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June 16, 2004
Pax Ex Viro Et Laseris
Posted by Frank J. at 06:55 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (44)

Things are getting tense, I tells ya. We have to get things done right in Iraq so that it's known around the world that America will always follow through on what we say and that we murder any sons of bitches who f**k with us. And we have to do it before January just in case, 'cause Lord knows John F'n Kerry ain't gonna get it done.

We have work cut out for us, people. I saw a headline yesterday on CNN: "Accused Abu Ghraib contractor: Guards told to keep prisoners awake". Well boo-f**king-hoo. Yeah, isn't that horrible; some scumbags didn't get their nappies all because we're trying to stop terrorism. Here's a little tip for people who want more sleep: DON'T SHOOT AT AMERICANS!

Actually, most who do end up with all the sleep they want, but now I'm sidetracked.

The point - and I swear this time I have one for real - is that if we were a tough and resolved society, we would not have headlines like that. Worrying endlessly about that crap makes us look weak and makes terrorist dumbasses think they can attack us. That just not right.

Remember when Reagan didn't know the mike was on and joked about how "the bombing starts in five minutes!"? Well, I don't, because I was too young, but I sure have heard plenty about it, and the Soviets were actually scared it was going to happen. They thought we were so crazy-loco, we just might do it. That's what we need again.

I don't want this to be a re-hash of Nuke the Moon, but we have problems to fix. Vietnam is run by Commies, Somalia is still war torn, and Castro walks and breathes as we speak - all glaring failures. That means we have a lot of work ahead of us to get the terrorists from wanting to kill us to fearing us like an angry god.

First off, don't take s**t from the goobers. When the Red Cross the other day said we either had to charge Saddam or let him go, the immediate response should have been to knock the Red Cross representatives into a puddle of mud and shout, "You don't tell us what to do! We're America! We have nukes! We do whatever the hell we want, and no one - NO ONE - can stop us! We'll give Saddam a trial consisting of asking, 'Are you Saddam?', and, as soon as he says yes, we'll immediately proceed to execute him in a most painful and lengthy way. And, if you feel like objecting, I'll just warn you not to get in our way when we're already in a kill'n mood!"

Methods like this should soon keep us from having to deal with pansy-ass crap and leave us to deal solely with the real issue: eradicating evil.

We all hear about the evil Iraqis out there who blow up people and then desecrate the corpses. Well, celebration of evil is bad, and we have to put that in their heads. It's kinda like if a dog keeps getting in the trash, put a mouse trap in there. The shock will then teach the dog to stay out of the trash. We can in the same way teach people that terrorist evil equals pain. First, we take some dead terrorists (I'm sure we have plenty to spare), and stage a phony attack making it look like cars of Americans were blown up. When people run over to celebrate, we then set off a real bomb taking out the whole lot of evil Iraqis while at the same time a plane flies over blaring this over a loudspeaker.

Bet they'll be pretty hesitant after that to celebrate what they think to be a terrorist attack.

Of course, more explosive is not going to solve the problem; that just puts us on their level. We need to take things to the next level to really reign supreme.

Imagine this: there's been a terrorists attack and bunch of Islamo-fascists start celebrating. On stage is a revered blind and/or crippled cleric. He starts to give a speech praising Allah and saying how great it is that America has been attacked. Just as he gets the crowd riled, suddenly a bright light comes from the sky bursting the cleric into flames. The crowd runs in terror as if God Himself is raining His wrath down upon them.

That right people; it's time for the space-based laser.

Sure, lasers for shooting down nuclear missiles are in the works, but that's not going to frighten terrorist dumbasses. We need something that can target them personally.

You may be saying that seems like a lot of money to build something that takes out one human target at a time and that nuclear weapons are already more destructive, but then you're missing the beauty of this. With our laser, we can take out any person at anytime (we'll even equip with infrared to see through buildings), and the weapon will be where those retards could never hope of reaching it. Our enemies will quiver every moment of every day, knowing their death could come at anytime if we so please, and there is nothing - NOTHING - they can do. That's why I'll call it the Satellite for Mind-f**king, Intimidating, and Terminating the Enemy - or S.M.I.T.E. for short.

Here are some technical drawings I have of the concept:

I hope that's enough to get the grant money flowing my way. We must do this to have global supremacy. Now, I'm an electrical engineer, but I'll need someone with knowledge about lasers and someone with knowledge about space to get this done.

The future is coming people, and we need our space lasers.

Rating: 2.7/5 (41 votes cast)

Frank the Artist
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