First

time I've ever been the first commenter.

ROTFLMAO!

Great one, Frank :-)

Your drawings are showing great improvement, Frank. I'm still going to need you to use the safty scissors though ... and stop eating the paste!

My bosses at Langley and NASA want to know how you discovered the secret of Gummy Bears in lasers.

I was about to look at the plans, but then I noticed they were secret plans and averted my eyes just after seeing a space monkey.

I hope the S.M.I.T.E. device got the space monkey.

;-)

You should put this on a t-shirt.

I agree, Frank. Definitely need THIS on a t-shirt. I LOVE IT!!!

It's nice that you captured the true essence of thr terrorists, as steaming, piles.

If you could modify the design so the S.M.I.T.E. could also make crop circles, I could arrange private funding. Of course I'd need to see a diagram for it.

Frank, did they teach you words like "scientifical" at Carnegie Mellon?

You forgot the beeping thing that all satellites have. It should also have the ability to write stuff with the laser. Stuff like "W was here" or "WWRRD" (What would Ronald Reagan Do?) or "Cha-Ching" or "Boo-Yah" "Who's next?". There nothing like getting your message across in big smoldering letters. Maybe a big loud speaker to taunt them from space.

Frank, I notice that your laser circuit has an input of infinite voltage (I like that idea - you'll need a perpetual motion machine to generate it - better go to Radio Shack and pick one up; no, two for redundancy), and the capacitor is great, assuming it is capable of building up an infinite charge, but I'm a bit concerned by your impedence of "X" Ohms. Doesn't that seem a little drastic? I mean, isn't "X" Ohms going to drag your input down from infinity? Although I guess infinity minus any real number is still infinity, in which case the "X" resistor is completely unnecessary. Perhaps it should be a resistor with an impedence of "Xi" Ohms, i.e. an imaginary impedence. Because that would just be cool. It would be like pretending to show our targets mercy, but in reality still cooking them with infinite resolve. The humane way to disintegrate our foes. Take that, square root of -1!

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beo, I'm afraid that you have way tooooo much time on your hands..... But the "Xi" imaginary impedence to help stabalize the power surge from the infinite capacitor DOES have it's advantages.... hmmmmmmm

Too much thought for this early in the morning.

Oh, keep up the good Frank work, he's made it up to 34 on the google search.

Frank
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Macbeau - we have to write that on the face of the moon, of course. Because, y'know, that's in the Required Testing Of Space Lasers.

Wow Frank! I'm really impressed with your engineering talent. I thought those things ran on jelly beans, not gummi bears? You would know better than me about such things though. Also, excellent depiction of the post lasered terrorists.

"Save me Allah!"

Allah, "NO"

LMAO

Hey, it's remarkable how much free time can be generated when you have a job that puts you behind a desk waiting for problems to come your way - especially when you keep things running so well that problems are rare. Besides, I haven't looked at circuit diagrams since college. Anything to keep the mind sharp, eh?

Frank, Frank, fo Frank
Banana fanna fo Frank...
Fee Fi Foo Frank...

Frank, Frank, Frank...you realize that no one in government or business will ever look at these 'cause they aren't done in PowerPoint.

Mind you, they are great...but not done in PowerPoint.

Matt Harris,
You spelled Frank's name wrong.

You typed this:
"Frank, Frank, Frank... you realize that..."

You should have typed this:
"Frank, Frank, Frank... you realize that..."

You've got to spell Frank's name correctly.

I like the little Egyptian dance!!
"Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia...."

I third the idea of this on a T-shirt.

Frank. Your website is the first place I visit when I log on at work. You are insane. I don't know how any human can come up with this stuff. Must be the monkeys. The egyptian dance made me just about fall out of my chair. :)

Beo and Over The Top,

Because no specific time value has been established in Frank's schematic, it would be assumed that the infinite source was DC (indicated by the polarization and lack of any time variable.)

This would of course make the capacitor effecively an open in the circuit. However, with an infinite DC supply, that current would "jump the gap" and complete the circuit.

So the capacitor is there as an air gap - perhaps this to deter space-travelling terrorists and space monkeys from trying to dismantle S.M.I.T.E., kinda like a car alarm. Mount that cap on the outside, have someone close the gap by messing with S.M.I.T.E., and WHAM! - infinite DC. Ouch.

Frank, I find no problem with your design. Disclosure: You should know that my EE degree is coming from a Public University.

Man, I screwed up Frank too. Sorry.

As an engineer at a defense contractor, the only design change I would make would be use Jelly Bellies instead of Gummi bears.

Ronald Reagan would have preferred it that way.

Frank, does SpaceMonkey get to push the button on the laser?

Ha! I love it! I would be honored to 'man' the laser's fire button.

WOW!!! Frank you must be a physicist or an engineer or something. What a cool idea. Another solution is project THOR, that thing the U.S. airforce/army/ Nasa came up with a while back. You know what i'm talking about right? Anyway, say you have, o I dunno, 50 000 6 foot crowbars all in geosynchronous orbits around the earth and a simple radar and propulsion sytem on each of them. If you ever want to say blow the shit out of a small group of islamofascist cocksuckers, you just press a button and one of these things falls on their heads at fairly high speed(like say sub orbital velocity) causing a large explosion and subsequent death of intended target. I think it might just work as well as the whole SMITE dealy-thingy. Just a suggestion.....

Thor threw hammers, not "crowbars."

FrankFrankFrankFrankFrankFrankFrank

Beo, Steve you're both wrong, THOR threw Allen wrenches.

LMAO & IJAL (I just ate lunch),
The schematic looks sound: infinite power supply leaves plenty of margin. You don't want to try it out the first time and just make evil doers "really red" or half-baked. The capacitor is not there as a spark gap, it is there because all digital guys put in a capacitor so they don't get yelled at by the power supply guys.

No digital guy (or gal) would want to design something with lasers in it, except this design since it blows stuff up. Frank did the right thing and studied up on his own time to become a laser expert. He spelled it 'laser' instead of 'lazer', has kryptonite to keep Superman from messing with it and the gummy bears for gummy bear stuff.

Why is the space monkey allowed so close to the part that doesn't say "Death come out here"?

Steve's low-tech crowbar solution seems like a good idea except there is no fun design work for the digital guys. It would be a lucrative contract since all 50,000 crowbars have to get tested for sitting in space worthiness.

The celebratory dance is priceless. Will he dance like an American next -- perhaps The Swim, The Watoosie or The Twist?

OH MY HELL!.... I am CRYING! OK, needed that laugh in a big way.. I think the "saved" should be required to do the running man ala Bobby Brown style, maybe even chant "It's your birth.. oh wait.. It's your BirFday, It's your BirFday, It's your BirFday"
"Death come out here"......... bahahahahahahahaha.. you ARE good Frank. You ARE GOOD.

Just a note that an assassination laser was the idea behind the (very funny) movie "Real Genius." Of course, shadowy Bad Guys were behind the laser project in that movie ...

my only objection is your demo showing 2 out of 4 Evil Terrorists getting away. your S.M.I.T.E. gives a probability of a 50% chance of success.

needs more improvement, big fella. ;-)

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU SHUTUP!!!! It was called project thor by the army. Besides everybody knows that Thor threw giant six foot crowbars; what kind of idiot do you have to be to not know that?!?!?!?! "....and thor tossed a huge freaking crowbar at his enemy Somesocialistnordicguy and he exploded in a ball of screaming flame." Haven't you ever heard this legend before?? Wait... no wait a minute..... maybe it was socket wrenches he threw. Or maybe toaster ovens...???...???...???

That was friggin HILLLLLLARRRRIOOOOUUUUSSSS!
Frank you are a Genious!

FrankFrankFrankFrankFrank

Thor EATS monkey wrenches, SPITS nails, POOPS drill bits, and HACKS UP rotary sanders; but he THROWS hammers.

And he WEARS flannel. I think he has a show called "This Old House," where he goes by the alias "Norm Abrams" and puts all these skills to good use.

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Your S.M.I.T.E. project shows much promise. If we were to combine this with the sub-orbital drones equipped with Peanut Brittle-ization Rays (turn any substance into delicious peanut brittle instantly!) that I've been working on (Project Candyman), we'd have the War On Terror over in a matter of weeks.

To quote the Project Candyman slogan, "P.B.R. me A.S.A. DIE, terrorist scum!"

You migfht be right there Beo. Norm Abrams does have a beard....... and I've heard that bearded guys do eat monkey wrenches, spit nails, and poooooooooooooooop drill bits. Why am I still looking back at this post anyways?!?!?!?!??!

I tried to make a super weapon a few years ago so that I could rule the universe, just like Ming the mercyless or George W. Bush. I had just built the laser and mounted it on an orbital platform, ready to obliterate my enemies, when the US declaired that it could be used to pirate CDs and broke the DMCA and the British declaired that it was against the European convention on Human rights to bombard people from orbit with a death ray.

Long story short, they impounded my laser cannon, Mr. Moore knicked my idea for discreditting George Bush and started to film it, and Walt Disney rewote my autobiography and used it to make an episode of Kim Possible.

Oh the tribulations of being a genocidal meglomaniac

Reminds me of a Berke Breathed Bloom County cartoon making fun of Ronald Reagan's SDI. But unlike the "basselope" based weapon, yours just might work!

LMAO!

Who says the Stealth Basselope doesn't work? I mean, sure you have to feed it steroids so it's strong enough to carry the bomb, but our secret testing program (human testing only, for safety's sake) among female Iron Curtain Olympians solved this problem back in the 1980's.

kickass, man.... kickass...

THat was hilarious! Nice design :)

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