Previous Episode

* * * *

Cheney walked into the president's office. Suddenly a werewolf jumped in front of him.

"Grrrrr!" it yelled.

"Ahh! My chest!" Cheney clutched at his heart and fell to the ground.

Condoleezza Rice took off here werewolf mask. "Yes!"

"Ha! Recovered!" Cheney said as he jumped to his feet.

"Dammit!"

"Give it up, Condi; you're not going to get the VP slot from me."

"Fine. Well have this glass of Kool-Aid as a peace offering."

Cheney took the glass. "Why does this smell like bitter almonds?"

"Just drink it!"

"Are you two causing trouble?" Bush demanded as he came into the Oval Office.

"No, Mr. Bush," Condi said.

"Go f**k yourself," Cheney added.

"Now scamper off and play nice," Bush told them.

Cheney and Condi walked away while Bush took a seat at his desk. Secret Service Agent Smith then walked in. "It's time for the Secret Service's lunch break, so you'll have to keep yourself from being killed or captured for the next hour."

"I can do that!" Bush declared.

Agent Smith walked off, and Bush sat quietly at his desk. After a while, he exclaimed, "Not being killed or captured here is boring. I'll go and not be killed or captured by that open window."

Bush walked by the open window. A dart then struck him in the neck. "Tranquilizer dart!" he yelled, dropping to his knees, "Slowly... losing... consciousness... Very slowly... actually... Maybe... I should... get to... the phone... on my desk..." He crawled over to his desk and fumbled for the phone. "Hello... police?"

"No, this is Donny's Pizzeria."

"I... need... the police..."

"But we have a great deal: one large pizza with two toppings and breadsticks for ten bucks."

"Wow... that is... a great deal... I'll have... one of those..."

"So, do you want pan pizza or hand tossed?"

With a thud, Bush fell unconscious to the ground.

"Hey! I asked you a question! And when Donny asks you whether you want pan pizza or hand tossed... YOU ANSWER!"

* * * *

"Now tell the children why reading is important," Laura ushered.

"It's important to read so you can properly use Drano," Rumsfeld told the first-graders, "or improperly use it, considering whatever the case is."

"Your mean dog ate my desk!" cried a little girl.

"There is no talking while I speak!" Rumsfeld screamed.

"No yelling at the children," Laura chided.

"I was yelled at all the time when I was child," Rumsfeld responded, "Sometimes by my elders, sometimes by the invading Huns trying to kill me. Children who can't take yelling are weak!"

Chomps started barking at a bookcase and then began ripping it apart.

"This is a total disaster," Laura fumed, "I knew having you read to children was too simple a task for you."

"You children are weak and stupid!" Rumsfeld yelled at the first-graders, "Most of you probably won't even reach adulthood!"

The children started crying.

"There, I've accomplished what I've came here for. Now my dog and I are going to go plan some wars." Rumsfeld and Chomps left the classroom.

Laura stomped her feet. "I am going to give him such a talking to one day!"

* * * *

Bush was dizzy as he looked around. He appeared to be in a large room filled with people. "Where am I?"

"The Hague!" announced the judge seated up high.

"Oh no!" Bush yelled, "What am I doing here!"

"Perhaps I can answer that," John Edwards giggled, "For all the damage you Republicans have done to the earth, we're doing a class action lawsuit against you for 8 trillion dollars! Muh ha ha ha!"

Bush checked his wallet. "But I only have six bucks on me!"

"Then all Republicans will have to pay the fine... or denounce their party. Muh ha ha ha!"

"Well, I don't fear the Hagians," Bush declared, "My friends will save me."

"They probably don't even know where The Hague is," the judge laughed.

"It's in China, right?" Bush asked.

Everyone laughed at him.

"Fine. Then who is deciding this."

"Those people." John Edwards pointed to a shady looking group.

One appeared enraged upon seeing Bush. "He friends of wall building joooos! I find him guilty of whatever he charged!"

Bush shook his head. "This isn't going to turn out well."

* * * *

"Bush has been captured by The Hague," Condi announced at the war room.

"Bomb them! Kill them!" Rumsfeld shouted. Chomps barked in approval.

"That would only make them seem like they mattered," Condi answered, "We need to get Bush out of there and then go back to ignoring them."

"Fine," Rumsfeld growled, "All for taking unilateral action in ending this, raise your hands."

Everyone raised their hands except for Colin Powell. "Can't we talk to the U.N. first to try and settle this peacefully?" he asked.

"All for beating up Colin Powell, raise your hands," Rumsfeld called out. Everyone raised their hands except for Powell and Scott McClellan.

"I really don't think we should be turning on each other like this," Scott said.

"Everyone for also beating up Scott, raise your hands."

"There will be plenty of time for beatings later," Cheney said, "We need to save the president now."

"And I know who can do it." Rumsfeld picked up the phone. "Buck the Marine, I have a job for you. You have to get the President out of The Hague... No you can't bring any help; it needs to be unilateral... Why would I know where The Hague is?"

* * * *

"They said you can't organize china by the Dewey Decimal System," Laura said to herself as she dusted the last of the plates, "but you showed them, girl."

Suddenly police rushed into the room and started smashing all the china with their cudgels. "What’s the meaning of all these shenanigans?" Laura demanded.

"Why don't you tell me," Detective Ian Competent said as he slapped cuffs onto Laura, "Rumsfeld Strangler!"

TO BE CONCLUDED...

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