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July 21, 2004
Don't Get Mad, Laugh Your Ass Off
An Editorial by Frank J.
The muckadoos have been out in force for sometime. They're either protesting us defending ourselves, calling everything that moves Hitler, hating everything America, or promoting sham documentaries as gospel. Now they can't even stand one news station not having a huge liberal slant, so they've made Fox News their target with a smear documentary called Out-Foxed and then tried to sue them claiming Fox News’s "Fair and Balanced" slogan is inaccurate. And unreasonable actions like that can make a reasonable person such as me mad. Then I thought, "Why am I mad?" (that's called being "introspective") Sure these people are redefining that phrase idiot, but how are they affecting me? It’s true that Fahrenheit 9/11 has made around a hundred million in the box office, but the people lauding it are those who are already completely lost into madness and hatred. It hasn't moved the polls, and, personally, all it’s done is help me learn to spell "Fahrenheit" correctly. Sure these people have their wacky protests and get their press coverage, but no one other than themselves look at it and say anything other than, "What a bunch of idiots." Now they're ignoring all the stations with all the years of liberal bias to single out the popular Fox News, but their little "documentary" is only getting shown around in their own sewing circles so they can pat each other on the back and say how smart they are. Yes it's grand foolishness and blind partisanship to the point of insanity. It's also aimed at people like me to show how moronic I am for believing what I believe. And, I have to admit, some of it has made me pretty mad initially. But, when you look at it, these people have no effect on anything. It's like if a retarded kid at school came up and yelled at you, "You're 'tupid!" You might be insulted if it weren't so damn pathetic. The real Christian response would be to show pity for these leftists and how far-gone from reality they are. But I'm not the best Christian, so I'm going to laugh my ass off at them. Come on, they're little yiping dogs that don't even come up to our knees trying to intimidate us. Everyday they shake their tiny fists in impotent rage, and their biggest possible accomplishment is to annoy us - so why let them succeed? The opportunities for fun are endless if you're creative. One idea is to take them very seriously, and keep asking them questions of gradually increasing ridiculousness until they finally figure out you're making fun of them: "So do you think Bush did a lot of this on behest of the Saudis?" "What do you think Halliburton's involvement was with Abu Grahib? I just know they had a hand in that." "It's not just blood for oil; the glass consortium wants all that sand." "Let's not stray too far from the main point: How does this Iraq war relate to the Roswell cover up?" Another idea is to play the stereotype of a conservative that is in their fevered minds: "I think oil is worth a lot more than foreigners' lives. Come on; when was the last time an Arab baby did anything for you? If I can save a few pennies at the pump, then I say saturation bomb all the playgrounds we can." Ever since 9/11, liberalism in America has felt itself dying at the hands of reality. Instead of going out with either a whimper or a bang, it's found an even more pathetic way to die out. Just don't let it get to you; no matter who wins the election, these wackos will have no significant influence over anything. Life is just too short to get angry over little things and little people, so have a laugh. I believe God made everything for a purpose, and what purpose could there be for wacko leftists other than our amusement? Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such political books as "Never-Ending Debt: The American Deficit and Its Affect on Various Political and Socio-Economic Factors" (includes a recipe for "The Ultimate Nachos") and "'Ted Kennedy's Head is Ginormous!' and Other Observations of Modern Politics" First, I mean this is my first comment. Ever. #1 - Posted by: Todd on July 21, 2004 08:51 AMYeah, what IS with this GINORMOUS thing? First it was OverFed Kennedy, then Mikey More, now we have Sandy Sam Berger and Linda Ten-Tonina Ronstadt. Oh, $h1t, I just figured it out! The muckadoos are going to SIT on us! Run, Frank, run! #2 - Posted by: slimedog on July 21, 2004 08:57 AMHave you guys ever seen this? It's quite interesting; giving quotes from the left about the war in iraq and terrorism. Check it out. #3 - Posted by: Trucido on July 21, 2004 09:02 AMInteresting that you should call Ted Kennedy's head "ginormous", Frank. If I remember right, the first use of the word ginormous was by Scatman Crothers (as Jazz the Autobot) in Transformers the Movie (well, I remember that as being the first use of that word, so it must be true). Scatman used the word to describe a planet that ate the Autobot planet, that later turned out to be Unicrom's head. Unicrom, if you remember, was a Galactus-like super-transformer that ate planets to make himself bigger and stronger. Therefore, the new Democrat strategy is obvious: Ted Kennedy, Mike Moore, Sandy Berger, Linda Ronstadt, and Al Gore plan to eat and eat until they each have the approximate mass of an aircraft carrier. Once this is accomplished, they will combine into one hideous giant super-Dem (like the Constructacons) named Flabbistator and will attempt to seize the White House by force. It's simple and elegant in its evilness, I'll grant them that. #4 - Posted by: AWG on July 21, 2004 09:16 AMOh man that is too funny. I predict that the rest of this thread will be hijacked just to come up with new names for that particular chimera: Galactilardicon Maximumdensinator Moronicon Maximus Jezz, this could go on for days... #5 - Posted by: Capt Smythe on July 21, 2004 09:42 AMLife is just too short to get angry over little things and little people, so have a laugh. Remember, they laughed at Hitler too. Sorry, I just had to get one Hitler/leftist comparison out there. #6 - Posted by: Hondo on July 21, 2004 10:04 AMI dunno, Frank. If JFK gets elected, we'd have the chief whack-a-mole running things. I'm not sure that's worthy of laughter. I'm not sure that would allow liberalism to die out. #7 - Posted by: beo on July 21, 2004 10:11 AMFrank , this is NRO quality commentary and I would suggest you submit it to them immediately sans job demand. #8 - Posted by: Dman on July 21, 2004 10:16 AMYou're right Frank. The possibilities for amusement are endless. Personnaly, I just posted a new song parody on Scrappleface! When things get so whacked that it's sad, we need to remind ourselves to look at the bright side of things, and remotivate ourselves to our cause! By the way, I just LOVE that picture of you! #9 - Posted by: MarginMI on July 21, 2004 10:28 AMNew Dem Transformer name: Cellulitus #10 - Posted by: Former Hostage on July 21, 2004 10:55 AMAWG you are such a Geek! Please don't take that wrong.. I mean that with gushing admiration and affection. I just think it is just so adorable (not in a sarcastic way) that someone else remembers the Transformers, I used to love those, bought quite a few but lost them all. (moving, etc.) Never saw the movies - my stepsons were either too young or too old for the Transformer renaissance that occured... whenever that was. Hmm my Transformer contribution.. John Edwards: Doucheimegnon, Breckgirlitron? Hillary: Witchipoo - Oh no wait - that H.R. Puff'n Stuff Damn! #11 - Posted by: LokiDoki on July 21, 2004 11:33 AMTrucido, that site is excellent. If that doesn't encompass the hate on the left, I don't know what does. I'll be sure to refer some liberals to that, and if that doesn't make them reconsider, all hope is lost (and I'll smack them with my Tonfa until they reconsider). #12 - Posted by: Reed the Viking on July 21, 2004 11:37 AMSounds like a plan :-) #13 - Posted by: Trucido on July 21, 2004 11:50 AMthis editorial brings to mind Monty Python's song: Bright Side of Life. #14 - Posted by: Aris Ravencroft on July 21, 2004 11:52 AMBy the way, Fahrenheit 9/11 did not make any where near a hundred million, it made more like less than $12M, I do know for sure that it made 222nd on the all-time weekend sales, right behind Legally Blonde 2. #15 - Posted by: Caleb on July 21, 2004 11:59 AMThe easiest (non-violent) way to make liberals go away: Ask them why they hate children. "Buffoonicus Rex." #17 - Posted by: beo on July 21, 2004 01:45 PMLiberty Bob. You rock! #18 - Posted by: Joshua on July 21, 2004 02:17 PM"It's not just blood for oil; the glass consortium wants all that sand." Someone should slip this into a DU thread and see how long they run with it before they realize it came from a "freeper." #19 - Posted by: CD on July 21, 2004 04:09 PMThanks Frank. Those Nachos ROCK!! great recipe. #20 - Posted by: rightwingduck on July 21, 2004 04:27 PMFrank: actually though i think God is probbaly more angry than wanted to show pity jesus would crash the tables of liberal churches and speak boldly like paul did to the sanhedrin #22 - Posted by: entrepreneur on July 21, 2004 05:01 PMConnecticut Yankee forgot one: Michael Moore is the second coming. Hey, I just made myself throw up a little! #23 - Posted by: Wolf's Dawn on July 21, 2004 06:31 PMFrank...your "serious editorial" photo cracks me up every single time I see it. #24 - Posted by: Serenity on July 21, 2004 08:18 PMwell said. they are idiots, but why let it get to you? nothing a few well placed questions that make them look like the idiots they are won't do. #25 - Posted by: Dave on July 22, 2004 02:20 AMFrankJ already named a mutated Kerry as Botoxulon...starting a rumor that Abu Gharib was a Halliburton operation would probably be believed without question...I used to like Linda Ronstadt...it's true that Fahrenlies 9-11 isn't changing anyone's mind, nor did Edwards provide any major 'bump' in the polls...all the left's gripes against Bush--the economy (Greenspan said that the tax cuts saved us from recession), Iraq (Saddam caught, power transferred), reasons for war (yellow cake, WsMD)-- are one by one being disproven. look for increasing hysteria as November approaches and Bush pulls away. 8-) #26 - Posted by: sailor sam on July 22, 2004 10:25 AMI believe God made everything for a purpose, and what purpose could there be for wacko leftists other than our amusement? Best.Line.Ever. #27 - Posted by: Aubrey on July 23, 2004 02:27 PMPost a comment
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Stumble It!
An Editorial by Frank J."