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January 05, 2005
Social Security Reform: Just Give Me My @#$% Money!
An Editorial by Frank J.
There has been a lot of discussion about Social Security reform, but, to me, the issue is pretty simple: just give me my @#$% money! I don't who exactly has it now, but I swear to God Almighty that I will find you and I will cut you! I see that money that goes out of my paycheck each month; that's my @#$% money! You say you're taking that out for my own good? Do you think I'm a dumb baby? That money would serve me much better in mutual funds or on a craps table. You give it back now or you're a dead man! "If old people want my @#$% money, then they will have to fight me for it!" Who thought of this Social Security and that people should take my @#$% money? Oh yeah, it was FDR. I would cut him, but he's dead already. Maybe I'll dig up his corpse and hang it anyway... but that won't give me my @#$% money! I want my @#$% money and I want it @#$% now! Many would say that to simply allow me to opt out of Social Security would then leave current senior citizens who count on that money in dire straits. To that I answer that I am really crazy and I will cut you if you don't give me back my @#$% money! If old people want my @#$% money, then they will have to fight me for it! I will break your hip, old man! What do you want more: your hip, or my @#$% money? Now, let's look at the positive economic impact from giving me back my @#$% money. For one, there will be less hospital bills, as there will be no reason for me to cut anyone. Second... I don't need a second reason! Now give me my @#$% or I cut you bad! Proposals on the table will let me invest in the private sector some of my money taken from me. This to me sounds like only a partial solution to the problem of me not having my @#$% money right @#$% now, and thus I will respond by only partially cutting you... whoever you are who has my @#$% money. Or maybe I'll just beat you with a rock. In conclusion, Social Security has served this nation for many years, but now things have changed... such as that now I will cut you if you don't give me my @#$% money. I may not know exactly where my @#$% money is, but I know where my knife is. Soon I will know where you are, and then I cut you! Unless I get my @#$% money! Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as "I Will Cut You!: The Book of the Samurai" and "The South Beach Diplomatic Solution to Nuclear Proliferation". The only difference between Social Security and the rest of the MLM (multi-level marketing) Ponzi schemes is that you can't go out and recruit your own downline. Well, that and the jail time for "opting out". #1 - Posted by: Rick on January 5, 2005 07:02 AMMy feelings exactly. Except I don't even care if I don't get my !@#$% money back. I just want to quit paying my !!@#$% money into this piece of !@#$ Ponzi scheme. #2 - Posted by: Tim on January 5, 2005 07:09 AMDurn-Tootin' Straight!! I want my %$@@^&$%$#@!!!!**&*^$$#%&**(*^$#!&^%$$$!!!!&^%#$@#&*)&% *takes deep breath* @!#$%&^&$%*())(^%$^##!!! Money!!! #3 - Posted by: LokiDoki on January 5, 2005 07:18 AMSame here! Stop taking my money!! I can invest it better!! #4 - Posted by: Laura on January 5, 2005 07:18 AMHey Frank, Kid, you said it. A few years ago, down in Miami in fact, I informed a bunch of old farts in my family that they were robbing my 22 year old admin. asst. blind, and that they ought to be ashamed. They didn't like what I had to say. So would you please get the rest of your generation to pull their heads out of their asses, and put a stop to this crap? #6 - Posted by: Roger Glass on January 5, 2005 08:31 AMYep. Gotta agree. We host a fairly large Thanksgiving fete every year (35 people or so). Its a great time, with multiple generations represented from (usually) 5 families. A couple of years ago, at one of these occassions, I was telling a 70-something guy that I thought that SS would not be there for me by the time I get there (I'm 47)...that it would either be completely bankrupt, the goalposts would be moved, or I'd be means-tested out of it. My guest replied that he thought SS was the best thing ever...that he never could have invested the money he put into SS well enough to receive the benefits he gets today. He completely missed why those not yet receiving SS benefits want out of the program. In the interest of the holiday, I moved the conversation to other topics. Social Security is welfare for old people. They're taking money they haven't earned right out of our pockets. #7 - Posted by: azlibertarian on January 5, 2005 08:45 AMI have to say Frank J that you hit the nail on the head! What I want to know is why Bushie is only going to give us some of our money, why not all of it? I want it all and I want it now! DAGNABBIT! #8 - Posted by: Oddybobo on January 5, 2005 09:11 AMYou're right, but I do have one condition: ATTENTION FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SS PEOPLE: Please pay SS to my ex-husband. That's all he has. No other pension. No nothing. And he hasn't worked but part-time in about 4 years because he's a lazy %@$ (one of the myriad reasons I left). He'll be 60 in March. I sure as h%@# don't want him back on my doorstep, as I'd probably go to jail for macing him. Thank you. Elizabeth I think they give most of my SS money to drug dealing crack women for having more crack infested babies. This doesn't seem right. I think they give the rest to Hillary to pay for her female liasons. This doesn't seem right either. Whatever is left over they give to Kofi to help him in his goal of reaching 19 billion in his swiss bank account. This definately doesn't seem right. #10 - Posted by: Cincinnati_Bob on January 5, 2005 10:07 AMFirst of all I don't have it, please don't cut me. I have an idea. Obviously the people that oppose changing the system must be the ones holding the cash. Logically the ones who object the most must be holding the most cash so Frank, that's where you start. Sounds like you can handle it but if you need help let me know. #11 - Posted by: a2ndlife on January 5, 2005 10:18 AMHells bells you youngsters..... Don't you know that SS is FDR's legacy. Doesn't matter that he's been DEAD 60 YEARS! SS has been the biggest racket for government ever. They give disability payments to drug users and dealers and losers who haven't worked more than two months in their lives. (believe me on that one, two of the losers are in my family and getting $500 per month from the rest of us who work). Guys, lets put this in perspective. I have handled payrolls for over 30 years. Why is it that the tax deposits for FICA (Social Security) and Medicare ALWAYS exceed the Federal Income Tax withholding????? What a rip. But Frank, let me get my money before you get yours, twerp... #12 - Posted by: Mongo on January 5, 2005 10:55 AMAs a native New Englander, where @#$% is a term treated with great respect, tradition, and its own set of grammatical rules, I object to the line, "I want my @#$% money and I want it @#$% now!" Assuming an implied "ing" ending to @#$%, it should read, "I want my @#$% money right @#$% now!!!" #13 - Posted by: Anony Mouse on January 5, 2005 11:44 AMMe: Daddy, what does "@#$%" mean? Hey, I've looked it up everywhere...I still have no idea what @#$% means. Is it some kind of quadratic equation? I asked my algebra teacher and got detention! #14 - Posted by: MacStansbury on January 5, 2005 12:04 PMHey, Mac.. Don't feel bad. I once repeated @#$% to my first algebra teacher outside the classroom about a teenage couple that was making-out outside of her classroom at the grade school I was going to & she gave me detention too (well I thought that's what they were doing.. I was like maybe 8 years old & stuff how was I to know what @#$% meant..... #15 - Posted by: LokiDoki on January 5, 2005 12:26 PMAgain, Frank, Do you not own at least one gun? #16 - Posted by: Tyler on January 5, 2005 12:35 PMI want my &@#*% money too! I have a @#$%&* retirement plan that I can put that #$%&^@& money into and get a better return. I won't see half the %$##@%## money I have put in since the age of 16. If I put in 7% of my paycheck, my company will match and more with 11% Can %$#*& SSA do that? Stupid Social Security Adminstration, give me my %^$#@ money ^%&*# NOW!!!!! #17 - Posted by: Catracks on January 5, 2005 02:07 PMI could have sworn there was another Social Security Reform thing here yesterday, I posted that link to the Heritage Foundation calculator. Maybe I was suffering another Aluminum poisoning here at work. (My office is in the middle of the plant) But I agree with Frank 100% - Give me my money! .28% return, YIPPEE!!!!! 2,000,000 poof! RARRR!!!!!!!!!! #18 - Posted by: Scott Sanburn on January 5, 2005 02:34 PMNo @#$% shit Frank! AND, on your paystub you only see half of the money they send to FICA on your behalf. The other half gets "paid by the company" - @#$% wankers! (btw: best editorial ever.) #19 - Posted by: Drifter on January 5, 2005 02:45 PMpreachin' to the choir: http://gullyborg.typepad.com/weblog_archive/2004/12/social_security.html be sure to participate in the carnival of the capitalists! oh yeah, copy my legal notice to advertisers, make appropriate changes, and then start suing your comment spammers. #20 - Posted by: Gullyborg on January 5, 2005 04:06 PMThis is my first comment here, and I'm wasting it to point out that "@#$%," from context, clearly should be read as "milk." #21 - Posted by: textennison on January 5, 2005 04:37 PMu only get part of your @#$% money because not enough of us have died yet... and not enough you wippersnappers vote. ha ha ha ha... woo! almost blew my pacemaker. #22 - Posted by: oldsaw on January 5, 2005 06:10 PMYou can get out of the social security system if you move to california and become a teacher, like me. We have a different system. Then you can fix the public school problem that all the conservatives believe exists. You can try to put prayer back in school too, I'm sure that would fix our country all better instead of whining about your measly social security money. Be part of the solution not part of the problem. #23 - Posted by: on January 6, 2005 04:53 PMI would use that pullquoteleft tag on your image too! Just a crazy idea i had. #24 - Posted by: Chad on January 6, 2005 08:58 PM Post a comment
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Stumble It!
An Editorial by Frank J."