"Okay, I'm in Melbourne... wherever the hell that is," Melinda Hawkish said as the hotel rocked with the fierce winds.

"Good. Now go outside in the hurricane for the broadcast," Geraldo instructed.

Melinda paused for a moment. "But there is a hurricane outside," she explained slowly.

"Yes, and, for good coverage, you need to be outside in it getting blown around."

"That's idiotic!" Melinda yelled, "I'll be risking my life, and they won't be able to hear me!"

"But it makes good coverage and gives people a good feel of the storm."

"Easy for you to say when you're in New York, mustache man. How about we point the camera out the window at the moron newscasters already out in the hurricane. Then we can have a new slogan: 'FOX News: Our reporters are smart enough not to stand out in deadly storms.'"

"You don't understand," Geraldo intoned, "It's journalistic tradition to have low-paid reporters stand out in the storm."

"The public doesn't need to see me get hit by a flying mailbox to know there is a storm!" Melinda protested, "They trust us enough to believe there is one without me being in it. It's not like I'm Dan Rather!"

* * * *

"This is Dan Rather with continuing coverage of Hurricane Jeanne which has surprisingly skipped right over Florida and landed in Minnesota. Yes, I know some ankle-biting pajama wearing fanatics known as 'bloggers' are disputing this, some claiming to be from Minnesota and showing pictures that everything is fine, but we still have this evidence."

Rather held up a photo of hurricane damage with the word "Minnesota" on it.

"See, this photo, sent to us by an anonymous, unimpeachable source, shows hurricane damage and is clearly labeled 'Minnesota.' And listen to this expert."

An expert walked up to Rather. "That is clearly a label." He then walked away.

"So, you snot-nosed punks, stop doubting me!" Rather then jumped up on his desk. "I am newscaster Rather! Fear my power, or I shall report your obituary!"

* * * *

"I thank everyone for coming to this press conference," Florida Governor Jeb Bush said, "These hurricanes have certainly been very hard on our state, and the amount of them is unusual. I've consulted a while with my staff, and we came to one conclusion: God is angry at us.

"We still have two months left of hurricane season in which God can express His wrath, so I think we need to make sure we are all extra holy. No sinning; nothing to provoke His unending rage. And, in case Pat Robertson is right, all you homosexuals better quit doing your... uh... gay stuff... you know. And I'm looking especially at Miami and Key West. Just cut that out... at least until December.

"I'm going to now go burn a goat as an offering to the Lord. Disney World is going a step further and burning all of Space Mountain as sacrifice to our wrathful God. If all the rest of you have something you can give up and burn in sacrifice, the firefighters will be handing out pamphlets on safe sacrifices.

"Thank you all, and please spare us, almighty Lord! Please take your wrath out on evil Cuba and the unfaithful Fidel. They don't have much of an economy to interrupt anyway."

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In My World
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