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June 24, 2004
Frank J., Wasp Hunter
Posted by Frank J. at 06:04 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (19)

I decided my first action today after getting home was to take care of those wasp nests on my house. So I grabbed my can of Raid, my hose, my bokken, and my courage.

First I went to take out the wasp nest in front of my garage, the most annoying one and always covered with wasps with nothing but evil in their hearts. I decided to try first spraying the nest with Raid to stun the adults before taking on the nest.

Big mistake.

The wasps instantly flew right at me. I thought I was going to be swarmed with those guys until the toxins took affect, but that was the last I saw of them. I hope they found a good place to die.

Now the nest was unguarded. On goes the hose.

The bottom part of the nest split off, spilling white wasp larva onto the pavement which then writhed in the sun. Die, you maggots. This is my house!

Whatever it is that attached the wasp nest to the house is a tough little bit of architecture. Thus comes the bokken. One true samurai cut finishes off the last of it.

Now to the back porch. There were two wasp nests that looked to have been started and then abandoned.

Cut. Cut.

Now on to the mud glob over my sliding glass door that is the mud dauber nest. Nothing was buzzing about, and it seemed to be abandoned now. Being that it was made of mud, the rapid application of dihydrogen monoxide quickly dissolved it. There only seemed to be one large larva left inside which was taken away in the man made storm.

Vaya con dios!

Rating: 1.1/5 (4 votes cast)

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19 Responses To "Frank J., Wasp Hunter"

man, i wish i had a wasp problem so i could hire you to take care of it. you're the annihilator!

#1 - Posted by: sarahk on June 24, 2004 06:16 PM

You gotta watch it with that Dihydrogen Oxide, buddy. Once you start spraying that stuff around, it gets into everything. If you ingest any of it, traces of it will still be found in your body just after you die. Just be careful, okay?

#2 - Posted by: Michael Chaplin on June 24, 2004 06:21 PM

Frank, I speak from experience when I say this: wait until nightfall to go after the nests. The little turds congregate in the nests after dark, so if you apply the "treatment" then, you'll be sure to nail all of them.

Then do what I do; take your tie (or bandana, torn-off piece of shirt, etc.) and tie it around your head like Rambo did in "Rambo II," take off your shirt, and upon tearing the nest down and putting it on the ground, light the nest on fire and do a ritual victory dance around it while chanting. The neighbors will love it.

#3 - Posted by: Turkeyhead on June 24, 2004 06:40 PM

Michael, dihydrogen oxide is bad, but have you ever worked with monohydrogen hydrate? And to think, I used to bathe in the stuff.

#4 - Posted by: Ran on June 24, 2004 07:00 PM

Frank,

You better be careful. PETA might see this post.

#5 - Posted by: jhar on June 24, 2004 07:05 PM

I have some pretty nice speakers( http://www.wildwoodrugby.com/roomf.jpg) that have holes about 1.5 inches deep in six places that hold things together One day I was lazing about and noticed a large stinging thing(not sure what) flying in, and eventually out of one of these holes. Upon closer investigation, i.e., I got off of my ass, I discovered that one of the holes was capped with mud. I dug the eggs out and taped over the holes with masking tape. I still get visits, usually around 730 am, but it just flies around, at least I hope that's all it's doing.

cheers,

Dick

#6 - Posted by: hairofthedawg on June 24, 2004 09:31 PM

Uh oh. You're "hurting worms". (hint: 7 years in Tibet? That deep Brad flick?)

You'll never make it to Dalai Lama... but then your site isn't still under construction, heh.
http://www.dalailama.com/

But still, no hurting worms, or wasps, man. Bad K. Big Wheel Keeps On Turning and all that.

#7 - Posted by: .com on June 24, 2004 09:46 PM

Frank,

Turkeyhead is right. Even better, get 'em early in the morning. The rascals are as lethargic as Michael Moore when they're cold. Seeing how as you're in Florida, it probably doesn't get very cold in Summer. Still, the colder they are, the slower they move. Hey...that's just like me. Oh, wait, I AM A W.A.S.P. Jeez...

#8 - Posted by: clews on June 24, 2004 10:24 PM

I think John Kerry might be a wasp in human form. Or somewhat human.

#9 - Posted by: Jen on June 24, 2004 10:43 PM

Frank, go to Lowes or Home Depot and get that stuff that sprays a foam about 30 feet. It's incredible. They are stunned on contact, mired in the stuff. Not like the regular sprays.

It is overwhelming force. Patton would have loved it.


#10 - Posted by: Dave in Texas on June 24, 2004 11:18 PM

Frank, I got one word for you (or two if you want to add a space): hairspray.

Nothing knocks a wasp down quite like a burst of hairspray. Makes their wings seize up within seconds, and then you can just step on them. Like this:

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
Psssssssshhh.
HMMMMMMMMMMM *whump*
*splut*

Now you know how to kill wasps, Frank.

#11 - Posted by: beo on June 24, 2004 11:30 PM

Asta la vista, larvae!

#12 - Posted by: The Wasp-i-nator on June 24, 2004 11:30 PM

Now if only cleaning up Iraq of its pests was this easy. Good job Frank! The bokken is a nice touch.

#13 - Posted by: dark_indy on June 25, 2004 12:55 AM

I wonder what a day in the life of Frank's neighbor must be like.

#14 - Posted by: Joel on June 25, 2004 01:31 AM

I have two methods of wasp disposal myself. For insects that have trespasses into my humble abode, I find a can of compressedair works wonders. Just flip thatsucker up side down so it sprays out freezing hydrocarbons. A quick blast of this stuff chills the little buggers and drops them, leaving them slow and sleepy. Then just give them a good spray and they go for the Big Sleep. And you end up with a nice chunk of frozen wasp. Fun!

For outside however, if you want something to instantly kill the little bastards, my father always used to use... Brake cleaner fluid. I kid you not. I've hit wasps with bug spray and had them still flying around for a while before they croak. But you hit them with some brake cleaner fluid and they're dead before they hit the ground.

Brake cleaner fluid. Good for wasps and other (annoying) living things!

#15 - Posted by: Robert on June 25, 2004 07:17 AM

The 30' foam spray is GREAT! Hit the nest first thing in the morning and watch em writhe and drop. (The writhing part works for me somehow.)

Brake cleaner is excellent to get that one that's buzzing your head. (Be careful where you're spraying, of course.)

How's the skeeters down there so far. They're bad this year, we've been too wet. Do bat houses work down there?

#16 - Posted by: MarginMI on June 25, 2004 11:20 AM

Find a spray that is flammable.

Then when the nest Falls, light it up!

FIRE!

then again, it's close enough to the fourth of July, get some Fireworks and blow a few up.

#17 - Posted by: Kyle on June 25, 2004 02:01 PM

Hey frank, i should have read this before I did the deed. I had two nests cranking in my yard, I hit the first with a broom while i was leaning out the window. Once I knocked the nest down momma wasp was hanging out by the window waiting for me to take another shot. Those bastards dont give up. Every once in awhile i would open the window and do the ehhhhh heeeeee simpson laugh, which pissed her off more. Finally I got my shot and killed her too. The second nest I hit with the hose and ran like a little girl. I went back a minute later and killed the 6 wasps that were trying to drive off. I finished the nests with some stomping action.

#18 - Posted by: Giovanni on June 30, 2004 07:01 PM

just stumbled across your site have spent a happy few hours watching the little fuckers die the foam is brill. best 3 quid ive ever spent.

#19 - Posted by: uk steve on July 13, 2004 05:06 PM
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