First!

Sandy Pants - next best thing to a GSA approved safe.

"Hey, baby. What I'm about to show you is classified."

Is that a classified document in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

And all this time we thought Kerry was trying to get into John Edwards' pants...

Maybe he cut himself shaving and just didn't have any little toilet paper swatches handy to stop the blood flow. Of course, then he'd have to explain why he was trimming his bikini area at work.

Most of Clinton's people's problems have to do with illicit things in the pants. It's a theme.

Till Frank J wakes up, you can visit my site for a discussion of "Why Heroes are Boys"

"I only took pictures of the Clintons I promise, I only wanted them close"

"You know how sometimes there is that itch you just can't reach?"

I can just see the headlines now...

The Reason Sandy Berger Stole Top Secret Documents:

"Me peed my pants! Whaah!"

"Hey, if you think stuffing my pants with classified documents is bad, you don't want to know where I put the others..."

-007

(kermit, your joke was the first one I thought of. ^_^)

Kermit's was the title to a post I did yesterday.

What's the big deal? Lots of guys wear briefs...

Sham Berger had to put documents in his socks. There was only enough room in his drawers for his giant, flabby butt.

"Check it out, toots. Bubba taught me this trick."

Off topic, Bergler desperately needs to be introduced to Chomps.

Sham Berger didn't intentionally put the documents in his socks. He just stuffed them down the front of his pants, and there was nothing to stop them from sliding all the way down.

"Lots of guys wear briefs."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

He's a spy/sabeture.

He should be hung.

Guys, guys, give the guy a break. He's getting up there in years, maybe getting a little senile. He probably didn't know where he was or what he was doing and thought that he was just hiding his dirty magazines from his wife.

Sam Berger falls to the ground screaming in agony.

A passing citizen asks what the problem is.

Berger: "I just got a papercut!"
Citizen: "You're such a wuss."
Berger: "No! You don't understand. This is serious!"...

Sing to the tune of “She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain”:

I got Clinton’s Secret Papers down my shorts (Down my shorts!)
There’s a Post-it with a Warning down my shorts (Down my shorts!)
Got a paper-cut on my peter
From the yellow-lined paper
I got Clinton’s Secret Papers down my shorts (Down my shorts!)

Berger: "It was my time of the month and ..."

I know ... tasteless, so tasteless.

[shakes head in self-disgust]

Nothing could be funnier than what he said himself:

'It was an honest mistake.'

(The new Hokey-Pokey)
Berger puts the papers in.
Clinton whips it out.
They do the Hokey-Pokey
and I'm glad Bush chased them out.

"Hey, the old lady just saw Tom Jones in Vegas! I didn't want her to be disappointed when she got home."

From the Food Network...

First, stuff shorts with secret documents and allow to marinate at "Man, we're f'd" temperature for as long as you can...
(Campbell's Soup tune...)
mmm mmm yuck
mmm mmm yuck
Berger's secret documents are mmm mmm yuck!

(With appologies to "The Princess Bride")

FBI Agent: "Mr. Berger, please give us the classified documents."
Sandy: "I don't know what you're talking about."
FBI Agent: "Fezzik...rip his arms off."
Sandy: "Oh, you mean THESE documents."

Scene: The Kerry Campaign Headquarters.

JK: Wellllll Sandy. These papahhs will certainly help us recahp-ture the White House. I congratulate you on your sucess and bravery...just like the bravery I showed in Viet Nam. I'm certain that you, like I, felt the excitement in the danger.
SB: Thank you Mr. Future-President. Yes sir, it was certainly exciting!
JK: Yes, these papahhs are very...hmmm...what's this spot on the page? It looks like...some sort of...stain?

EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

SB: (mumbling and glassy eyed)exciting...yesssireebob...exciting indeed....

Mr Bubble and Former Hostage are winning so far in my opinion.

No One of Consequence, good one.

"Classified Documents offer better absorbency than the top competing brands."

"Every time you ruffle through classified documents on terrorism God kills a kitten."

Sandy's best defense?

Two words: Genital Oragami

"If they don't have the guts, I call them girlie men." - Great Moments with Gov. Wchwarzenegger

"If he needs to steal papers, I call him Ol' Document Pants (or ODP for short)." - Great Moments with shepshep

A leetle shake.
a leetle dance
a leetle seecret
een my pants.

rightwingduck:
You can't go wrong with Chuckles the Clown!

RWD, I always heard the poem as "No matter how you wiggle or how you dance, the last three docs go down your pants." Or maybe I'm thinking of a different poem...

The REAL question is, what did people think he was doing when he unzipped his pants to put in the documents?

(Somewhere in a classified reading room...)

SB>>> Hello Ms. Librarian, could you point me in the direction of the secret Clinton administration files I'm going to steal, I MEAN..REAL...-ly, really read hard for things to get my boss off...er, the hook.

Librarian>>> Um...aisle 3, next to the offical intern application files.

SB>>> Why thanks!

(Several minutes later, while librarian is filing papers in the library.)

*ziiiip*

Librarian>>> What the? Sir, sir I must ask what you're doing, and why do you have your hand on your pants?

SB>>> Um...ahh...I'm just striking a Michael Jackson pose...it helps me think. OWW! (starts dancing moonwalk)

Libarian>>> Riiiight...well, please just make sure you don't dangle anything out of anything sir. (Walks off.)

(Several minutes later)

*ziiiiip*

Librarian>>> OMG, you're unzipping your pants aren't you!!!

SB>>> No, no this isn't what it appears to be at all, honest!

Librarian>>> Isn't there ANYTHING your administration won't mark as their territory?? GUARDS!!

I guess it's all on what the definition of "pants" are.

I see london,
I see france,
I see... sandy berger with his hands down his underpants??? ewwww....that's just disgusting.

Whenever I start feeling "less than fresh", I just use Secret Documents. Shhhh - it's our little secret!

Mine is more of a visual - http://www.cornpone.net/2004/07/the_sandy_hambe.html

Berger starts to do a seductive dance while singing the Beetles Song: Do you want to know a secret.

Listen,

Do you want to see a secret
Do you promise not to tell
woh woh woh

Librarian: "Do you have secret documents in your pants?"

Mr. Berger: "Depends"

I know, lame.

Sandy Berger was arrested the other day for killing and sodomizing Clinton's cat.

"I didn't know it would kill the critter, but I thought to myself, 'What better place to hide secret documents than in Socks?"

"I just wanted to feel the power between my legs, brother."

Nickname suggestions:

Stuffbob Paperpants
Sandy the Squirrel

"What's so funny 'bout peace, love and paper in your pants?"

"Ummmm--oh I know! I was just lining my pockets -- errr, no! That's not what I meant!"

"I ran out of toilet paper at my place and the grocery store wasn't on the way home."

"No paper for you! Come back one year!"

"My dog wanted to eat my homework so I was just bringing it to him."

"Some dude on the corner said this stuff beat the hell out of those hemp papers I've been using."

"Captain Beatty told me to burn 'em but I didn't listen. Who phoned in the alarm?"

"My measly government pension doesn't give me the option of buying protective undergarments."

What are you looking at, I'm just boning up for my testimony. I have to cover the deadly trouser missile.

Breaking news!
Berger just took lead in the Tour de Pants!

"It was an emergency! The bird that lives in my pants needed fresh papers immediately!"

I got your classified document... hangin'

Here are some good jokes. Laugh over these:
Q: What do you call a former National Security Advisor who stuffs secret documents down his pants?
A: Traitor

Q: What do you call a former National Security Advisor who apologizes for leaving the National Archives with secret documents stuffed downs his pants by saying, “It was an honest mistake?”
A: Liar
Real funny huh? The wanker!

formerhostage,

'Genital Origami'

Lost my breath, had to take off glasses to wipe streaming eyes. OMGLMAOROTF.

Beautiful

File under "defiled".

I liked Frank's invitation best:
Put your best crack at it...
Indeed.

"They told me to put the documents in the drawers when I was done with them, I was just following directions."

"I've got something in my pants, but it's a secret....."

jonag, yours totally cracked me up, er, no pun intended.

First he put them in his socks, and then he "inadvertantly" put the socks in his pants...just as he's done every day since puberty.

Boy, talk about your taint-ed evidence.

Gives new meaning to the phrase "classified briefs."

[winces at SpaceMonkey's entry]

it's a shame that he TRIPPED AND FELL and the documents just landed in his pants socks, and duct-taped all over his body!

--SB: "What, you've never heard of "NAF oN SAC la DoMaS"??? *North American Former National Security Advisor Classified-Document-Masturbation Society*

--SB: "The feeling of raw power really is quite incredible. I highly recommend it to anyone who has never had Top Secret documents in their nether regions."

As he prepared to be taken to the Federal Prison, where he will be serving his eight year sentence, Mr. Berger announced that his only fear was that of being further debriefed.

In that Fed Prison the guards are going to have to check him for shiv's and classified documents twice a day.

At the time, no one followed Berger because honestly, who wants sloppy secrets.

He just wanted to get a little after-action.

Berger: "I got them for you sir, just like you asked me to".
flashes his briefs to Clinton
Clinton: "Hey, cut it out! Hillary walks in here she's gonna slap the shit outta both of us"!

Berger, at the National Archives: "I have to go to the men's room again".
Archivist: "Try stuffing classified documents down your shorts".

Berger, leaving the National Archives: "ok, all done. Thanks again".
Archivist: "Didn't you bring some notes with you sir"?
Berger: "Those notes? Uh, those are, downtown. Yeah.".

"He said he wanted to get in my pants, but it was just a political lie!"

*winces*

can we say white stains one more time?

Mine is not just visual but audiovisual...

at this link right here.

Chap.

This is my first visit here (saw a few of you guys over at Misha's site lending support for his trials.)

Genital Origami???

Tour de Pants???

classified briefs???

I can't get control of myself here, family thinks I've lost it. Needless to say, I'm officially a regular visitor - nice work!

CJ
ps- any South Park fans here? While reading this thread I keep picturing Butters at his tap dancing recital (the 'You Got Served' episode) The song goes "I've got something in my front pocket for you..." I wonder if Sandy has any idea how much fun we're all having with his honest mistake

Mommy, that episode made me convulse with fits of laughter. Good reference though, makes sense for Sandy Pants Berger.

I'm a big fan of Southpark and it's creators, and if you havn't yet seen them, you MUST watch/buy/rent Cannibal the Musical, Orgazmo, and Baseketball (not to mention the southpark movie). Cannibal the Musical is one of the funniest films EVER!

Oops Frank, I accidently sent 2 trackback's to this entry. You can delete the second one if ya want.

With pants and documents
Our country did he fool
Frank is a genius
and IMAO is cool.

Why did Sandy Berger stuff classified documents down his pants?

Because he wanted them to be handy!

Berger starts to do a seductive dance while singing the Beetles Song: Do you want to know a secret.

Listen,

Do you want to see a secret
Do you promise not to tell
woh woh woh

Posted by: rightwingduck on July 21, 2004 01:35 PM

Come a lil closer and listen to my rear.
can you hear it rustle?
woh woh woh