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September 08, 2004
I'm Afraid He's Suffering from a Severe Form of "Being a Democrat"
Democrats are going crazy from the latest poll numbers showing Bush got a huge bounce from the convention and want to slime the president in anyway possible and somehow prop up John F'n Kerry. How can you tell if they've completely lost it? I'll tell you: TOP TEN SIGNS THE DEMOCRATS HAVE GONE COMPLETELY CRAZY IN REACTION TO THE POLLS 10. Strategy for debates: Answer every question with "I served in Vietnam!" 9. Instead of comparing Bush to Hitler, they try to prove he actually is him in disguise. 8. They give up on the Kerry campaign and start working fulltime on the "Bush Stole the Election!" campaign. 7. Elephants are found mysteriously murdered throughout the nation's zoos (or, alternatively, Democrats are found mysteriously stomped to death in Elephant pens throughout the nation while others are mistakenly placed in cages in the monkey house). 6. Kerry's campaign staff is replaced with the smartest animal of all - dolphins. Kerry's campaign become much more focused on procuring fish than usual. 5. Find Bush's permanent record for more dirt. "Do you want someone who was 'sometimes disruptive' to be your president?" 4. Since the $1000 haircut didn't seem to help John Kerry, they try a $2000 haircut. 3. They try to use VP candidate John Edwards's talking to the dead powers to get the support of John F. Kennedy. 2. Since Michael Moore hasn't seemed to influence enough people, they keep feeding him whole pigs to make him larger and thus even more influential. And the number one sign the Democrats have gone completely crazy in reaction to the polls… To be honest, I think most went insane sometime during the primary when they thought Kerry was "electable." 18 Responses To "I'm Afraid He's Suffering from a Severe Form of "Being a Democrat""
Yep, they're getting silly. #1 - Posted by: Patrick Chester on September 8, 2004 02:18 PM9. Instead of comparing Bush to Hitler, they try to prove he actually is him. wouldn't that depend on what the definition of "is" is? #2 - Posted by: on September 8, 2004 02:27 PMI think no. 2 is potentially very dangerous. If Moore gets much larger, the intense gravity could cause him to collapse into a singularity and suck the entire world into an alternate universe. Now, I don't know much about alternate universes, but one that exists in Moore's Black Hole would have to stink. #3 - Posted by: krakatoa on September 8, 2004 02:37 PM"Kerry's campaign staff is replaced with the smartest animal of all - dolphins." Of course, to control the dolphins we would need to turn to Aquaman **trumpet fanfare**. Doesn't seem so useless now, does he? DOES HE? >2. Since Michael Moore hasn't seemed to influence enough people, they keep feeding him whole pigs to make him larger and thus even more influential. Moore: this bounce is all bullshit, y'know, my mantits bounce a LOT more when I run my 50 miles every morning*! [sounds of explosive vomit] * generic Moore lie #5 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on September 8, 2004 03:51 PMahh..see this is the stuff I have been missing...welcome back funny man. #6 - Posted by: Josh on September 8, 2004 03:53 PMUh, Kerry was electable? When was that? How did I miss it? Gosh, I guess working 3rd shift I really miss out on the important stuff.... (You all know that if I mention I work 3rd shift one more time that is about 1/100th of how many times that is how many times it has been mentioned that JF'nK has served in Vietnam right?) Or is that 1/1000th? Either way it is one too many times.. I really need to start working daylight hours again. G'night all, going to bed now before my train of thought completely disconnects from the track... Too late... Zzzzz.... #7 - Posted by: LokiDoki on September 8, 2004 03:53 PMalso watch for the democrats to demand a pre-emptive recount. #8 - Posted by: Josh on September 8, 2004 03:54 PMHere's some more: + Pose with guns as much as possible. lol! check out this for more dem funnies:
Another one: - Claim that we spent too much on the war (200 billion that could have been s[spent for health care, midnight basketball, underwater basketweaving, studying the hump-back snaildarter, etc.) Can he flip-flop anymore on any issue? Sheesh! Our company spent 10.1 million dollars on health care last year. We made 18 million. You do the math. We need some serious reform, not more socialism. Don't you want to send Kerry & Edwards to France, where they belong? I could give a 2x2 lime green Megablok worth of care about whether countries like us or not. Leaders lead, not by conducting polls, as Arnold said. Hubba hubba dubba dubba. #11 - Posted by: Scott Sanburn on September 8, 2004 04:38 PMOkay, there are still many who suffer from serious forms of being a Democrat (Hey! Zell is a Democrat! I think he is almost cured!) so in the interest of public service and peace on earth and good will to all etc. we have to find the cure for this serious illness, then vaccinate all new babies born so they don't catch the dreaded L disease, or D disease, or John Kerry's Disease, or whatever we are going to call it. First, nominate Frank J. for the nobel prize in medicine for discovering the insidious thing in the first place and alerting all of us to its horrible mind-numbing destructiveness. Then what people? Tie in chairs and force feed Rush 3 hours daily until cured? We need to clone Chomps and give away one cute Chomps puppy to every one afflicted, then no restraints will be necessary ... Hey! Chomps needs his own t-shirt babe, then he can make lots of little Chomps, cloning is evil, anyway ... help me out here ... #12 - Posted by: MountainMama on September 8, 2004 06:51 PM"Sometimes disruptive" - Ha! Wait until they get to "Eats paste." #14 - Posted by: Ernie G on September 8, 2004 10:23 PMYou forgot one that's actually occurred, Frank. Get James Carville to suggest in the most annoying and extreme terms that the GOP drugged Zell Miller before his speech at the Convention! Or the DNC could stage a fight between Kerry and Aquaman... Naaaah! Aquaman might win! Ooops! I think I recognize a squashed and flattened Jamie Gorelick ozzing from between the toes of a mysteriously murdered Pacyderm! Jack. #15 - Posted by: Jack Deth on September 9, 2004 12:47 AM"2. Since Michael Moore hasn't seemed to influence enough people, they keep feeding him whole pigs to make him larger and thus even more influential." You know that's probably a bad plan. Moore is probably the least influential famous person pound for pound since President Taft #16 - Posted by: Paul on September 9, 2004 01:01 AMMay I trade one of my pigs for one of your dolphins? Much obliged. #17 - Posted by: Michael Moore on September 9, 2004 02:30 AM"Instead of comparing Bush to Hitler, they try to prove he actually is him in disguise." Yeah, because, has anybody actually seen them together? #18 - Posted by: kyber on September 9, 2004 05:46 AMPost a comment
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