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December 17, 2004
Headline Fun IV
Extra! Extra! Read you headlines! Headlines grabbed from Google News unless otherwise noted: From CNN's frontpage: Jim Carrey, other stars flee hotel fire in London This feature had become so popular, that I'll have to cut back number of reader citations. Here's a couple funnies in the comments from the last post, but, if you have time, I recommend going back and checking them out yourself: * * * * From www.cbs.sportsline.com Pedro knows a good deal when he sees it But he took a job with the Mets anyways. Posted by: NMUSpidey on December 15, 2004 01:02 PM * * * * Stocks slip on oil Stocks now seeks $24 billion in lawsuit. Posted by: Son of Risasi on December 15, 2004 01:21 PM * * * * From New York Times: God, who also made strawberrys, blueberries, vows to appeal Posted by: basil on December 15, 2004 01:23 PM * * * * Judge's Ten Commandments Robe Sparks Debate Debate ended abruptly when judge disrobed. Posted by: gaskar on December 15, 2004 01:29 PM * * * * From Chicago Sun-Times: Family tracks down and buries Dad despite his protests Posted by: basil on December 15, 2004 01:49 PM * * * * Jenna Bush to Teach in D.C. Georgetown U students eager to learn how to fake IDs. Posted by: sarahk on December 15, 2004 02:14 PM * * * * DOJ Asked to Probe Spy Leak Jack Bristow said no, told DOJ to step back. Posted by: sarahk on December 15, 2004 02:15 PM * * * * CNN: "Smiley face went crazy" says witness Posted by: Johnny Catbird on December 15, 2004 02:15 PM * * * * Drudge "APOLOGIES FOR 'FLORAL SWASTIKA'" They were all out of chocolate swastikas. Posted by: right on December 15, 2004 06:50 PM * * * * Now go at him again in the comments, ronin. Get 'em, boys; get 'em! 93 Responses To "Headline Fun IV"
From Fox: Santa happy for the work. "Dat one day a year crap ain't payin da bills!" #2 - Posted by: gaskar on December 17, 2004 01:58 PMFrom Google News: Leaders agree cheap Viagra from Canada is only way Chirac got it up. #3 - Posted by: Cyclops on December 17, 2004 02:01 PMFrom CNN: From Fox: Robber shakes fist. Shouts "curses!!". #5 - Posted by: gaskar on December 17, 2004 02:06 PMFrom CNN: From CNN: Gets job as manager of local Krusty Krab #7 - Posted by: Cyclops on December 17, 2004 02:07 PMFrom Washington Post: From CNN: Ooo baby, I've been savin' up! NEW FRENCH ICON ECLIPSES THE EIFFEL... Orcas get closer to federal protection Pfizer Finds Celebrex Heart Attack Risk Cuba Erects Sign Linking U.S. and Fascism Hearing Set for Saddam's Defense Minister Randy Johnson on Verge of Joining Yankees EU Clinches Deal on Launching Turkey Entry Talks UN European HQ May Be Full of Bugs Anne Frank Apartment to Become Home for Writers Kremlin Reasserts Hold on Russia's Oil and Gas Palm Beach Sheriff's Office Gets 30-Foot Boat With Mounted Machine Guns... Stocks Head South Amid Pfizer Bombshell Annan pledges to cooperate in oil-for-food probe THANK YOU! Goodnight everyone. #10 - Posted by: Editor on December 17, 2004 02:14 PMFrom Cnn: Apologizing for the delay, sheriff notes "the cement anchor should be dry in about an hour." #11 - Posted by: gaskar on December 17, 2004 02:16 PMFrom The New York Times: From Fox News: Vegas odds: 6 to 1 EU Offers Turkey Entry Talks Chickens, ducks demand equal representation From Yahoo News Finds duct tape more effective than Scotch tape. Chess Legend Bobby Fischer Eyes Iceland Iceland slaps him, files $50 millon lawsuit Cuba Erects Sign Linking U.S. and Fascism Moveon.org files copyright infringment suit From CNN: From www.canada.com: Next morning Canada replaced by mysterious radioactive crater. U.N Says it will disband and Cease to Exist in 30 days. (Still looking for link to story) #16 - Posted by: Cincinnati_Bob on December 17, 2004 02:22 PMFrom CNN: From CNN: From Fox: From The Hawaii Channel: From Fox: Drudge: Stem cell researcher makes paralyzed rats walk... Drudge (again): 48 pct of British men aged 19-24 have been blind drunk at least 2X a month over past year... Drudge (continue) Girls overtake boys in UK binge drinking study... New York City starts probe of Kerik... from Boston Globe http://www.boston.com/news/world/articles/2004/12/16/bombing_mars_launch_of_political_campaign_in_iraq/ Bombing Mars Launch of Political Campaign in Iraq Logical extension of Frank J.'s "nuke the moon" campaign #26 - Posted by: redneckprof on December 17, 2004 02:54 PMFrom Fox: Harrison Ford signs for Iraq war film... All from Google News. "Cold Turkey for Christmas" "Microsoft Adds Spyware Weapon to Arsenal" "Carrey masters disguises in 'Lemony Snicket'" "The Boss Has Gone Crazy" "UN rejects US demands to increase staff in Iraq" "Coleman expresses concern about Rumsfeld's leadership" "Ferguson fears Dutch star will be out for several weeks" "After 41 years, a gulf still divides Turkey and Europe" "EU Takes Landmark Step Towards Turkish Membership" "Bush Signs Intelligence Overhaul Legislation" "Human spaceflight the key for new NASA boss" From fox news: Peterson enjoying fan mail... EU offers Turkey entry talks... Bush signs Intelligence Bill... Arson suspect fails lie test...
from Mpls Star Tribune: Santa takes a shine to Apple's iPod Happy days are here again? From Fox: CNN: "Sheriff: Peterson buoyed by 'fan mail'" Drowning abandoned in favor of lethal injection.
Described by witnesses as green hirsute in Santa costume #34 - Posted by: 10Kan on December 17, 2004 03:10 PMFrom fox: Stocks head south amid pfizer bombshell... Crude price rises on cold spell... gaskar --Brilliant! #36 - Posted by: Connecticut Yankee on December 17, 2004 03:16 PMFrom Associated Press: Drudge: Palm beach sheriff's office gets 30-foot boat with mounted machine guns... From Cnn: Thanks C.Y.! #39 - Posted by: gaskar on December 17, 2004 03:27 PMDrudge: Teachers urged to photgraph violence.. try: tired Drudge: Schwarzeneggers Sued Over House Sale... From Yahoo News Janet Reno later asked to leave DC area massage parlor. #43 - Posted by: Moe on December 17, 2004 03:36 PMFrom Fox: From Yahoo News Lott then proceeded to read quotes from the childrens book,"Everyone Poops". #45 - Posted by: Moe on December 17, 2004 03:45 PMMSNBC: Spacecraft Snaps Pictures of Saturn's Moons... From Yahoo News Before leaving,genocide claim vows,"I shall return" #47 - Posted by: Moe on December 17, 2004 03:53 PMMore from Google News. "EPA Says 225 Counties Fail Air Standards" "Chelsea vs. Barcelona in Champions League draw" "W.House Gives Rumsfeld New Vote of Confidence" "Sharon opens a new era of peace in Middle East" "US to forgive Iraq's $4 billion debt" "Europe, US in Deadlock on Climate Talks' Last Day" "You Google, but do you Skype?" "Survey shows lack of confidence at FDA" "How to eat your heart out" "The Newest Hope; Marriage of Necessity Just Might Work Out" "Consumer Prices Up in Nov. As Gas Calms" "Oscars Forced Back to March in '06" "Survey: FDA scientists question safety" "Gazprom applies for participation in Yuganskneftegaz auction" "Pfizer, AstraZeneca Pummel Drug Stocks" "Analysis: After Yukos' funeral" "Microsoft Moves On Spyware To Stymie Firefox" "Arafat's death seen breaking Mideast diplomatic logjam" "US, Europe at Odds on Emissions Controls" "Legal Questions Dog Microsoft Acquistion" "US November consumer prices up" "Guard admitted arson role" "San Antonio to require strippers to wear badges" Lucky for Barbie she already had pierced nipples. FOX: Baby Cut From Womb of Slain Woman Believed Found... Sex Industry Funded Campaign Against D.C. Stadium... "Baby found alive, healthy" ...otherwise, it would still be called a fetus. #52 - Posted by: Bob in Feenicks on December 17, 2004 04:45 PM"48 pct of British men aged 19-24 have been blind drunk at least 2X a month over past year..." Ugly women in Britian getting more sex too... #53 - Posted by: Bob in Feenicks on December 17, 2004 04:53 PM"Worker fired for selling Queen's Christmas pud" If she doesn't eat her meat, she can't have any pudding. #54 - Posted by: Ted on December 17, 2004 05:29 PMMicrosoft buys Giant to attack spyware Spyware responds by buying Jack some magic beans. #55 - Posted by: Tom on December 17, 2004 05:43 PMAP "We'll never get that smell out of the truck" reports the driver. #56 - Posted by: right on December 17, 2004 05:50 PMPanasonic Races To Meet Plasma Demand Red Cross cries "Unfair!" to new competition... #57 - Posted by: OgreBiter on December 17, 2004 07:33 PMFrom AJC: From AJC: From AJC: From Yahoo News: 44 Percent in U.S. Poll Say Restrict Muslims Other 56% Apparently Comfortable Saying "Allahu Akbar" Michael Jackson Greets Kids at Neverland Umm... wait a minute... I'm thinking... #61 - Posted by: Popeye on December 17, 2004 08:15 PMFrom AJC: From AJC: All from PCWorld.com: RealNetworks Promises IPod Fix Court Lifts BlackBerry Maker's Injunction Zafi Worm Hides Behind Christmas Cheer AMD Quietly Releases New Opterons Sony Says All Systems Go for PSP Launch Obsolete Software Drains Billions From IT Budgets Researcher Warns Male Laptop Users of Infertility Risk Scammers Could Hijack Pop-Ups From AJC: "Strippers to wear badges"... OK, this is probably one of thos questions I know I'll regret asking, but where do they pin them? #66 - Posted by: richard mcenroe on December 17, 2004 08:29 PMFrom AJC: From AJC: From AJC: From AJC: From AJC: From CNNmoney: Google News: Eye On Stocks For Monday, Dec. 20 From CNN: From The Champlain Channel: From The Omaha Channel: From al.com: From al.com: From The Washington Post: From The Washington Post: From The Washington Post: From The Washington Post: From The Washington Post: From The Washington Post: From The Washington Post: AP Other 56 percent say "Let them kill" #86 - Posted by: right on December 17, 2004 11:06 PMAP Not being Ireland seen as impediment, some say. #87 - Posted by: right on December 17, 2004 11:17 PMAP In other news, Satan suspected of evil. #88 - Posted by: right on December 17, 2004 11:26 PMDrudge: STOLEN WOMB BABY FOUND ALIVE From Washington Post: BUSH SIGNS INTELLIGENCE OVERHAUL From CNN: Jackson hosts 200 kids at Neverland party 400 parents arrested for child neglect. #92 - Posted by: Army NCO Guy on December 18, 2004 01:41 PMAll from CNN.com unless otherwise noted Jackson hosts 200 kids at Neverland party French spy satellite launched into orbit Firefighter among $10M arson suspects Task force: Shuttle launch on track Imaginary holiday party captures past Post a comment
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