LOL! "That's why for this coming presidential election, we should petition that the president not be decided by a bunch of goobers punching chads but instead by a kickboxing match." Like Kerry would even dare... He might break a nail or something.

cannot stop laughing. ok, i have now, but i read it like 10 minutes ago, and at that time, i couldn't stop laughing. cackling and crying, i was.

brilliant.

Kerry would just have his butler (or his wife should the butler be busy) do the liberal fighting method of flailing wildly, hoping for some kind of contact.

Frank, you seriously need to proofread better. Also, you need to make these books you name at the end of your editorials available, so that we can pay money for them. Lots of money!

Pay me better and I'll proofread better.

This is a good idea but we can't let all violence be political. If we forget violence for violence sake then the terrorists win.

spacemonkey,
You speak with wisdom beyond your years... whatever the hell they are.

I think we would need to be careful with the implementation of this plan. What if some old conservative dude ended up going against a middle-age democrat? In this case I would suggest pistol duels at 10 paces (I know a lot of old dudes who are really good shots). Also, some of the female politicians might not be so keen on the idea of messing up their hair. If we could start them out with arm wrestling and slowly ride the cycle of violence toward our end goal, they might be more willing to participate.

*lightbulb* Just had a great idea. Forget all of the above stuff. If a politician doesn't want to fight, the can hire a WWF (I know, it's something else, but I don't remember what.) wrestler to fight for them. Even if the democrats try to get one, we can pay him off because we have all of America's money. Heh, wouldn't it be great to see Hulk Hogan giving sKerry a workover? I don't watch wrestling, but I would definitely watch that :-)

PIMF, yo... PIMF.

Trucido
Your watering down of frank's idea is no good.
This is about election of the fittest/cheatingest. Old politicians can still win if they are willing to play dirty and be wily and keep a concealed carry crowbar.

I hope that's a good compromise for you. teh crowbar thing. They can look like cheaters but they HAVE to weild the crowbar themselves otherwise the terrorists win.

PIMF? Do I want to know?

We have the forum for this...

Celebrity Death Match.

OK Spacemonkey, I'll give it to you. Crowbars would be good. Or lead-weighted bats. (Remember Saddam's knees?)

p.s. (P)review (I)s (M)y (F)riend.

You can't reason with people who wave "No Blood for Oil" signs, but you can use their signs as cudgels against them.

Words to live by.

I always say, if you ain't cheatin, you ain't tryin hard enough.

If this were the way things worked, I would so go into politics. >:o)

Instead of debates there would be deBEATs.

Straw polls would involve battling using poles made of straw. Or sticks, straw seems wimpy.

The political platform would be the place candidates would do battle.

Instead of using 'attack ads' you would use an 'attack adz'. Look it up.

This is fun.

Has anyone else noticed that since Frank got back....Dem is nowhere to be found. Guess Frank scared him away. :-)

In general, I like it. But I fear that Kerry would exploit it by doing something like shooting Bush in the back with a .50 BMG as if he was a fleeing Vietnamese teen. Therefore, I would approve the use of napalm and carpet bombing as a pre-emptive strike against liberal ideology.

Frank,

Have you considered writing for the Onion? You could be their "conservitives-in-the-mist" type guy like David Brooks is for the NYT.

Just a thought,

Mike Holt

Foreign diplomat getting snooty? Not after he has a trip through a plate-glass window.

LMAO!! Very funny, Frank!!

Aaah, but have you considered Kerry's considerable chin? It has to be made out of something other than bone. A mere bone doesn't shape like that and it could be crowbar resistant.

Luckily, the rest of him is a pile of sticks!

--Remember that old age and treachery will win out against youth and enthusiasm every time.

--Also, a Texas Cowboy will win 100 percent of the time against a cheese eating, french-raised, northern liberal sissy.

In keeping with this, I recommend the GOP adopt the Rottweiller as its mascot.

Devil dog, a noble sentiment.

Following the WWF style model proposed earlier, would that mean that politicians could have classy managers like Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, "Classy" Freddie Blassie, and Mr. Fuji? If so then FrankJ should immediately be hired as GWB's manager. I'll even buy him a sequined bow tie.

Can't remember if it is WWF or WWE now.. Whatever, anyhoo I thought they used folding metal chairs?

I would soooo pay big money to see GWB bust one of those sidewise across frenchy-lookin' sissy-boy's chops! Heh heh heh!

It's just a joke, of course, but regarding the things that are not funny (at least not in the manner you intended)...

"And everyone was happy"???

That's what you call glossing over a messy, complicated and belying reality! That's some fancy footwork there, Frank.

Besides, people in a concentration camp who get an extra 5 minutes of fresh air (before they are gassed, of course), are "happy". It's all about conditioning. It's all what you are used to. What your expectations are.

Aside from that I am, I apologize, continuously moved to amusement (I'm giggling now) by macho posing, the sort of group-think that if we all agree to agree that bluster passes muster, the sort of always-talk-tough and no one will notice you're a big 'fraidy cat that seizes hold particularly of those who choose to call themselves rightwing. "You know, I got a big wrench, and I was replacing the engine in this chevy, and then I was banging this hotty, and I saw some French-looking faggot on TV, Fox that is, none of that Communist News Channel stuff, and I'll kick their asses, after I clean my guns, blah, blah, blah...

The idea that action is preferable to reflection is an old one, of course, but tellingly it has essentially been a literally fascist one. You joke that the Democrats are "bereft" (a fave term of Limbaugh-apers) of ideas. That may be true (did they have any in the first place?), but it is no less true of the Republicans! For both sides the Idea is, help the richer stay rich and get richer, expand the power of the government, carry on the War Against Iraq and keep up the charade of the War on Terror, so-called. Course, you might object and say look closer and you find some ideas among the Republicans, even if you don't like them. That, too, can be said of the Democrats. But who cares either way!? They represent a distinction without a real difference. The joke is on us! There's more to life than the simplistic conservatives vs. liberals faux contest. It's a game...a Game! There's more to criticism of Bush (and the other side, and the whole shabang) than mere partisanship. You fluff for the Game!

Ask yourself, people: Are you one of those knee-jerk war supporters (saluting and cheering from a great distance)? One of those Bush-loving, 9-11 inconsistencies and Patriot Act obscenities non-noticing types? Are you one of those few proud enough, bravely ready to give up sense and thousands of American and Iraqi (and Iranian and Syrian and so on) lives as well as the Republic you supposedly cherish as long as you can jerk off to Iraq footage on Fox? Are you one of those who bought the WMD lies and now cling to them clownishly and cluelessly well after even Cheney gave it up? Well, you're all a bunch of cheeseburger eating surrender monkeys! Disgraces to liberty!

Smacktard!

Don't forget the about the undercard; We could have all the wannbes from the primaries all fight it off, that way we would know who will be the leading candidate(s) in four years.

Since Frank chose not to post his response to my missive above (he emailed it to me), I'll post it myself...and then offer a parry of my own.

"Really? You understood it was a joke yet the phrase "And everyone was
happy" launches you into this crazy rant. Here's a tip: Grab a
dictionary and look up the word "ironical." While you're at it, look up
"'tard." Then write "'tard" on a sign that you can wear around your neck.
After that, every time someone walks by you, smile and shout, "I'm a
'tard!"

Do you just randomly prowl the internet looking to pick political
fights? I couldn't have made that piece more inane if I had clowns in it.
Are you mental? When your tape dispenser runs out, do you go into a
diatribe against it about voter apathy?

So the word "bereft" is a favorite of "Limbaugh-apers"? Well, it's
also used by people WHO HAVE A FRICK'N VOCABULARY! Incidentally, the
phrase "Limbaugh-apers" is a favorite phrase of liberal goobers with the
IQ's equal to their shoe sizes.

"I think a flat tax would be a much fairer system."

"You just Limbaugh-aper! Me smirt!"

Do everyone a favor and have the doctor increase your meds, loon.

Anyway, thanks for your input. We here at IMAO cherish feedback from
our readers, as it leads to a better value for our customers and our
shareholders (of which there are none).

Cordially,
Frank J.
http://imao.us"

That's it?

I mean, I know I was kind of a smart ass (I'm certainly not alone in that, am I? Come on, you know who you are), but there was some content to my post - controversial maybe, but content nonetheless! Still, all the illustrious Frank J. can do, mostly, is call me a retard - or more accurately, a 'tard. Wow. That kind of stuff speaks for itself, even if it won't be heard over the din here.

But let me consider the content, such as it is, in his response. While he steers clear of meatier matters in the post, he was apparently agitated by my quibble with his pompous use of the term "bereft". I know, Frank, that persons with vocabulary use the term. I also detect, though, that it is nevertheless a very fancy word to use to, ironically, thoughtlessly chastise the Democrats for supposedly having no ideas. The point is you are repeating an empty accusation against the Democrats and using a highfalutin word to gloss over that emptiness, to give it a false seriousness. This sort of thing has been repeated ad nauseum in rightwing echo chambers like this one without thought having been given to the fact that even if it is true it hardly distinguishes them from the Republicans. I'm not saying that because I am a Democrat, or even a democrat. I attack the right because it is against the left for the wrong reasons. (Thanks for the tip on "ironical", a mere variant of "ironic", and which again lends empty calories to your verbiage.)

As for your original post, I understood that it was a joke, which is why I said it was, but I also understood it was serious, if provisionally so, and that you would use the "it was just a joke" defense as the predictable fall-back position. "I was just kidding ... so what's wrong with you!?" It's the same kind of thing as the redneck who makes nigger jokes (or the nigger who makes white trash jokes) and then says, Uh, I was just kidding. It's a defensive move, not an honest one.

Your site's entire demeanor is one of hostility and confrontation, and yet you whine that I have picked a political fight! What the F is the point? Are you pretending it is something other than political fighting???

*sigh*

Ron, obviously some people take themselves far too seriously.

But since I'm Canadian, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings and self-esteem, and apologize for any discomfort that may have arisen from my sarcastic remark.

I also apologize to Frank J. for using up this comment area, and hope he will forgive my forewardness, especially since he doesn't know me, and I have never before had the chance to apologize for posting (not having posted before).

I also apologize to all Canadians and Americans (and the rest of the world--and I'm sorry for not naming each and every country) for portraying Canadians as always apologizing little dipshits. Because that's what we elected the government for, and I really should not be trying to do so myself.

THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY!

Ask yourself, people: Are you one of those knee-jerk war supporters
Answer: No I`m not. I didn`t support Clintons war in Bosnia and I still don`t support our involvment there.
I do support our war on terror and the war in Iraq.
The war on terror is a no brainer to anyone other than an Idealist Utopian or a terrorist, you apparently fall into one of those catagories.
The war in Iraq is a no brainer to anyone with the means and desire to follow the facts.
Facts: Those nasty little unchallangable details that contradict propaganda and un-founded theories and ideologies.
Propaganda: The art of swaying public support/opinion through lies, half truths and mis-direction.

Ron, the facts are there if you care to check, so is the propaganda.
What was I thinking? Of course you`re not going to check facts you`re still having orgasms over Farenheit 9/11.
Your problem, like most ABBs, is that you simply refuse to believe that Bush might be right, so you ignore the facts, you believe anything that even hints at a contradiction regardless of proof, and you wildly grasp at straws for any conspirocy that might support your point of view, no matter how rediculous it might be.
In a nutshell, you`re not very smart.
Education does not equal intelligence.
Intelligence does not equal wisdom.
If you were educated you would have come to this thread with something other than that cut and paste argument you posted here. An argument devoid of anything other than your dislike of conservatives.
If you were intelligent you would at least known where to find information to seemingly back up your ideology and posted it, yet you didn`t bother.
If you were wise we wouldn`t be having this conversation because your original post would have been:

Great article Frank!!!
posted by Ron Leighton at August 11,2004 8:37 AM

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