 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
August 26, 2004
The IMAO Employee Team-Building Trip 2004 - Getting There is Half the Fun
August 19th, 2004 I left work early to catch a flight to Atlanta and then to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Only problem was the flight out of Melbourne had "mechanical trouble." No problem, they said; should only get us there ten minutes late. I stopped at the Melbourne bar and had a Guinness while watching an Italian and a Japanese man compete in archery from 70 meters (is that far?). There I had a conversation with someone who worked with airports before and told me all about how Atlanta hires plenty of felons for the jobs there and they all come through a backdoor with no metal detectors. Hmm. Fun to know. I hope our felons are patriotic, at least. I finally get on my plane and land in Atlanta with fifteen minutes left until my next flight leaves. We exited at terminal C, and I needed to get to A. Time for a mad dash. Now, I had a couple factors against me. I was wearing my hiking boots to help break them in, and I had my briefcase with my laptop in it... a quite heavy one. My laptop was made for operating at high speeds, but not moving at it. So I dash for the ground level that connects the terminals, jostling a few people along the way, and stopped by people loitering on the escalator (I seriously considered sliding down the side). Down to the underground that connect the vast Atlanta terminals, I had a choice between the tram and the moving walkways. I didn't like the idea of standing still, so I made the run down the walkways. "Out of my way! I'm Frank J.!" Finally I shove my way up the escalator to terminal A and then run for gate 27, my feet and briefcase becoming heavier with each step. 23... 25... Almost there... Ahh! A series of shops before 27! Must... run... further... As one of my lungs nears bursting, I present my boarding pass to the attendant saying, "I'm... for... the flight... to... Albuquerque." "Sorry, sonny boy, but that one just left the gate." I checked my watch. I still had a minute! I hobbled to the window and watched the plane roll away. Taking a deep breath, I shouted, "Damn you!" while shaking my fist. Still trying to regain my breath, I stumbled to the Delta desk. "Any... other... flights... to... Albuquerque?" "None until tomorrow. We could have you out to Dallas at 7:30am and there you could get to Albuquerque by about 10:20am." "No... connections… I... never took... track & field." "Direct flight leaves here at 10:30am and gets there about 11:30am." "Gimme!" That makes two times in a row I got stuck in Atlanta. Since the trouble was mechanical, they put me up in a Holiday Inn with a voucher for $10 for dinner and $4 for breakfast (will that even buy a McDonalds value meal at an airport?). The whole time I keep trying to call SarahK on my cell phone to tell her, "Abort pickup! I repeat: abort!" Her voicemail of, "Sorry, I can't get your call right now. You'll call me back... I mean I'll call you back, hee hee..." kept getting less cute each time I heard it. After eating a halfway decent Rueben at Holiday Inn's restaurant, I settled in my room. The T.V. had CNN but no FOX News. I hate CNN. Then again, they're based in Atlanta. Finally, I get a call back from SarahK. "Where were you?" I demanded. "There was no cell phone reception between Amarillo and Albuquerque, silly billy." "Then why didn't you bring a satellite phone for such a condition? Your lack of foresight could ruin this team building trip!" "Oh, you're a goofy head. So, you won't make it here today? I'm having a great hair day and you need to see it!" "No! I'm stuck in Atlanta! This happens so often, I might as well declare residency here. Well, you'll have to fend for yourself in Albuquerque; if anyone looks at you funny, stab him with a shiv. Also, replan things around my late arrival." "Okey dokey. Ba-bye!" I asked for a 7:30 wake up call and went to bed. At least I'd get some sleep. SarahK took a picture of what I missed by getting there late.
Damn you, Delta! Damn you! Well, us meeting face to face would have to wait for another day... TOMORROW - DESTINATION: HOLE IN THE GROUND UPDATE: SarahK's version 39 Responses To "The IMAO Employee Team-Building Trip 2004 - Getting There is Half the Fun"
That felt good. Don't feel too bad Frank. It happens to my family whenever we connect from Charlotte. Mom: Where are we??? Tomorrow??!! We have to wait until TOMORROW????! NOOOoooooooo!!!! I want INFORMATION!!!!!!! NOW! poo poo. #3 - Posted by: jonag on August 26, 2004 12:25 PMDamn you, Delta! Damn you! Based on my understanding of the metric system, 70m is roughly 63kg. I think this measurement is an Olympic standard or something... #5 - Posted by: No One of Consequence on August 26, 2004 12:28 PM70m = 63Kg verrrrry funny NOC The words on SarahK's shirt Damn dude I would pissed if I missed that flight too. I have relations in Melbourne and on the island #7 - Posted by: Rob on August 26, 2004 12:38 PMfunny, that's not the way i remember things at all... #8 - Posted by: sarahk on August 26, 2004 12:52 PMWould have BEEN Pissed! I think Frank J just needed another day to finish reading the chapter in Bill Clinton's book on how to seduce your employees. That Slick Willy, not much of a president, but he sure knew how to inspire his staff! #10 - Posted by: Chris on August 26, 2004 01:03 PMNothing's worse than running. When I got out of high school I swore I would never run (or mow a lawn) again. You should've just used some of your vast t-shirt fortune to charter a jet directly to your destination. What I don't understand is with that babe waiting at the other end, you should have at least rented a car or stole a horse or something. regards. #11 - Posted by: Exile on August 26, 2004 01:06 PMUm, one SarahK is uber hot. Two, Frank J, did you notice that the Amazon advertisement has that fat tub of lard (Michael Moore) and his stupid movie that lies (not Bowling for Columbine, the new one).... You may need to get a new advertiser, or request they taket that ad off your site... #12 - Posted by: Veritas on August 26, 2004 01:26 PMYo. Atlanta sucks big ole donkey d!ck, don't it? I've been stuck there a time or two, as well. Biggest damn place I've ever seen before. That's a wonderful picture of SarahK. What a lucky man you are to have her as an "employee." Keep up the good work! hehe. Frank! YOU. MISSED. THAT?!?!?!?!? Man! That sucks! By the way, in SaraK's photo...who's that guy in the background by the lamp? Heh, heh...Chris said "...inspire his staff" #14 - Posted by: FormerHostage on August 26, 2004 01:53 PM>who's that guy in the background by the lamp?
Frank , you are not worthy. You have failed the first test. #16 - Posted by: James Old Guy on August 26, 2004 02:25 PMFrank, I've had to hoof it from Atlanta's concourse A to concourse K in 15 minutes before. I made it. #17 - Posted by: spacemonkey on August 26, 2004 03:04 PMWelcome back, Frank. Sorry to hear you missed out on SarahK's hair?!...I hope you got the email of the SMITE movie I made for ya. SarahK...nice, eh, hair...and other stuff #19 - Posted by: Carl P on August 26, 2004 03:49 PMThat was hilarious...I mean sad, very sad... Me like bad hair days on some girls because they put hair in ponytail and/or put baseball cap on. Me like very much Ponytail and baseball cap look. #21 - Posted by: Dman on August 26, 2004 04:35 PMSo, Frank, what did you think about the *ahem* artwork on the way out of the airport? I could never figure out what art from Zimbabwe had to do with Atlanta... #22 - Posted by: prolix on August 26, 2004 04:43 PMOuch. SarahK just gained five positions on my personal hottie list. #23 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on August 26, 2004 05:42 PMAfter the pic of SarahK all I have to say is: God Bless Texas #25 - Posted by: Crusader on August 26, 2004 05:56 PM1. The attendant obviously wanted you to miss your flight. You are Frank J., after all. Did he or she look like a terrorist? Oh wait, that can't be; he or she survived... 2. $10 and $4? Sounds like one of the Atlanta airport restaurants needs to strike a corrupt bargain with Delta, and fast (before Delta goes bankrupt). I missed a connection once and got $20 for dinner. Yes, $20. The thing is that there was only one non-fast-food restaurant in that airport, and guess what? All of their meals plus dessert and tax came out to almost exactly $20! This was American Airlines, who is apparently ahead of Delta when it comes to taking a no-more-Mr.-Free-Market attitude. #26 - Posted by: shepshep on August 26, 2004 06:07 PMI flew into Atlanta from Europe once, fortunately I had a long layover, because not only was the next gate on the other side of the city, as it often is, I dropped my passport between some conveyer belts. #27 - Posted by: kp on August 26, 2004 06:47 PMYou should have worn your fun facts about Terrorists shirt. That would have impressed them and gotten you even more free stuff. heck, they would have called the pilots, "Get back to the gate, you have to read this guys shirt." #28 - Posted by: rightwingduck on August 26, 2004 07:07 PM
Frank, you peasant. You should've pulled the stewardess aside and had her call to your boarding gate to hold the plane. Don't they know who you are? #30 - Posted by: El Jefe on August 26, 2004 07:25 PMIn all seriousness, I am extremely happy that you two found each other. If she can continue to put up with you - MARRY HER! Now don't screw it up! We all need to live vicariously through you two for a while so that we remember what it was like to do all that mushy stuff we old married people don't do anymore (God I hope my wife doesn't read this!). #31 - Posted by: Neo on August 26, 2004 07:27 PMDFW is just as bad. Missing connections really sucks. #32 - Posted by: Dave in Texas on August 26, 2004 08:04 PMShould have screamed something about bombs and shoes. The plane would have been grounded thus giving you an opportunity to bored after they investiagted you fully. Anything for that picture. Damn dude. I'd still have a hang over for that. #33 - Posted by: BloodSpite on August 26, 2004 09:58 PMSarahK, you have beautiful hair! #35 - Posted by: Liz on August 27, 2004 11:19 AMYoung Ronin Frank J., This ancient song of wisdom was written by the Samurai Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show. Take time to read and study the lyrics of this song. It may save your life...er..wife, or something. #36 - Posted by: Joshua on August 27, 2004 05:02 PMHey there I like your pic, just wanted to no if we could chat some time you my email so give us a buzz........ luke903@hotmail.com ps. I like you top... #37 - Posted by: Luke on August 28, 2004 08:14 PMFrank, I must say, I saw SarahK's picture and thought, "She's a Hottie". Then! I saw her T-shirt. I would not be so affected by yet another photo of a cute gyrl on the internet, but I have also been reading her blog. I think your older self would thank you for taking full advantage of any opportunities that arise. Good Luck, Rick #38 - Posted by: Rick on September 8, 2004 10:13 PM1558 How can this all be right? Check out my site http://www.pai-gow-keno.com #39 - Posted by: pai gow on October 5, 2004 09:58 AMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
