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October 27, 2004
Vote Or P. Diddy Dies
An Editorial by Frank J.
This next election is extremely important, so important that rapper P. Diddy has come out with the slogan, "Vote Or Die." That's because, man, if Bush is reelected, we'll all be sent out to Iraq or other crazy places through a draft where we'll be killed. And, if you aren't sent out, we'll make the insurgents so mad from stealing their oil that they'll come here and kill us with their righteous anger, man! So, if you don't vote and stop Bush, YOU WILL DIE! "As you're forced to work in an underground uranium mine, you'll say, 'Oh, I wish I listened to Frank and kept him from killing P. Diddy!'" But apparently that's not enough to move some of you. I can see you still sitting there saying, "I don't feel like voting. Voting is for homos." Fine, maybe you don't care enough about your own life to vote, but I think I know of one you do. Yeah, that's right; if you don't vote, I'll kill P. Diddy! Bet I have your attention now. Imagine a world without P. Diddy - without him taking previously popular songs and talking over them. Horrible, isn't it? Well, it gets much worse if Bush, Cheney, and the Halliburton stooges remain in office. They'll take our starving children who are failing in schools and send them to die in ambushes in Fallujah. All the while, Bush and Cheney will be eating Kitten/Puppy stew while planning nuclear war on behalf of oil interests. Nuclear war, man! That's game over for all of us! So that's why I'm going to kill P. Diddy if you don't vote. Hell, if Bush is reelected and pollutes the world with his polluting stuff and things, it'll be a mercy killing. I even have plans for it; I'll just sabotage one of his guns so next time P. Diddy brandishes it at a nightclub, it will go off and shoot him. Know what you'll have then? P. Diddlysquat, that's what. It will be too late because you didn't vote. Bush's Nazi stormtroopers will already be rounding us up at this time, and, as you're forced to work in an underground uranium mine, you'll say, "Oh, I wish I listened to Frank and kept him from killing P. Diddy!" So vote or P. Diddy dies. Spread the word. Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as "The Politics of Punching" and "Buy This Book Or Die." Is it possible to both vote and have P.Diddy die? That is my vote, unless such a vote constitutes a reprieve for P.Diddy, in which it is just a random multisyallbic string with only coincidental meaning... if any. #1 - Posted by: sackofcatfood on October 27, 2004 06:51 AMI was going to vote for Dubya, but now I'm not sure. Which is worse: P-diddy remaining alive or "President Kerry." What a conundrum -- now my brain hurts. #2 - Posted by: Lou on October 27, 2004 07:02 AMP. Diddy is too stupid to live, don't waste your time, Frank. OT "Voices of Iraq" opens in 10 cities 10/29, but is also available thru Netflix. 150 cameras passed around among Iraqis to vent their collective spleen. Click on Frank's banner so he gets $9 and show the liberals what's really happening in Iraq. http://www.voicesofiraq.com/see_film.cfm?id=2 #3 - Posted by: McWert Deglieb on October 27, 2004 07:16 AMi haven't even read the editorial, i'm cackling at the title. #4 - Posted by: sarahk on October 27, 2004 07:32 AMwould be killing P. Diddy really be worth the cost of the bullet? you could use pointed sticks tho....those are pretty cheap. besides, i agree with sackofcatfood, there has to be a way to do both. anyone who has a name, strike that, anyone who CHOOSES a name that sounds like something that is found in a baby diaper really is a waste of oxygen that i could be using. #5 - Posted by: puschmj on October 27, 2004 07:40 AM>>I can see you still sitting there saying, "I don't feel like voting. Voting is for homos." ROFLMPTO!!! Nice to come back to work after a trip and read this. You're brilliant, do you know that? #8 - Posted by: IowaSoccerMom on October 27, 2004 08:15 AMI'm not voting! I'm not voting! Shoot him! Shoot him! Do it! Do it NOW! #10 - Posted by: El Jefe on October 27, 2004 08:20 AMthis may be a little OT, but these leftist ads are really starting to bug me. how do you sleep at night frank? #11 - Posted by: puschmj on October 27, 2004 08:26 AMI'll tell you how he sleeps ... in a bed covered with dollar bills. That is the perfect next step in the evolution of Sean's name. P Diddlysquat. Perfect #13 - Posted by: Sticky B on October 27, 2004 08:56 AMA vote for Dubya is a vote for P-Didddlysquat. P-Diddy will be so distraught after the bush victory that he will have a massive herorin overdose, at least it will look like an inadvertant overdose. Rumor has it that a card will be left on his corpse that says "I'm Donald Rumsfeld. I administered this massive overdose." So, in short, a vote for Dubya is a vote for dead rappers nationwide. #14 - Posted by: shaggydave on October 27, 2004 09:38 AMYou know, it'd be worth it. Okay. I'm not gonna vote. I dare you! You don't have the guts! Come on! What, you chicken or something! All the other kids are doing it! #15 - Posted by: Rockets on October 27, 2004 10:10 AMHeh. This is supposed to encourage people to vote? #16 - Posted by: Spetiam on October 27, 2004 11:06 AMwell, crap, I already voted. can I take it back? #17 - Posted by: maggie katzen on October 27, 2004 02:02 PMT-SHIRT! T-SHIRT! All those cool people have Vote or Die T-shirts. What am I supposed to wear to the mall!?! #18 - Posted by: Jason on October 27, 2004 02:17 PMWait! I'm confused! What are we voting for? For your not to kill P Diddy??? P Diddy's rounding up all the grub stubbing gangsters and crack hos, and urging them to vote for Kerry, because they need another govt program in da hood. Oh dear, don't even get me started! #19 - Posted by: Princess Kimberley on October 27, 2004 06:04 PMWhat makes this funny is P.Diddly-idiot didnt even vote himself. So, when will he take his own life and make the rest of the world a better place? I like this... Post a comment
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Stumble It!
An Editorial by Frank J."