecorating," Reagan answered. "I don't like it." "Neither do I. Could you toss it in the dumpster on your way out?" "Sure," Rumsfeld answered. He then pulled Gorbachev out of the wall and dragged him from the office. "That man just scares me," Bush remarked. "That's because you're a wimp," Reagan answered. "There's a lot to be worried about," Bush said, "It's going to be a battle for reelection and..." "Have a little faith, George," Reagan interrupted, "No one is going to vote for that idiot from Minnesota and his lady friend. We'll then keep this economy growing, destroy communism, increase our defense, and make an America so strong that it can not be torn down again... even if some lecherous hillbilly somehow slithers is way into the office sometime in the future." "Sounds good to me," Bush remarked, "and hopefully I can continue your legacy." Reagan grunted. "Whatever. I'm going to get a T.V. tray and eat dinner while watching the Cosby Show. Yell for me if someone needs me to hit the button." Thank you Mr. Reagan for all the opportunities I have today, and God bless. 34 Responses To "In My World: A Better Tomorrow"
...and may Ted Rall roast in hell. #2 - Posted by: Greywolf on June 9, 2004 08:09 AM"Yell for me if someone needs me to hit the button." that's hilarious. #3 - Posted by: sarahk on June 9, 2004 08:14 AMShort one, but really good. Rumsfeld's update and the quips to and about Gorby were hilarious. Frank J. in 2016! That was fantastic. I can imagine a little GWB running around the White House, just amazed at it all. And of course Reagan and Rummy were great. #6 - Posted by: Turkeyhead on June 9, 2004 08:55 AMMan, I hate it when I wake up and it's back in the eighties again. I hated surfing the internet in full color in '83 (seemed like every other site was porn.) "I'm redecorating"!! Hillarious!! #8 - Posted by: Josh on June 9, 2004 09:04 AMOut-franken-standing! The is one of the best RR tributes yet. I truly believe the guy in this picture would crack up reading it. Well done, Frank, you ronin, you. #9 - Posted by: slimedog on June 9, 2004 09:05 AM--"even if some lecherous hillbilly somehow slithers is way into the office sometime in the future." --Damn funny!!!! --A little hard on both Bush's, though... ah, well... such is your world!! --P.S. Thank God Rummy was there... if only the President had listened to him back then!! "Mikhail Gorbachev is here to see you," Bush stated. "Send the Commie bastard in," Reagan ordered. Oh, this is priceless. Great job, Frank! #12 - Posted by: Scott Sanburn on June 9, 2004 09:43 AMThat was awesome, Frank, satire and tribute all in one... LMAO. #13 - Posted by: Blackfive on June 9, 2004 09:58 AMI'm quite sure President Reagan would have laughed himself silly while reading this piece...I can't think of any higher compliment. Viva Reagan!!!!!! #14 - Posted by: CPT. Charles on June 9, 2004 10:07 AMEasy on the Bush Sr. wimp thing until you've flow 58 attack missions in WWII against the Japanese. Not again!" Bush yelled as he ran into the room, "We're trying to keep the deficit down, and all this drywall repair isn't helping!" "Defeating Communism is more important than deficits," Reagan said, "Now what?" Amen, brother! "Yell for me if someone needs me to hit the button." That has to be one of the best one-liners you have ever written. I had tears in my eyes laughing through the entire post. #17 - Posted by: James Rath on June 9, 2004 11:47 AMLMAO @ "It sure is fancy in here!" Dubya exclaimed.
In know what you mean Paleo. The best I came up with was that dog-blowing slut ted rall. #19 - Posted by: Greywolf on June 9, 2004 11:59 AMBush left the room and then Gorbachev entered while clutching his eye. "Someone just punched me!" This is where it all began! I bet Dubya was a little cutie-pie too! #20 - Posted by: jonag on June 9, 2004 12:00 PMThis brings up an interesting option. "Kill them all....now"...thats funny. #22 - Posted by: Mark Noonan on June 9, 2004 01:28 PMI really think Reagan would be honored by this... Nice work frank, and a fitting addition to all the tribute I've taken in over the past few days. #23 - Posted by: BearHunter on June 9, 2004 01:48 PMI think the ideal follow up to this would be for the ghost of Reagan to visit W in the White House, to give him praise and some grandfatherly-type advice. It would also be fun to see Reagan's spirit commenting on what went down (pun intended) during the Klinton years. #24 - Posted by: dvgulliver on June 9, 2004 02:03 PM"Have a little faith, George," Reagan interrupted, "No one is going to vote for that idiot from Minnesota and his lady friend. We'll then keep this economy growing, destroy communism, increase our defense, and make an America so strong that it can not be torn down again... even if some lecherous hillbilly somehow slithers is way into the office sometime in the future." As for followup IMWs, I'm still waiting for either a.) Reagan conversing with Jebediah the Marine or those two along with John Wayne making a special trip to Commie Hell, or b.) a Robo-Reagan, similar to Robo-Patton. #26 - Posted by: Rob on June 9, 2004 04:13 PMhttp://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq10-3.htm>> Definately... being a torpedo bomber pilot definately required a large set. But did he serve in Vietnam? ::whistle:: #27 - Posted by: LConley on June 9, 2004 04:49 PMFunny funny! #28 - Posted by: on June 9, 2004 05:47 PMOne of your finest, Frank! 'Kill them all.... now!' Priceless! #29 - Posted by: L. C. Red Ruffansore on June 9, 2004 09:39 PMOne of your finest, Frank! 'Kill them all.... now!' Priceless! #30 - Posted by: L. C. Red Ruffansore on June 9, 2004 09:39 PMLoved it! And Re: the link in slimedog's posting- pic of President Reagan is even a little Frank J.-like. #31 - Posted by: La Femme Catholique on June 9, 2004 10:29 PMLots of brown-nosing in the comments, fellows, although the bit with Gorby rubbing his eye was good. #32 - Posted by: Paulie at Paulieworld.com on June 10, 2004 08:59 AM"The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls." There ought to be an IMAO line of bumper stickers, starting with that one right there. #34 - Posted by: LRFD on June 10, 2004 12:30 PMPost a comment
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