 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
September 23, 2004
So Much to Say
The presidential debates are coming up, and I thought I should share some of my wisdom by telling you about the type of debates and the strategies most likely to be employed by Bush and Kerry campaigns. * * * * TYPES OF DEBATES Jim Lehrer: Debate where Jim Lehrer moderates. The most common debate type throughout history. Panel: A panel of journalists (plus one celebrity panelist such as Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley) ask the candidates questions. Each candidate is allowed to jump and pummel one and only one panelist, so he needs to make sure to choose wisely. Town Hall: Normal, everyday morons who are undecided get to ask the candidates questions. Sometimes this disillusions a candidate so much that these are the people he's trying to win the favor of that he drops out. Confrontational: Candidates ask each other questions directly. In some formats, checking is allowed (though no punches or you go to the penalty box). Shots: In this style of debating, a candidate can pass on answering a question if he takes a shot of whiskey instead. It takes a lot of strategy because, while some questions may hurt the candidate, the more he drinks, the more likely he is to go off the talking points and get in trouble. This debate is timed, but it usually ends when the debate is reduced to nothing but vomiting and ethnic slurs. Steel Cage: The candidates are locked in a steel cage. Usually has less policy discussion and more blows to the head with folding chairs. Unlike the other debates, this one always has a clear winner because ONLY ONE LEAVES THE CAGE! * * * * DEBATE STRATEGIES So, what are the strategies for the debaters? Since Bush is ahead, he's best not saying anything. He should respond to questions with a "Feh," "Bah," "Whatever," or a simple shrug of the shoulders. This works well since Bush don't talk so good and it keeps the heat on Kerry to produce answers. For Kerry, he needs to make inroads. He has to show he's strong enough to be commander in chief. Maybe for that, he can casually mention he served in Vietnam by starting each answer with "Having served in Vietnam," "That reminds me of when I served in Vietnam," or "Before I answer this question, I would like to gratuitously mention that I served in Vietnam." Now, his anti-war activities may be brought up, including that he claimed he and others committed war crimes. I have the perfect response for him, though. He should say, "Yes, I did commit war crimes in Vietnam, using biological weapons on Vietnamese villages. And, to atone for that awful deed, I inject botulism into my face each and every day." Also, Kerry has to show that he's not a flip-waffler. To do that, he should mention his position on Iraq in the introductory remarks and make sure that matches up with what he says in his concluding remarks. If he can keep the same position on Iraq for a whole debate, voters will be impressed. For the Vice Presidential debate, John Edwards's strategy should be to stand there and look pretty... since that's about all he knows how to do. Oh, and he can threaten to sue. Plus, he needs to make sure Cheney doesn't get him in a headlock and beat the crap out of him. For Cheney, he needs to impress upon the five or six people watching the VP debate that he isn't as mean as the Democrats portray him. That means he probably shouldn't put John Edwards in a headlock and beat the crap out of him... but I say do it anyway. * * * * And that's all I have to say about that. These debates promise to be exciting! ...Okay, that's a dirty lie. It should at least fill some of the time on the 24 hours news channels, though. 25 Responses To "So Much to Say"
Not Frank J. "first"! I vote for a combination shots/steel cage style debate. #2 - Posted by: D.L.A. on September 23, 2004 12:14 PMLOL (at Frank being first). this is hilarious, i heart the confrontational debates. but um, W couldn't participate in the Shots debate, so i think it shouldn't be an option. but i'd love to see a Cheney-Edwards Shots debate, Cheney would totally kick Fluffy's pinkytoe. #3 - Posted by: sarahk on September 23, 2004 12:47 PMIt just occured to me how much Cheney looks like Chomps. I'd pay to see Cheney-Chomps take on both Kerry and the BreckGirl in a cage debate. #4 - Posted by: LynnGunn on September 23, 2004 01:00 PMIf Cheney debates Edwards on National TV and "Haliburton" comes up I would almost die laughing to hear Cheney say "F___ Off!". Then it would be cool if the FCC fined him $500K for doing it and he would plop down a cool mill and throw in an extra 'F___ Off to Kerry too." #5 - Posted by: Faith+1 on September 23, 2004 01:03 PMI like the cage match idea. I want a bumper sticker that reads: W in '04-My Candidate can kick Your Candidate's Butt! #6 - Posted by: jonag on September 23, 2004 01:18 PMFrank, I don't want to be bothered with your dirty lies - I ONLY want to see your FILTHY lies. Please take the appropriate action. #7 - Posted by: Parker on September 23, 2004 02:56 PMJonag, Already got a version of your theme: My Govenor can Terminate your Govenor! People here in VA get upset when I say that while wearing my California Republican T-shirt. I too like the Cage Match debate. However, I'm concerned that the Poodle will have his handler in the corner riling up the crowd much like Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan would back in the good ol' WWF days of the 1980's. I suppose if Bush is allowed to have Rummy in his corner things will all even out. #8 - Posted by: El Jefe on September 23, 2004 03:02 PMFrank: I like Connecticut Yankee's idea. CY - Gladius or Spatha? Or should we go with the trident-and-net, etc stuff? Byzantine-era Rome, or Julius Caesar-era Rome? #10 - Posted by: Dave on September 23, 2004 03:43 PMIn the confrontional type debate is cross-checking allowed using the podium? #11 - Posted by: brew on September 23, 2004 03:53 PMWe could make a game show out of debating ...we could call it "MASTER-DEBATOR!" #12 - Posted by: Bozark on September 23, 2004 04:12 PMDave: Steel Cage Debate: "Two men enter! One man leaves!" /Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome #14 - Posted by: Jabberwocky on September 23, 2004 04:43 PMI have personal concerns about the upcoming debates: mainly, has anyone seen Bill Clinton's charisma in the past couple of months? I'm a bit worried that they've extracted this very powerful substance and have it stored for the occasion of the debate, in order to inject John Flipper to give him a charisma boost. Scary thought. #15 - Posted by: Mr. Blue on September 23, 2004 05:03 PMOne of the best attributes about Cheney, is that if he keels over, you can jump start him with a 12 volt battery. #16 - Posted by: AllenS on September 23, 2004 05:21 PMI heard Squiggy on the Jim Rome show a while back. Turns out he's a baseball scout (for the Mariners, I think.) As such, he's probably a better judge of talent than any ten journalists you could put on a panel with him. Frank, what ever happened to your threat of the "I pooped my self". You haven't enforced it yet, well you did, but only on me :/ #18 - Posted by: Monster Kabasue on September 23, 2004 07:53 PMOf course, if a debate is held in the Southwest, the "Shots" format would involve tequila shooters. Extra points would be awarded for cursing in Spanish. #19 - Posted by: Ernie G on September 23, 2004 10:19 PMWe need to initiate the "Great Debates Drinking Game" Line up shots of scotch and shots of coffee. For every use of the phrase "I served in Vietnam" or the word "quagmire" shoot the scotch. For every use of the word "freedom" shoot the coffee. If you make it to work tomorrow, Bush won. #20 - Posted by: Kyle on September 24, 2004 02:39 AMDubya should just spend the whole debate counting money with oil dripping off of it... just to piss the wackos off :) #21 - Posted by: Dougster on September 24, 2004 05:29 AMI wouldn't be too concerned with Clinton's "charm" infecting Kerry, the botox is obviously causing some weird reactions within him, maybe attributable to the chemical weapons used in Vietnam, and causing an anti-charm reaction to Clinton. It was so powerful, I think it caused Clinton to have that heart thing. Did you see that Teresa said we have Osama already, and evil BUsh will release him in October? Talk about October surprise! That would be cool! I personally think he assumed room temperature when we bombed the snot out of Torra Borra (sp). Maybe Bush can drag Osama to a debate, and when Kerry blathers on about tax cuts, Bush will snap his finger, and Osama will be sent from the ceiling, hung like a pinada, and distract the press. : )
I vote for Scott's Idea of OBL pinada as "Best Idea Yet" #23 - Posted by: Monster Kabasue on September 24, 2004 12:42 PMThanks to author for this blog, it was realy excite. Read my blog to. #24 - Posted by: AntientAss on December 2, 2004 03:41 PMhttp://teenstories.org/nude5_7.html http://teenstories.org/nude10_5.html http://teenstories.org/nails_5.html http://teenstories.org/nude15_7.html http://teenstories.org/nude3_3.html http://teenstories.org/nude5_9.html http://teenstories.org/nude9_6.html http://teenstories.org/nude10_6.html http://teenstories.org/nude20_3.html http://teenstories.org/nude15_8.html http://teenstories.org/pics2_17.html http://teenstories.org/index.html http://teenstories.org/nude9_7.html http://teenstories.org/pics2_8.html http://teenstories.org/nude10_7.html http://teenstories.org/nude20_4.html http://teenstories.org/nude16_3.html http://teenstories.org/pics5_3.html http://teenstories.org/nude2_6.html http://teenstories.org/picture1_4.html http://teenstories.org/nude6_12.html http://teenstories.org/nude3_7.html http://teenstories.org/nude5_6.html http://teenstories.org/nude9_8.html http://teenstories.org/pics5_2.html http://teenstories.org/nails2_4.html http://teenstories.org/nude6_13.html http://teenstories.org/nude10_4.html http://teenstories.org/nude9_9.html http://teenstories.org/nude10_2.html http://teenstories.org/nude16_2.html http://teenstories.org/nude20_5.html http://teenstories.org/pics11_3.html http://teenstories.org/nude15_6.html http://teenstories.org/nude16_4.html http://teenstories.org/moon_8.html http://teenstories.org/older1.html http://teenstories.org/people_6.html http://teenstories.org/moon1_4.html http://teenstories.org/pics4_9.html http://teenstories.org/pics2_7.html http://teenstories.org/moon2.html http://teenstories.org/pics2_16.html http://teenstories.org/pics4_8.html http://teenstories.org/pics11_4.html http://teenstories.org/pics5_5.html http://teenstories.org/pics11_2.html http://teenstories.org/nudism_1.html http://teenstories.org/pics11_1.html http://teenstories.org/pics11_5.html http://teenstories.org/pics11.html http://teenstories.org/phot_1.html http://teenstories.org/phot1_1.html http://teenstories.org/mission.html http://teenstories.org/pee_1.html http://teenstories.org/nasty_12.html http://teenstories.org/nails2_2.html http://teenstories.org/pict1_2.html http://teenstories.org/oral3.html http://teenstories.org/pict6_4.html http://teenstories.org/pict15.html http://teenstories.org/news.html http://teenstories.org/nonmembe_2.html http://teenstories.org/pictur5_5.html http://teenstories.org/pict1_3.html http://teenstories.org/pictur10_5.html http://teenstories.org/naked_4.html http://teenstories.org/oral2.html http://teenstories.org/naked4_2.html http://teenstories.org/naked_6.html http://teenstories.org/naked4_3.html http://teenstories.org/naked_12.html http://teenstories.org/mepg_2.html http://teenstories.org/modles.html http://teenstories.org/pee_3.html http://teenstories.org/movis_1.html http://teenstories.org/nake3_9.html http://teenstories.org/naked_3.html http://teenstories.org/naked_7.html http://teenstories.org/pic4_7.html http://teenstories.org/naked4_4.html http://teenstories.org/pic5_10.html http://teenstories.org/naked4_11.html http://teenstories.org/naked5_4.html http://teenstories.org/pic10.html http://teenstories.org/pic14_3.html http://teenstories.org/pictur2.html http://teenstories.org/pic13_4.html http://teenstories.org/movie_5.html http://teenstories.org/pic19_3.html http://teenstories.org/pic23.html http://teenstories.org/pic22_7.html http://teenstories.org/pic33_1.html http://teenstories.org/pic32.html http://teenstories.org/movei_4.html http://teenstories.org/movi4.html http://teenstories.org/mov3_8.html http://teenstories.org/index.html http://teenstories.org/mpeg5_2.html http://teenstories.org/nake.html http://teenstories.org/pictur18.html http://teenstories.org/nude5_8.html http://teenstories.org/movies1_10.html http://teenstories.org/pic7_12.html http://teenstories.org/pic13_9.html http://teenstories.org/pic19_11.html http://teenstories.org/pic28_4.html http://teenstories.org/pic19_2.html http://teenstories.org/pictu2.html http://teenstories.org/pictu1.html http://teenstories.org/pictu.html http://teenstories.org/mpegs1_9.html http://teenstories.org/phots_3.html http://teenstories.org/nudity2.html http://teenstories.org/pic7_13.html http://teenstories.org/old1_3.html http://teenstories.org/pic10_11.html http://teenstories.org/pic10_1.html http://teenstories.org/pic19_12.html http://teenstories.org/pic18_8.html http://teenstories.org/pic28_5.html http://teenstories.org/pic22_9.html http://teenstories.org/pic23_1.html http://teenstories.org/pic31_9.html http://teenstories.org/pic28_3.html http://teenstories.org/pic29_1.html http://teenstories.org/movei_3.html http://teenstories.org/pic33_3.html http://teenstories.org/nonmembe_3.html http://teenstories.org/pic50.html http://teenstories.org/moon_9.html http://teenstories.org/pic4_4.html http://teenstories.org/pic5_7.html http://teenstories.org/pic13_3.html http://teenstories.org/pic22_6.html http://teenstories.org/personal_1.html http://teenstories.org/pic29.html http://teenstories.org/pic33.html http://teenstories.org/move_4.html http://teenstories.org/pict1_4.html http://teenstories.org/pict6_5.html http://teenstories.org/mov_4.html http://teenstories.org/mov3_2.html http://teenstories.org/mov4.html http://teenstories.org/pic4_8.html http://teenstories.org/pic10_10.html http://teenstories.org/pic13_5.html http://teenstories.org/pic18_7.html http://teenstories.org/pic22_8.html http://teenstories.org/pict14_4.html http://teenstories.org/pic28_2.html http://teenstories.org/pic33_2.html http://teenstories.org/nude3_6.html http://teenstories.org/movies_9.html http://teenstories.org/movies1_1.html http://teenstories.org/movies8.html http://teenstories.org/nasty_3.html http://teenstories.org/nude9_1.html http://teenstories.org/pamala_9.html http://teenstories.org/pic7_14.html http://teenstories.org/nepali_2.html http://teenstories.org/picks_6.html http://teenstories.org/pic7_11.html http://teenstories.org/people_5.html http://teenstories.org/pic10_13.html http://teenstories.org/picks_8.html http://teenstories.org/pics2_6.html http://teenstories.org/pics5_4.html http://teenstories.org/movies_5.html http://teenstories.org/nasty_10.html http://teenstories.org/nepali_1.html http://teenstories.org/nonmembe.html http://teenstories.org/photos_11.html http://teenstories.org/photos4_6.html http://teenstories.org/photos6_1.html http://teenstories.org/nuded.html http://teenstories.org/naked_5.html http://teenstories.org/nked_2.html http://teenstories.org/menstrua_1.html http://teenstories.org/pictur10_6.html http://teenstories.org/modles_1.html http://teenstories.org/modle_2.html http://teenstories.org/nail1.html http://teenstories.org/photos_2.html http://teenstories.org/nail1_4.html http://teenstories.org/movi3_5.html http://teenstories.org/movies1.html http://teenstories.org/pamala_3.html http://teenstories.org/move_5.html http://teenstories.org/photos_12.html http://teenstories.org/pee_5.html http://teenstories.org/movi3_2.html http://teenstories.org/oriental_9.html http://teenstories.org/nked_1.html http://teenstories.org/photo1_4.html http://teenstories.org/photo7_1.html http://teenstories.org/movies6.html http://teenstories.org/movie3_6.html http://teenstories.org/movie5_1.html http://teenstories.org/pictuer_1.html http://teenstories.org/photo7_3.html http://teenstories.org/nake4_4.html http://teenstories.org/photo6_8.html http://teenstories.org/movie_4.html http://teenstories.org/mpgs_8.html http://teenstories.org/model.html http://teenstories.org/movie_12.html http://teenstories.org/index.html http://teenstories.org/photo1_2.html http://teenstories.org/mums_1.html http://teenstories.org/movie5_2.html http://teenstories.org/photo7_2.html http://teenstories.org/naked4_5.html http://teenstories.org/pic4_6.html #25 - Posted by: teenstories on April 10, 2005 10:36 AMPost a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
