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September 17, 2004
Filthy Lies: Jonah Goldberg Uses Kittens as Baseballs
Ha! I'll get Jonah Goldberg back for copying me with this Grade-A filthy lie: Jonah Goldberg, the highly overpaid writer for National Review, is described to be a simpleton in real life - similar to Lenny from Of Mice and Men - and a possible danger to others. His most common violent behavior is to use kittens as baseballs, tossing them in the air and striking them with his bat. Whenever his coworkers see him in his baseball uniform carrying his bat, they’ll do their best to stop him, Goldberg protesting, "No! That Jo-nuh's bat! You mean men stay away!" And here is photoshopped proof of my lie showing Jonah just about to strike a kitten he tossed in the air.
There, the lie is complete. I'll e-mail the esteemed Rich Lowry about it and then get Jonah Goldberg's job for sure! 25 Responses To "Filthy Lies: Jonah Goldberg Uses Kittens as Baseballs"
I saw Jonah and Glenn together, killing puppies and kitties and eating them. Those bastards! Let me know if you want me to type up a file memo that proves it. #1 - Posted by: Robert on September 17, 2004 12:29 PMI think you made the right choice, using the beardless Jonah instead of the bearded one. #2 - Posted by: Lance on September 17, 2004 12:29 PMAGH! And he's using a metal bat! Hang the bastard! #3 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on September 17, 2004 12:35 PMIt is more likely that he would use squirells/tree rats. #4 - Posted by: petetheelder on September 17, 2004 12:40 PM(By the way, check out Brainwashing 101 on Brain Terminal. It seems Glenn Reynolds isn't just a puppy blender - he's also a leftie college professor who terrorizes right wing students! Turncoat!) #5 - Posted by: Francesco Poli on September 17, 2004 12:43 PMThat is twisted. Now excuse me while I yank my cat out from under the porch and give him some lovin'. #7 - Posted by: Wolf's Dawn on September 17, 2004 12:58 PMOh no! Who would've thought such a good looking guy was capable of such demented behavior!! Poor little kitties! #8 - Posted by: jonag on September 17, 2004 01:03 PMEverybody knows that kittens are only to be used as softballs, not baseballs. #9 - Posted by: Laurence Simon on September 17, 2004 01:20 PMDoes he put kittens on the top of lampshades to play T-ball with them? #10 - Posted by: Beo on September 17, 2004 02:05 PMIs there an over/under on this in Vegas? FINALLY!! there's something I'd enjoy losing money on. #11 - Posted by: Sticky B on September 17, 2004 02:14 PMI am an expert in photoshop forgeries and I find that this is indeed an authentic Photoshopped picture. #12 - Posted by: Josh on September 17, 2004 02:54 PMActually, that's not an authentic Photoshop forgery, but it accurately reflects the recollections of the original Photoshop. You see, I was a peripheral acquaintance of the original Photoshopper 30 years ago, and that's the kind of thing he would have said... (See: Marian Carr Knox, http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/09/15/60II/main643768.shtml) #13 - Posted by: Tony on September 17, 2004 03:09 PMWell, they do make a particular satisfying "thwap" sound... But the aluminum bat is unforgivable #14 - Posted by: No One of Consequence on September 17, 2004 03:23 PMFrank, This is nothing but blatant link whoring, and using famous names to increase your blog's traffic. I confess I am tempted to greatly admire it ;-) #15 - Posted by: Steve Bragg on September 17, 2004 03:50 PMHe really should choke up on the bat. Oh , I mean EVIL. Jonah is Evil! #16 - Posted by: rightwingduck on September 17, 2004 03:52 PMBAD Duck. *WHOP* #17 - Posted by: Beo on September 17, 2004 04:10 PMTo go along with 'Puppy Blender' (the smaller the puppy, the smoother the shake!), do we now refer to Jonah as The Kitty Hitter? or The Cat Batter? (both of which are better than 'Squirrel Hurler' would be...) #18 - Posted by: Parker on September 17, 2004 05:20 PMWhat did I say? It's not like he's gonna actually hit the ball. He's gonna miss. In which case we can say that he's just chasing after ...Oh, i see. Well, he has bad form. He needs to choke up on his stick. oops. Darn. I'm outta here. It's been a long week. #20 - Posted by: rightwingduck on September 17, 2004 06:37 PMI can't see his stance. You really gotta step into that kitten pitch if you're going to pull it to right field. I mean, that MONSTER! Oh! I am so angry. #21 - Posted by: Dave in Texas on September 17, 2004 08:36 PMLMAO @ R.W. Duck! You're a BAD man! But Jonah is just Evil... Squirrel hurling I could forgive - okay no I couldn't, but the poor kitties! You were right Frank - to expose this atrocity! Bad! Bad Jonah! Grr! #22 - Posted by: LokiDoki on September 18, 2004 04:52 AMAre you and Jonah just pulling one another's leg, or is this a real feud? I asked him (via an e:mail) and he said he thought you (i.e., IMAO)were just joshing. What's the absolute, unvarnished, Dan-Rather-look-you-right-in-the-eye truth? #23 - Posted by: DWC on September 20, 2004 01:45 PMThis episode of "ZOOM" opens with a game called shoe hop. In "ZOOM Sci" the kids attempt to create their own Roob Goldberg inventions. The they showed a video of two girls who had successfully created their own machine that makes an ice-cream sundae. In "ZOOM Chat" the kids dicuss moving and the pros and cons of having to move to a new place. The "ZOOM Guest" is a young girl named Joy who lives in Paris and is both French and American and she takes teh camera around Paris and to her ballet class. In "ZOOM DO" Jessie makes sock animals #25 - Posted by: jay lewis on November 22, 2004 06:18 AMPost a comment
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