Frank,

Kung-fu is 'weak', working takes a 'week'.

Shut up! Scoop too big to proofread!

Wisconsin's sole defense (Green Bay) is notoriously weak. They were practically asking to be taken over by ninjas.

Of course, by that rationale, the Bears, Lions, Browns, and Bills are all potentially vulnerable targets. Are the Ninja's seeking to establish a Great Lakes Empire?!??

Oh no, at one time we could have sent Fearless Frank J. but now days it appears that Frank is a girlie man. We will just have to look to Aquaman as Franks replacement.

Will the Ninja Warlord Leader change his name to CheeSeikazu?

And we better worry about Wisconsin, they help keep Canada further away from America!

Good lord! I live in wisconsin and I didn't even know about this! I'm glad that Doyle is no longer governer though.

Crap, I live just across the lake. I hope ninjas are poor swimmers with no dry suits or Michael Moore-like blubber.

Hmmm, scoop to big to proof....
Are you suscribing to the Mapes/Rather/Raines school of journalism now?
I am saddened

goody ... goody .... the governor of Michigan is a worthless female-type who won't last a second against the ninjas ... and the Lions suck .... come-on Ninjas!!! It's just a hop-skip-and-a-swim ....

This new Hitler fad is totally Stalin. Keep the ninjas out of New Jersey, all the football teams that play here go by New York Giants...New York Jets. Damnit, they get two teams who are both located here and we get nothing. Actually, send us some ninjas and we'll get a team going with them and take over the meadowlands...ok, time for me too shutup.

Dear World,
It's true.
Normally, a ninja will wear black to conceal themselves, but in this instance the decided to wear disguises. Blaze orange snowmobile suits with pillows stuffed into the bellies. They carried beer can throwing stars and sausage nunchuks.
We never noticed them.
Please send help.

Okay, everybody, okay. We can cancel the Red Alert now. We had a cold snap here in Madison last night and that pretty much took care of the ninja problem. Road crews are pulling their frozen bodies out of snowbanks as we speak. Like Russia, we Wisconsinites trust our defense to our two finest generals, January and February.

Really, the ninja problem was localized to Dane County, and a lot of us here were hoping Seikazu would thin out the local hippie population a tad, but you can't have everything. As far as the Packers go, they've already fired their defensive coordinator, so with the draft coming up we should be better prepared for ninja assaults in the future. Seikazu would never have tried this if Reggie White were still around, that's for sure.

The Upper Midwest can rest assured that Wisconsinites like myself are assiduously practicing our Shaolin (Northern Style, natch) Kung Fu skills in case citizen action is required after the next ninja incursion.

So, why did the ninjas come here, to steal our cows?

And how did I miss this, living in Green Bay?

The Ninjas must have planned long for this attack. The Green Bay Packers are the weakest they have been in years . . . they must have figured this was their chance.

This is why a state should have TWO football teams. Last season, when my Steelers were 6-10, the Eagles were in the NFC Championship game again - more than good enough to defend our state. If one defense fails, the other is probably doing well.

This also explains why New England, despite having a bunch of weenies in charge, has managed to stay independant - the Patriots rock too much.

The ninjas came to reclaim their honor. It seems that some muckadoos, after some election-day sabotage in Milwaukee, made a statement of unutterable hubris.

Seikazu had no choice but to prove the true power of the ninja by destroying Doyle.

While I have no love of the ninja, they have at least done us great service in proving the weakness of muckadoo-fu.

Good Lord there are a lot of cheeseheads here! I wonder how many ninjas it took to bring down Grady Jackson...

One time I saw this ninja totally headbutt some kid because he picked his nose. Then he whipped out a sweet red guitar and wailed like nobody's business.

Off topic, but important. Frank J., I just realized something. You want to nuke the moon, right? And successfully attacking someone is defined legally as battery, right? So, if you're successful in your quest, you'll be guilty of moon-battery!

No the can opener has been charged with the sole count of moon battery.

Ok but just in case I'm keeping an eye on the border. I live near the Minnesota-Wisconsin border. I've taken to my bunkers and if sneaking ninjas try to cross my M1 and/or SKS will have something to say about it.

Wisconsin: Please send some of your fine cheese to compensate me for my troubles.

Hey, doesn't Harvey live in Wisconsin? Wonder if he put a good smack down on those ninjas, Lord knows the Packers need some help.

Yes, but is Frank J. a bad enough dude to rescue president Ronnie?

Don't worry about us here in Wisconsin. Those ninjas really stick out against the snow in their black pajamas. We're picking them off one by one. It won't be long now.

Heh! I live in Illinois, should I be worried? Ninja's sound menacing.

I'm sure our sole defense will be tough. They are the monsters of the midway! The Chicago Bears!

On second thought, we might need a better D-fence.

If I just bow down in front of a Ninja will they let me live or take it as an invitation to cut off my head?

oh crap, im in minnesota... someone help me...

but...but...but...did the ninjas bring their ferocious killer monkeys with them?

i gots tah know.

Don't worry Urban, while the Vikings defense may be weaker than a 4-day old kitten, we've got the mighty Senator Mark Dayton to protect us...

God, we're screwed!

I've just received word of an invasion of pirates planned for about noon tomorrow somewhere on the west coast of Florida. The pirates reportedly have a fully-stocked magazine of black bean soup and Cuban bread that they will use to assault nearby U.S. Navy ships and forged coins and beads that they will then siege the civilian population with. The terrorist network organizing this attack is rumored to call itself "Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla".

The people must know!

I can say with a great deal of pride that my insanely-conservative Washington County faired very well against the ninja invasion. They tried a frontal assault, forgetting that it was we who had all the guns and thirst for the spilled blood of foreigners.

Furthermore, I can personally attest to the death of 13 of said ninjas, who fell prey to my Ka-Bar killing knife.

By the way, I noticed that the ninjas nuked eastern Minnesota a few times. I'm not sure if anyone else noticed or cared.

The ninjas took over the San Francisco Bay Area a while ago, since the Raiders and 49ers have the two worst defenses in the NFL. The ninjas are now in charge, and they're a definite improvement over Gavin Newsom and the other politicians. At least none of them has suggested that I eat tofu. I'm keeping an eye out for any ninjas lolling in hot tubs or drinking chardonnay; if I see any, I'll want some of that Wisconsin winter.

Holy crap! I'm in wisconsin!

UPDATE: Not only have the pirates made off with the mayor of Tampa, but the entire city is swarming with drunk college students!

And I got a ton of beads. I love being young and pretty.

The ninjas won't try anything in the rest of California. There are lots of nutjobs without guns in the Bay Area and Hollywood, but we've got the Governator. Also lots of marines. And at least here in SoCal, our football-fu is strong, between the Chargers and the Trojans.

Yikes. I'm in Iowa and I hate my governor and senator, too!
And we're right next to Wisconsin!
We could persuade the ninjas to 'liberate' us and then attack the ninja infested capital of Des Moines while they rest after the battle. of course no one here will miss Des Moines.....

> This has not been picked up by
> the national press

Frank, you've gone soft. What you mean is that the commie libs in the left-wing media are covering this up. I'm sure Dan Rather is involved.

Can those ninjas please come to Dallas and start playing football for us?

And hurry...?

Next thing you know there'll be Jews in Space

Scoop? Hardly. Rather at CBS had it before you. Way before you, bub. He even had the memo of the ninja attack plan. Straight from Karl Rove's desk. On ROVE'S PERSONAL STATIONARY! Because they were ROVE'S PERSONAL NINJAS!(you know, the ones that Kos and that fat guy who works for Soros, looks like he lives on a diet of Twinkies and web porn, Oliver or something, they know about them but are afraid to actually admit it because like then the ninjas would get them or people would think they are nuts so they just kind of dance around it and subtley attribute dark Jedi powers to Rove). This is the big league bub. Don't come off the porch if...you can't...piss up a rope...what the hell does pissing up a rope mean anyway? It's like one of those queer similies that Rather always uses, like saying if a frog had a pocket, he would have a gun??? WTF? Anyway, Dan is way ahead of you. Your lucky he is busy getting to the bottom of that whole Rathergate thing. Because if the memos are fake, he wants to be the one to break the story!

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