First Jonah Goldberg plagarizes my referencing Aquaman, and now he's stolen my puppy blender lies! In this article (thanks to Wacky Hermit for pointing me to it), Goldberg writes:

Dan Rather has eaten fifteen German Shepherds in the last year alone...

So I wrote to him:

Dan Rather has eaten German Shepherds? That's a blatant rip off of my famous accusation that Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit.com makes an energy drink by putting puppies in blenders.

Even stealing from me, you'll never match the genius of my editorials, such as the one I did on the forgery scandal:

http://www.imao.us/archives/001921.html

That one was even linked to by the puppy blender.

Why don't you hug that, squeeze that, and name it George, plagiarizer!

No response! He's hiding now. Obviously, he's recognized that I am the way of the future so he is trying to mimic me (and doing a poor job of it). Something must be done!

So what do you think is the recourse? Should we e-mail Jonah Goldberg to get him to admit he steals all his ideas from me, or should we inform Rich Lowry so he will just go ahead and give me Goldberg's job? I need your advice, ronin, because this cannot go unanswered!

UPDATE: Jonah Goldberg says I need "electroshock." That's for depression, jackass!

I think one of my readers is right; it's time for me to use the filthy lie against Goldberg to destory his reputation just like I did the puppy-blender. Otherwise, we'll probably soon hear him claiming that Cosmo is the "World's Angriest Dog."

Now what lie should I use...

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