About IMAO



Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!


Buy funniest book ever!





IMAO Podcasts
IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just, 
And this be our motto--'In God is our trust.' 
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave 
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.


If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Bloggers:
Frank J.
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Laurence Simon
SarahK

Popular Categories
Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
lolterizt
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Editorials
Frank the Artist
In My World
Other Content
Ode to Violence
Brief Histories
IMAO Audio Bits


Read the Essay
Own the Shirt
Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Google
Web www.imao.us
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds

"Unfunny treasonous ronin!"
-Lou Tulio*

"You, sir, are a natural born killer."
-E. Harrington

"You'll never get my job! Never!!!"
-Jonah Goldberg

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO."
-No One of Consequence

"A blogger with a sense of humor."
-Some Woman on MSNBC
Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Blackfive
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Pereiraville
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Scrappleface
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck
SarahK & Cadet Happy snark TV
This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts
Awards



 

July 26, 2004
In My World: Curious George Visits the Democratic National Convention
Posted by Frank J. at 06:37 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (37)

Above the Democratic National Convention floated the Halliburton Dirigible of Evil.

"Don't you think 'Zeppelin of Evil' would sound eviler?" Bush queried.

"I didn't name it," Cheney responded.

Rumsfeld glared down at Boston. "All our enemies in one place - seems like the time for a tactical strike to wipe them out once and for all!"

"No murder!" Bush said, "or Laura will make me sleep on the couch again."

Chomps jumped up to look out the window, and then wouldn't stop snarling and barking.

"We could infiltrate them," Condi said, "find out what they're up to."

"Can't we just watch one of the news stations for that?" Scott McClellan suggested.

"Someone hit Scott," Bush commanded.

Rumsfeld stared at Scott menacingly until Scott finally punched himself, knocking himself to the ground.

"We'll get in there and sow seeds of discontent," Bush chuckled, "or, at least, get some free snacks if they have any. Let's go."

* * * *

"Why does it have to be us two doing the infiltrating?" Scott asked Bush as he made sure his fake goatee was on right.

"Because everyone else has too much important stuff to do," Bush answered as he brushed his porn star mustache.

"I also have important things to do," Scott complained, "I do the press conferences!"

"I got you a good replacement."

* * * *

"What does Bush think of his Democrat challengers?"

"Awk! No comment!"

"How much longer are troops expected to be in Iraq?"

"Awk! No comment!"

"What's Bush's reaction to the 9/11 report?"

"Awk! Polly want a cracker!"

"Ha! Now we're getting somewhere!"

* * * *

"Bush is Hitler! How are you guys doing?" Bush said as he inserted himself amongst a group of Democrats.

"We're handing out fact sheets on Kerry and Edwards so people get to know them better," said one as he gave some pamphlets to Bush and Scott.

"Facts about John Kerry," Scott read aloud, "He served in Vietnam." Scott turned the pamphlet over, but couldn't find anymore text.

"Facts about John Edwards," Bush said, "He's purty looking. P.S. Bush is evil... Hey! No I'm not... I mean, right on!"

"So what's the plan?" Scott whispered to Bush.

"We'll get back stage and change the speaker prompts to embarrass the Democrats," Bush answered, "Follow me."

They snuck through the convention until they got to the backroom. "Now we just need to find where the prompt is programmed," Bush said, "Then we can..." Bush froze. "Don't look up, Scott."

Scott stopped moving too. "Why?" he whimpered.

"There are ninjas up in the rafters," Bush uttered, "I just knew the Democrats were conspiring with the evil ninja conglomerate!"

"So what do we do?!"

"We'll have to fight them to the death using items we can find in this room." Bush saw a mop and bucket nearby. "I'll use the mop as a bo, and you can use the bucket as a... well, just try not to die too quickly."

A throwing star then struck the wall near Bush's head. He shrieked and ran for the nearest exit. Catching his breath, he looked around to see he was on stage.

"It's the next speaker!" called out one of the crowd.

"Uh, hey everybody," Bush said as he walked to the microphone. He then uttered to himself, "Think like a Democrat. Think like a Democrat." Bush cleared his throat. "Who here hates Bush more than they love America?"

Everyone cheered.

"Republicans are evil!" Bush continued, "They eat babies... who all should have been aborted!"

More cheers.

"Man, I'm on a roll," Bush said to himself while smiling. "Well, when we're in power, we'll change many things. We'll set taxes to make sure no one is ever rich again!"

The crowd erupted with more clapping and yelling.

"And we'll make sure poor kids stay in their poor schools where they belong! And all marriages will be gay marriages!"

The crowd was frenzied in cheering now.

"And we'll never exert force against our enemies again... and make the national language French!" Bush shouted, making his mustache fall off.

The cheering stopped.

"That's not a porn star! That's President George W. Bush!" one yelled.

"Let's kill him!"

Everyone started to climb on to the stage, but Scott then ran out. "Everyone, calm down! We can't let partisanship rot our minds! We all need to have some understanding and sanity!"

"That guy with the goatee is promoting understanding and sanity!" one of the crowd shouted, "Let's kill him too!"

As the crowd closed in on Bush and Scott, ninjas crept towards them from behind, ninja swords ready in hand. A new speaker then walked on stage, wearing a suit and glasses.

"Let's see what the real speaker has to say about this," one said, and the crowd stopped for a moment.

The speaker trotted to the podium, jumped up, and bit off the microphone. He then chewed it up and spat it out.

"Hey," one person said, "That speaker looks an angry rottweiler."

"Not just angry rottweiler," said one of the ninjas, his sword shaking in his hand, "Very angry rottweiler."

* * * *

Chomps made a hacking sound. Finally, he coughed up a Birkenstock.

"I told you not to murder Democrats!" Laura yelled at Bush.

"I didn't, honey!" Bush protested, "I just stood back and laughed as Chomps did."

Laura pointed to the couch which already had a pillow and blanket on it.

"But, honey, Lincoln haunts this room at night and he's mean!"

"That's between you and Lincoln," Laura said angrily and then marched up stairs.

"Aww," Bush groaned to himself as he sat on the couch.

"You're not going to get to sleep for four score and seven years!" a voice echoed throughout the room, "Muh ha ha ha!"

"Can't you go haunt a log cabin somewhere?"

A book flew through the air and hit Bush in the head.

"Ow!" Bush rubbed his head as he got under the blanket. "Stupid, rail-splitting poltergeist."

Rating: 2.1/5 (29 votes cast)

In My World
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this | StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
 

Buy IMAO T-Shirts


IMAO T-Shirts

The IMAO T-Shirt Babe
(winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!!
Yay! Books!





Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24
American Idol
Aqua-Adventures
Barackalypse Now
Best of IMAO 2002
Best of IMAO 2006
Bite-Sized Wisdom
Editorials
Election 2008
Filthy Lies
Frank Answers
Frank Discussions
Frank on Guns
Frank Reads the Bible
Frank the Artist
Fred Thompson Facts
Friday Cat-Blogging
Fun Trivia
Hellbender
Hellbender Take Two
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Humor
I Hate Frank
If I Were President
ignis fatuous
IMAO Condensed
IMAO Exclusives
IMAO for the Non-Deaf
IMAO Reviews
IMAO Think Tank
In My World
In My World - Fan Fiction
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
Know Thy Enemy
lolterizt
Michael Moore
Mitt Romney Ads
News Round-Up
Newsish Fakery
No, McCain't
Our Military
Permalink Contest
Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul
Ronin Profiles
Ronin Thought of the Day
SarahK's TV stuff
Scary Evil Monkey
Simpsons Trivia
Songs & Poems
State of the Frank Report
Superego
Totally True Tidbits
WEsistance Is Facile
Why Me Laugh?
Yvonne's Ashes
By Month
December 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
March 1933